Bullies?

[jillio]

That's great, I'm glad there something out there that will help these children and that's exactly what we need and I'm hoping to see more schools that will provide these kind of programs cause most of the time the school don’t take bullying serious enough especially when it comes down to these victim who willing to kill themselves over it...Back when I was in jr high, I witness a couple of kids on the playground bulling this young girl who happened to be handicapped and would wears the same clothes for more than two days, doesn't even comb her own hair, etc, they would bothered her everyday by hitting her, spitting in her face, throwing dirt at her etc.....They just enjoyed bulling her and didn't feel guilty at all, I didn't stop it, I just stood there and cried...It seem no one wanted to intervene it or tried to stopped it....I think it was more of being scared, I dunno....I wish I had done something but I didn't and I felt really bad about it....

You can't be blamed for not taking action. Yousaw what the bulies did to her, and that was almost as intimidating as being bullied yourself. Bullies count on that....they do things they thinkwill make everyone afraid of them so no one tells and they can continue to bully others. You were just a child.

 

[jillio]

I do agree that the bullying problem is very real and it is great to see organizations like the Ophelia project tackling this head on.

Yep, I do consider it bullying when others belittle and mock you personally in posts. Jaded peeps should not be jaded about that, and say hey.. that's how it goes, forget about it and sweep it under the carpet. That gives the green light to bad behavior that should never be okay in the first place.

Thought, it is good to give others benefit of the doubt..., I think it can be a language problem if peeps misunderstand a statement to be bullying behavior. Gotta think about this one, too. Which would you rather have, ... nothing but the truth in a situation or drama in a situation?

I agree with you, Liza. Because the nature of our society has changed, the nature of the bullying has changed. Cyber bullying is becoming a huge problem. And it attrcts people who normally would not bullyothers because to bully someone in writing on a website is so much more impersonal. You don't have to see the reaction of your victim.

 

[Tousi]

It's sad to see this so widespread; sad to see that what is supposed to be the jurisdiction of the parents; a non-profit is bad enough but I suppose it's better than the government intervening into this most sacred ground and calling it taking a village.....LOL at that last few words.

 

[jillio]

It's sad to see this so widespread; sad to see that what is supposed to be the jurisdiction of the parents; a non-profit is bad enough but I suppose it's better than the government intervening this most sacred ground and calling it taking a village.....LOL at that last few words.

Bullying is widespread, and the peripheral damage doen is even more widespread. As far as Ophelia being non-profit, they are also voluntary. No one is forced to take part in any of their programs, no child can take part without parental permission, and programs are designed for children and parents alike. Often, parents turn to organizations such as this because they are dissatisfied with the way the schools are hadling the situation, and don't have the skills to teach their children how to deal with it effectively. They see the detrimental effect and feel powerless to stop it. It is not about controlling the domain of parents, but about empowering them to take back control on their own. The workshops are simp;y offered, and the information made available. No one is mandated into compliance.

 

[Tousi]

Bullying is widespread, and the peripheral damage doen is even more widespread. As far as Ophelia being non-profit, they are also voluntary. No one is forced to take part in any of their programs, no child can take part without parental permission, and programs are designed for children and parents alike. Often, parents turn to organizations such as this because they are dissatisfied with the way the schools are hadling the situation, and don't have the skills to teach their children how to deal with it effectively. They see the detrimental effect and feel powerless to stop it. It is not about controlling the domain of parents, but about empowering them to take back control on their own. The workshops are simp;y offered, and the information made available. No one is mandated into compliance.

Well, that's great. This is best left to people, not the government.

 

[Deafilmedia]

Bullies are big losers. I don't know why some people have to bully others.
I get bullied too. I still get bullied now with people who don't know
me at all. People think they know me, but they don't.

 

[jillio]

Well, that's great. This is best left to people, not the government.

Agreed. The Ophelia Project is not a government project.

 

[Liza]

I agree with you, Liza. Because the nature of our society has changed, the nature of the bullying has changed. Cyber bullying is becoming a huge problem. And it attrcts people who normally would not bullyothers because to bully someone in writing on a website is so much more impersonal. You don't have to see the reaction of your victim.

I can also imagine because of that change with the addition of internet, it is one more thing for kids to have their "joyrides" to test boundaries and to grow.

I find it sad that some choose to pretend there are no real people with real feelings online, too. What an illusion! It's just crazy, for a lack of better phrase. How do people, especially adults, justify that kind of behavior?

 

[Maria]

Question: Does Relational Aggression Result in Physical Symptoms?

Yes: Both aggressors and targets report experiencing headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite and unexplained crying. The reporting of these different physical symptoms varied based on gender and the participants' status as target or aggressor.

Targets:
As targets of relational aggression both girls and boys report that they experience physical symptoms. Being a target is directly related to exhibiting symptoms like headaches and trouble sleeping.

Gender effects:
Reports of phyiscal symptoms do vary by gender. Girls are more likely than boys to cry for no reason and to have trouble sleeping.

Physical symptoms in targeted boys and girls:
Boys who were targets of relational aggression reported headaches, stomachaches, trouble sleeping and loss of appetite. Girls targeted by relational aggression reported only headaches and difficulty sleeping.

Aggressors:
Boys who engaged in relational aggression reported they experienced fatigue and trouble sleeping. There was no relationship between girls' relationally aggressive behavior and phyiscal symptoms.

( I typed this out of PDF from these link at :
http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/resources.htm )

Do you agree all of this that may be causin' all of these ?

 

[jillio]

Question: Does Relational Aggression Result in Physical Symptoms?

Yes: Both aggressors and targets report experiencing headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite and unexplained crying. The reporting of these different physical symptoms varied based on gender and the participants' status as target or aggressor.

Targets:
As targets of relational aggression both girls and boys report that they experience physical symptoms. Being a target is directly related to exhibiting symptoms like headaches and trouble sleeping.

Gender effects:
Reports of phyiscal symptoms do vary by gender. Girls are more likely than boys to cry for no reason and to have trouble sleeping.

Physical symptoms in targeted boys and girls:
Boys who were targets of relational aggression reported headaches, stomachaches, trouble sleeping and loss of appetite. Girls targeted by relational aggression reported only headaches and difficulty sleeping.

Aggressors:
Boys who engaged in relational aggression reported they experienced fatigue and trouble sleeping. There was no relationship between girls' relationally aggressive behavior and phyiscal symptoms.

( I typed this out of PDF from these link at :
http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/resources.htm )

Do you agree all of this that may be causin' all of these ?

Yep, I agree, maria. It great to see that you visited the website. Did you find some interesting information?

 

[Dixie]

You know it just completely dawned on me that bullying can even happen in adult lives in the workplace.

This afternoon after work we had a discussion that the new kid we call "Ice boy" was being seriously slammed by the reuglar floor person. To be honest he isnt someone pleasant to look at and he isnt in the brightest bulb in the box BUT he does try and he does try to fit in with the others to no avail. Well anyway he's slow enough that there's no way he can do a line job by himself so the supervisor's bumped me back out of my ice job and put him there. He does OK with it but he could do better, I think. So we call him ice boy because thats all he can do, is shovel ice and go dump it. But now its more or less a place to put him to keep him working because now we have lugs to catch the ice beneath the lines and the loader boys spray down their own ice. But anyway he still scoops up wayward chunks of ice. But the girl that does the floor on my line has been just slamming him constantly. Yesterday she tore so freely into him and made him cry. A 21 year old boy driven to tears by the remarks of another co-worker. And she bosses him around like a dog. I noticed today that it looks like she's making him do half of her job as well as keep up with ice. I am sitting here thinking, you want everyone else to feel sorry for you because your'e the victim of an abusive husband, but yet you come to work and you show your ass off to ice boy. Seems like to me it is the kettle calling the pot black sort of scenario. I mentioned this to another co-worker and she said she noticed the same thing too. I may pull ice boy off to the side sometime soon and say look man, I know Im not your best friend but jeez you got to stand up for yourself occassionally. He needs to know that the girl cannot boss him around like that. If he's been driven to tears already its time to get the supervisor's involved. Report it as harrassment. There's three things that could happen.
1.) She'll get a reprimand from the supervisors.
2.) She'll get moved to a new line
or 3.) He gets moved to a new line.

Of course it doesnt help his case any that the last time he worked here, he lasted only 3 weeks back when he was 18. This is the second time he's ever worked in his life. Im not going to coddle him, but he does need to know he can and should report this stuff to the supervisors or one of the line bosses at least. There's one line boss I know that might take it seriously, but the hangup there is if she doesnt see it, she can't report that it actually happened. Not her policy, its unwritten company policy.

I think he's pretty much harmless to others but ya never know when someone snaps and decides to take their own life.

So this is a very good example that bullying doesnt stop with high school graduation or freshman year of college, it goes beyond that. It's something you'll enounter for the rest of your life.

 

[jillio]

You know it just completely dawned on me that bullying can even happen in adult lives in the workplace.

This afternoon after work we had a discussion that the new kid we call "Ice boy" was being seriously slammed by the reuglar floor person. To be honest he isnt someone pleasant to look at and he isnt in the brightest bulb in the box BUT he does try and he does try to fit in with the others to no avail. Well anyway he's slow enough that there's no way he can do a line job by himself so the supervisor's bumped me back out of my ice job and put him there. He does OK with it but he could do better, I think. So we call him ice boy because thats all he can do, is shovel ice and go dump it. But now its more or less a place to put him to keep him working because now we have lugs to catch the ice beneath the lines and the loader boys spray down their own ice. But anyway he still scoops up wayward chunks of ice. But the girl that does the floor on my line has been just slamming him constantly. Yesterday she tore so freely into him and made him cry. A 21 year old boy driven to tears by the remarks of another co-worker. And she bosses him around like a dog. I noticed today that it looks like she's making him do half of her job as well as keep up with ice. I am sitting here thinking, you want everyone else to feel sorry for you because your'e the victim of an abusive husband, but yet you come to work and you show your ass off to ice boy. Seems like to me it is the kettle calling the pot black sort of scenario. I mentioned this to another co-worker and she said she noticed the same thing too. I may pull ice boy off to the side sometime soon and say look man, I know Im not your best friend but jeez you got to stand up for yourself occassionally. He needs to know that the girl cannot boss him around like that. If he's been driven to tears already its time to get the supervisor's involved. Report it as harrassment. There's three things that could happen.
1.) She'll get a reprimand from the supervisors.
2.) She'll get moved to a new line
or 3.) He gets moved to a new line.

Of course it doesnt help his case any that the last time he worked here, he lasted only 3 weeks back when he was 18. This is the second time he's ever worked in his life. Im not going to coddle him, but he does need to know he can and should report this stuff to the supervisors or one of the line bosses at least. There's one line boss I know that might take it seriously, but the hangup there is if she doesnt see it, she can't report that it actually happened. Not her policy, its unwritten company policy.

I think he's pretty much harmless to others but ya never know when someone snaps and decides to take their own life.

So this is a very good example that bullying doesnt stop with high school graduation or freshman year of college, it goes beyond that. It's something you'll enounter for the rest of your life.

You are absolutely correct that it does occur in adult situations, but the motivation is the same. You have a woman who is the victim of domestic violence. She is being bullied in her home situation, and made to feel that she is inferior to her husband. So how does she handle it? She goes to work and finds someone that she believes is even weaker and more powerless than she believes herself to be, and does the same thing. She bullies and humilates ice boy to make herself feel better because her self esteem has been destroyed by her abusive relationship.

It sounds to me as if ice boy is congnitively impaired. It is quite possible that your employer is engaged in a contract with BVR to provide him employment. If they are engaged in a contract with BVR, they are legally bound by that contract to provide him a safe working environment. Being bullied and harrassed is hardly what would be considered a safe environment. It is unnacceptable for this woman to take her own problems out on this kid. He does not deserve to be humiliated like that simply because she sees him as weaker. She needs to deal with her own problems. I would most certainly report her behavior to the supervisor, and if that doesn't solve the roblem, I would take it to the next higher level. It is entirely possible that ice boy simply doesn't have the ability to stand up for himself. But that is no excuse for this behavior to continue. Wrong is wrong, and we all contribute to it if we don't do something to stop it when we witness it. I suggest you and your co-workers get together and approach your supervisor. As for the woman who is being abused, you do her no favor by allowing her bullying to continue. She has issues of her own, and she needs to get help.

 

[Dixie]

Far as I know he is not employed through any vocational rehabilitation service. His dad also works here, but in a different department. (He's a line worker too but in a diff. part of the plant). So I think his dad is the one that probably filled out the application and brought his son, ice boy, in to do the interview and get hired. And you're right, ice boy is congnitively impaired he's 21 years old and doesnt have a DL. I have a feeling though he may not stay for long if the floor girl keeps tearing into him so freely.

I may talk with my co-workers tomorrow to see if we can't just all approach the girl and say hey look youre a victim yourself from an abusive husband, however terrible that may be, it DOES NOT however give you any right whatsoever to come to work to bully this boy around and force him to do your work so you can just glide along all day. He's not the one you should be taking your frustrations out on. If this continues we will get the supervisors involved. We will keep taking the next step up until something changes. I was an outcast myself and it hurts me seeing someone else getting their ass kicked all over the place.

 

[jillio]

Far as I know he is not employed through any vocational rehabilitation service. His dad also works here, but in a different department. (He's a line worker too but in a diff. part of the plant). So I think his dad is the one that probably filled out the application and brought his son, ice boy, in to do the interview and get hired. And you're right, ice boy is congnitively impaired he's 21 years old and doesnt have a DL. I have a feeling though he may not stay for long if the floor girl keeps tearing into him so freely.

I may talk with my co-workers tomorrow to see if we can't just all approach the girl and say hey look youre a victim yourself from an abusive husband, however terrible that may be, it DOES NOT however give you any right whatsoever to come to work to bully this boy around and force him to do your work so you can just glide along all day. He's not the one you should be taking your frustrations out on. If this continues we will get the supervisors involved. We will keep taking the next step up until something changes. I was an outcast myself and it hurts me seeing someone else getting their ass kicked all over the place.

Sounds like a plan! Keep me posted. And it is the sign of a truly stong and ethical person who takes their own pain and uses it to benefit another rather than using it as an excuse to make others miserable. Good for you!