Am I crazy, or what?

November Gypsy

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I was diagnoised years ago as having ADHD, and have been re-diagnoised a couple times since. And, certainly, I have a lot of the symptoms. My forgetfulness and day-dreaming affect my day to day life in a big way (another car wreck this last week because I cannot keep my brain on task). While I certainly don't consider myself a mean person, I am very implusive, and will often say things I don't really mean because they are the first thing that comes to my head...so sometimes I go for long periods without talking at all in an attempt to curtail that unfortunate circumstance. I have a very hard time keeping organized, though I don't like untidy environments. I 'zone' constantly and sometimes have mood swings where I am so hyper I can barely stand myself, though my 'normal' state is more dreamy then active. I could go on and on, yet ADHD meds don't seem to help. They send me into a fog through which I simply cannot function at all and into a depression which leads to a relapse of anoxeria and other unpleasant coping measures. Is it possible that I have been misdiagnosed? Am I just helplessly crazy? Is there really any way to manage this? My husband is always trying to help me find ways to remember things, and I've tried them all...I set my phone alarm, have lists by the dozen, even tie things on my fingers, I always manage to forget something. Is there really any help? I am so very depressed about this. I feel so trapped. People get so fustrated and say I'm not trying because I seem so intelligent yet do such stupid things, but God knows I'm knocking my brains out trying to function in a world that I don't seem able to work with. Anyone else out there like this? Is there any help at all? Seriously, it's impossible to put into words the swirling chaos of my life...the way my thoughts refuse to marshall themselves. I can spend hours focusing on relatively unimportant things which relax me (like planning my llama/goat/horse petting farm for needy children....yup, I'm just that odd) but can't think about stressful things for very long without shutting down mentally and going haywire. That's not responsible and I know it...I want to be better...I want to function. I feel so insane.
 
...have mood swings where I am so hyper I can barely stand myself...

Do you also have periods where you feel depressed? The reason I ask is if you do, that combined with the "hyper" feeling you have could point towards the possibility of bipolar disorder. I'm not a psychiatrist and can't diagnose you, but if you could answer my question, perhaps I can give you more input. I've been diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar I (one) for the past 3 years, so I'm pretty familiar with the characteristics of this disorder and how it impacts a person's daily life.
 
Yes, I definately have periods where I'm depressed. Sometimes I can barely get out of bed for a period of time, and then suddenly I'm fine again, or going into this super-happy, very talkive, can't sit still to save my life mode.

It's really weird that you say that, my newest psychiatrist just put me on a new med for ADHD, but she told me that it might not be ADHD but bipolar instead. She said we'd keep looking into it, but doctors have said that before, honestly. I have to admit that I got kind of nervous when she said that and tried to forget about it. I didn't think that was possible. What was it that made you think of it? I know you have bipolar. I have read several of your posts and have always been impressed with your ability to keep going. Would you mind expounding on your thought? I'm not going to be offended. As much as I would rather not be diagnoised with Bipolar, at this point I'm desperate. After having tried so many things for ADHD and have them not work, it's a little depressing. By the by, I know you aren't a doctor, so don't worry about that...I just know you have a lot of personal experience with BiPolar and I know very little about it...
 
Yes, I definately have periods where I'm depressed. Sometimes I can barely get out of bed for a period of time, and then suddenly I'm fine again, or going into this super-happy, very talkive, can't sit still to save my life mode.

It's really weird that you say that, my newest psychiatrist just put me on a new med for ADHD, but she told me that it might not be ADHD but bipolar instead. She said we'd keep looking into it, but doctors have said that before, honestly. I have to admit that I got kind of nervous when she said that and tried to forget about it. I didn't think that was possible. What was it that made you think of it? I know you have bipolar. I have read several of your posts and have always been impressed with your ability to keep going. Would you mind expounding on your thought? I'm not going to be offended. As much as I would rather not be diagnoised with Bipolar, at this point I'm desperate. After having tried so many things for ADHD and have them not work, it's a little depressing. By the by, I know you aren't a doctor, so don't worry about that...I just know you have a lot of personal experience with BiPolar and I know very little about it...

It sounds like you might have a bipolar disorder.
 
You think so? But why have I gone all my life being called ADD then? I mean...I've seen at least 5 different doctors...I don't know, I don't know. I just know I feel so trapped by my own brain. Is forgetfullness part of BiPolar?
 
You think so? But why have I gone all my life being called ADD then? I mean...I've seen at least 5 different doctors...I don't know, I don't know. I just know I feel so trapped by my own brain. Is forgetfullness part of BiPolar?

It is common for children with bipolar disorder to be misdiagnosed with ADHD>
 
There are quite often a cross over of symptoms between disorders. If you truly think you have been misdiagnosed, get another evaluation. Ask to be assessed for both bi-polar disorder and adhd. Keep in mind, as well, that an indivudual has to meet several specific criteria in order to be diagnosed with a disorder. Having one or two symptoms that are the same as a different disorder is not enough for a diagnosis.
 
It is common for children with bipolar disorder to be misdiagnosed with ADHD>

I didn't know that. But, still, I've been diagnoised with ADHD as an adult as well...my confusion comes from the fact that the meds don't help and often make me feel worse.
 
There are quite often a cross over of symptoms between disorders. If you truly think you have been misdiagnosed, get another evaluation. Ask to be assessed for both bi-polar disorder and adhd. Keep in mind, as well, that an indivudual has to meet several specific criteria in order to be diagnosed with a disorder. Having one or two symptoms that are the same as a different disorder is not enough for a diagnosis.

I don't really know what to think. I am just extremely uncomfortable with my own body. I don't seem in control of myself. I know that having one symptom doesn't make me anything in particular, but I know something is wrong, and I certainly have several of the symptoms for ADHD...but even this new doctor made mention of BiPolar. I would never have even thought of it but for that suggestion.
 
I was diagnoised years ago as having ADHD, and have been re-diagnoised a couple times since. And, certainly, I have a lot of the symptoms. My forgetfulness and day-dreaming affect my day to day life in a big way (another car wreck this last week because I cannot keep my brain on task). While I certainly don't consider myself a mean person, I am very implusive, and will often say things I don't really mean because they are the first thing that comes to my head...so sometimes I go for long periods without talking at all in an attempt to curtail that unfortunate circumstance. I have a very hard time keeping organized, though I don't like untidy environments. I 'zone' constantly and sometimes have mood swings where I am so hyper I can barely stand myself, though my 'normal' state is more dreamy then active. I could go on and on, yet ADHD meds don't seem to help. They send me into a fog through which I simply cannot function at all and into a depression which leads to a relapse of anoxeria and other unpleasant coping measures. Is it possible that I have been misdiagnosed? Am I just helplessly crazy? Is there really any way to manage this? My husband is always trying to help me find ways to remember things, and I've tried them all...I set my phone alarm, have lists by the dozen, even tie things on my fingers, I always manage to forget something. Is there really any help? I am so very depressed about this. I feel so trapped. People get so fustrated and say I'm not trying because I seem so intelligent yet do such stupid things, but God knows I'm knocking my brains out trying to function in a world that I don't seem able to work with. Anyone else out there like this? Is there any help at all? Seriously, it's impossible to put into words the swirling chaos of my life...the way my thoughts refuse to marshall themselves. I can spend hours focusing on relatively unimportant things which relax me (like planning my llama/goat/horse petting farm for needy children....yup, I'm just that odd) but can't think about stressful things for very long without shutting down mentally and going haywire. That's not responsible and I know it...I want to be better...I want to function. I feel so insane.

Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder
By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
June 22, 2007

The main feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions. People with borderline personality disorder are also usually very impulsive.

This disorder occurs in most by early adulthood. The unstable pattern of interacting with others has persisted for years and is usually closely related to the person’s self-image and early social interactions. The pattern is present in a variety of settings (e.g., not just at work or home) and often is accompanied by a similar lability (fluctuating back and forth, sometimes in a quick manner) in a person’s emotions and feelings. Relationships and the person’s emotion may often be characterized as being shallow.

A person with this disorder will also often exhibit impulsive behaviors and have a majority of the following symptoms:

* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
* Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
* Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
* Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
* Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
* Chronic feelings of emptiness
* Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
* Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder | Psych Central
 
I didn't know that. But, still, I've been diagnoised with ADHD as an adult as well...my confusion comes from the fact that the meds don't help and often make me feel worse.

Yep there are things that are in the BP diagnosis that aren't as prevalent in the ADHD diagnosis...

Jillio is right sweetie... you need to be re-evaltuated... I'll PM you~
 
Yes, having looked further into Borderline Personality Disorder, I really think I lack the anger that seems so apart of it. I am not very typically angry. I can be very implusive, yes, and have definate problems with being afraid that people don't like me anymore (I care too much about that, and I know it) or abandoning me. But, thank you Botts. I'll still mention it, but I don't really think that one quite works. Of course....my perspepion of myself could be wrong. That's happened before.
 
Yes, having looked further into Borderline Personality Disorder, I really think I lack the anger that seems so apart of it. I am not very typically angry. I can be very implusive, yes, and have definate problems with being afraid that people don't like me anymore (I care too much about that, and I know it) or abandoning me. But, thank you Botts. I'll still mention it, but I don't really think that one quite works. Of course....my perspepion of myself could be wrong. That's happened before.

YW Only your doctor can really tell, but I guess we give you something to think about.
 
Yes, I definately have periods where I'm depressed. Sometimes I can barely get out of bed for a period of time, and then suddenly I'm fine again, or going into this super-happy, very talkive, can't sit still to save my life mode.

It's really weird that you say that, my newest psychiatrist just put me on a new med for ADHD, but she told me that it might not be ADHD but bipolar instead. She said we'd keep looking into it, but doctors have said that before, honestly. I have to admit that I got kind of nervous when she said that and tried to forget about it. I didn't think that was possible. What was it that made you think of it? I know you have bipolar. I have read several of your posts and have always been impressed with your ability to keep going. Would you mind expounding on your thought? I'm not going to be offended. As much as I would rather not be diagnoised with Bipolar, at this point I'm desperate. After having tried so many things for ADHD and have them not work, it's a little depressing. By the by, I know you aren't a doctor, so don't worry about that...I just know you have a lot of personal experience with BiPolar and I know very little about it...

As Bott said, sometimes people with bipolar are misdiagnosed with ADHD. In other cases, it is a co-morbid diagnosis (dual diagnosis).

As far as my bipolar is concerned, I was originally diagnosed as having schizoaffective disorder bipolar type in 2006. This was due to the fact that I was severely manic and heard voices not only when I was manic, but also when I was in a "normal" mood.

12 months later I started having problems with rapid cycling (where my moods change every hour and sometimes every minute), so my diagnosis was changed to rapid cycling bipolar I (one).

In December, my diagnosis was changed yet again (to what my psychiatrist and therapist both think I've had over the past 18 years) to atypical bipolar I (one) disorder with ultradian rapid cycling. All this means is that I have symptoms of mania, hypomania, depression, psychosis, delusions and paranoia. It also means that I hear voices only when I'm manic or depressed (unlike people with schizoaffective who also hear them when they are in a "normal" mood). The "rapid cycling" notation on my diagnosis means that my moods change every hour and sometimes every minute. I can go from feeling manic to severely depressed to extremely irritable during this time. Conversely, I can also go from feeling extremely irritable to manic to severely depressed when the cycle starts all over again, but in a different pattern.

I've been on a combination of mood stabilizers and antipsychotics for the past 3 years. Mood stabilizers help keep my mania under control while antipsychotics address my voices, delusions and paranoia.

I was recently put on an anti-depressant and benzo as well. The former is for depression related to my bipolar and the latter is for my rapid cycling.

It is important that anyone who has bipolar taking an anti-depressant also be put on a mood stabilizer since the use of anti-depressants alone can cause manic episodes.

I wish I wouldn't have deleted my signature because I had 2 informational links about bipolar. One of them explained what bipolar disorder is and the other outlined the different kinds. I'll try to find them in my bookmarks and post them here for your information.

It hasn't been an easy road for me over the past 3 years, but I'm doing alot better now. I was recently put on a new med regimen that is working great so far. Prior to now, I had constant problems with rapid cycling and mania.

Although I will continue to experience mania, depression and rapid cycling (since meds do not "cure" bipolar), my meds help relieve and reduce my symptoms as well as the severity of an episode.

I've just now reached the point where I am coming to terms with my diagnosis. All of these years I thought I truly accepted being bipolar, but the truth is, I haven't. I ended up breaking down and crying for the first time about my diagnosis when I saw my therapist this week. Apparently, I stil have alot I need to discuss in terms of the anger, hurt, frustration, depression and confusion I feel.

That being said, I do not plan to give up. If I've been able to come this far given how difficult rapid cycling bipolar is to treat (rapid cyclers tend to be treatment refractive meaning that sometimes meds do not help), I know I will be just fine in the long run.

If my moods continue to stabilize, I plan to continue my education in September.

According to my psychiatrist, I have a "difficult to treat" case of bipolar, but this does not mean treatment isn't possible. He's right because ever since I started my new med regimen, I've gone from rapid cycling every hour and sometimes every minute to no cycling at all during the day.

If I do feel myself start to cycle into mania, agitation or depression, I have a med that I take and it does an excellent job of stabilizing my mood.

You asked how I was originally diagnosed with bipolar. I ended up having a severe manic/psychotic episode that was the result of several factors. I became severely psychotic and delusional. My sister ended up calling 911 after I called her at 4:30am telling her that my phone line was tapped, I was being followed, people were watching me through video cameras installed in my apartment and the FBI was sending me messages through the TV, radio and e-mail. I also heard up to 20 different voices who told me to harm myself. She ended up calling 911 at which time the police took me to the hospital where I was involuntarily hospitalized for a little over a month. It was at this time that I was given an official diagnosis of bipolar.

I didn't know I had bipolar until that time although when discussing this with my psychiatrist and therapist, they both think I've shown clear signs of bipolar since age 20.

However, bipolar was never suggested as a possible diagnosis since I didn't know what mania was. When people only share their experiences with depression (like I did) without also mentioning periods of mania or hypomania, this can result in a misdiagnosis of major depression like it did for me.

If you believe that you've been misdiagnosed, I recommend that you see a psychiatrist for a full evaluation. I've been misdiagnosed 3 times over the past 18 years (major depressive disorder, schizoaffective bipolar type, rapid cycling bipolar one, atypical bipolar one, PTSD), so it can and does happen.

Sorry for writing a dissertation. LOL. If you have any other questions, feel free to let me know here or via PM.

Good luck to you! :)
 
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Yes, having looked further into Borderline Personality Disorder, I really think I lack the anger that seems so apart of it. I am not very typically angry. I can be very implusive, yes, and have definate problems with being afraid that people don't like me anymore (I care too much about that, and I know it) or abandoning me. But, thank you Botts. I'll still mention it, but I don't really think that one quite works. Of course....my perspepion of myself could be wrong. That's happened before.

The fact that you're afraid of how people perceive you (or that they will abandon you) is a delusion. Delusions are yet another symptom of bipolar. Again, I would encourage you to see a psychiatrist who can evaluate you further. When you do see a psychiatrist, be sure to write down a list of your symptoms. This will give him or her a better idea of exactly what you are experiencing and will make it easier for them to make a diagnosis.
 
Is forgetfullness part of BiPolar?

It is for me. When I am either in a "normal" mood or depressed, I have a great deal of difficulty with short term memory.

However, I think this is due to a combination of the meds I take for bipolar as well as bipolar itself.
 
The fact that you're afraid of how people perceive you (or that they will abandon you) is a delusion. Delusions are yet another symptom of bipolar. Again, I would encourage you to see a psychiatrist who can evaluate you further. When you do see a psychiatrist, be sure to write down a list of your symptoms. This will give him or her a better idea of exactly what you are experiencing and will make it easier for them to make a diagnosis.

I'm going to have to make a correction here. Fear of abandonment is not a delusion. Fear of how others perceive us is not a delusion. And a proper assessment and diagnosis can be done just as easily by a clinical psychologist or an LPC or an LPCC. The only reason a psycholgist would be needed is if the patient is in need of psychotropic meds.
 
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