I Need Huge Advice Please!!!

Lil_country_gal

Lil_country_gal

New Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2005
Messages
2,332
Reaction score
0
As some of you know i'm engaged to my fiance Randy, and I love him more than anything. He's been so amazing to me saddly i've not been so great. I'm not going to lie i've messed up alot in our relationship. I mean this is all so new to me. such a huge relationship. but i love it now. Although now our relationship is on the rocks. He found out alot of the stuff i've messed up on mainly lieing. Now most of you are sitting here going well ur screwed you messed up yes i know. But i wanna do everything in my power to make this right and get my relationship with him back. I need your guys help please. Randy is everything to me and i can't imagine life with out him. thanks for reading please no judgment i know i screwed up.
 
Best bet is to sit down and talk to ur man. I know it will hurt a lot and he will be pissed. But if you sit down and tell him everything and let him know that you woke up the other day and relaised you have fucked up a lot and you want to set it right. You care for him and everything too. That you are to scared to lose him. You want to be honest to him and want to have a clean sheet. Then just start listing some things he should know that he might hear abt from someone.

I know it sounds like you just setting yourself up for the break-up, but if he really loves you, then he will be happy that you told him, but pissed that you did those things to him. If he also loves you to death, he will foregive you as well. I know from experence and my wife had to tell me some things. Also, remember to talk to him in a sweet tone and know that if he does accept it, you better be on the streight and narrow from this point till he has regained that trust.
 
Yea i know i broke his trust and i don't have any of it anymore and it kills me to know how much i hurt him. we did talk. and he's really good about setting it out and just getting the answers he wants. He knows i'm scared about losing he's my everything and he knows it so i pray he won't leave.
 
Lil_country_gal said:
Yea i know i broke his trust and i don't have any of it anymore and it kills me to know how much i hurt him. we did talk. and he's really good about setting it out and just getting the answers he wants. He knows i'm scared about losing he's my everything and he knows it so i pray he won't leave.
Click to expand...

Lil-country, Why did you lie to him first place? That mean you seems not love him but I am not sure if I am wrong. You already damage your boyfriend's trust already. I don't know if he will forgive you and stay together. I dont know if you already had affair on him. If you did that, It will be your worst nightmare!

Let me tell you, I married ex husband who was deaf. I thought we were telling the honest. I found out that he lied to me and did bad thing. He went to kiss girls and had affair staight for 5 yeas. I never knew what he done to me. I was not happy with him because he didnt keep his job. He left me home every weekend becasuse he can go bar that I cannot. I was 20. He was 21. I decide to divorce. He finally admit that He had affair for staight 5 years and lied to me sooooo heavy!!!!!!! He said he really loved me and didnt want lose me. I said fuck you I cannot go back with you because of those. I already lost my self esteem because i was sooo blind and dumb what he done to me. He didnt leave me alone for one month since we were seprate. He sobbed front me and begged me to come back. I was soooo stubborn and will never want him ever!

I am sorry but I might offend you.

You cannot make your boyfriend to come back if he already feel very damage.
 
ghsh1996 said:
Lil-country, Why did you lie to him first place? That mean you seems not love him but I am not sure if I am wrong. You already damage your boyfriend's trust already. I don't know if he will forgive you and stay together. I dont know if you already had affair on him. If you did that, It will be your worst nightmare!

Let me tell you, I married ex husband who was deaf. I thought we were telling the honest. I found out that he lied to me and did bad thing. He went to kiss girls and had affair staight for 5 yeas. I never knew what he done to me. I was not happy with him because he didnt keep his job. He left me home every weekend becasuse he can go bar that I cannot. I was 20. He was 21. I decide to divorce. He finally admit that He had affair for staight 5 years and lied to me sooooo heavy!!!!!!! He said he really loved me and didnt want lose me. I said fuck you I cannot go back with you because of those. I already lost my self esteem because i was sooo blind and dumb what he done to me. He didnt leave me alone for one month since we were seprate. He sobbed front me and begged me to come back. I was soooo stubborn and will never want him ever!

I am sorry but I might offend you.

You cannot make your boyfriend to come back if he already feel very damage.
Click to expand...

If they have been together for ages, then that is a different story. But she is young and I hope he is around her age too. If she is open and promises to streighten up now and he loves her, it can be her last chance. The fact she knows she did wrong and he is smart enough to see that she wants his forgiviness, then it could work out. Now, if that is not the case, it is bye-bye her man. Also, if she does it again, then she is done. Either way, she needs to tell her man where her heart is and that she is very sorry for what she has done.

I know I won't want my wife to hold on to secrets like that for a long time. We have problems simlar to her's. She had told me the problems and I loved her to death. I forgave her, but it took some time to get that trust back. We have had our bumps and wrecks, but we have been married for over 5 years now and we are still strong with our relationship.
 
Handsome_Smiley said:
If they have been together for ages, then that is a different story. But she is young and I hope he is around her age too. If she is open and promises to streighten up now and he loves her, it can be her last chance. The fact she knows she did wrong and he is smart enough to see that she wants his forgiviness, then it could work out. Now, if that is not the case, it is bye-bye her man. Also, if she does it again, then she is done. Either way, she needs to tell her man where her heart is and that she is very sorry for what she has done.

I know I won't want my wife to hold on to secrets like that for a long time. We have problems simlar to her's. She had told me the problems and I loved her to death. I forgave her, but it took some time to get that trust back. We have had our bumps and wrecks, but we have been married for over 5 years now and we are still strong with our relationship.
Click to expand...


Yea, my handsome smiley husband loves me to DEATH! HE wont leave me at ALL!! He cant live without me at all.. He will always forgive me.... We have been married for over 5 years.. Yes, that's true, we are still strong with our marriage relationships.. I CANT live without him, PERIOD! He is only MINE forever to death... My handsome smiley dont like to hide the secrets from me because he knows it will hurt his wife if he did that to his wife..
 
ghsh1996 said:
Lil-country, Why did you lie to him first place? That mean you seems not love him but I am not sure if I am wrong. You already damage your boyfriend's trust already. I don't know if he will forgive you and stay together. I dont know if you already had affair on him. If you did that, It will be your worst nightmare!
Click to expand...

I wish I knew why I lied, I guess in some weird way i felt like i was protection him and us. and no I never cheated on him. I know i ruined his trust. but believe me ghsh i really do love him. even though i made bad mistakes.
 
And smiley to answer your thing. yes he's around my age he's 18. And i wanna straighten up because i really don't wanna lose him. If i did i don't know what i'd do. and i do realize that if i do screw up again there is almost no chance of him forgiving me.
 
Spoiled goods aint worth fixing. Start fresh with a new flame.

Richard
 
Ahem, I agree with Nesmuth (This time only!)

There is consequences, and sometimes it is something that we hate the most! So, if he left you, that is YOUR consequence! The question you need to answer yourself... "What can you do about your consequence?" Will you be able to learn hard lessons, or just pass on? Just think about this, if that was your consequence having your man left you permanently. Will you accept and learn from it, or refused this and fume yourself over this and refused to learn from it, then making same mistake later on? That is your choice.

Hey, I made huge mistake with this woman back in 1999, and I had to deal with my consequence which I wish I never had. Of course, I regretted big time. But, did I really lose everything? Not really! Because I learn from it, and move on. I now have my woman, and my own son (Finally)!

There is reward waiting for you only *IF* you learn your own consequences.
 
Lil, despite what you may have done in the past, yet, it shows how much you truly do love him by confronting him rather than 'hiding' it, the lies, etc., and the fact that you both were able to 'talk it out'. The least you've done is to show that you're being 'open' with him and I'm sure you expect the same from him as well. ;)

Hopefully he can see the 'love' you have for him and that you only desire to start afresh, anew...on a journey that only you two can truly love and cherish! My thoughts and prayers will be that you and him will be able to work through this and that you're forgiven for the past as well....sooo...psstt..no more lying. ;)

Love, trust builds a relationship and binds one whereas nothing can prevail against!!

Wish you the best-- :thumb:



~RR
 
In my mind i've learned. I can't even begin to describe how hard last night was. I was so scared he was going to leave because he kept telling me i should leave. I should walk away right now and never come back.
But he didn't although i'm pretty much on a relationship version of probation. One little mix up and he has promised me he's gone. I'm praying things will get easier once he moves here with me. Yes we are doing the long distance thing which makes this that much harder. He's currently going to school in pensylvannia while i'm still living at home in minnesota.
 
Well, I know how you feel. I told my husband 2 HUGE lies while we were dating. He had told me that if he found out I had lied about those 2 things, he would leave me in an instant! So, I kept them a secret for so long. Well, we got married and he still told me he would leave me if I lied to him. It was eating me up inside!!! It got to the point where I could not sleep and I was so depressed, I almost ended up in the crazy place. Well, I finally saw a shrink and he told me to tell DH the truth, even if it was a LONG time ago and he left me. So, I finally got up the courage to tell him and he was PISSED at first. He was ready to divorce me, but after a couple of days, he realized that he could not live without me, either. He told me he loved me too much and said it would take a while to trust me again, but eventually, he was able to trust me again and finally forgive me. I swore up and down that I would never, ever lie to him again.

Recently, I caught him in a lie and I was hurt and pissed, but I remember how he was willing to stay and work it out with me, so I gave him that same chance. Right now, we are in so much better place because of that. (Not that it was good thing to do) Our relationship is much stronger and our love has grown.

Everyone does stupid things every now and then... if he really cares, he will listen to you and you may have to work your ass off to make it up to him, but it is worth it if he is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with! Good luck!!! :hug:
 
Lil_country_gal said:
I wish I knew why I lied, I guess in some weird way i felt like i was protection him and us. and no I never cheated on him. I know i ruined his trust. but believe me ghsh i really do love him. even though i made bad mistakes.
Click to expand...


Sigh, I understand that you really love your boyfriend and I am glad that you didnt cheat on him. Sometimes truth can hurt. If your boyfriend already leave you so you should move on.

I already moved on since I left my ex. I cannot stay with him because of trust. He thought trust can build. I told him that I used love him and trust him so much but my trust and love were gone sooo fast. Then I said no way he ruined 5 years that I was so blind and dumb. Let me explain, I was dating him in high school for 2 years then got married for 3 years. Total was 5 years. I am very happy with my hearing husband. Our lifes are much better than my first marriage. Of course my husband and I are struggling or enjoying many times. We cannot expect that everything are too perfect. We are together for 12 years and married for 10 years.
 
well u need sit down with him and talk in straight out.. i am not sure what abt him trust u or forgive u again? i am sowwy this happened to u.. next time dont lie and be honest with him!
 
LiL Country... Since you are still very young... now you had learned your lesson about llies.... oh well.. the damages is done... there are hard for a love to be forgiven.. He might will be able to forgive you.. but He will not forget the lies and ..It would be very difficult for him to trust you again... I agree with Nesmuth.. get new life.. learn to be honest...
 
we'll see i pray he forgives me he knows how sorry I am and he knows i would never want to hurt him now. He's the only guy that i've ever gone out with not to hurt me. When he came to see me it was magic everything felt so i right i felt so safe. I would hate to lose that now
 
Marriages and relationships are not very easy to compromises and everything..

Our marriage are strong and execellent.. At our 1st year of marriage, we had lot of fights and yelled at each other... It is our first experiences and need to get used to each other..

Now, we are over 5 years and we dont fights lot anymore... It is getting MUCH BETTER...
 
Me too, our first marriage was not that easy. We were young and got married, its take time. It is our first experience about being marriage. Now, we got better communication and better relationship. I love it my marriage life. We love it too. We don't argue that much, it got better now. We have been married for 14 yrs. If we argue, we forgiven each other and show love.
 
Thanks guys i hope i can make it as long as some of you have we may not be married yet but we act ike it and i've come to love it and almost relay on that stability so I guess u could say right now we are kinda figuring out each others place in this relationship and stuff like that i'll keep you guys updated on how it keeps going.
 
Back
Top