nozobo
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- Mar 26, 2003
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I didn't escape the cult, basically I just stop attending which I will explain below. I had a constant adjustment throughout my life: A white lie to everyone and being in two world.
I was born/raised in JW life so I couldn't escape the cult. Once I attended mainstream public school, I did notice the difference between me and other students: No celebration of holidays or birthdays.
I often felt left out by doing other activities instead of holidays/birthdays, I was being teased or mocked about it but it never bothered me because i thought i was a special kid or something lol
I never knew Jehovah's Witnesses was a cult until I learned at deaf institute, evne though they didn't teach specific abt it. I just learned my way around through lot of socializing. My deaf aunt, a retired Gallaudet secretary, was the one who tries to encouraged my parents to send me n my older deaf brother to deaf institute, CSDB: Colorado School for the Deaf and Blind, and finally we went and stayed in dormitories for weekdays then it's back home during weekends. I admit I was a mommaboi so I used to talk to mom alot. Once I learned lot about the holidays/birthdays, I did asked my mom why I couldn't celebrate, she said, "You're too young to understand why, you will understand someday".
As I grew older during the young teenager age, I was very smart but brat, often disobeying my parents. Every saturday, I was forced to study by signing "copy the book from JW's book" to my father and answer his questions whatever he gives about the book chapters that I learned about. Upon my parents' divorce, I finally could reduce studying to once a month whenever I visit my dad for the weekend. As I got older, the study got stopped due to my father got married to non-JW ex-girlfriend from FSDB *a big smh* Being a white lie in two world, I couldn't face the reality to identify my true self in first place, pretending I'm fine but I wasn't cuz I was struggling with myself in the JW.
During my first 3 high school years, I had a habit of studying/doing homeworks right after school until dinnertime, then after dinner until bedtime. I was never involved sports activities cuz my parents forbid me due to avoid socializing. I went through some depression time during Soph/Junior year cuz I felt my mountain of homeworks daily was too much (IE: 9 homeworks out of 6 classes A DAY!) I rarely had a freedom. I was about to go insanity but I stood up and argued with the principal when the senior year started. i passed lot of requirement courses so I had wide variety of selection courses to choose from, I end up pick accounting, gym, 3 straight computer classes, then after lunch I'm a teacher assistant. I gotta love the rich freedom I had throughout the senior year and that widen my mind about JW. Basically I went though some kind of secret senior parties throughout that year.
So after graduation, I didn't get a job until the following fall after summer end, I wasn't happy with my job but still stick to it until my motorcycle accident which cause my back to hurt badly even though I can walk like a old man (now I'm fine lol) at the time, so I went though physical therapy for 5 months. During the first few months of PT, I didn't want to go JW church, which JW call it Kingdom Hall, due to my back injury. As my back got better, I still use the excuses not to attend JW. During the PT months, I was nearly on internet daily whenever I could. I often chat lot with my deaf aunt, whenever she's available to chat. that includes my cousin's ex-girlfriend who I talk to also. I finally told her that i had a feeling for man, not woman which I thought I was the only one in the world when I was growing up. My cousin eventually told me to tell my deaf aunt, whose work at Gallaudet that has many gay/lesbian around DC. When I finally told my aunt, I was relived that she understood and didn't care at all. She knew I was gay during my childhood (I used to play with barbies dolls during childhood but that wasn't even the reason lol) It's just who I am and I can't change. I've tried to change my true self/attraction but failed. So I quit my job then went to Gallaudet which I end up dropped out and came back home a month after hurricane Isabel.
Once back home, I knew I couldn't live wiht my mom and go JW so I got full time job and got a apt with roomies. From that point, I became more of my true self except I was still in "closet" toward my family until sometime last year. My mother tries to get me to "wake up" that my roommate, who was my partner, was living in my apt for free to use my moolah for food etc. At that point I finally erupted and email my mom to respect my partner and that I'M GAY! Of course my mom got upset and broke down in tears and couldn't sleep all night until the following morning, she came to see me, she still loves me no matter what, So finally I could express my true self and anything I want to tell my mother. Later on, I decided it's best for me to write a letter to JW to inform them that I resigned.
In some way, I felt little regret for being rainsed in JW life but in other way I learned lot from my life for many purpose, IE paying it forward, being friendly to people (ofc except when I'm driving... it's my way or get the hell out of my way! lol)
MAY :madfawk: Jehovah's Witnesses rot in hell :rl: *close rant*
.:rl:
