Confronting an audist parent

hoichi

Well-Known Member
A more pertinent query: why has the father not asserted his reaction to his wife and other children behaviour?

i'm curious to know your answer to this? im still interested in your answer to my first question to you.

aside: the Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto has courses/discussions: Dealing/coping with YOUR Hearing loss. Being "helpless" is NOT of their suggestions. I have taken their courses back in the nineties. Even part of a York University/CHS study on how one "uses their courses in real life. Duly published in the Journal of Aural rehabilation.
They also stressed it is up to YOU how YOU interact in the above mentioned circumstance. "helpless"?


This is one of the bitter ironies we DEAF face with the hearies. On one hand it is claimed and screamed it is "Your" hearing loss", or deal with "YOUR" hearing ,impairment, Its "your" this , its "Your that. Fine. And we accept that with open arms. When we do so by sign, contrary to the vile scent of superiority hearies take in flapping their lips, when we accept "our" GIFT rather then your "loss" by teaching sign to DEAF or wanting sign recognized for what it is. When we seek to be left to sign amongst ourself for signing sakes amidst our signs, with those who sign and wish to sign with their children, whom seek to learn sign...........
(taps cigarette on table leans forward)
Which, may it always be remembered we still have, in spite the hearing world obsession at its eradication. When we do just what you claim we should, deal with "YOUR hearing Loss"
Well then what do we have here?
what is the hearies reply?
(pause, turns away to light cigarette, exhales......)
Your hearing, or your "loss" or our GIFT doesn't exist in a vacuum. Even more so in a family. Where you have Deaf amongst a very cruel hearing environment where in this case, loved ones take advantage of the "loss" of hearing by one of there own and thus mock him and worse. and will eventually lead into worse. it always does. you only ask a why to the victims response and nothing to motives of the aggressors.
I teach martial arts 6 days a week. i deal with "helpless" on a regular basis. We here are dealing with a victim and an aggressor. You only focus on the victims reaction to the aggressor here. and between strangers on the street or where ever. i cede thats an ok take. But this is a family. As such the rules of engagement and response are very different. The aggressor here are loved ones. you ask why this man just takes it.......the abuse......th e mocking.......at the hands of audist family......i can answer that with allot of answers for you, but i want to know why you think he does.

aside: I have made no study on why SOME hearing persons interact in such manner.

its time too,

I don't connect "racist" to "audism".
Yes indeed. its fairly a wild idea to connect one ideology based on the superiority of one race to another "racism", to that of another ideology and way of acting "adusim" which rests on the view of the superiority of those with the sense of hearing to those who are "lacking" or are termed "disordered" in that sense to another..
Further still, i didn't connect racism to audism. I was pointing out that one doesn't need to be an adherent in thinking or ideology of any given system of philosophy or school of political thought to still be acting in ways that propagate it, or simply act motivated by a conscious or subconscious conviction of it.
I didnt connect racism to audism YOU did. Which was the purpose of my point.


Interesting that London-OP hasn't made much comment on subsequent thoughts.
Await his conclusion after requesting others' thought.
Till then

If you didn't want to be asked your thoughts you shouldn't of came blabbering into this thread. The above is not mutually exclusive. I await both the ops thoughts and yours. its after all a discussion forum.
Good day sir
 

drphil

Active Member
Whether you realize or not-I became bilateral DEAF December 20, 2006. That is still the situation right now.

As to London's father I don't know him thus unable to determine why he racts as he does.

I am not sure whose "hearing loss" a person has at say the Profound level? It sure seem to an individual. Hardly one's neighour?

Whether on wants to relabel a condition -Hearing loss/deafness as a "gift" one perception

As to "babbling" presumably in the "thinking"? of the readers.- no comment

Still awaiting London's thoughts on what has been generated- so far.
 

hoichi

Well-Known Member
As i'm still waiting yours. and indeed i wont hold my breath
Your deafness was never an issue in the discussion. You do not need to personally know an individual to ask questions or make conclusions based on that individuals behavior or reactions to behaviors. as you perceive them. its actually better if you don't know a person personally to be able to have some objective thinking on it. .
As for waiting for the op to answer before any critical thinking on your part is done here. if you only came into a thread on a public discussion forum to only read and reply to one mans thoughts then thats best left to pm wouldn't you think?
as for relabeling again thats not the point. we are labeled. fine. but you wished to bring up what you were taught at some course in chs re handling "your" hearing loss. i countered by agreeing and asking what the hearies reply to us as DEAF accepting our GIFT is
look
your silence only demonstrates the echo which is the hallow ground your audist bantering is based on.
now feel free to ask me anything regarding my thinking and audism or what is happening to this deaf man and the abuse he is currently suffering under at the hands of loved ones for being deaf. and i for the sake of this discussion and forum will sincerely answer them as the discussion and the true nature of this topic is important. i wont hide or otherwise.
 

drphil

Active Member
As to my "thoughts" on London's father extended reaction to his "loss/deafness?" I proferred no comment-beyond what keyed here.. I have never met him. Which of any hypothetical reasons-helpess/couldn't care less/feels trapped /range of self perceived reactions? It is surely grandoise to definitively pronounce of something on this computer screen.
Why would anyone expect such? Would a reverse "autopsy-verbal" indicate what?

The person that did interact with his father is London.

In the final line of his request re: info on what to do.

I don't perceive psychology and "martial arts" interaction to be equivalent as to why persons act or don't.

As to anyone's thinking as written here-this is a computer screen.

As such one can comment on anything here- however one can't be definitive as a great deal of relevant information hasn't been articulated. Thus the inherent "tentative nature of any comment" based somewhat on one's experiences to date. To be specific re: Alldeaf.com-Hearing loss/deafness

aside: re #20 duly reciprocated.

Strange to suggest definitve conclusions here in Alldeaf.com given the fact very few members appear to actually know the persons they are commenting.

Not sure exactly what triggered "hoichi" written' reactions? To be exact-we have never met. Perhaps in due course a more definitive response.

Still await London's comments as he started the thread.
 
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hoichi

Well-Known Member
As to my "thoughts" on London's father extended reaction to his "loss/deafness?" I proferred no comment. I have never met him. The person that did interact with his father is London.

Fair. i will respect your answer. To be clear
Are you stating, you will never post a comment on any topic what so ever, unless you have met the individual referenced in any op dealing with any said individual?
Thats how im reading you, if i'm wrong do explain. If im correct in that reading let me know.

I don't perceive psychology and "martial arts" interaction to be equivalent as to why persons act or don't.

That only betrays your ignorance. Further I made no equivalence. Thus you also have betrayed your poor reading comprehension. You've done that twice in this thread, Your on a role. What i did do is point out that daily, i have to make an effort to understand other peoples motivations, and what drives them, so i can better instruct other people who are marked as a victim to protect themselves. i don't have to meet a rapist (i have met my share) in order to formulate a thought about his motivations and actions, in order to better equip those who wish to not be a his pleasure. i do not have to meet a victim in order to formulate thoughts as to what brought him/her to become prey. And by extension articulate them to be understood. (what i asked you to do in my questions) your not stupid. you know all this already. you have interacted with other human beings before. you have formulated and have articulated thoughts about situations and about people you have never even met. you are after all human. we all do it. its a neat little benefit of language. its a premiere human trait.
Tell me, doc, how can anyone learn or even teach a human being, a person, flesh blood, a heart, a mind, a conscious, a will,.......(drags cigarette, exhales)..... Someone who has dreamed, someone who has laughed, who has hurt, who's smiled,.... to defend themselves against other people, other human beings, who have a mind, a heart, who have dreamed, who have cried, who have lost, who have loved, who now for what ever the reason are seeking to hurt them. how can i do that doc without developing an understanding of what is popularly known as psychology?

ill wait. maybe ill learn something....

As to anyone's thinking as written here-this is a computer screen.

no you are a person......


Still await London's comments as he started the thread.

Yes you keep stating that. il send him a pm, just for you, to let him know.....(raises eyebrows, clinches cigarette between teeth........sits back wide eyed)
 
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goodonya

Well-Known Member
I see this as a "I know somebody who" question, hoichi. I like your eloquence but London I am thinking is describing a kind of one dimensional relationship with Dad. There is an untruth in there somewhere I can smell it.
 

hoichi

Well-Known Member
Sure, but one of the gifts of being a human being is, we are able to use thoughts to create other thoughts regarding situations we have never either experienced or have experienced and then articulate them, our thoughts to other human beings who have never been in that situation for them to be able to formulate thoughts to understand the situation addressed. as an example I do not need to know someone in a wheelchair personally to offer an opinion of abuse that person has suffered at the hands of other people if any. I don't need personally know the woman who has been raped in order to communicate with one who has been raped or has suffered other abuse, or one day maybe. Its a fallacy to believe other wise. Nor do i need to know londons father personally in order to formulate thoughts as to why he acts the way he does in regarding the abuse he is receiving.
Maybe the doc is unaware, i grant him this. but we as humans actually do the above , formulate thoughts on people we have never met or situations we have never been in on a daily basis. Reading or watching the nightly news is a popular way we as a society do it. participating and commenting in a discussion form online is another. We do it all damn day.
Really almost every thread on any discussion forum are not pinned or rested on knowing an individual personally in order to comment. Further the doc is not sincere. in the end its his insincerity that has driven me to post, If he was sincere. and he truly believed it was impossible for him to comment due to him never knowing londons father, If he truly believed he could not in any way comment on this topic Then i ask why did he even comment to begin with? Yet in post number 7 he did just that. Not only did he comment on londons father he even commented on a philosophical "label" audism. If he could do it, and did do it in post 7 i see no reason why he is incapable in doing so again. But i do not know what mental debilitation he suffers from, and i will have charity in regards to it. He may suffer from some illness, mental issue or some such that precludes him from critical thinking.
thus i ask his forgiveness. and will let the issue rest.
thank you for the complement goodonya
 

London

New Member
I am sorry that your father had to put up with your mother and siblings. It is downright disgraceful and cruel to the point of your family not getting it. Does your father know ASL or sign language to communicate with you? [/
We both lost our hearing. I think was passable, but nowadays I cannot avoid the obvious.

[quote[Maybe you can tell them to wear a cotton ball in their ears and see what silence was like. Put the T.V. to turn off with no sounds or better yet go to the church where there are no people or any one there, that will give them the idea of silence in the church. I hope they will understand why silence can not be heard. Ignorant and cruel people don't understand what deafness is. They don't think that would ever happen to them but you have. You did not tell your father and your family that you have hearing loss. I don't know why you have to be ashamed of your hearing loss if you don't tell them that.

Most important is to stick up with your father and be there on his side. He knows that you did get it when it come to deafness. :)

I always press CC when I am at home or when my dad visits me.

His hearing got much worse after being a teenager from what I can tell. I get so upset at my mom for talking to him like he can hear her.
 

London

New Member
you do not understand the exercise. it is not to insult those who do not know sign language. (the type isnt important here) it is just to mirror what you are receiving. hearies take a puff upd pride and feeling of superiority in that they can speak and communicate perfect in hearing languages. in their ability to hear. that same reason why they do audist behavior. knowing you cant hear and spekaing purposely covering their lips, or insulting you out of the range what ever raneg if any it is you can hear. ect ect ect the list is so long its exhausting. ive suffered allot at the hands of bullshit like this and then some. 2 deaf can do the same with sign. and then some. if the hearies decide to pick up a little great if not great. at least they will be dumbfounded and shut up.
you dont get it.




again the insults are not the point. cant you see heries of the type described just view sign language period as insulting. deaf inferior. i get this shit every day man. its nothing new to me or any Deaf. the best way to handle audist dickheads like this, is to really learn and use sign. if the hearies really got what they wanted there would be no sign language period. if they get what they want there will be no deaf period. we are tolerated and viewed of something that will soon thankfully be in the past. its not like this is hidden. audism is fairly an open book with most hearies in different depths.
our survival as a culture rests in signs

I have never told my dad "NEVERMIND". I go up to him and get his attention and then speak to him when he his reading my lips and talk to him. I am so angry because no one in my family does this.
 

London

New Member
How does your dad react when the rest of the family are insulting him? Does he get upset or does he not really care ? I think you should tell your that you're HOH and that you do NOT appreciate the way they're treating your dad. Your mother is teaching her kids to be bullies to people that are deaf or hoh . Tell your mom it's time to grow up!

He has no idea. I think he went from HoH to virtually deaf during his marriage and raising us.

I always treated him as deaf with lip reading.
 

London

New Member
Since London hasn't mentioned how long his father has a "problem in hearing" at what level his loss is-Profound? both ears?. Also, what if any response by his father reacts to his wife's actions? His life partner? Why no reaction by him?

They fell in love as teenagers, when his hearing was compromised and then got so much worse. I think my mom imagines hears as he did as a teenager.

My dad is in his 70s, I am in my 30s. He has always been 'deaf' to me. I never talk to him unless he is facing me. I wish people did the same for me.

How old is his father and how long has he allowed their "maladapted" interaction-without any apparent consequence?

Getting my dads attention and then talking to his eyes is my norm.

As for "projection to hearies"-no comment. Obviously a "few may subscribe to audist thoughts" how many in reality?

As to the actual interaction of hearing people one knows are "audist" -does suggest the "company one keeps" isn't the "group" I have interacted over a large part of my life.

The above is the ongoing discussion in Sociology re: "deaf Culture"?

I was never hearing or deaf.
 

London

New Member
Heres a question for you.
What drives hearing people to do the behavior described in the op to someone they know is Deaf or very hard of hearing?

FRUSTRATION. I can see it!

You do not have to hold to a philosophical dogma and be able to articulate it well to Actually act in ways that suit or a particular dogma wishes.
How many racists really could articulate well the political or social dogmas in any racist ideology or system defined?
I argue few.
Yet racism is still on an individual level rampant.
These people dont have to even know what adusim means to act in audist ways.
So ill ask again for the sake of clarity
Why do you think the people describe dint he op would act like this? not to some stranger but to a man they are assumed to have once loved or still do
Take a shot
ill wait

Because they are frustrated. Yelling at families members is a hard thing to do.

I am frustrated. I always turn on CC when he is around and demand they talk to his face.
 

London

New Member
A more pertinent query: why has the father not asserted his reaction to his wife and other children behaviour?[/quote[

Because he can't f'n hear?

[quo[teaside: the Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto has courses/discussions: Dealing/coping with YOUR Hearing loss. Being "helpless" is NOT of their suggestions. I have taken their courses back in the nineties. Even part of a York University/CHS study on how one "uses their courses in real life. Duly published in the Journal of Aural rehabilation.
They also stressed it is up to YOU how YOU interact in the above mentioned circumstance. "helpless"?


aside: I have made no study on why SOME hearing persons interact in such manner.
I don't connect "racist" to "audism"

Interesting that London-OP hasn't made much comment on subsequent thoughts.
Await his conclusion after requesting others' thought.

Till then


I didn't connect audism to racism. I find your hostility very offensive.
 

London

New Member
I see this as a "I know somebody who" question, hoichi. I like your eloquence but London I am thinking is describing a kind of one dimensional relationship with Dad. There is an untruth in there somewhere I can smell it.

Yeah, my dad is deaf and I am losing my hearing. WTF are you after?
 

London

New Member
I see this as a "I know somebody who" question, hoichi. I like your eloquence but London I am thinking is describing a kind of one dimensional relationship with Dad. There is an untruth in there somewhere I can smell it.

Yeah, my dad is virtually deaf and like him I have lost my hearing while my mom and siblings have not.
 

London

New Member
As to my "thoughts" on London's father extended reaction to his "loss/deafness?" I proferred no comment-beyond what keyed here.. I have never met him. Which of any hypothetical reasons-helpess/couldn't care less/feels trapped /range of self perceived reactions? It is surely grandoise to definitively pronounce of something on this computer screen.
Why would anyone expect such? Would a reverse "autopsy-verbal" indicate what?

The person that did interact with his father is London.

In the final line of his request re: info on what to do.

I don't perceive psychology and "martial arts" interaction to be equivalent as to why persons act or don't.

As to anyone's thinking as written here-this is a computer screen.

As such one can comment on anything here- however one can't be definitive as a great deal of relevant information hasn't been articulated. Thus the inherent "tentative nature of any comment" based somewhat on one's experiences to date. To be specific re: Alldeaf.com-Hearing loss/deafness

aside: re #20 duly reciprocated.

Strange to suggest definitve conclusions here in Alldeaf.com given the fact very few members appear to actually know the persons they are commenting.

Not sure exactly what triggered "hoichi" written' reactions? To be exact-we have never met. Perhaps in due course a more definitive response.

Still await London's comments as he started the thread.

I was hoping to relate to other people in similar situations. If you have nothing to add- don't post here.
 

drphil

Active Member
Again as articulatd before. London's father ongoing interaction over many years is his behaviour. If acceptable to him-so be it.
To be very specfic-obvious he doesn't perceive his wife/children verbal interaction "unusal".

No problem. Why should anyone else be "concerned"??

aside: discussion here = per se irrelevant to him

aside: the age matterr- I just passed my 77 th birthday and have had "hearing problems" over 50 years.--"SN/genetic". As noted many time-bilateral DEAF since December 20, 2006.

Presumably query is answered "somewhat" and matters concluded.
 

hoichi

Well-Known Member
I have never told my dad "NEVERMIND". I go up to him and get his attention and then speak to him when he his reading my lips and talk to him. I am so angry because no one in my family does this.

indeed you do get angry. as you should. audism is a bitch. and it burns when you see it or experience it.
 
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