Frustrated

Alice2014

New Member
Hi

I am in a job with lots of colleagues in the room. They have conversations and I don't know what they are talking about. Not one of them said we are talking about .... I feel lonely and I do find it hard at times what to talk about to them too. There is a Christmas party coming up. I hate social events like these because I get stressed up because I cannot follow what they are talking about and if they said something I asked again then I only got 20 per cent and I get very frustrated and tired etc. It's hard going at lunch time but in the evenings it's worse.

Can I decline because of my deafness? I don't want to be anti social or aloof. What do you think?
 

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
Can you bring a guest to the party so you'll not feel so left out ? I hate being room with a lot people talking at once, it sound monkeys chattering or room full of bees buzzing.
 

radioman

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
there are no real solutions. just on how you can deal with it. we all been there. done that. felt that. it feels like crap. Sometimes i just go just to show part of group- but it feels like a total waste of time sometimes. I hate the pity "oh didnt mean to leave you out. how are you. ok well Im gonna go over there now. :roll::mad:
 

DeafDucky

Well-Known Member
If it's a work related thing and is something that takes place at lunch (rather than a meeting)... sometimes I've declined to go but a few times I got nailed in "Aren't you coming?!" (when most are already there)... so it's a minefield. I don't know if you could take CART with you to a group lunch or anything... Me I wind up just suffering and going anyway (Food!). No easy answers.

Couldn't take/invite anyone else (outside of my work team at least) so that was out of the question. As for interpreters... I couldn't justify having an interpreter for an hour at something that is more of a 'relaxing' event like lunch. Maybe for the team building thing we used to do every year (I didn't go every year I don't think...can't remember) at a bowling alley (now there's torture...too noisy).
 

VacationGuy234

Active Member
Sure, I do it all the time.

Tell them you can't hear in big groups. You've no idea how many band invitations I've rejected.

I wouldn't worry about those conversations. Yea, it might be nice to hear them, but it's not the end of the world if you don't.

Look at it this way, if the conversation doesn't include you it's not worth it.
 

Bebonang

Active Member
Would it be nice if you go to the Christmas Deaf event where you can be comfortable surrounding with Deaf people (have to sign ASL with them)? If you don't know how to sign ASL, then you are absolutely lost.

Going to the hearing Christmas party would not be a good idea to go if you can not make head or tail what they were talking about. I wish if you can sign ASL, then hopefully you might get ASL interpreters for the Christmas Party. I don't know. Just my feeling on this.

It is going to be hard. :(
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
I don't socialize with the hearing people at my work because I don't want to make friends with the people at work. It is just business. I save the socializing for my Deaf friends or family. A flyer was sent out about participating in events such as picnics, trips to Atlantic City and etc...I checked "no". I know that if I tried socializing with them, I will have the same issues so why bother? Besides by not making friends or not socializing, less drama for me at work.

Do you have friends outside of work? If so, why not look at your co-workers as business acquaintances and just focus on the job instead of socializing while at work?

Yes, you can decline...your right.
 

caz12

New Member
Hi

I am in a job with lots of colleagues in the room. They have conversations and I don't know what they are talking about. Not one of them said we are talking about .... I feel lonely and I do find it hard at times what to talk about to them too. There is a Christmas party coming up. I hate social events like these because I get stressed up because I cannot follow what they are talking about and if they said something I asked again then I only got 20 per cent and I get very frustrated and tired etc. It's hard going at lunch time but in the evenings it's worse.

Can I decline because of my deafness? I don't want to be anti social or aloof. What do you think?

how old are you and how long you been deaf bc it makes difference,You got just find confidence explain..surely employer know you deaf and you got human resourse department....it is possible they also feel awkward
 

Karen-in-Japan

New Member
I agree that you should talk to your supervisor or the personnel department about how you
feel. They plan events to help workers work better together,so if there is a problem with your communication at parties, then MAYBE they will be motivated to work on it with you. Just make sure you stay positive, and talk from a perspective of wanting to improve communication and cooperation between you and your co-workers.
Most hearing people I know, if there was a deaf person at work, would be happy to try various things including 1) create an ASL club at work, go to classes elsewhere, or learn casually from signers at work; 2) write down/type the gist of conversation; 3) engage in written/typed conversation; 4) take turns being your translator, or at least conversation facilitator, introducing you to people, etc.
You might be told that you don't have to attend. Fine. At least you will have demonstrated your willingness to be a team player.
However you go about solving your problem affects the job prospects of other deaf people following you, so stay positive and forward-moving.
If they decide to be like a thumbtack in your foot, then that's who you work for. But the whole world is NOT like that.
Good luck!
 

HisShadowX

New Member
Do most of your co-workers know your deaf? Do you use instant messaging services at your computer at work like Google Hangouts or Google Talk? If so make some friends, crack some jokes. I think you're worried because your deaf and won't fit in. Christmas parties about having fun and some drinking.

If you have instant messaging strike up a friendship come drink a little. If it's not a challenge why bother at all? If someone is willing to try to act natural and get to know you to the best of their ability you should go for it.

If you do not want to go because you do not like parties than don't but just don't go because you don't think people will understand you. LOL I once had a co-worker email me because she was wondering if she should go to the Christmas Party because she is five months preg and though she wants to go she was afraid people wouldn't want to socialize with her.
 

mikemike

Member
Show up and leave after 15 minutes. That's what I do. Your boss and co-workers will remember you showed up. Chat with someone who is alone on the corner. Eat those delicious shrimp and drink.

I loved those deaf parties at NVAD in Fairfax. I used to take my kids to KODA parties in MD but they are older now.
 
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