Its hard to tolerate ignorance from people you know =/

candybrowneyes

Active Member
Last night I went out with some friends to a few places here around town. Everyone I have ever known in my life is hearing, well until joining this site. I have posted about my Menieres and my hearing loss on my facebook and everyone who knows me knows my hearing issues, that I wear hearing aids and such...

I used to have a roommate named Ryan, hes a guy you can tolerate on a small level anyways. Things fly out of his mouth and sometimes you just look at him like hes nuts but YOU take him for what he is.. I care about him as a friend because that is just how Ryan is... Not the brightest crayon in the box but still my friend. Last night I opted to take my hearing aids out at the last bar we went to because its SUPER loud in there and its pointless to amplify LOUD music and noise. RYAN knows everything about my hearing loss, was even around when I first found out about everything.

After reading his lips for what seemed like forever I kind of just looked about and watched everyone else and he gets right up to my face and says "YOU CAN HEAR, I KNOW YOU CAN" I only "heard" what he said because he was an inch from my face and I was reading his lips, BECAUSE I wasnt wearing my hearing aids he thought it was okay to tell me that I can hear just fine without them. I was little shocked because it was the way he said it, " like ohhh your disease isnt as bad as you make it out to be, YOUR HEARING WILL BE JUST FINE" I was already annoyed and then that happened so I jumped in a cab and went home..

I guess some things will still shock me but it sucks you have to take ignorance from people you call your "friends" :roll:
 

Steinhauer

Well-Known Member
As a HoH person, I can tell you that the majority of hearing people think you are faking your hearing loss. Especially if your speech is good.
 

rockin'robin

Well-Known Member
As a HoH person, I can tell you that the majority of hearing people think you are faking your hearing loss. Especially if your speech is good.

Agree....all my life, so I'm accustomed topeople thinking I'm faking...

Maybe ur friend had too many drinks?....Or does he act like that all the time?...I don't blame you for leaving...but I would have told him to shut the f--- up!....
 

candybrowneyes

Active Member
Well it wasnt so much that because I have talked to him about it before, he doesnt understand the disease I have and what it causes. Like I said hes not bright, but the way he said it was what bothered me. And oh yeah I have dealt with the people thinking its fake, my own brother when everything was happening at first (when I started getting vertigo) didnt believe what was going on until he saw me have a drop attack and then I was diagnosed... he felt terrible... there are other friends too. But its only been over 3 years so its all very new to everyone... I wanted to slap him though! ughh
 

DeafBadger

Ad Astra Per Aspera
Premium Member
I have an friend who's a jerk too. He makes fun of my deafness.

And I understand how you put up with Ryan.

Sometimes when you're friends, you just put up with it. You've known them for so long...

It still sucks though.
 

Sunshine

New Member
I think this common. I stone deaf, I still get told I fake hearing loss. Learn who friends are! Good riddance bad rubbish.
 

sallylou

Potterhead and Janeite
Premium Member
Wirelessly posted (droid)

I'm in a similar situation. My hearing loss is progressive. I know what to expect because of what the gene did to my family members (2 previous generations. Some people say that it won't lose as much hearing as I think. I suppose they think it will give me hope. I feel like they are denying my reality. I prefer to deal with issues head on. I also feel like they are accusing me of hysterical over reaction.
Maybe this guy intended to give you hope. Maybe he's a complete idiot. Either way, I know how you feel.
 

Steinhauer

Well-Known Member
Wirelessly posted (droid)

I'm in a similar situation. My hearing loss is progressive. I know what to expect because of what the gene did to my family members (2 previous generations. Some people say that it won't lose as much hearing as I think. I suppose they think it will give me hope. I feel like they are denying my reality. I prefer to deal with issues head on. I also feel like they are accusing me of hysterical over reaction.
Maybe this guy intended to give you hope. Maybe he's a complete idiot. Either way, I know how you feel.

Your hearing loss is probably the same exact loss as mine - mine is progressive inner ear nerve damage and is hereditary.
 

Lissa

Active Member
Premium Member
I hate people like this, I'm kucky enough it hasn't happened to me since most of my friends are deaf/hoh!
 

Beowulf

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
Sometimes a friend would tell me he forgets I am deaf. I reply, "Well, I am Deaf, buster!" and make a power salute while accenting the "D". He looks startled, then laughs.
 

Tousi

Well-Known Member
Well it wasnt so much that because I have talked to him about it before, he doesnt understand the disease I have and what it causes. Like I said hes not bright, but the way he said it was what bothered me. And oh yeah I have dealt with the people thinking its fake, my own brother when everything was happening at first (when I started getting vertigo) didnt believe what was going on until he saw me have a drop attack and then I was diagnosed... he felt terrible... there are other friends too. But its only been over 3 years so its all very new to everyone... I wanted to slap him though! ughh

Disease? You have a disease?
 

RachelRene

New Member
As a HoH person, I can tell you that the majority of hearing people think you are faking your hearing loss. Especially if your speech is good.

Somehow, this helps me take things said to me a little less personally.

Sometimes my friends think I can hear things that I can't... If I react to someone slamming the door or stomping, they take that as a sign that I can hear just fine. (hello, vibrations) I will see them talking out of the corner of my eye and turn to say "what?" and they think I heard their words. I used to have less trouble hearing, used to mention it less, so clearly I'm just looking for attention (that would be my family mainly... no, it's just progressive, and I am faking it less and less). They either think that the HA's fix my hearing completely (not understanding that it just means I function at a moderate hearing loss level), or they think I'm exaggerating my need for them. They don't understand how I can say I can't hear, but complain about noise--in restaurants, with lots of children, in concerts, in the car. Once I turned around because a friend was shouting at me in a movie theater... she asked me "how did you hear that?" I didn't hear anything, just caught something out of the corner of my eye and turned to find them there.

People who are just meeting me think that because my speech is fine, my hearing is fine.

At least I know that I'm not the only one who gets this reaction--was making me feel a little crazy for a while!
 

Jazzberry

Member
:dunno: Maybe audi's should give us the option to have our audiograms videotaped. Then we could post it on our social networking sites for all the skeptics in our lives. :roll: :)


ETA: Hate to say this, but I don't think it would work. I think what's happening is that our hearing friends and family find communicating with us frustrating and sometimes they "act out" in various ways as a result. Continued skepticism despite consistant behavior along with patient explanations over a long period of time is a type of "acting out" in my book.

Way back in the mid to late 1990s corporate America went on a "team" kick, including the company I worked for.

Communication at work became harder for me which made work more stressful. I got the OK from my manager to have a meeting explaining hearing loss and my hearing loss in particular -- if my team was interested. He said OK, the team said they were interested so we had a meeting.

I've been HH all of my life, I know a lot about this topic and I'm good at explaining it. The meeting went well and things were better for all of about two days. The fact is that one of the ways hearing loss is unique is that it makes verbal communication harder for everyone involved -- not just the HH person.

This is not true for other disabilities. At the time the company I worked for also had a short person and a person with epilepsy whose seizures weren't controlled easily. The rest of the company was less affected interacting with them then they would be with me. They had to face me, get more e-mails from me summarizing what we agree upon verbally, deal with my repeating things to make sure I heard them right. For the most part nothing changed when they dealt with the "short person" or person who had epilepsy.
 

DeafCaroline

New Member
Somehow, this helps me take things said to me a little less personally.

Sometimes my friends think I can hear things that I can't... If I react to someone slamming the door or stomping, they take that as a sign that I can hear just fine. (hello, vibrations) I will see them talking out of the corner of my eye and turn to say "what?" and they think I heard their words. I used to have less trouble hearing, used to mention it less, so clearly I'm just looking for attention (that would be my family mainly... no, it's just progressive, and I am faking it less and less). They either think that the HA's fix my hearing completely (not understanding that it just means I function at a moderate hearing loss level), or they think I'm exaggerating my need for them. They don't understand how I can say I can't hear, but complain about noise--in restaurants, with lots of children, in concerts, in the car. Once I turned around because a friend was shouting at me in a movie theater... she asked me "how did you hear that?" I didn't hear anything, just caught something out of the corner of my eye and turned to find them there.

People who are just meeting me think that because my speech is fine, my hearing is fine.

At least I know that I'm not the only one who gets this reaction--was making me feel a little crazy for a while!

Many of us get that reaction. There are no easy answers on how to handle all of this. One can hope that the more educated family and friends are, the more they would have some understanding of what you can and cannot hear and how deafness makes you use your eyes more thus enabling you to be more sensitive to your environment.

Give them time. The more familiar they become with you as a deaf person, the more they will have an understanding of how you function as a deaf person.

They may never get it completely but they will at least have some idea.

My own kids didn't believe I was really that deaf when they were growing up. They admitted to sneaking into my room while I was sleeping and screaming at the top of their lungs or saying naughty things behind my back to test me. The reason they didn't believe I was that deaf was because I was that good at reading environmental cues, facial expressions and body language.

There's no doubt in their minds now that I'm stone deaf and they know me well enough to know that my deafness made me use my eyes more just like a blind person would be more attuned to sounds that seeing people may not be aware of. It just took them time to learn all this just like it will take time for your family and friends to learn.
 

rebeccalj

New Member
I'm very sorry you friend did that. I would have taken cab also.

My frustration is with colleagues at work. Plus family but they are finally starting to understand. I have explained communication needs to colleagues but they seem to forget quickly. You would think that when I talk with my funny accent that this would be reminder but it isn't. :roll:
 

Babyblue

New Member
Last night I went out with some friends to a few places here around town. Everyone I have ever known in my life is hearing, well until joining this site. I have posted about my Menieres and my hearing loss on my facebook and everyone who knows me knows my hearing issues, that I wear hearing aids and such...

I used to have a roommate named Ryan, hes a guy you can tolerate on a small level anyways. Things fly out of his mouth and sometimes you just look at him like hes nuts but YOU take him for what he is.. I care about him as a friend because that is just how Ryan is... Not the brightest crayon in the box but still my friend. Last night I opted to take my hearing aids out at the last bar we went to because its SUPER loud in there and its pointless to amplify LOUD music and noise. RYAN knows everything about my hearing loss, was even around when I first found out about everything.

After reading his lips for what seemed like forever I kind of just looked about and watched everyone else and he gets right up to my face and says "YOU CAN HEAR, I KNOW YOU CAN" I only "heard" what he said because he was an inch from my face and I was reading his lips, BECAUSE I wasnt wearing my hearing aids he thought it was okay to tell me that I can hear just fine without them. I was little shocked because it was the way he said it, " like ohhh your disease isnt as bad as you make it out to be, YOUR HEARING WILL BE JUST FINE" I was already annoyed and then that happened so I jumped in a cab and went home..

I guess some things will still shock me but it sucks you have to take ignorance from people you call your "friends" :roll:

Alcohol tends to make people say stupid things.

I do have people say the same thing to me.. I just tell them "They just can't fix stupid, can they?"
 

sallylou

Potterhead and Janeite
Premium Member
Steinhauer is my long lost relative! Seriously, is it mid-frequency loss first? Seems like you told me that a while back.

The kind of hearing loss that I have can mimic meineres. I don't have the same extent of vertigo that some one with meineres has though.

Unfortunately, hearing people will say horrible things to a late-deafened person that they would never dare say to another deaf person. Their attitude is that you're not "one of them." I either educate them or blow them off, depending on how much enegry I have at the time.
 

FadedRose

New Member
Wow, what an ( insert blank )! I know the feeling of feeling comfortable with another person be it a friend or family member only to have those feelings of being " alright in your skin for once " shattered when ignorance that shouldnt' be there comes out of the person you're with who should know better. It hurts. Been there, done that. We're all different in how we handle these kinds of things so my suggestion may seem far out there but it works for me. From dealing with this most of my life as a result of being Deaf...I'm a proud loner. I don't need "friends". Learned a long time ago that there is no such thing as a friend...so I won't waste my time or my emotions on someone who is just going to hurt me in the end. It works for me...I feel safe in here. Ryan needs to get a clue or get lost. If that were my buddy...he wouldn't be anymore. :)
 
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