Adjustment to late onset deafness

DylanTheDEAFKid

New Member
It's amazing, as I think I've said before, how we humans were made to change and thrive in any kind of situation. We all get scared when such big changes happen to us...I think it's remarkable how many of us go on, grow, and become better people because of it, rather then inspite of it. I'm in a positive mood about it today. I discovered that it's very easy to turn off my hearing aids while my mother (here for a visit) gets stressful at me. I love my mother but she has a lot of tense energy, and I think I only avoided a panic attack because I was completely able to 'turn her off' (she wasn't talking to me, but rather, about me...so it wasn't rude of me, I hope. Makes me very unhappy to be talked about like I'm not there, but she's done it all my life and probably will continue until she dies.

haha true. Hearing aids come in handy for that. Especially when youre in high school (like myself). My school is full of rich snobs and is easy in class to tune them out. *click* haha cant hear you!
 

November Gypsy

New Member
It is very sad that your mother has to find someone to blame (you, the doctors, etc.) instead of just accepting that this is just one of those hurdles life sometimes asks you to jump, and that everyone needs to work together to get over it. Not only does your mother make you uncomfortable, it sounds to me as if she is not very comfortable with herself, either. Usually when people are looking for someone else to blame, it is because they don't want to look at the guilt they feel themselves.

But, hey, it doesn't matter if it is childish! You do what you need to do to be comfortable. And, all children are difficult at some time or another. My son was difficult. That does not give me the right as a parent to ask him to pay for it over and over. He wasn't being difficult just to spite me and make it harder on me as a mother. It was what it was. Time to get over it and get on with life.

My mother has some issues, though I don't want anyone to think that I don't love her and don't appriecate her good points. I do. She is intelligent, quick to laugh, and can be very kind. I think, though I am not a doctor and don't claim to be, that she is BiPolar....simply because she so extreme in her mood changes. That's what sets off a lot of my panic attacks...because I know that she can go from laughing to screaming and glaring within almost the same breathe. I just don't know when or why. I know this doesn't sound so bad that I should be so afraid of her, but I am very timid, right or wrong.

My mum was the child of an alcoholic, neglient home, and talks about it frequently. She feels that she is right. In everything. I feel sorry for her, but I also fear her. She doesn't except my hearing loss. She says that if I tried to listen, I would understand what was being said. I think she believes this because as a child (before I started loosing my hearing) I was diagnosed with severe ADD and Autitory Processing Disorder, which does not always allow what is heard to be understood the way it is said. So, she has it in her mind, I think , that I am not really hoh but that I am playing up my ADD and APD...not true, but there you have it. I am glad to hear others turn off their ha's too...I've been so guilty about it.
 

November Gypsy

New Member
Lol. I think I can relate to mother problems... I always feel like turning off my implant around my mother and my dad. My mother is one of those people who have to be unhappy about somthing and my dad is obbessed with order so I can only take my parents in small does.

:hug: Completely understood. Helps to know there are others out there! Do you feel bad when you do that, or do you just feel that you have to do what you have to? I have trouble doing it without feeling that I am a brat. But I don't want to be one! I just get so anxious that I can barely breathe.
 

November Gypsy

New Member
haha true. Hearing aids come in handy for that. Especially when youre in high school (like myself). My school is full of rich snobs and is easy in class to tune them out. *click* haha cant hear you!

*Grin* Wonderful. Almost makes me wish I'd had 'em in highschool. I had a friend that did though, and looking back, I realize how badly people (including teachers) treated her. I am so glad she and I were friends because she really was a great person...still can't believe how rude even the teachers were to her. I didn't get my hearing aids until the year after school, when I was 19. I was in the 'learning center' though in highschool...so I do understand what it is to have a disability in highschool. Not easy, my friend, not easy. Just want you to know you have my support!
 

deafskeptic

Active Member
Premium Member
:hug: Completely understood. Helps to know there are others out there! Do you feel bad when you do that, or do you just feel that you have to do what you have to? I have trouble doing it without feeling that I am a brat. But I don't want to be one! I just get so anxious that I can barely breathe.

I feel bad but I tell myself that in this family I'm always going to be the black sheep no matter what. So I do what i have to do. Oh I forgot the mention that I have ADD as well. To give you an idea of how obsessed my dad is with order, he has driven 25 miles just to throw out my trash several times from my apt because it bothers him that I don't always empty it when I should.
 

November Gypsy

New Member
Well, goodness. That's got to be stressful on everyone! I suppose we just gotta do what we gotta do to survive. As far as the ADD goes, I've gotten as used to it as one can...and since it helps make up a big part of who I am, I dunno what I'd be like if I wasn't! It may be difficult, but it sure makes for interesting times!
 

deafskeptic

Active Member
Premium Member
Well, goodness. That's got to be stressful on everyone! I suppose we just gotta do what we gotta do to survive. As far as the ADD goes, I've gotten as used to it as one can...and since it helps make up a big part of who I am, I dunno what I'd be like if I wasn't! It may be difficult, but it sure makes for interesting times!

Yep, especially when you lose your ATM card! :lol:
 

November Gypsy

New Member
Tonight I drove my older daughter, who also has ADD to the metro bus terminal so they could give back her keys that she left on the bus. :wave:

Good for you! Parent saves the day. Now, my husband has to save my day quite frequently. Between going deaf and being ADD he says I'm more fun then a pair of monkeys in a jewerly store...whatever that means....
 

jillio

New Member
My mother has some issues, though I don't want anyone to think that I don't love her and don't appriecate her good points. I do. She is intelligent, quick to laugh, and can be very kind. I think, though I am not a doctor and don't claim to be, that she is BiPolar....simply because she so extreme in her mood changes. That's what sets off a lot of my panic attacks...because I know that she can go from laughing to screaming and glaring within almost the same breathe. I just don't know when or why. I know this doesn't sound so bad that I should be so afraid of her, but I am very timid, right or wrong.

My mum was the child of an alcoholic, neglient home, and talks about it frequently. She feels that she is right. In everything. I feel sorry for her, but I also fear her. She doesn't except my hearing loss. She says that if I tried to listen, I would understand what was being said. I think she believes this because as a child (before I started loosing my hearing) I was diagnosed with severe ADD and Autitory Processing Disorder, which does not always allow what is heard to be understood the way it is said. So, she has it in her mind, I think , that I am not really hoh but that I am playing up my ADD and APD...not true, but there you have it. I am glad to hear others turn off their ha's too...I've been so guilty about it.

It could be Bi-Polar, but then again, with her being a child of an alcoholic, it could also be a Personality Disorder. Whatever it is, you don't have to let it have a negative impact on you and your family. Not to sound cold or lacking in empathy, but those are her issues to deal with. You cannot do it for her, nor should you be expected to endure those things that disrupt your life.

I never, for even a minute, considered that you did not love your mother and appreciate her good qualities. If you did not love her, you would simply separate yourself from her, and not be concerned with improving the relationship. You are obviously very concerned with keeping contact, but in a way that doesn't have a negative impact on you or your family. That tells me that you, do, indeed love her.
 

jillio

New Member
I feel bad but I tell myself that in this family I'm always going to be the black sheep no matter what. So I do what i have to do. Oh I forgot the mention that I have ADD as well. To give you an idea of how obsessed my dad is with order, he has driven 25 miles just to throw out my trash several times from my apt because it bothers him that I don't always empty it when I should.

There you go! If you are going to be the Black Sheep, then by golly, be the best danged Black Sheep you can be!
 

November Gypsy

New Member
It could be Bi-Polar, but then again, with her being a child of an alcoholic, it could also be a Personality Disorder. Whatever it is, you don't have to let it have a negative impact on you and your family. Not to sound cold or lacking in empathy, but those are her issues to deal with. You cannot do it for her, nor should you be expected to endure those things that disrupt your life.

I never, for even a minute, considered that you did not love your mother and appreciate her good qualities. If you did not love her, you would simply separate yourself from her, and not be concerned with improving the relationship. You are obviously very concerned with keeping contact, but in a way that doesn't have a negative impact on you or your family. That tells me that you, do, indeed love her.

Thanks. That eases me a little on the point. Ah well. I'm going to try to stop thinking about her for a while. Beside, it's not what this threads about.
 

derekdg

New Member
It seems that we have several members that are currently going through adjustments to late onset deafness. I suggested a support type group through AD, and offered to facillitate. I received word from a mod that we could go ahead and start a thread on this topic. So...here it is.

How about if we start off by having participants offer a brief introduction of themselves, and the issue they are currently struggling with?

Oh, and mods...could you sticky this please?

without putting to fine a point on it....why excactly do we need the mODS
 

November Gypsy

New Member
I just had a thought. Have any of you who are late deafened ever had acceptance problems from the deaf community?

I have a feeling that's a touchy subject. I have been, occasionally, given cool looks by one particular Deaf person I know. It seems that he feels that I am not in the same class as he is, because he was born Deaf and I am late deafened. Never mind that I will probably be completely deaf by the end of year. That being said, most people I know (including the most of the people on this site) are very accepting and understand that we have the same disability, even if it is slightly altered person to person.
 

deafskeptic

Active Member
Premium Member
I have a feeling that's a touchy subject. I have been, occasionally, given cool looks by one particular Deaf person I know. It seems that he feels that I am not in the same class as he is, because he was born Deaf and I am late deafened. Never mind that I will probably be completely deaf by the end of year. That being said, most people I know (including the most of the people on this site) are very accepting and understand that we have the same disability, even if it is slightly altered person to person.

Yes, it can be a touchy subject. I'll do my best to explain why some may feel this way. Many born deaf and early deafned people have to go through speech therapy. Some never learn to speak despite hours of speech therapy. Then if they're enrolled in an oral program or mainstream programs, often they have no support services so it's a struggle to keep up with classes. I remember (I was born deaf) having to read everything in sight to make up for what I missed in class. Many struggle with language delays. I have a slight language delay. My occasional grammical mistakes are much more typical of deaf than hearing. Also around fourth or fifth grade, many run into problems with peers who won't accept them anymore.

Many late deafened have a hard time understanding this because they've never had to experience this. Sometimes this will cause misunderstandings. I remember one late deafened (whose name I won't mention here) who had a difficult time with this. She no longer posts here. Still others might think speech is the only way to go so they'll have problems with deaf who don't speak.

That said, I would imagine that it'd be devasting for late deafened to lose hearing and suddenly they have a hard time understanding friends and family. I've never known what's it like to be hearing and becoming deafened later in life.

Late deafened and born deaf or early deafened do share a number of issues like not being able to communicate with the family or hearing friends. Both need supportive services and the ADA. Once hearing find out you can't speak on the phone, odds are good they will think twice about hiring you. I could say more but I'll stop here.
 
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