Now I can hear Daddy..

think that we could extend the concept of "audism" to "normalism
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Audism is a form of ablism....that is the thinking that it's better for a blind/low vision kid to use residual vision or to listen to books on tape rather then become Braille literate, or the thinking that a wheelchair is a "crutch"
And ablism IS a form of "normalism"
 
deafdyke said:
Audism is a form of ablism....that is the thinking that it's better for a blind/low vision kid to use residual vision or to listen to books on tape rather then become Braille literate, or the thinking that a wheelchair is a "crutch"
And ablism IS a form of "normalism"
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God forbid I become an enabler. The solution usually starts with a scowl, with a polite explanation to the query following it. Then, depending on the person I am explaining it to, it becomes interesting.
 
messymama and all, you might want to see something I wrote on that piece of crap " Welcome to Holland" Welcome to... A Typical Life?!? (and I have a disability!)
I do think that a lot of the greiving has to do with parents not really knowing that in spite of the fact that a kid has hearing aids/CIs, signs, speechreads, uses a wheelchair or a walker, uses a long cane, uses large print, uses Braille, or Moon, their kid is still a kid.
 
Hmm... I agree with you DD, to a certain point.

First of all, he disabilities you mention are mostly physical limitations, so we could say that yes, parenting a child who is blind or deaf or in a wheelchair is like parenting any other child - you have to learn the right way to cope with his "singularity" and that's it (but that's not always easy too, you know... Especially for Sign Language for deaf - we had to wait ONE YEAR before lessons were available, one year without the right tool to communicate with our own son. Yes, we used some signs we "invented", but despite the fact the child was little, I believe exposure to a complete language is different from only using some words or signs... And he's still NOT exposed to a complete language now, since our knowledge of SL is so limited. So yes, sometimes I do feel like I'm living in some foreign country without any interpreter and with little knowledge of the language).

But disability is not always about body... When you have a ADHD child, or an autistic one, or a retarded one, a down one, there are many other issues. You have to learn a completely different way of relating/bonding with your child, and yes, there may be many things that your child will NEVER be able to do on his own, and you don't even know what will they be. You can't build any image of your child as an adult, you learn to live life day by day... And yes, I do think it's normal and human to grieve and also that the way you relate to that particular child will for sure be different from his siblings. Of course it's part of the job of the parent to reduce the distance between him and them, but it's a hard work, not a "natural" thing.

For me, grieving was not for my son but for all I've built up around him , his birth, his life in relation to ours. When he was born (at home) I remember picking him up with his cord still attached and whispering to him "welcome, welcome!" to his ear. A moment I treasured for one year... Before finding out he never heard me. Yes, I had to grieve for that. I had to grieve for all the things I could have done if I only knew he was deaf, for all the times he must have felt "left out" from family life. For all my life projects: getting back to work when he was 2, like I did with his sister, homeschooling both of them, having another baby after him, and many other things. Those were images of MYSELF I had to grieve - since that life is not possible anymore. Projects have changed, and they're still changing. I have a small web shop, I'm not getting much money from it but I enjoy it and it's working... But I'll close it next year because I can't work with it the way I should. I have to learn sign language and to find a more remunerative job, and to stay with my children as much as I can when I'm not working, so working at home is no good for us anymore. God knows I'll have to grieve for that!! I had a project of homeschooling children with my father's help (he's an ex-teacher), but I don't feel like doing so anymore, since I'd have to pay for a terp at home and I can't afford it. I don't want to become a speech therapist neither, and I think I'd have issues with social services if I kept him at home (homeschooling is not well tolerated by authorities in Italy).

Yes, there's much to grieve, and even if they can seem little things to others, I feel the need to admit to myself that I am really, really sad for all that ideas that I must say goodbye to. I need to admit it would have been so much easier for me to have another hearing baby and to go on with my life project. It IS hard, and sometimes it IS painful!
To admit that and giving myself the "permission" to feel so, gives me the "permission" to be happy for the little things I'm conquering with my son now, and gives me the "permission" to be so damn proud of him, too.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel if I don't admit my "bad" feelings, I will end up faking the "god" ones too... And I don't want that.

And talking about communication issues - who knows if I wrote something understandable??? :lol:
Better if I don't re-read or I won't send it :roll:
 
No parents would refer to their children as being retarded.
 
Hm, of course you're right... Pardon me, I was reading know and thinking to change that, but I couldn't think of the right word here, remember English is not my first language. I have a hard time reading and writing here, I may make a slip from time to time :roll:
 
messymama said:
Hm, of course you're right... Pardon me, I was reading know and thinking to change that, but I couldn't think of the right word here, remember English is not my first language. I have a hard time reading and writing here, I may make a slip from time to time :roll:
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What is your first language? I hope you don't mind me asking.
 
I won't lie. I kinda wanted a girl for awhile. But I knew it was a boy for some reason and sure enough, Judah was a boy. I mean, I didn't even have a girl name picked out. And so when people were like, all, whispery, are you disappointed? (since I didn't have the OBGYN tell me the sex and it was a mystery) I was like...uh...if he were a she...he wouldn't be...Judah...duh.

I would have been very sad if he had been born deaf: because I would've known how hard his life could be and I would have been sad that I couldn't share it with him. I'll never be deaf (or prelingually deaf) and so that would have been sad to think that I'd never 'know' - no matter how hard I tried.

But then I would've been like, well, better go learn ASL! Time to live life now! Cause I'll never know what it's like to be a boy, either. :)

BUT LOOK AT THIS AWESOME KID!

tiger blood in that bizzle
 
When you have a ADHD child, or an autistic one, or a retarded one, a down one, there are many other issues. You have to learn a completely different way of relating/bonding with your child, and yes, there may be many things that your child will NEVER be able to do on his own, and you don't even know what will they be. You can't build any image of your child as an adult, you learn to live life day by day...
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Oh I do agree with you about severe/significent mental disabilties. Those kids are nice and sweet and all.....but their life isn't going to be very typical...and not in a good way. You know? They'll be in a day program or a sheltered workshop or whatever.
I've seen that many times. But there is a huge difference between someone with intellectucal disabilty vs someone with a physical or sensory disabilty.
 
messymama said:
Oh, how I hate that silly word "normal". What's "normal"??? Seems so desirable to some people. i think that we could extend the concept of "audism" to "normalism" :roll:
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That is exactly what it is. It is an attempt to define normal for the individual in a group format, and then to do whatever is available in an attempt to normalize that which is judged to be abnormal.
 
jillio said:
That is exactly what it is. It is an attempt to define normal for the individual in a group format, and then to do whatever is available in an attempt to normalize that which is judged to be abnormal.
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If America culture woudl just throw away the concept of normal and accept that people are so different and work together to meet everyone's individual needs, we wouldnt have these problems of audism or whatever oppressive behavior towards people who are "different". Geez!

I think Deaf people are more more tolerant of the differences in people than general society because of that.
 
shel90 said:
If America culture woudl just throw away the concept of normal and accept that people are so different and work together to meet everyone's individual needs, we wouldnt have these problems of audism or whatever oppressive behavior towards people who are "different". Geez!

I think Deaf people are more more tolerant of the differences in people than general society because of that.
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If the forum here is any example, Deaf people can't ever tolerate each other..... Tons of spats here.
 
TXgolfer said:
If the forum here is any example, Deaf people can't ever tolerate each other..... Tons of spats here.
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It would appear that the Deaf are in agreement. It is the deaf/hoh that want to cause dissention. Your post is a perfect example of that.
 
TXgolfer said:
If the forum here is any example, Deaf people can't ever tolerate each other..... Tons of spats here.
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I don't totally agree. Speaking for myself, I tolerate everyone here, and I mean EVERYONE. As long as we share a commonality, I am willing to accept our differing lifestyles. Opinions may vary, but we all gotta live on the same blue ball.
 
jillio said:
It would appear that the Deaf are in agreement. It is the deaf/hoh that want to cause dissention. Your post is a perfect example of that.
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Couldnt say it better.
 
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