No Expectations... No Obligations...

Urbanade

Urbanade

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Expectations and obligations, in my opinion and from my experience are the main reasons why a relationship doesn't last. Yes, trust and respect, loyalty and lust play a role, but when expectations or obligations get involved, one person or the other ends up feeling bogged down.

Say for an example... You and your boyfriend/girlfriend have been together for a month or so, and you're walking down the street in downtown... You think to yourself that since you're dating, you feel that you should hold his/her hand. Not that it's a big deal, but deep inside you feel you've got that obligation, or the boyfriend/girlfriend is expecting something from you to do something spontaneous.

That there is a load of crap. I think that when one expects the other, or of one feels obligated to the other, it creates a false relationship that's bound to fail. For me, the dating scene is free of expectations or obligations. If I want to hold hands, I'll grab her hand! If she wants to hold hands, she can grab my hand! We don't have to hold hands 24/7 either, simple as that.

The woman who I am seeing, does not have a label. To protect her privacy, I'll call her Jen -- She is not my girlfriend... She is not my fiancee... She is not my wife... She is Jen. Between us, there are no labels, expectations or obligations, and it's been awesome! Developing a relationship between us by following our heart and friendship, not by the book is definitely the way to go.

We don't expect each other to call at a certain time of the day, nor do we expect each other to pay for the tab at dinner. It's a two-way street of nothing but giving our love and friendship to one another. One night, I'll cover the tab of our dinner, and another night she'll cover the tab, and we don't even keep track or remember who paid what.

We also partake in one another's interest, I'll go with her to certain events as she does with me. She checks out books from the library to study more about the hobby I'm active in, so not only do we listen to each other's interests, we go the extra mile out of our way to gain more knowledge and interest in the other person's hobby.

Why is it like this? I do not expect of her, nor is she obligated to anything. She does not expect of me, nor am I obligated to anything. That there Ladies and Gentlemen, is a wonderful feeling!
 
That's exactly what Nas and I am doing. Even though we are not in serious relationship due to complicated schedules and other reasons.

What you said made sense to me...

Edit: If serious relationship or marriage, I maybe will whistle the different song but this moment, we are not in serious relationship so I couldn't say any more than this.
 
I understand what you're saying. But there's only so far you can go in a relationship without a committment, trust. After 16 years of marriage and a few years before that, I love my hub more than ever. I wouldn't trade what I have for no expectations. I suppose the difference is that I've chosen the committment. I have 4 kids, 3 dogs, a cat, they all expect things from me, but the return is wonderful!
 
PrincessTabu said:
I understand what you're saying. But there's only so far you can go in a relationship without a committment, trust. After 16 years of marriage and a few years before that, I love my hub more than ever. I wouldn't trade what I have for no expectations. I suppose the difference is that I've chosen the committment. I have 4 kids, 3 dogs, a cat, they all expect things from me, but the return is wonderful!
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Yes, 16 years vs 5 months is a little different! The basic message of the post is simply take things day by day, go with the flow, do not put pressure on each other or it won't turn out good. I've seen some people, particularly my friends jump right on things when he/she is starting to go out with him/her. We've all heard stories about people falling head-over-heels too many times! :lol:
 
I believe that a successful relationship is between two people who AGREE on commitment level.

Urbanade, you happened to find a girl who shares your views of what a relationship ought to be so you are lucky to be compatiable in this.

If a girl wants a commitment and the boy does not, it leads to problems.
If both does not want commitment and just focus on enjoying each day, then it works out great.
If both wants exclusive commitments and agrees on certain expectations, then it works out great.

Either way..as long as both are on the parallel line, it will be a successful relationship.

That is why I always make my expectations clear to a guy I start dating to see whether we want same thing because no use continuing on if we want different things. I see too many people trying to convince the other person and it backfires. Better accept their word at the beginning and avoid heartbreaks, etc.
 
Meg said:
I believe that a successful relationship is between two people who AGREE on commitment level.

Urbanade, you happened to find a girl who shares your views of what a relationship ought to be so you are lucky to be compatiable in this.

If a girl wants a commitment and the boy does not, it leads to problems.
If both does not want commitment and just focus on enjoying each day, then it works out great.
If both wants exclusive commitments and agrees on certain expectations, then it works out great.

Either way..as long as both are on the parallel line, it will be a successful relationship.

That is why I always make my expectations clear to a guy I start dating to see whether we want same thing because no use continuing on if we want different things. I see too many people trying to convince the other person and it backfires. Better accept their word at the beginning and avoid heartbreaks, etc.
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well-said dear sister!! mwah!! :thumb:
 
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