Turning out like "other deaf people" .. what??

[SimplyMints]

I have a hard time saying this. My mom told me yesterday that she hopes I don't turn out like "other deaf people."

I probably sat there for a long time before I finally thought of something to say. I questioned what she meant by it, and she'd seen a TV show where some deaf people were pro ASL to the point where they came across as anti-hearing. In her view, these people were hateful and disrespectful of American culture, trying to promote a "Deaf culture" separate and uninvolved with American culture.

I had a hard time figuring out how to respond. I was appauled. I finally just told her I'd never become hateful, but she has to understand, it would be easier to be around deaf people, and I admitted that I do plan to learn ASL, but it will not make me hateful. I was born hearing, and there's nothing that can be done to change that fact. I became deaf through no fault of my own, but have accepted it and am happy with the world I've found since losing my hearing. I find nothing hateful about it. Sure there are some hateful deaf people, just as there are hateful people of every kind. It doesn't mean all deaf people are hateful.

I wanted to share this with you so you know how my mom and probably others view us. I was hurt by it because I really love my mother, but I didn't know she was capable of singling me out like that and comparing me with "other deaf people" as if all deaf people are hateful and mean. I didn't know what else to do.

 

[Munchkinsdad]

Sometimes parents know how to hurt their children with words. But I think maybe you should read between the lines and think about what she really means...
My opinion..
" I am worried I am going to lose you. I do not understand ASL or the culture and from what I have read about (not been involved in), its not good. I don't want you to change... I am worried!"

just my $.02

 

[SimplyMints]

Sometimes parents know how to hurt their children with words. But I think maybe you should read between the lines and think about what she really means...
My opinion..
" I am worried I am going to lose you. I do not understand ASL or the culture and from what I have read about (not been involved in), its not good. I don't want you to change... I am worried!"

just my $.02

Wow, you're right! I should have seen that! I was so shocked by her words that I didn't think to consider her meaning. That has to be exactly what she meant! I hope I can become more emersed in the culture so I can show her things that will stop her worrying. She's not gonna lose me! The whole reason I learned SEE is so I could communicate with her, knowing she'd never learn ASL. Really, as much as I'd like to be around more deaf people, I probably won't be because I live in such a remote area, and I love it here so much that I never want to move. She's in no danger of losing me.

Thanks so much! I'll sleep a lot better tonight

 

[Buffalo]

As long as your mom is learning SEE, you're good.

When you learn ASL, learn Deaf History as well. Maybe you can see why some deaf people want nothing to do with hearing people. My opinion is that their families (parents, siblings) refused to learn any type of sign language. Those deaf people do feel alienated and disrespected. I have seen that happened over and over. Maybe your mother will change her mind about "other deaf people" once she learn of their stituations.

 

[shel90]

I agree with Buffalo...to some hearing people, I can come across as anti-hearing and Pto ASL. There is some truth to that degree because of how I was raised being forced to be in a non-signing environment 24/7 where communication with others was a constant struggle and getting bullied for my deafness. Not only that but facing discrimination in the workplace and being treated as inferior by my coworkers.

So, when I learned ASL at 25 years old my life changed for the better and I was able to finally connect with people when I wasn't able to do growing up.

No, I do not hate hearing people (I am married to one) but I hate the attitudes by those ignorant hearing people saying negative stuff about Deaf culture, Deaf signers, Deaf schools, and ASL when they have never met a deaf person in their lives. I hate the stereotyping or generalization that many hearing people keep making about us. If I meet someone like that, I would give that hearing person a piece of my mind because I suffered a lot due to all the misconceptions that were totally uneccessary. My mom believed the stereotyping and misconceptions hence her decision not to expose me to ASL nor the Deaf culture growing up.

Your mom needs to understand that by labeling a group, she is just as responsible for the stereotyping.

 

[Hermes]

I have a hard time saying this. My mom told me yesterday that she hopes I don't turn out like "other deaf people."

We talked about it in a different context, remember? She is not reacting you, she is reacting a situation unknown and disturbing to her. Munchkinsdad put her reaction in better words, but few people can be that open and clear when they face with tough situations. They usually give a reaction and hide their feelings behind it. She is not trying to start a hearing-deaf political debate, she is just doing a bad job communicating her feelings . Give her a kiss and tell her you always will be you. It will work like a charm..

Hugs
Hermes

 

[jillio]

Sometimes parents know how to hurt their children with words. But I think maybe you should read between the lines and think about what she really means...
My opinion..
" I am worried I am going to lose you. I do not understand ASL or the culture and from what I have read about (not been involved in), its not good. I don't want you to change... I am worried!"

just my $.02

Good post!!!!!

 

[SimplyMints]

We talked about it in a different context, remember? She is not reacting you, she is reacting a situation unknown and disturbing to her. Munchkinsdad put her reaction in better words, but few people can be that open and clear when they face with tough situations. They usually give a reaction and hide their feelings behind it. She is not trying to start a hearing-deaf political debate, she is just doing a bad job communicating her feelings . Give her a kiss and tell her you always will be you. It will work like a charm..

Hugs
Hermes

Yeah, I remember that coming up. It takes time to make funamental changes to oneself, especially when I'm being forced to make loads of fundamental change since realising I was pulling ahead of technology in my hearing loss progress.

Sorry, I was gonna say more, but I gotta go. BBL =)