Men and women in conversation...

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rebeccalj

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Authentic made a post in another thread that got me thinking. Yes, dangerous. :giggle:

He say, "Problem is most deaf guys don't like to eye-contact hearing gals."

Is this true for Deaf men? For me, I'm the opposite. Maybe because I'm a woman and I want to *read* the hearing male to understand their *true* intention. Do Deaf men not want to *read* hearing woman?

Or, is it something different than that?
 
My hubby is hearing and he doesnt like eye contact and I have to yell at him constantly to make eye contact. :lol:
 
3 different situations can be read off that sentence that I can tell off the bat. The context of the communication is important because we don't know what's being implied.
Here's that statement broken down coming from a sociology/social psychology enthusiast.

A) You (OP) and others have a reason to be giving people eye contact, primarily because you want to receive all communication and not miss anything. There is nothing wrong with it, and if the person you are talking to understands that you are trying to read and understand them, this will pass.

B) It may be implying the fact that some of the Deafs do not prefer hearing, therefore wouldn't make eye contact as they have no interest with people who they don't think understand them. This is also the same for some Deaf women with hearing guys.

C) I'm not sure if you already knew this, but I think excessive eye contact in general society is seen as a form of intimidation, lewdness, implications, awkwardness, etc in certain cultures. I'm pretty positive most if not all cultures in the world right now, giving them giving 100% eye contact without any kind of taking a break or explanation why warrants a behavior that many (mostly all hearing) would feel uncomfortable in.
 
In asian culture, anytime you are giving any form of general eye contact to someone older or superior than you it is a form of disrespect, even while they are speaking. It's not as bad today as it used to be, but it began in the ancient times, the emperors would execute or jail people who looked at them in the eye while talking.

In white (american) hearing culture, the consensus is that eye contact gives an impression of attentiveness and interest in the conversation - but you have to stop or take a pause from looking when the conversation has stopped, shifted, or awkward situations are in it.
 
naisho said:
In asian culture, anytime you are giving any form of general eye contact to someone older or superior than you it is a form of disrespect, even while they are speaking. It's not as bad today as it used to be, but it began in the ancient times, the emperors would execute or jail people who looked at them in the eye while talking.

In white (american) hearing culture, the consensus is that eye contact gives an impression of attentiveness and interest in the conversation - but you have to stop or take a pause from looking when the conversation has stopped, shifted, or awkward situations are in it.
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Very incredible! Thank you.:ty:
 
I think you got it Naisho. Since I was young I thought eye contact was uncomfortable. I would stick out my tongue at people who looked at me too long. Now, I think it's rude if I am not in conversation with someone, like on the train, or in public. I notice some people like to stare, but if there is no convo going on it doesnt make sense.

Funny story, one time, I wore my lip ring backwards, and the post is bigger on the other side. So it looked like a black adequately sized black circle near my lip. So this couple decides to stand in front of me (I'm on a train, that started off crowded) and just stare trying to figure out what it was. If that happened now, they would have got some very nice words, but lets just say it was a mole, or something else that one might deem unsightly? Gives no one a right to come in my face like that. I can only imagine how they are with people who might have facial deformities. Smh.

I'm getting better with eye contact in conversations.
 
shel90 said:
My hubby is hearing and he doesnt like eye contact and I have to yell at him constantly to make eye contact. :lol:
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LOL you can yell at him by getting attention from him. My dh doesn't like eye contact too. Unfortunately, I couldn't yell so I have either waving hands or stomping on the floor or approach to him. :roll: I thought it was the hearing thing too. He is an deaf oral in the hearing world.
 
My girlfriend is hearing so we often write back and forth. SOmetimes, we just pass paper without eye contacts.
 
I don't have what I call FULL eye contact with my SO. We do have eye contact, but we call it lip contact :lol: Seriously, I'm so busy looking at his lips to lipread, as well as his hands when he's signing. He thinks my staring at his lips is erotic. :lol: Sorry, but the truth here!! :)
 
naisho said:
3 different situations can be read off that sentence that I can tell off the bat. The context of the communication is important because we don't know what's being implied.
Here's that statement broken down coming from a sociology/social psychology enthusiast.

A) You (OP) and others have a reason to be giving people eye contact, primarily because you want to receive all communication and not miss anything. There is nothing wrong with it, and if the person you are talking to understands that you are trying to read and understand them, this will pass.

B) It may be implying the fact that some of the Deafs do not prefer hearing, therefore wouldn't make eye contact as they have no interest with people who they don't think understand them. This is also the same for some Deaf women with hearing guys.

C) I'm not sure if you already knew this, but I think excessive eye contact in general society is seen as a form of intimidation, lewdness, implications, awkwardness, etc in certain cultures. I'm pretty positive most if not all cultures in the world right now, giving them giving 100% eye contact without any kind of taking a break or explanation why warrants a behavior that many (mostly all hearing) would feel uncomfortable in.
Click to expand...

Very interesting.

A) Yes, I use eye contact as part of communication with someone I actually *want* to communicate with.

B) There is some truth to this. If I am not interested in someone I avoid eye contact with them completely.

C) I agree and understand that. I only experience that with hearies being uncomfortable with eye contact. But, the ones that I know and care about have adjusted to be comfortable with it.

What's interesting in what you write is that when I'm 'reading' I am full eye and lip contact. If *I'm* talking I generally express without eye contact. I look around while I communicate, if that makes sense? I think the reason I do that is that it is tiring taking in all the information visually so when I talk I need a break from it. To be free to think about the words that I want to say instead of concentrating on another person.
 
AlleyCat said:
I don't have what I call FULL eye contact with my SO. We do have eye contact, but we call it lip contact :lol: Seriously, I'm so busy looking at his lips to lipread, as well as his hands when he's signing. He thinks my staring at his lips is erotic. :lol: Sorry, but the truth here!! :)
Click to expand...

Me too. I spend about 90% of my time lip reading and have quick eye contact glances during his speaking breaks.
 
rebeccalj said:
Very incredible! Thank you.:ty:
Click to expand...

When I was a boarding school we had an exchange student from Iran and I would look her right face to 'read' her lips and the girl thought I did not not like her. I did not know it was rude to look at her face at all. I was only to made a little eye contact.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
Talking and writing is becoming a lost art ! I see more people texting and emailing than talking today!
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True.
Writing is still alive for me. I still write back and forth with my coworkers if the important stuffs about work that we needs to clarify. We do have instant messages in my office. It works great. When it comes to the face to face, then write only.
 
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