yankees
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2005
- Messages
- 297
- Reaction score
- 0
1) Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2) While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.
3) Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4) While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.
5) Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull
goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees
that big, red Santa suit!
6) Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say "We hate Christmas, " and "Go away Santa."
7) Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a
loaf of bread on his way home.
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.
Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
9) While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon
as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have
missed that last payment, and take off.
10) Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out,
with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. " Leave another
plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk
in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. "
11) Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed.
When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say,
"Well, well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12) Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute
changes and corrections.
13) While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with
barbed wire.
14) Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's
sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And
he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
15) Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include
a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
16) Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa
to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from
a distance, he looked like a bear.
17) Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
1 Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's
in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like
you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
19) Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
20) Cut a big hole in your roof and cover it with a blanket, so that
when Santa tries to land on your roof his sleigh crashes into
your living room. Explain that you've been having problems with
termites.
21) Set up your living room to look like a workshop, and have people
dressed up like elves making toys. When Santa comes, sneer and say,
"What's the matter? Afraid of a little competition?"
22) While he's on the roof, yell up to Santa, asking if he'll mind
adjusting your TV antenna. When he does so, tell him, "That's good"
and don't let him move until the "commercial" comes on.
23) Put on a giant tree costume, and wear a sign that says,
"Man-eating Tree - Stay Back." When Santa comes, wave your
arms angrily and chase him back up the chimney.
24) Shovel all the snow off of your roof, and replace it with
whipped cream. Just when Santa is remarking how cute this is,
light a bunch of firecrackers and throw them onto the roof. The
explosions should make quite a mess, and maybe scare the
reindeer away, too. If so, offer to loan Santa your car.
25) Scatter the parts of a disassembled bicycle around your
living room. Get Santa to help you put it together.
26) Make your own stockings to hang over the fireplace. Have
pictures on them of things like Santa getting hit in the
head with a large rock, or Santa catching his beard on fire.
27) Put a note that says, "For Santa" on a can that's labelled
"Rat Poison." Cross out the words "Rat Poison" and write
"Yummy Cookies."
2 When Santa comes, act like you're wrapping Christmas presents.
Have boxes that say things on them like "Dead Elf" or "Human
Skull." If Santa asks, explain that they're for needy children.
29) Set up bowling pins in front of your fireplace. When Santa
comes down the chimney, throw the ball at him. Angrily tell
him to get out of your lane.
30) Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come, and
then put up your fists and say, "This neighborhood ain't big
enough for the both of us."
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2) While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.
3) Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4) While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.
5) Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull
goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees
that big, red Santa suit!
6) Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say "We hate Christmas, " and "Go away Santa."
7) Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a
loaf of bread on his way home.
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.
Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
9) While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon
as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have
missed that last payment, and take off.
10) Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out,
with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. " Leave another
plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk
in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. "
11) Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed.
When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say,
"Well, well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12) Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute
changes and corrections.
13) While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with
barbed wire.
14) Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's
sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And
he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
15) Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include
a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
16) Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa
to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from
a distance, he looked like a bear.
17) Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
1 Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's
in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like
you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
19) Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
20) Cut a big hole in your roof and cover it with a blanket, so that
when Santa tries to land on your roof his sleigh crashes into
your living room. Explain that you've been having problems with
termites.
21) Set up your living room to look like a workshop, and have people
dressed up like elves making toys. When Santa comes, sneer and say,
"What's the matter? Afraid of a little competition?"
22) While he's on the roof, yell up to Santa, asking if he'll mind
adjusting your TV antenna. When he does so, tell him, "That's good"
and don't let him move until the "commercial" comes on.
23) Put on a giant tree costume, and wear a sign that says,
"Man-eating Tree - Stay Back." When Santa comes, wave your
arms angrily and chase him back up the chimney.
24) Shovel all the snow off of your roof, and replace it with
whipped cream. Just when Santa is remarking how cute this is,
light a bunch of firecrackers and throw them onto the roof. The
explosions should make quite a mess, and maybe scare the
reindeer away, too. If so, offer to loan Santa your car.
25) Scatter the parts of a disassembled bicycle around your
living room. Get Santa to help you put it together.
26) Make your own stockings to hang over the fireplace. Have
pictures on them of things like Santa getting hit in the
head with a large rock, or Santa catching his beard on fire.
27) Put a note that says, "For Santa" on a can that's labelled
"Rat Poison." Cross out the words "Rat Poison" and write
"Yummy Cookies."
2 When Santa comes, act like you're wrapping Christmas presents.
Have boxes that say things on them like "Dead Elf" or "Human
Skull." If Santa asks, explain that they're for needy children.
29) Set up bowling pins in front of your fireplace. When Santa
comes down the chimney, throw the ball at him. Angrily tell
him to get out of your lane.
30) Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come, and
then put up your fists and say, "This neighborhood ain't big
enough for the both of us."
