Hearing partners always angry/frustrated

Booger_Bender

Booger_Bender

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Why is it that every hearing person in a relationship with a Deaf/hoh always angry and frustrated at every thing we do? I don't understand and it has gotten to me so much. Why do we deserve it?

If you reply, keep it clean, and respectable thank you.

- B.B.
 
Booger_Bender said:
Why is it that every hearing person in a relationship with a Deaf/hoh always angry and frustrated at every thing we do? I don't understand and it has gotten to me so much. Why do we deserve it?

If you reply, keep it clean, and respectable thank you.

- B.B.
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They generally aren't Deaf.
 
Luckily I haven't run into that. My hubby has been nothing but supportive. I was hoh when we started dating. He knew up front what I had going on. He was very supportive and understanding. I am the one who gets short-tempered.
 
Booger_Bender said:
Why is it that every hearing person in a relationship with a Deaf/hoh always angry and frustrated at every thing we do? I don't understand and it has gotten to me so much. Why do we deserve it?

If you reply, keep it clean, and respectable thank you.

- B.B.
Click to expand...

you don't need to ask such question but I only have one question for you - why are you still with that person? get yourself a man/woman (hearie or deaf) who won't get frustrated with you.
 
Booger_Bender said:
Why is it that every hearing person in a relationship with a Deaf/hoh always angry and frustrated at every thing we do? I don't understand and it has gotten to me so much. Why do we deserve it?

If you reply, keep it clean, and respectable thank you.

- B.B.
Click to expand...

Because they don't know what it feels like to be deaf/hoh. I can understand where your coming from on that subject because every relationship I've had not just romantically but friends or family, its been an issue. I think honestly, this is one of those things that hearing people couldn't get unless they were in our shoes.

Although some have more patience than others.
 
Because they don't understand, and refuse to understand. My ex-husband was exactly this way. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him. My hearing status was always an issue with him. He would get mad and yell at me if I didn't hear him the first time. Then he would be cruel and come up to me and say "I'll give you 20 bucks if you can tell me what I just said", and he would be dead serious about it. He used my HoH/deaf status against me. What hurt even worse is that my own mom even got in on it and they would both tag up together against me. They thought they were being funny when in fact it hurt my feelings. To me, it's like being made fun of for having to wear glasses because you can't see or being picked on because you're considered 'fat'.

In hindsight, I should have moved on much sooner. I think later my mom realized the damage that was done and maybe she privately realizes she played a part in it too because now she doesn't make my HoH/deaf status much of an issue anymore although she absolutely refuses meet me halfway anymore.

Now, if anyone makes an issue out of this I flat out tell them "My deafness was genetic, your crappy attitude was acquired!" But admit, it still hurts when people look at me as 'broken' or 'damaged goods', at least with this response it stops the hurtful attack in it's tracks.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

My hubby is way more patient than I am. Everyone gets frustrated. It's important to learn how to deal with it so that you don't hurt others. You're supposed to learn it when you're a little kid but some of us had bad parents or our own temperament issues. In my case, both. I'm a work in progress.
 
sallylou said:
Wirelessly posted (droid)

My hubby is way more patient than I am. Everyone gets frustrated. It's important to learn how to deal with it so that you don't hurt others. You're supposed to learn it when you're a little kid but some of us had bad parents or our own temperament issues. In my case, both. I'm a work in progress.
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But the real truth is that we are ALL works in progress! :wave:
 
I'm the peaceful type about communication. At least what I understand of it. Remember not all Deaf/hoh understand English spoken. I'm very good with vocabulary and English grammar for a Deaf guy. I attended mainstream school and all my life like i explained before on other posts, I am surrounded by hearing people. I'm just starting to meet with other Deaf folks and HOH too. I see that I'm not alone.

It's difficult when you love someone so very much yet frustrated with the communication gap or the culture understanding. All my life hearing people truly believed I'm among them and hearing until they see me look away or not understand what they say. Instantly I go from Intellectual to retarded according to most Audism based hearing people. It's very frustrating when I don't understand the first time it's always "your fault" or " you are not paying attention", "you're missing the point", "I didn't say that ( though you know very well what they said )" etc..

These are very common among Deaf/Hoh folks. There's plenty of history in our culture as Deaf/Hoh that we clearly don't belong in the general hearing society until we're respected for who we are not what we can't do. My opinion.
 
Not only the wrong people, but you will have more success if you marry someone like yourself.
 
Botts, I don't know a single deaf/hoh guy around here. :lol: There's plenty of deaf/hoh chicks though! :lol:
 
I still love my woman, its just the frustration that she's hearing. She knows sign ( well learning more) no official classes yet. I mostly taught her what I could. She doesn't have Deaf culture understanding as much as she thinks she does. Though we fight and such, doesn't warrant to leave unless she was being abusive which she isn't just annoying the fact that most hearing do not understand or sympathize our culture's hardship. that's all.
 
Dixie said:
Botts, I don't know a single deaf/hoh guy around here. :lol: There's plenty of deaf/hoh chicks though! :lol:
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I have always been a city kid, so I didn't consider those of you in rural areas. Sorry, Dixie. :lol:
 
deafskeptic said:
I thought you lived in a rural zone?
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:lol: No.. I live in Iowa, but my metro has half a million people.

I think of rural like a community of three thousand or so.

And I used to live in much larger cities.
 
Booger_Bender said:
I still love my woman, its just the frustration that she's hearing. She knows sign ( well learning more) no official classes yet. I mostly taught her what I could. She doesn't have Deaf culture understanding as much as she thinks she does. Though we fight and such, doesn't warrant to leave unless she was being abusive which she isn't just annoying the fact that most hearing do not understand or sympathize our culture's hardship. that's all.
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Can I ask you what it is you love about her?
 
Bottesini said:
:lol: No.. I live in Iowa, but my metro has half a million people.

I think of rural like a community of three thousand or so.

And I used to live in much larger cities.
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So did I. I'm very much a city girl. My neighbor is from the Queens section of NYC but she's one of those people who can live anywhere. she says I'd fit in very well in NYC.

Right now I'm living just outside Lynchburg, VA. There are plenty of foothills around here and you can see the Blue Ridge mountains in the distance.
 
there have been times for me too when it seems it would be so much easier to just date someone Deaf, but I also love my fiance. There are many times when she doesn't understand what I am trying to tell her, or when she doesn't understand what I need. She is trying though. We have both decided that we need to communicate better... which is still hard... because I am using sign as my main mode of communication now (or when ever I can), and she still uses spoken english... she gets frustrated when I sign too fast, or when she doesn't understand the connection for the words (like she doesn't understand why tomorrow is tomorrow, soon is soon, or yesterday is yesterday) but we are working through our issues... she talked about moving a while back, and i understood it as I didn't have a choice... but it was just a miscommunication. She was telling me that she wanted to move, not that she was going to move. When I told her my reasons for staying, she understood, and for now at least... we are staying put. I am having to understand that my being Deaf is not easy for her either... just as her being hearing isn't easy for me. We both have to work around our issues, and figure out how we will best communicate. I am very lucky that she is trying to learn sign, and that she understands why voice off time is good for me... most of the time at home we are voice off! Also, when ever we watch anything on TV, she understands why I need the captions... and she is now realizing the captions are good for her too. Our relationship is far from perfect, but we are both working on it.

And B.B. you don't deserve to feel frustrated all the time, neither does she. You need to either find a middle ground where you both are making effort to understand the view point of eachother... or you need to assess if the partnership (which is what it should be) is a good fit for the two of you.
 
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