When close family members become strangers

shel90

shel90

Love Makes the World Go Round
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Have any of you grew up with a family member such as cousins, aunts, siblings or whatever and were so close to them only to end up complete strangers as adults?

I got a Christmas card from my cousin who lives in California for the first time ever and it got me thinking how him, another cousin and I have become complete strangers.

My male cousin is 4 years older than me and the other one who is a female is 3 years older than me. They arent siblings but the male was the son of my dad's older sister while the other one was the step-daughter of my dad's younger sister. The three of us grew up in AZ and we were so close. My dad and his sisters would all get together at least once a month, sometimes more when we were kids before all the other cousins or my brother was born. Because there was the 3 of us for a long time, we became close. My grandpa even took us to Disneyland when we were kids. We would wander off in the desert, climbing on big boulder rocks for hours, swim in pools at whoever was hosting the gathering for hours, have slumber parties in my aunt's basement, and so much more.

I finally saw them both together this recent July for the first time in like 25 years. I saw my male cousin without her about 12 years ago and then her about 10 years ago. When we were finally together for the first time in 25 years when my dad's sisters came to PA to my other cousin's cabin for 4th of July weekend. I drove up there with my son since I was nearby. We felt so awkward with each other and it seemed like we wanted to avoid each other.

I dont know if it is because of who we became, our experiences, or both. My older cousin is a millionaire working as a CEO for a sound/visual effect comapany that has contracts with major Hollywood movies who owns his own Learjet. He has been happily married for 15 years with 2 boys. My other cousin spent her 20s extremely addicted to Meth and on the streets as a prositute before cleaning up 10 years ago and is really poor living with a man who mooches off from her She has a 5 year old daughter, father unknown. Then, I am just pretty average..a teacher who has been divorced and remarried and who is middle class.

I wonder if our experiences or who we have become made us unable to relate with each other at all? Most likely. Kinda sad that it happened because we were so tight.

Has that ever happened with any of you with any of your family members?
 
My family was never really all that close to begin with. Issues started when my mother's family did not approve of my father and when my fmaily moved too far away from father's family.
 
Don't know or remember my mother at all. She and my father were divorced when I was 14 months old. My father received sole custody.

I do not know if she is alive or dead.
 
My dad said that my cousin is uncomfortable and feels guilty for being so fithy wealthy and that my other cousin is embarassed about her life as a prostitute. I wonder if that made all 3 of us awkward with each other? I felt like I couldnt relate to them at all although we spent practically all of our childhood doing so much together. Makes me think it is a damn shame...
 
Bottesini said:
Don't know or remember my mother at all. She and my father were divorced when I was 14 months old. My father received sole custody.

I do not know if she is alive or dead.
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wow! Did you ever try to find her?
 
shel90 said:
wow! Did you ever try to find her?
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Yes actually. I have tried every means available. I tried after my father's death through his longtime workplace.

They informed my stepmother. It was quite unpleasant. If she dies and I get access to her deposit box, I am hoping to find some documentation of my mother. At this point, I only have one picture.
 
You know her name, right? You can search genealogy records to determine if she's still alive. That's how I found out that my uncle is dead. His pictures all disappeared and he became "he-who-must-not-be-named" in our family.
 
sallylou said:
You know her name, right? You can search genealogy records to determine if she's still alive. That's how I found out that my uncle is dead. His pictures all disappeared and he became "he-who-must-not-be-named" in our family.
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I have searched the death records. No I don't know her name after divorce.

I have tried her birth name, name of her stepfather, her married name.

None of those came up.
 
sallylou said:
You know her name, right? You can search genealogy records to determine if she's still alive. That's how I found out that my uncle is dead. His pictures all disappeared and he became "he-who-must-not-be-named" in our family.
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Voldemart???? Just kidding!

I noticed that after my father's death, my family don't talk much with those on my father's side. It seems that some of them don't approve my mother going out on dates after my father's passing away. I think there might be more to this but they aren't telling me. I didn't see much of relatives whenever I am living out of state. I had moved back home after my divorce and now I am living out of state.
 
I didn't speak with my mother and father for many years. Luckily we started talking again before my dad passed away
 
Yes, and even more so after the hearing loss. I sometimes miss everyone. I get to visit about 3 years ago. It was great, we talked a little afterward by writing, then it dwindled off again. If it werent for my kids I would feel alone sometimes.
 
I guess I should consider myself lucky that I am still close to my parents and my deaf brother. I am not close with my 4 other brothers. They are like strangers to me.
 
Bottesini said:
I have searched the death records. No I don't know her name after divorce.

I have tried her birth name, name of her stepfather, her married name.

None of those came up.
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I wonder why none of those names came up in your search.

Did you manage to get a look at your parent's divorce paper? You might find something useful there *shrugs*
 
Miss-Delectable said:
I wonder why none of those names came up in your search.

Did you manage to get a look at your parent's divorce paper? You might find something useful there *shrugs*
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That is what I hope to find in my stepmothers bank box if I can get into it when she dies.
 
Miss-Delectable said:
I hope you'll find answers somehow soon. Could you obtain a copy of divorce through record office or something? Sorry to be nosy.
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I have not been able to. I dont know her Social Security number or exact date of birth.

I have really tried hard. My older daughter tried to help me too, but no luck.
 
Shel, It will help if you ask them to be your FB friend... my cousins are somewhat distant, but FB help us feel more comfortable
 
Lighthouse77 said:
Shel, It will help if you ask them to be your FB friend... my cousins are somewhat distant, but FB help us feel more comfortable
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I did ask my aunts who are on FB about them being on FB..they said that they dont have a FB account. I agree that FB would definitely help. I just learned that another cousin of mine (the younger sister of the one who was addicted to drugs) is getting married next summer and wants my family to come. I am sure I will see those two cousins again. Maybe I will ask them about FB.

Thanks for the suggestion..
 
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