What to do when trying to make a Deaf friend

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ashezz

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I was in my community shop yesterday afternoon and I noticed that the lady next to me was Deaf... I only did a Basic course in TSL (Trinidad Sign Language) but I still wanted to say something. But she looked so serious I was too scared to say anything in the case that i might offend her. The thing is I hardly meet Deaf people so I really want to be able to talk to the few I happen to bounce into.... can you give me some tips?
 
Why didn't you speak with her. Have to say that my kids have learned sign language in school. There are no deaf people in that school, but I know that deaf people have been visited in that school and pupils have opportunity to try to sign with them. It's not easy when you are afraid of your linguistic skills, but you have to try.
Sorry if I have some writing mistakes, but I'm so brave that I dare to write this language even I don't understand everything. Hope that I'm not writing anything stupped. Sorry if I did.
 
ashezz said:
I was in my community shop yesterday afternoon and I noticed that the lady next to me was Deaf... I only did a Basic course in TSL (Trinidad Sign Language) but I still wanted to say something. But she looked so serious I was too scared to say anything in the case that i might offend her. The thing is I hardly meet Deaf people so I really want to be able to talk to the few I happen to bounce into.... can you give me some tips?
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Ashezz, my friend, don't be afraid of making a mistakr, better you give it a try. next time will be easier...smile..I know how you feel...I seldom meet any deaf here in md. and since i am in the hospital now they stuck a big sign on my door..lol..says.."Do not try to talk to this patient she is hatf of hearing" which I am not ..lol i am stone deaf but speak and freak everyone that comes into the room byr saying something to them....keep trying,Peace
 
Thank you Teppo and MidnightSun I will definitely give it a try next time, but I just don't know all that Sign Language. I didn't want her to think that this girl wants to talk to me but doesn't know anything really about my way of communication you know? So I was reluctant but you guys are trying so I'll join in too :)
 
I say respond the same way you would if you were trying to make a hearing friend.
 
Number one, don't feel sorry for them, meaning don't go on and on about how 'horrible' it must be deaf. Many are content to be the way they are, including me. Number two, treat them as you would a hearing friend. Just don't treat them awkwardly.

Too many times I have seen people just stare at a deaf person. Yeah it's interesting to watch ASL, but it's not a circus act. :giggle:
 
Dixie said:
Number one, don't feel sorry for them, meaning don't go on and on about how 'horrible' it must be deaf. Many are content to be the way they are, including me. Number two, treat them as you would a hearing friend. Just don't treat them awkwardly.

Too many times I have seen people just stare at a deaf person. Yeah it's interesting to watch ASL, but it's not a circus act. :giggle:
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See Dixie I argue that point, I have met only one person here that I have been myself with and treated as I do my other friends and that person has treated me the same way, others have taken offense to me because I am a hearie and told me that I needed to change my approach
 
Dixie said:
Number one, don't feel sorry for them, meaning don't go on and on about how 'horrible' it must be deaf. Many are content to be the way they are, including me. Number two, treat them as you would a hearing friend. Just don't treat them awkwardly.

Too many times I have seen people just stare at a deaf person. Yeah it's interesting to watch ASL, but it's not a circus act. :giggle:
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That is one thing I would never do...feel sorry for them and treat them different. But I'm not used to being in the presence of Deaf people so I'm unaware as how to approach. I will definitely try number 2 then :) Thanx D
 
It would work for me if you just approach slowly holding out a Fifth Ave. candy bar on an open palm, while smiling reassuringly. If coincidentally you had a Lime Crush soda in the other hand, I would be quite receptive to friendship.

Breaks the ice! :P
 
Bottesini said:
It would work for me if you just approach slowly holding out a Fifth Ave. candy bar on an open palm, while smiling reassuringly. If coincidentally you had a Lime Crush soda in the other hand, I would be quite receptive to friendship.

Breaks the ice! :P
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:laugh2:
 
Bottesini said:
It would work for me if you just approach slowly holding out a Fifth Ave. candy bar on an open palm, while smiling reassuringly. If coincidentally you had a Lime Crush soda in the other hand, I would be quite receptive to friendship.

Breaks the ice! :P
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LOL. I will try to remember that when we get to meet up in Iowa some day! :lol:
 
Bottesini said:
It would work for me if you just approach slowly holding out a Fifth Ave. candy bar on an open palm, while smiling reassuringly. If coincidentally you had a Lime Crush soda in the other hand, I would be quite receptive to friendship.

Breaks the ice! :P
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:laugh2:
 
ember said:
See Dixie I argue that point, I have met only one person here that I have been myself with and treated as I do my other friends and that person has treated me the same way, others have taken offense to me because I am a hearie and told me that I needed to change my approach
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Did they take offense at your hearing status, or your approach? Perhaps they were just pointing out things that could easily be misconstrued in the deaf community in order to help you.
 
jillio said:
Did they take offense at your hearing status, or your approach? Perhaps they were just pointing out things that could easily be misconstrued in the deaf community in order to help you.
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I am not sure if they were trying to help me here or if it was my approach. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but it came down to perspectives and it was suggested that instead of me taking my perspective and applying it to everything that when I am embracing a new culture that I should take on a new one and from whatever that conversation was it seemed from that point I am the hearie that just doesn't get it. Well I disagree, oh a bit of it was that I don't like being labeled we are all human period, thats why I disagree. But I am not here to step on anyones toes so I either dial it way back or take on the opposite of what I am thinking. I am here to learn, developing relationships seems to be difficult and I have had it explained to me why. I don't like or agree with it but it is what it is.
 
I really don't approach a deaf person if I don't know them... I don't know ASL.. but if i see they are having problems and need help.. i'll be the first one there to try to help them out. Usually by form of paper and pencil. I was at a pub one time and there was a Deaf person there.. i kept watching walk to the window and back several times.. I wrote a note to him asking him what was wrong.. he wrote back that he was scared someone would steal his bike outside. so i talked to the bartender and and had him bring it in... He was relieved.
 
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ember said:
I am not sure if they were trying to help me here or if it was my approach. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about but it came down to perspectives and it was suggested that instead of me taking my perspective and applying it to everything that when I am embracing a new culture that I should take on a new one and from whatever that conversation was it seemed from that point I am the hearie that just doesn't get it. Well I disagree, oh a bit of it was that I don't like being labeled we are all human period, thats why I disagree. But I am not here to step on anyones toes so I either dial it way back or take on the opposite of what I am thinking. I am here to learn, developing relationships seems to be difficult and I have had it explained to me why. I don't like or agree with it but it is what it is.
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Well, the part about trying to see things from the other's cultural perspective is really sage advise. It is not about labeling. It is about looking out of the other person's window in order to understand that what they see may be very different from what you see out of your window.
 
jillio said:
Well, the part about trying to see things from the other's cultural perspective is really sage advise. It is not about labeling. It is about looking out of the other person's window in order to understand that what they see may be very different from what you see out of your window.
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LoL I know what perspective means, but I don't think I should have to change mine just to make friends there is such a thing as agreeing to disagree. But from my understanding of what happened in that particular situation is that to be accepted I needed to take sides and see things from a deaf perspective and I disagree with that. Am I able to see and be empathetic yes but I have my own individual opinions.

Someone told me that because I am a hearie that makes most weary of me because I may be here for the wrong reasons and thats why, I can understand that and its cool but that person or at least I hope knows better than that.
 
ember said:
LoL I know what perspective means, but I don't think I should have to change mine just to make friends there is such a thing as agreeing to disagree. But from my understanding of what happened in that particular situation is that to be accepted I needed to take sides and see things from a deaf perspective and I disagree with that. Am I able to see and be empathetic yes but I have my own individual opinions.

Someone told me that because I am a hearie that makes most weary of me because I may be here for the wrong reasons and thats why, I can understand that and its cool but that person or at least I hope knows better than that.
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You don't have to change your perspective, but you do have to respect and accomodate theirs.

The comments about you being a hearie and the reasons for being here are the direct result of previous experience. If a dog bites you once, you will be cautious in petting that dog again, unless it has been muzzled.
 
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