Advice about remarks and jokes in the workplace...

Daredevel7

Daredevel7

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Here is the situation:

A man in my workplace has made jokes/comments/remarks about gay people. I personally have never heard them. One coworker complained about something he said in regards to gay people last year. Don't remember what he said. Another coworker, call him "Bob," has heard the offender make comments like "Yea he looks like he plays for the other side, if you know what I mean..." Well, another thing happened just now.

Bob and his 2 friends were bored waiting for a meeting to start. Bob and friend #1 started texting each other as a joke, even though they were sitting next to each other. Friend #2 said "Aww are you guys having a bro-dak moment?". The offender heard friend #2 and said to Bob and Friend#1, "yea, you guys look like queers."

Bob just went "har har..", but he got offended by it. He came to me asking for advice on whether he should tell our boss (who is also the offender's boss). I honestly don't know what to say because it's a blurry line, since Friend #2 did say something kinda gay "bro-dak moment." but she is a good friend of theirs and they joke about things like that.

Is it "offensive" enough to make a complaint with the boss? Or wait for another (more serious) incident, which probably would happen anyway.

Also, my boss is a religious man..... not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...
 
"Bro-dak?" I've never even heard the phrase.

For me, just speaking generally, if I'm offended by something, I'd take it up with the individual first. After that, if the individual continues to be offensive, take it up with the relevant authorities if necessary.
 
I would probably be careful about taking it up with the guy making the remarks. You don't want to give him any reason to complain about you.

Hopefully your boss could be objective about enforcing rules against harassment and not let his religion get in the way.

Maybe you could post reminders of what constitutes workplace harassment where the offender is sure to see it?
 
Beach girl said:
"Bro-dak?" I've never even heard the phrase.
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Yeah it is hip/modern lingo. Ever heard of a kodak moment? Brothers (bro) + kodak = bunch of guys together = bro-dak moment.

I'm not sure how I would proceed in you/Bob's situation. I'd be wary of "mr. cool" looking for revenge if I reported him (would consider it before I do it).

The thing with teh boss feels a little tight too, do you have a good grasp on his personality? If he is one of those against gays I can totally picture him saying something like "well... We'll just let this one slide, next time if he does this, you come back and report to me mmm'kay?"
 
Daredevel7 said:
Here is the situation:

A man in my workplace has made jokes/comments/remarks about gay people. I personally have never heard them. One coworker complained about something he said in regards to gay people last year. Don't remember what he said. Another coworker, call him "Bob," has heard the offender make comments like "Yea he looks like he plays for the other side, if you know what I mean..." Well, another thing happened just now.

Bob and his 2 friends were bored waiting for a meeting to start. Bob and friend #1 started texting each other as a joke, even though they were sitting next to each other. Friend #2 said "Aww are you guys having a bro-dak moment?". The offender heard friend #2 and said to Bob and Friend#1, "yea, you guys look like queers."

Bob just went "har har..", but he got offended by it. He came to me asking for advice on whether he should tell our boss (who is also the offender's boss). I honestly don't know what to say because it's a blurry line, since Friend #2 did say something kinda gay "bro-dak moment." but she is a good friend of theirs and they joke about things like that.
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very simple. There's nothing gray about it. Your workplace already has a company policy about this issue. you can simply refer them to their employee handbook about it. What they're doing is a liability issue and they can be either suspended or fired for it.

If the colleague is offended or bothered by coworker's remark such as gay slur, discrimination, racist, etc... he can kindly ask him to stop it. If it continues to persists or if he is not comfortable with confronting that person to stop it, he can simply notify his boss about it to handle it. and if it STILL continues to persist, Human Resource will get involved and that shit ain't good. This constitutes "Hostile Work Environment".

I highly recommend that you tell your colleague to talk to him tell him not to do it again and that it's not appropriate in workplace. This is usually the best and simplest way to resolve the issue. It always end with a handshake and apology. Water under bridge.

Daredevel7 said:
Is it "offensive" enough to make a complaint with the boss? Or wait for another (more serious) incident, which probably would happen anyway.
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it doesn't matter if your boss thinks it's nothing or not. What matters is that if YOU (or whoever) as an employee felt uncomfortable even if it's a guy blatantly walking past your cubicle to look down your blouse when his office is out of the way.

Daredevel7 said:
Also, my boss is a religious man..... not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...
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religious or not... still doesn't matter. If your boss ignored the problem because of his bias with gay thing... then he's in deep shit.
 
Beach girl said:
"Bro-dak?" I've never even heard the phrase.

For me, just speaking generally, if I'm offended by something, I'd take it up with the individual first. After that, if the individual continues to be offensive, take it up with the relevant authorities if necessary.
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me either. Bro-Dak??? :dunno:
 
Suggest to your boss that some sexual harrasment training would be helpful?

HR wants to know about this stuff. Be careful because HR is the management's tool.
 
Brodak: The perfect time for a picture with only the guys
The guys and I all passed out on the couch last night. It was such a brodak moment
 
I don't see how you can report the offender without reporting Friend #2.

How about trying this approach first? Everyone (including Bob, Friend #1 and Friend #2) agree not to make gay jokes anymore at work so that the people who are really anti-gay can't use this as an excuse to join in and make them also.

The offender may not risk being the first to make an anti-gay joke in the future. But if he does, there are ways to play it so he ends up feeling like an idiot.
 
sallylou said:
Suggest to your boss that some sexual harrasment training would be helpful?

HR wants to know about this stuff. Be careful because HR is the management's tool.
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many workplaces require you to sign the document that you have received sexual harassment training and that you passed it.

I would prefer that coworkers handle it among themselves because it's a complex atmosphere where people work together everyday and things can get awkward to the point where you felt you're forced to quit.

but they should step it up to their boss if situation has not been resolved.
 
In big corporations they have official training and forms to sign. Don't know how big this workplace is.

The fact that you had a female in the conversation complicates things.

Since your friend is asking for advice, the best repsonse may be "I trust your judgment."
 
For more information, it's a big workplace and we routinely take training for sexual/workplace harrassment. Hell, there's even a big notice on the door to the breakroom that talks about Workplace Harrassment/Violence.

So I am PRETTY sure training is pointless.

Now, I brought up to "Bob" the idea of talking to the offender directly. Bob believes that it won't make a difference since Bob has no "power" over him, only our boss. Knowing the offender somewhat personally through a close friend, he is very anti-gay. So I know he won't change his ways, only that he MAY stop doing it to Bob ONLY. However, if the boss tells him "Look, there's been complaints...." then he'd stop doing it to everyone... hopefully.

Here's the other thing.. I have a strong feeling that if Bob brings it up to the offender directly, the offender will be like "Um... okaaayyyy. It was just a joke, man... Lighten up." and sort of not taking it seriously. Which means Bob has only 2 choices, let it go, or threaten him with some sort of action and, to be honest, the action isn't even THAT serious in the first place to warrant a "threat"......

It's really amazing how the little things do make a big difference. A little flirt here ("Oh Im just being harmless! Its not sexual harrassment!"), a little racist/gay joke there ("It's just a little joke! I dont hate Mexicans!"). One can get away with so many things at work, really.
 
No, sounds like training is already covered. Why can't people just be professional at work? So annoying to have to deal with awkward situations.
 
Daredevel7 said:
For more information, it's a big workplace and we routinely take training for sexual/workplace harrassment. Hell, there's even a big notice on the door to the breakroom that talks about Workplace Harrassment/Violence.

So I am PRETTY sure training is pointless.

Now, I brought up to "Bob" the idea of talking to the offender directly. Bob believes that it won't make a difference since Bob has no "power" over him, only our boss. Knowing the offender somewhat personally through a close friend, he is very anti-gay. So I know he won't change his ways, only that he MAY stop doing it to Bob ONLY. However, if the boss tells him "Look, there's been complaints...." then he'd stop doing it to everyone... hopefully.

Here's the other thing.. I have a strong feeling that if Bob brings it up to the offender directly, the offender will be like "Um... okaaayyyy. It was just a joke, man... Lighten up." and sort of not taking it seriously. Which means Bob has only 2 choices, let it go, or threaten him with some sort of action and, to be honest, the action isn't even THAT serious in the first place to warrant a "threat"......

It's really amazing how the little things do make a big difference. A little flirt here ("Oh Im just being harmless! Its not sexual harrassment!"), a little racist/gay joke there ("It's just a little joke! I dont hate Mexicans!"). One can get away with so many things at work, really.
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"Look... I would prefer that you keep it to yourself because your anti-gay remarks make me uncomfortable. I don't like it. I don't want to be an ass and bring it up to my boss, alright?"
 
Seriously!!! I understand if two coworkers became friends and things get a little "looser" in terms of joking around, etc. I became good friends with three of my coworkers and we say somewhat racist things, but not against others, only ourselves because we make fun of the stereotype of our own races/ethnicities (One Hispanic, one Indian, one Chinese and one White). But we never do it in front of others at work.

I don't even know why the hell the guy used the word queer. Who the hell says queer?!
 
Jiro said:
"Look... I would prefer that you keep it to yourself because your anti-gay remarks make me uncomfortable. I don't like it. I don't want to be an ass and bring it up to my boss, alright?"
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I like that. Why don't you be Bob's stand in and tell the offender off?

Btw... you've met "Bob". ;)
 
sallylou said:
No, sounds like training is already covered. Why can't people just be professional at work? So annoying to have to deal with awkward situations.
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Maybe they aren't given enough work to keep them occupied. :lol:
 
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