What's Wrong with me?? (long, but please respond)

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Nancy

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I have been wondering about this for a while -- it is obviously
work related.
I am severely hard-of-hearing, and it is a fact that it is harder
for people with hearing loss to find a job than those without any
hearing problems (just like any other disabilities). Here goes.....
Circa 1994, I was working for this company, and my immediate
supervisor told me that we are going to see the President of this
company. I knew that this is unusual and if there is anything wrong,
we go to a bosses' office. I asked her if anything is wrong, and she
said there is not anything that is wrong. Well, I found out I had been
laid off!! She gave me a Letter of Recommendation which I appreciated.
On this Letter of Recommendation, she stated that she would hire me
again if there is any opening in the future.
After I had been laid off, I found out from a coworker that the
President stole thousands of dollars from the company. I knew his wife
too, and they both said they are "Christians". The police were looking
for him, his wife, and a couple of other people in the administration
office. I found out that the President now works for a dental office
to make molds for teeth. While looking for work, I returned to the
place to see if there is a job opening for me, since I remembered her
Letter of Recommendation. She said there is "no opening"!!
After this experience, I lost some trust in authorities because of
their theft and lying. I was about 24 years old when this happened. I
lost it even MORE when I looked for jobs in that area and when I moved
up to my current place while looking for work, and find out that
prospective employers had made excuses not to hire me, ie "We need
someone to answer the phone", or "She can't hear? She can come to the
interview if she wants to". They all seemed very interested in me until
my hearing loss has been revealed. I have looked for jobs for a YEAR
in this area.
I currently have a job for 2 years, with the best people here. I
enjoy working where I am at, and my supervisor said I am doing fine
except for one area. I kept repeating to them that I want "meet
expectations", I want to 'shine", I want to succeed. Which all is
good, but I feel like a parrot when I talk to them about it. They said
it must be something to do with "reassurance" and "lack of
self-esteem". My manager had lost in trust with me now because of
this, just like I lost my trust in supervisors because of their
ignorance of people with hearing loss who wants a job, and for being so
corrupt. They do give me great advice such as "actions speak louder
than words" and "I am in control", which I agree 100%. It's just that I
just had this mental thing where I had to tell them I want to succeed.
I want to stay where I am at, I enjoy what I do very much, but I
think my (I don't know if the word is "anxiety" is the one) mouth is
getting me in trouble..
Can you tell me what this is and what to do about it so I can
actually "shine" (my current bosses said they know I can do it!), and
to stop repeating myself to them about wanting to do a good job,
wanting to succeed, etc?
Thanks to any of you who can help me, even if you don't have a Ph.D. :)

Nancy
 
Well, without much more than that to go on....Hmmm. Maybe if you asked the next time if they could recomend some specific job related improvements you coud make. Specific. What exact skill or performance areas do I seem to be deficient in? Do I need to get some more training?

Then always remember, you can kill a career, job, advancement bu refering to past negative job experiences, or negatively about past employers. Also, grousing about the management is pretty universal in a lot of job settings. Do not fall into this trap. One of those "friends" may just be setting you up, whether it is because they want your job, or don't like the brand of gum you chew, or they are just naturally little Susie tattletale.

Self esteme (sp) is very important. This is the hardest for me. You have to convince yourself of your worth. You have to believe in you. This is a personal thing for each of us. Some are born with it. Some learn it. Some constantly struggle with it. Some never get it. Some don't care. You have to find a balance within yourself of pride and humility. Toot your own horn, without being your own brass band. People who act self confident (not conceited) are usually more likely to be perceived as being competent.

I constantly struggle with this last one. Selfconfidence does not come natural to me. My brother is a pilot certifier/ instructor for a major airline. He is the posterboy for self confidence. And he has been succesful. I do not have a PHD, or any training to give you professional advice, other than my own observations and experience. Good luck and I hope some more qualified people will chime in here.
 
Nancy - to be honest, I am not quite sure if I understood your thread. I didn't want you to think I didn't care about your thread and ignored it. I just didn't really understand what you are asking from us.

I supervise over 30 people and I have high expectations of them but I always make sure that they are aware of what I expect and will push them once they reach a level. It is like dangling a carrot in front of them ..if they are almost to the carrot level, I move the carrot up further up higher to keep pushing them to do more. Why? Because we all are capable of doing more than we think. Why would they be hired in the first place if I didn't have any faith in them?

Can you explain a bit more, Nancy?
 
:roll: *think* I am honest here to tell u, i really dont uddy what u talk abt it.. i agree with meg... sowwy..
 
Don't worry

Nancy

Work can give anyone anxiety, headaches, ulcers IF you let it. I agree with Codger. Ask your supervisor what areas he/she thinks you need to improve in. If you work hard and have a good attitude, you should be able to keep working and get promotions, raises. etc. Your bosses will see your effort. Only idiots fire good workers.

I've seen too many people over the years who want to get paid just for showing up to work. They want to spend time taking it easy, chatting, or surfing the Internet. Don't fall into this trap.

Another suggestion is go back to school. More education usually means more choices and more money. It's never too late. I'm 44 and will get my second Associates Degree (2 year) in May. Good luck.
 
ITPJohn and Codger, thank you for your advices. I appreciate it alot. :)

Meg, I was just asking for advice about why I keep saying I want to shine, to succeed, etc. I do work hard, but a friend just told me that I can shine at work, but keep my ambitions to myself. So I learned this too recently. :)

Also about bad supervisors....on prospective employers who made excuses not to hire people with any disabilities, and employers I had worked with who stole money from the company. I know it's a long time ago, but sometimes you just don't know who will be corrupt and who won't...someone told me that it's really called "office politics", so that explains it all. LOL

Anyway thanks for trying. :) I appreciate your help....all of you. :)

Nancy
 
Nancy said:
ITPJohn and Codger, thank you for your advices. I appreciate it alot. :)

Meg, I was just asking for advice about why I keep saying I want to shine, to succeed, etc. I do work hard, but a friend just told me that I can shine at work, but keep my ambitions to myself. So I learned this too recently. :)

Also about bad supervisors....on prospective employers who made excuses not to hire people with any disabilities, and employers I had worked with who stole money from the company. I know it's a long time ago, but sometimes you just don't know who will be corrupt and who won't...someone told me that it's really called "office politics", so that explains it all. LOL

Anyway thanks for trying. :) I appreciate your help....all of you. :)

Nancy
Click to expand...

Sounds like you might expect your co workers and supervisors to take care of you-- by reassuring you because of bad experiences. I think that would enable them to not take you seriously, so just walk your talk! :) good luck, you sound like a good person. :D
 
I'll have to agree on this. I think because of our deaf"ness", we're often clueless in terms of the social ebb and flow in the workplace and I've had situations come up where I open my mouth and I've said the WORST POSSIBLE THING that could be said at that point because I didn't know what was going on around me at the time.

Rather, let your work speak for itself. If your job has results that are measurable (eg. I closed 20 cases last week or I sold 45% more widgets than I did last year..), then rely on those to speak for your dedication.

Also, make sure you have allies in your workplace. Your boss, your co-workers.. have them tell you what's going on around you...

Read a great book: "Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain. He talks mostly about kitchens, restaurants, etc.. but I see a LOT of good parallels in how to keep your neck above the fray in the workplace.

Its a funny book too... had me laughing at work when I read it during lunch breaks.
 
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