Awauphi
Active Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2003
- Messages
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Odd Facts
A chicken once survived for 18 months with its head cut off. The town
of Fruita, Colorado celebrates ""Mike, the headless chicken day""
annually to commemorate this remarkable chicken.
In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting ad space on his cows.
The flatulation from domesticated cows produce about 30% methane on
this planet.
Rabbits and guinea pigs don't sweat.
Rabbits can suffer from heat stroke.
A barnacle has the largest penis of any other animal in relation to its
size.
A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
A female ferret can die if she goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
A male chimpanzee is 5 times hornier than the average human male.
Apart from humans, certain species of chimpanzee are the only animals
to experiment sexually. They have been known to 'wife swap' and indulge
in group sex.
Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
=========================================
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to
catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as
usual.
The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the
car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front
seat and three in the back (wide eyed and white as ghosts). The driver,
obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was
doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should
know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to
other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly...twenty-two
miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her
that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this
car OK?
These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep
this whole time," the officer asks with concern.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route
215."
=====================================
What's the worst thing a bride can say on her wedding night?
"I'm glad I didn't throw my vibrator away."
=====================================
Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really
sore from moving furniture.
"Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?"someone asked.
"I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move
if he's not on it."
=====================================
A couple just got married, and when the husband went back to his house
he found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and
gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.
Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her
in the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasn't
been home for so long.
She replied:
"These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."
The husband answered:
"But it's only been two days what do u mean a week?"
"I am only here to get something to eat."
=============================================
A man inherited a bunch of money & decided that he wanted to visit
Egypt to see the old ruins.
He went to Jamal's used camel lot to purchase a camel to ride across
the desert, as he had seen in may movies.
Jamal had camels in groups $$200.00, $$5--.00 & $1000.00 camels. W
"What's the difference" our exploring friend asked? "the length of time
they can go without stopping for water" replied Jamal. For example a
$1000.00 camel can go a week without a drink.
Not wanting to be stuck in the desert, our hero purchased the most
expensive camel on the property.
He loaded up the nest morning & headed out across the burning sands.
After only 2 days the camel was \nearly stepping on his tongue from
thirst.
Returning, in a furor, to Jamal's he complained about the performance
of his steed. "Did you brick him" asked Jamal? "Brick him?"
At that point Jamal took the camel to a water trough. While the camel
was drinking he took 2 bricks and smashed the camels testicles between
them. The camel drew in a large breath in pain.
"There now he'll go a week!"
======================================
Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go
out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to
look at things we have no intention of killing? Err...... buying?
=========================================
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
=========================================
The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause are:
Itchy
Bitchy
Sweaty,
Sleepy,
Bloated,
Forgetful,
Psycho
========================================
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench
one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and
wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what
he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said; "well I eat
Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll
have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around,, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a
whole shelf of it, would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said , "My goodness, 5 loaves...it'll get hard."
He replied, "Does everybody in the world know about this Italian bread
but ME?
got this via email...
A chicken once survived for 18 months with its head cut off. The town
of Fruita, Colorado celebrates ""Mike, the headless chicken day""
annually to commemorate this remarkable chicken.
In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting ad space on his cows.
The flatulation from domesticated cows produce about 30% methane on
this planet.
Rabbits and guinea pigs don't sweat.
Rabbits can suffer from heat stroke.
A barnacle has the largest penis of any other animal in relation to its
size.
A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
A female ferret can die if she goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
A male chimpanzee is 5 times hornier than the average human male.
Apart from humans, certain species of chimpanzee are the only animals
to experiment sexually. They have been known to 'wife swap' and indulge
in group sex.
Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
=========================================
A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to
catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as
usual.
The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the
car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front
seat and three in the back (wide eyed and white as ghosts). The driver,
obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was
doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should
know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to
other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly...twenty-two
miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her
that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this
car OK?
These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep
this whole time," the officer asks with concern.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route
215."
=====================================
What's the worst thing a bride can say on her wedding night?
"I'm glad I didn't throw my vibrator away."
=====================================
Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really
sore from moving furniture.
"Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?"someone asked.
"I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move
if he's not on it."
=====================================
A couple just got married, and when the husband went back to his house
he found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and
gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.
Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her
in the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasn't
been home for so long.
She replied:
"These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."
The husband answered:
"But it's only been two days what do u mean a week?"
"I am only here to get something to eat."
=============================================
A man inherited a bunch of money & decided that he wanted to visit
Egypt to see the old ruins.
He went to Jamal's used camel lot to purchase a camel to ride across
the desert, as he had seen in may movies.
Jamal had camels in groups $$200.00, $$5--.00 & $1000.00 camels. W
"What's the difference" our exploring friend asked? "the length of time
they can go without stopping for water" replied Jamal. For example a
$1000.00 camel can go a week without a drink.
Not wanting to be stuck in the desert, our hero purchased the most
expensive camel on the property.
He loaded up the nest morning & headed out across the burning sands.
After only 2 days the camel was \nearly stepping on his tongue from
thirst.
Returning, in a furor, to Jamal's he complained about the performance
of his steed. "Did you brick him" asked Jamal? "Brick him?"
At that point Jamal took the camel to a water trough. While the camel
was drinking he took 2 bricks and smashed the camels testicles between
them. The camel drew in a large breath in pain.
"There now he'll go a week!"
======================================
Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go
out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to
look at things we have no intention of killing? Err...... buying?
=========================================
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
=========================================
The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause are:
Itchy
Bitchy
Sweaty,
Sleepy,
Bloated,
Forgetful,
Psycho
========================================
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench
one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and
wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what
he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said; "well I eat
Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll
have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around,, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a
whole shelf of it, would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said , "My goodness, 5 loaves...it'll get hard."
He replied, "Does everybody in the world know about this Italian bread
but ME?
got this via email...