Why is the deaf/hoh community so isolating

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Ilovetocrochet

Guest
I was diagnosed as HOH (severe) for 15 years now and I was sitting in the staff room yesterday at work, just visualising how isolating it really is. Everyone was chatting to each other from one table to the next and I just couldn't understand anything. Somebody asked me a Q but had her hand over her mouth so I couldn't pick up what she was saying at all! I get really low about it sometimes, especially at uni when I can't write and listen at the same time cos I need to lip read.

I am sure I have a deaf voice as well. When I talk, I have quite a bad lisp cos I cannot pronounce the Ch and Sh word properly. When I say chips, someone says.. chips with an s?! It's CHIPS (we say chips in UK, not fries). Or if I say cheap, I have to think and change my wordings (not dear, instead). Sorry this is a random rant.. I just feel a bit sad this morning. I have a career all mapped out which will include lots of communication but now I am thinking it's not a good idea! Some things we want to do, but we're not the sort of people who will be able to do it :(
 
Don't worry. I have experienced all this bar the speech. My speech is okay but i trip on words and it is really irritating when I say something that comes out as a slurred mess and people laugh.

The general population can be very frustrating and I think almost everyone here will understand that.

But If you let yourself get down and give up on something you want to do, you'll only regret in. I have done several times.

Push yourself, I have no doubt you can do whatever career path you want. My friend is profoundly deaf and she is a singer in a band!

Find some people who go through the same as you. Either on here or in real life. Its greatt o vent and will probably stop the isolation you feel.

Stay strong :thumb:
 
Aww, hon, big hug on a down day. I agree that HOH is isolating. There are folks on this board who will say "no way, just stick to signing in the deaf community". Sure. And I'm blind to the fact signers are isolated from the much larger hearing population???

As to your profession desires, is there any way to make a sneaky approach? In some fields an HOH or deaf person can rise in a technical aspect of the profession, then cross over to management once you've made yourself valuable as a technician. At that point you can demand others conform to your needs, like using the written word more or the telephone. Voice to text translation is advancing so rapidly, along with devices and band-width to support it, that you can expect it to minimize some barriers within just a few years. It is pretty good already.

Once you get out of yesterday's funk you might see a bit of silver lining. A good mentor will be invaluable. True, you will always have to be more capable than others, but so what?
 
Unitron Queen said:
I was diagnosed as HOH (severe) for 15 years now and I was sitting in the staff room yesterday at work, just visualising how isolating it really is. Everyone was chatting to each other from one table to the next and I just couldn't understand anything. Somebody asked me a Q but had her hand over her mouth so I couldn't pick up what she was saying at all! I get really low about it sometimes, especially at uni when I can't write and listen at the same time cos I need to lip read.

I am sure I have a deaf voice as well. When I talk, I have quite a bad lisp cos I cannot pronounce the Ch and Sh word properly. When I say chips, someone says.. chips with an s?! It's CHIPS (we say chips in UK, not fries). Or if I say cheap, I have to think and change my wordings (not dear, instead). Sorry this is a random rant.. I just feel a bit sad this morning. I have a career all mapped out which will include lots of communication but now I am thinking it's not a good idea! Some things we want to do, but we're not the sort of people who will be able to do it :(
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American who went to uni - can you get a note-taker for your classes?

It's definitely not too early to think of alternate careers. I had a career all mapped out and it required tons of communication - lawyer. I decided to take my time on committing to law school and went to go work for a state entity. Found out that it wasn't for me as the amount of communication required and the trends of how lawyers need to be in the courtroom are high. Normally, I would say, don't let your inability to not hear everything discourage you. But if you've done everything possible to try to capture everything in a conversation and it doesn't feel "natural" - then it won't be a enjoyable career. You'll be frustrated and upset at times. You can get over those bad days or those realizations that aren't able to capture information like others can, but for me, I'd rather enjoy my work. I mean, you could try your best to try to minimize the problem and introduce solutions (great q from another poster on hearing aids) to your work processes. I am now a computer programmer and entrepreneur and enjoy doing what I do. I don't have to rely on communication methods that don't work for me.
 
I understand what you are feeling. I recently started a new job and the work environment is so different than all the 15 years and many companies that I worked for. The phone is old and lacks volume, and everyone whispers and some people appear to mumbles, or maybe it's their accent. I find it extremely difficult to hear in this environment. I'm frustrated and surprise at the same time because I never expected it to be in a situation like this. 15 years ago would make sense but not now. Why bring back the old telephones.

Life can sometimes surprise you. When you really think about it, it comes down to work culture. It's about how people work, interact and communicate with each other, not the job or the profession.
 
Wantrepreneur said:
I understand what you are feeling. I recently started a new job and the work environment is so different than all the 15 years and many companies that I worked for. The phone is old and lacks volume, and everyone whispers and some people appear to mumbles, or maybe it's their accent. I find it extremely difficult to hear in this environment. I'm frustrated and surprise at the same time because I never expected it to be in a situation like this. 15 years ago would make sense but not now. Why bring back the old telephones.

Life can sometimes surprise you. When you really think about it, it comes down to work culture. It's about how people work, interact and communicate with each other, not the job or the profession.
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They may not be bringing back the old telephones. They may have been there all along and not changed if they were not having trouble with them.

I have not looked in many, many years but I at one time put a volume control handset on by just unpluging the cord that came from the base to the handset at the handset and pluging it into the handset with the volume control. I just checked Harris Communications (one on the best known sources for products for the deaf/hoh,) and they are still available. Not knowing just what phone you are dealing with I won't try to suggest a certain item.
 
Meh, why have anything in your hands at all? In the old days, I would be so isolated in a group I played with some gizmo, and the others would hoot at me for it. Now today, the shoe is on the other foot. I would be hands-free while the others are using their phones. ;)
 
Jane B. said:
I have not looked in many, many years but I at one time put a volume control handset on by just unpluging the cord that came from the base to the handset at the handset and pluging it into the handset with the volume control. I just checked Harris Communications (one on the best known sources for products for the deaf/hoh,) and they are still available. Not knowing just what phone you are dealing with I won't try to suggest a certain item.
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As you noted the type of phone matters as does the type of phone system they use. If I recall I don't think many of the phone systems will work well with add ins of any kind. I had an in-line volume control for my last job- gizmo would go between the phone and handset- gizmo plugs into phone base, phone handset plugs into gizmo. I can't remember how other systems worked in my previous jobs though. At least one I know I was able to have a volume control handset directly into the phone base (and a flashing light lol- looked like a tiny red beehive)
 
DeafDucky said:
As you noted the type of phone matters as does the type of phone system they use. If I recall I don't think many of the phone systems will work well with add ins of any kind. I had an in-line volume control for my last job- gizmo would go between the phone and handset- gizmo plugs into phone base, phone handset plugs into gizmo. I can't remember how other systems worked in my previous jobs though. At least one I know I was able to have a volume control handset directly into the phone base (and a flashing light lol- looked like a tiny red beehive)
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I may still have one stashed in a drawer that takes a small battery and goes over the ear end of the handset — held on by an elastic cord. I could take it along and use it anywhere until my hearing got toooo bad for it to make enough difference.

I also had a light at home like you. The phone guy that came to put it in back in the day when you rented rather than bought phones was clever enough to attach it to the top of a wall phone. It did lead to not getting my money back right away when it was turned in because they didn't notice it as an attachment rather than an additional piece of equipment and I didn't think to call their attention to it either.

Later I got a device that plugged in to the phone line and a lamp. To help really see it all over the apartment I used a pole light with three 60 watt bulbs in it. I was working for a real estate & construction company and living in one of the apartments we owned. A call came in needing an emergency repair elsewhere. I knew our guy was at my place so they called there. I felt sorry for how we surely startled him. Can you imagine that pole light with the thee 60 watt bulbs starting to flash as the phone rang when you didn't know it was going to?
 
I have always been dead and I can't hear myself( duh) My best friend signed Annie you can't speak right so shush. You only make weird sounds and noises so I no longer try I'm only 12 and I can not lip read so sign is my only option
 
AnnieLecan18 said:
I have always been dead and I can't hear myself( duh) My best friend signed Annie you can't speak right so shush. You only make weird sounds and noises so I no longer try I'm only 12 and I can not lip read so sign is my only option
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I hope you will not let your best friend permanently discourage you from speaking. You may find a better teacher, or one who is more patient. It might be worth it to communicate faster with hearing people. Lots of deaf people learn. 12 year olds often do not understand how badly negative things can affect us, though since she is your best friend I bet she never meant to hurt you. Tweens and teens tell their parents they are stupid, too. Then 15 years later they realize it was the other way around. I hope you can text fast!
 
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I know how you feel.. more often, rather than being afraid of the job, im more afraid of the interaction between people! I guess i can say i hate being isolated/lonely. It makes me feel really down when I'm alone. Everytime its a big group, i struggle so much and everyone seems to understand each other!!

I might seem mean but im actually happy when hearing people can't hear properly sometimes either.. because i wonder "is it me? Oh wait they can't either so it aint just me". So i kinda get other lost sheeps with me.

I'm kind of thinking it might be harder since its UK and kinda known for speaking fast. I know i can't pronounce well either and got made fun of during school. Classmates would ask me if I had short tongue and I just replied that I do. Then they would ask me to stick my tongue out and I just opened my mouth! Oh those days..

My mum have that problem too.. when she say shut, it comes out as sharp. Chips as cheap too.
 
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