Confronting an audist parent

London

New Member
My dad is deaf or severely hard of hearing. I hate spending time with my family because I know what my mom and siblings say quietly. It is almost family tradition to mock my dad. They do not get that I have hearing loss as well.

I always stand up for my dad - saying things like "Do you think he heard that"?

I don't know what to do.
 

London

New Member
I don't like the way they they talk to my dad. I have struggled with hearing loss since infancy.

I say audist because they talk about my dad like he is the only one. I never told my dad that we shared this in common because he has always received negative feedback.
 

Lau2046

Well-Known Member
I don't like the way they they talk to my dad. I have struggled with hearing loss since infancy.

Continue to support your Dad, and when he's not around, I'd speak to them about their behavior. Tell them how it makes you both feel and how it isolates all of you as a family. It sounds like your father is lucky to have you.
 

shel90

Audist are not welcome
Premium Member
That's horrible of your family to do that. Yes, it is audist if they are looking down on him because he is deaf. Your dad is lucky to have you. I would tell your family that it is obvious they are very cruel and disrespectful and it stop. If they don't, ask your dad if he wants to do something about it.
 

Frisky Feline

Well-Known Member
That is not good. I hope Dad knows about this and get some feedbacks from you how to approach them. Let them know that is uncalled for and disrespectful. keep educating them!!
 

drphil

Active Member
I would assume that your father does in fact realize what is "going on" especially from his wife. How could he not?

Why he doesn't react to this ongoing interaction-an interesting question in psychology.

What the solution should involve is - respect to him and what to consider if not effected. Why remain in such an "unhealthy environment"?

No easy answer if continued!

Slapping the "audist label" doesn't solve his problem-at all.

Hopefully a resolution to this "intolerable situation"-soonest!
 
Last edited:

hoichi

Well-Known Member
Learn sign, teach your pops, dish out a little. it cuts deep both ways. it will if you do it right and for long enough cut the hearies deeper.
karma
it coms round.
thing is in sign you can make hearies really start thinkin your signing things your not about them. right to their face. oh yeah baby i signed that yep
it will give them a motive to pick sign up to see the insults, then when they learn, they will realize it was funny stories or hamlet you've been signing. and you have been playin them.
meet audism with a smile. in my experience thats the best way laugh at it.
meet the menace it is with sign. the language itself is the best weapon
 
Last edited:

drphil

Active Member
Using sign communication-ASL- to anyone who doesn't understand it- seems a "pointless exercise".
How can react if one doesn't grasp what the sign means?
 

Frisky Feline

Well-Known Member
all you can do is:

bastard-stop-treating-me-like-a-show-piece.gif


just cheap humor. :D
 

drphil

Active Member
It does seem to me that not knowing what ASL "insults" are does seem to negate the exercise.



aside: my knowledge or any other member of AllDeaf.com as such has no bearing on what London's mother/brother and sister intrepret ASL "insults"- as long as they don't learn ASL.
One can surmise a "change in the above mentioned situation" if that happened.
Likely?
 

Bebonang

Active Member
I am sorry that your father had to put up with your mother and siblings. It is downright disgraceful and cruel to the point of your family not getting it. Does your father know ASL or sign language to communicate with you?

Maybe you can tell them to wear a cotton ball in their ears and see what silence was like. Put the T.V. to turn off with no sounds or better yet go to the church where there are no people or any one there, that will give them the idea of silence in the church. I hope they will understand why silence can not be heard. Ignorant and cruel people don't understand what deafness is. They don't think that would ever happen to them but you have. You did not tell your father and your family that you have hearing loss. I don't know why you have to be ashamed of your hearing loss if you don't tell them that.

Most important is to stick up with your father and be there on his side. He knows that you did get it when it come to deafness. :)
 
Last edited:

hoichi

Well-Known Member
It does seem to me that not knowing what ASL "insults" are does seem to negate the exercise.

you do not understand the exercise. it is not to insult those who do not know sign language. (the type isnt important here) it is just to mirror what you are receiving. hearies take a puff upd pride and feeling of superiority in that they can speak and communicate perfect in hearing languages. in their ability to hear. that same reason why they do audist behavior. knowing you cant hear and spekaing purposely covering their lips, or insulting you out of the range what ever raneg if any it is you can hear. ect ect ect the list is so long its exhausting. ive suffered allot at the hands of bullshit like this and then some. 2 deaf can do the same with sign. and then some. if the hearies decide to pick up a little great if not great. at least they will be dumbfounded and shut up.
you dont get it.

aside: my knowledge or any other member of AllDeaf.com as such has no bearing on what London's mother/brother and sister intrepret ASL "insults"- as long as they don't learn ASL.
One can surmise a "change in the above mentioned situation" if that happened.
Likely?


again the insults are not the point. cant you see heries of the type described just view sign language period as insulting. deaf inferior. i get this shit every day man. its nothing new to me or any Deaf. the best way to handle audist dickheads like this, is to really learn and use sign. if the hearies really got what they wanted there would be no sign language period. if they get what they want there will be no deaf period. we are tolerated and viewed of something that will soon thankfully be in the past. its not like this is hidden. audism is fairly an open book with most hearies in different depths.
our survival as a culture rests in signs
 
Last edited:

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
How does your dad react when the rest of the family are insulting him? Does he get upset or does he not really care ? I think you should tell your that you're HOH and that you do NOT appreciate the way they're treating your dad. Your mother is teaching her kids to be bullies to people that are deaf or hoh . Tell your mom it's time to grow up!
 

drphil

Active Member
Since London hasn't mentioned how long his father has a "problem in hearing" at what level his loss is-Profound? both ears?. Also, what if any response by his father reacts to his wife's actions? His life partner? Why no reaction by him?

How old is his father and how long has he allowed their "maladapted" interaction-without any apparent consequence?

As for "projection to hearies"-no comment. Obviously a "few may subscribe to audist thoughts" how many in reality?

As to the actual interaction of hearing people one knows are "audist" -does suggest the "company one keeps" isn't the "group" I have interacted over a large part of my life.

The above is the ongoing discussion in Sociology re: "deaf Culture"?
 

hoichi

Well-Known Member
Heres a question for you.
What drives hearing people to do the behavior described in the op to someone they know is Deaf or very hard of hearing?
You do not have to hold to a philosophical dogma and be able to articulate it well to Actually act in ways that suit or a particular dogma wishes.
How many racists really could articulate well the political or social dogmas in any racist ideology or system defined?
I argue few.
Yet racism is still on an individual level rampant.
These people dont have to even know what adusim means to act in audist ways.
So ill ask again for the sake of clarity
Why do you think the people describe dint he op would act like this? not to some stranger but to a man they are assumed to have once loved or still do
Take a shot
ill wait
 

drphil

Active Member
A more pertinent query: why has the father not asserted his reaction to his wife and other children behaviour?

aside: the Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto has courses/discussions: Dealing/coping with YOUR Hearing loss. Being "helpless" is NOT of their suggestions. I have taken their courses back in the nineties. Even part of a York University/CHS study on how one "uses their courses in real life. Duly published in the Journal of Aural rehabilation.
They also stressed it is up to YOU how YOU interact in the above mentioned circumstance. "helpless"?


aside: I have made no study on why SOME hearing persons interact in such manner.
I don't connect "racist" to "audism"

Interesting that London-OP hasn't made much comment on subsequent thoughts.
Await his conclusion after requesting others' thought.

Till then
 

whatdidyousay!

Well-Known Member
The dad may not care about what his family is saying , we do not know what else is going on in their family so it really hard to say why the dad is not saying anything. And is not our business to know if anything else is going on.
 

LoveBlue

Well-Known Member
you do not understand the exercise. it is not to insult those who do not know sign language. (the type isnt important here) it is just to mirror what you are receiving. hearies take a puff upd pride and feeling of superiority in that they can speak and communicate perfect in hearing languages. in their ability to hear. that same reason why they do audist behavior. knowing you cant hear and spekaing purposely covering their lips, or insulting you out of the range what ever raneg if any it is you can hear. ect ect ect the list is so long its exhausting. ive suffered allot at the hands of bullshit like this and then some. 2 deaf can do the same with sign. and then some. if the hearies decide to pick up a little great if not great. at least they will be dumbfounded and shut up.
you dont get it.




again the insults are not the point. cant you see heries of the type described just view sign language period as insulting. deaf inferior. i get this shit every day man. its nothing new to me or any Deaf. the best way to handle audist dickheads like this, is to really learn and use sign. if the hearies really got what they wanted there would be no sign language period. if they get what they want there will be no deaf period. we are tolerated and viewed of something that will soon thankfully be in the past. its not like this is hidden. audism is fairly an open book with most hearies in different depths.
our survival as a culture rests in signs

hoichi, DrPhil does not "get it" and will never "get it" because he doesn't want to "get it". You will learn to just ignore his posts like many of us here.
 
Top