Upcoming Date... Extremely freakin nervous !

[Danb]

Ok i managed to get a very attractive women to agree to meet for a date. Its been so long since i've been on a date i'm not going to even post it for fear of winning some kind of "Been Single the Longest" trophy.

Anyway. I am so freakin nervous about it I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night for the past week ! WTF !!! I should be excited not nervous.

Its been so long i don't even know what to expect on a date. I'm petrified to attempt to carry on a conversation with her. Since my CI i've only been on 3 dates and i think I spoke 5 words total. !!

Its like i don't know how to pick myself back up when i trip up, or slow down a conversation. Then i get really friggin mad and have to become mute !!

Plus i am actually too embarrassed to not wear a baseball cap over my CI. Is that wrong to wear a hat on a date for a 38 year old? In the win column though, i do consider myself attractive.

A couple of other things i am nervous about is the fact i have very little money because i only can work part time due to health problems. $40 total for the entire date !! Do i pay?

But, on the plus side, as crappy as this is to say, she also has health problems. Both of us have fatigue issues. So i'm a little less nervous about that.

And, I did tell her about the CI and she said... "i really don't care about that". Haha, perfect response. No questions asked. Just what i hoped for.

Pleeeaassee HELP !!!! Need advice quick!

 

[Tuscany]

Eeh Calm down!

I think the problem you have is you're expecting too much, I think you need to lower your expectations and take the date for what it is, just a date, nothing more.

Just enjoy it, let the conversation flow naturally. If you trip up, don't dwell over it, just carry on with what you were trying to say. That makes a much better impression than staying quiet for the rest of the date.

Another reason that you're nervous is that you're probably telling yourself "What if she doesn't like me?", instead you should be saying "Well let's see if I like her". That way you're assessing her good and bad qualities instead of your own.

You say you don't have much money, what sort of date is it? Is it a dinner date?

And definitely do NOT wear a hat, she already knows about your CI and she seems fine with it so why wear a hat? It just shows that your insecure.

 

[metalangel]

I think where you go might determine whether you keep the hat on. If you went out to a laid back kinda place for dinner (like a wings type place) then sure, for example. If it'll make you too uncomfortable, though, don't worry about it (she already doesn't seem to mind)

If the conversation peters out, try asking a question that can't be answered with yes or no. Like ask her what her job is, and then instead of asking 'do you like it', ask her 'what's it like?' or 'what does that involve?'

Don't say too much too soon, save something for the second and third (etc) dates. When I was first seeing my GF we compared stories of high school and stuff like that.

Good luck!

 

[Danb]

Nice ! Thanks. That sounds like excellent advice.

 

[VacationGuy234]

Its like i don't know how to pick myself back up when i trip up, or slow down a conversation. Then i get really friggin mad and have to become mute !!

Trust me, she's nervous too.

Plus i am actually too embarrassed to not wear a baseball cap over my CI. Is that wrong to wear a hat on a date for a 38 year old? In the win column though, i do consider myself attractive.

Wear the hat. The first date is about check out whether YOU actually want to date this woman too. Seriously, there is a lot of nut cases out there and it is your job on the first date to weed them out.

A couple of other things i am nervous about is the fact i have very little money because i only can work part time due to health problems. $40 total for the entire date !! Do i pay?

Meet in a coffee shop if she drinks coffee or a bar for drinks NOT dinner. If you take her to dinner, you are going to have to take into account any food allergies she might have. The coffee shop is a better deal but the bar can work too(do not get too drunk). And, NEVER, set up a date activity that you wouldn't want to do, dating is about having fun.

]But, on the plus side, as crappy as this is to say, she also has health problems. Both of us have fatigue issues. So i'm a little less nervous about that.

Obviously, she's overlooked your issues so you should overlook hers(as long as you can handle her issues).

And, I did tell her about the CI and she said... "i really don't care about that". Haha, perfect response. No questions asked. Just what i hoped for.

Still, wear a hat if you are self conscious about it. If it works out past a few dates, you can discuss bigger issues at that time.

 

[Danb]

Sweet ! Man you guys should be consulting for Dr Phil or something. Very good advice.

Pretty sure i'm amped up because its been so long. I don't want to screw up and have to wait that long again. Ah well. Can't think of every contingency.

You guys have any suggestions for a place to go?

 

[Lukin]

Well. About a suggestion for a place to go to... I found that Italian restaurant is an attractive theme among American women, for some obvious reasons, I guess...

I recommend Carrabba's. Food is pretty decent, and I do missed that place as I haven't went in years.

That place is worth it, I don't know if you have one in your area, I was a former Virginian myself. But it's worth checking out.

Good luck!

 

[VacationGuy234]

Sweet ! Man you guys should be consulting for Dr Phil or something. Very good advice.

Pretty sure i'm amped up because its been so long. I don't want to screw up and have to wait that long again. Ah well. Can't think of every contingency.

You guys have any suggestions for a place to go?

If you have never met her before go to Starbucks of Dunkin Doughnuts(depending on what she likes) especially if it is a during the day date. For drinks(more acceptable at night), go to a place that is local and cheap with nice atmosphere. Any 99 will work or a local steak house. Keep in mind, if she orders three wine glasses will be half your $40 easy. You, will be nursing YOUR beer, wine etc.

Hit the web and check the prices...

If this goes past the first date, check livingsocial.com for deals for another date.

Eventually, should the dates keep going, you'll be cooking for her which is dirt cheap.

 

[VacationGuy234]

One last, very important, thought: DO NOT GO ANY PLACE were it will be difficult to communicate. If you can't understand her, trust me, that is not going to go well.

 

[Danb]

Thanks for the advice. I think Olive Garden is probably comparable to the Italian franchise you mentioned. A long time ago I went on a date there . It went well afterwards. Hmm...

Eventually, should the dates keep going, you'll be cooking for her which is dirt cheap.

Well except for the cost of cooking lessons.

Well the circumstance are this. She went to NY before the blizzard. Coming back after. She has the fatigue issues, so i was thinking of asking her to watch a movie at my place, and i'd cook something easy/light...

But now that i write that out it actually seems too personal for a first date. ??? Yes/No ???

 

[Lukin]

Thanks for the advice. I think Olive Garden is probably comparable to the Italian franchise you mentioned. A long time ago I went on a date there . It went well afterwards. Hmm...




Well except for the cost of cooking lessons.

Well the circumstance are this. She went to NY before the blizzard. Coming back after. She has the fatigue issues, so i was thinking of asking her to watch a movie at my place, and i'd cook something easy/light...

But now that i write that out it actually seems too personal for a first date. ??? Yes/No ???

I don't know what you mean by "too personal", but... if you meant by inviting her to your place on the first date... Then yes, it may be little too personal, me thinks. Especially since she would be thinking, "will I sleep with him tonight?" mentality and so on.

But umm, sorry I can't help you out really, because I haven't had a relationship in six years except for random ladies I picked out to my flat.

 

[Danb]

Ok one last piece of advice please. I do part time freelance multi-media design. I told her i did MM design but not part time. You think its important to bring that up?

i've actually had some pretty impressive clients but at the same time i still need benefits because I can't do 40 hours a week. Its very embarrassing because i'm so young.

So there is the illusion of being well off and successful, because of the big names, but i am not, because i can't do steady work.

This is a hot button issue for her. She has written in her "profile" that she doesn't care what job the guy has as long as he has one.

Soooo many grey areas....

 

[VacationGuy234]

Thanks for the advice. I think Olive Garden is probably comparable to the Italian franchise you mentioned. A long time ago I went on a date there . It went well afterwards. Hmm...




Well except for the cost of cooking lessons.

Well the circumstance are this. She went to NY before the blizzard. Coming back after. She has the fatigue issues, so i was thinking of asking her to watch a movie at my place, and i'd cook something easy/light...

But now that i write that out it actually seems too personal for a first date. ??? Yes/No ???

NO, you will not suggest it, unless, there is an oppertune momment for it. For example, if she still wants to hang out, but she doesn't like your other options like walking through the North End for pastry, etc. However, if SHE suggest going back to your place you WILL be going back to your place. To that effect, your place will be clean and presentable. And, you will have things to drink and eat. I don't think I need to state that you should be well stocked with ahem.. protection as well.

You should be prepared for anything, but take heart because, surely, everything can't happen.

 

[Lukin]

Ok one last piece of advice please. I do part time freelance multi-media design. I told her i did MM design but not part time. You think its important to bring that up?

i've actually had some pretty impressive clients but at the same time i still need benefits because I can't do 40 hours a week. Its very embarrassing because i'm so young.

So there is the illusion of being well off and successful, because of the big names, but i am not, because i can't do steady work.

This is a hot button issue for her. She has written in her "profile" that she doesn't care what job the guy has as long as he has one.

Soooo many grey areas....

Personally, I think having too many work hours would trigger a woman's uninterested heart for a partner, or lose some interests thereafter.

Maybe having a part-time job, if it pays well, would enable you to have an intimate or close relationship with her. That's just my opinion, though, especially since I overworked sometimes and once in a while I was unable to sleep for few nights, haha, but I love my job anyways.

Back to the point. What do you mean by "the benefits"? Like SSDI? I'm not quite sure if that would be turn-off for ladies, especially because of bad economy, and whether if US government will cut the disability benefits in near future, so on...

 

[Danb]

Yeah it would be tricky to suggest it. On the one hand its beneficial to her because it gives her a nice long break after an 8 hour drive from NY to relax, plus a home cooked meal.

On the other there is that thought running through both our minds whether we would rather jump on each other or watch the movie instead.

A major health problem of mine is Chronic Hives. They have a mind of their own. So if they flare up there is no way i'm making a move due to embarasement. I haven't told her about them yet.

Cripes, maybe i should just not think about any of it at all until it happens and deal with it in realtime.

 

[VacationGuy234]

A home cooked meal would suggest you know how to cook. And, unless you were less than truthful in your last statement, you don't. Which brings us to takeout pizza(assuming she likes it and is not allergic) or some other variety.

Yes, it is possible you will have a one night stand. Yes, you won't be turning that down. Also, yes, she will be determining whether that happens.

This is date one, try to remember it.

 

[Tuscany]

You shouldn't be too nervous for the first date, you're probably worrying about whether you'll make a good impression or if she likes you.

Instead you should go into the date with the intention of finding out whether she's right for YOU, assess her good and bad qualities instead of your own. Do that, and your confidence should show naturally.

As for wearing the hat, if you're gonna feel really insecure without it then you're better off wearing it.

I couldn't suggest where you could go that's cheap cos I don't live in America ha.

 

[Danb]

Personally, I think having too many work hours would trigger a woman's uninterested heart for a partner, or lose some interests thereafter.

Maybe having a part-time job, if it pays well, would enable you to have an intimate or close relationship with her. That's just my opinion, though, especially since I overworked sometimes and once in a while I was unable to sleep for few nights, haha, but I love my job anyways.

Back to the point. What do you mean by "the benefits"? Like SSDI? I'm not quite sure if that would be turn-off for ladies, especially because of bad economy, and whether if US government will cut the disability benefits in near future, so on...

Good point. She gets out of work early in the day too. That could be great!

You in the same field? Yeah sacrifice sleep for a satisfying job. But for me it morphs into ritual torture when i'm covered in severe hives, having trouble breathing, working till 4:00 AM to meet a deadline for what amounts to less than minimum wage at the end. Still... I love the feeling of having my "work" seen by lots of people, sometimes millions.

At least i can sleep for 4 days straight afterwards, and bathe in my self pity on public interweb forums. Only job in the world that accommodates these kind of health problems. I've been "Laid Off" from 4 jobs until i could get it "cured". That was 12 years ago. Still have it. MGH, Mayo Clinic and Harvard are throwing everything at it. Its nuts.

Yeah SSDI. Section 8 housing. Food Stamps. If i was any more of a loser i'd have six feet of dirt laying on my chest. Being sarcastic. I don't think that way. I can be pretty fucking amazing at times, but you never know who will think the opposite based on "transitional assistance" badges.

Difficult to explain all that in a "good" light. "Stability" is a good point to bring up, but only enough benefits to pay for a small apartment. 90% health coverage is another good one. It got me back my hearing. Well, educational benefits is a huge plus. I think

I need to swing the whole thing away from all that shit though and concentrate on her.

Its like an entirely different fucking world we live in with all these little microscopic pieces we have to glue back together all day long just to fit into "normal" society, while other people take it for granted. Its ironic though. At the end of the day, no matter what i had to go through i always am proud of what i did no matter how insignificant it was.

Its fucking mind numbing sometimes... Like Purgatory...

VENTing... finished.

 

[dereksbicycles]

Ok---- a woman will probably prefer a guy who doesn't have much money, but can keep up with bills as opposed to a guy who has a lot of money PLUS carry a huge debt.

The chance is that your date doesn't have a free rein with her money either. If you tell someone that you've only $40 to spend and they walk away, that person is probably not the one for you.

I hope you don't have Cubs cap. You won't want to jinx your date. Let us know which baseball team you have on your cap and we can tell you whether you'll be jinxed or not.

 

[SneakerNet]

danb, just be yourself, don't hide your nervousness and embarrassment. Just show her who you truly are. Women love to see your sincere honesty even if there's awkwardness between the two of you. Just like you said regarding to money wise, just pick a simple place and acknowledge her that you are not rich. You maybe surprised that she will felt the same, and in return she will bring out the honesty. That can bring two hearts closer together.