New with question- what differentiates D/deaf and HoH?

melissa

melissa

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Hi everyone,

I have been a member for a few years but I haven't posted much until now. Apologies if I make any faux pas, I haven't been on this site very much. I'm considered hard of hearing with mild loss in speech frequencies, and moderate/severe loss in the high frequencies. I can 'get by' without my hearing aids if I want to. I have been thinking and wanted to post to know other people's opinions...

I introduce myself as hard of hearing to people, I don't really know anyone else with hearing problems so I guess I picked up that label somewhere. I always felt that I shouldn't refer to myself as D/deaf as I can follow most conversation (with repeating, speaking slowly and clearly, facing me etc) without using my hearing aids.

I am aware that Deaf refers more to a cultural label than a physical one. I'm also aware that 'hearing impaired' can be seen as a derogatory term. Sometimes I say 'Sorry, I didn't hear you then, can you repeat it, I wear hearing aids' and people say 'Oh, are you deaf?' and I truly don't know what to answer.

Is the difference in terminology just cultural, a label, not important as long as you're happy? Or is there a specific audiogram-related cutoff where you move from being HoH to D/deaf?

Melissa.
 
Just say whatever that makes you comfortable. I tell them I'm hoh or that I have a hearing loss. If they ask me if I'm "hearing impaired" I say "yes" rather than get angry for using that label. What's important is to tell them that you have a hearing loss and what is required of them to communicate with you. Just be open.
 
melissa.....I have a moderately severe loss and have always ID'd as both deaf and hoh. I've got the deaf voice and mannerisms....but audilogically I am hoh. I do feel like I have the best of both worlds you know.
 
I usually just say I'm deaf, but then some people take that as "No Hearing" at all and then I have to say hard of hearing!

For some reason I'd rather say deaf then hard of hearing!
 
I have a profound hearing loss. I had a severe loss when my hearing loss was detected. Me and everyone have always considered me as deaf. I am not that culturally deaf even though I do use sign language and go to deaf events.

I suppose it is whichever label you prefer or feel comfortable with.
 
Mine hasn't changed (looking at the 2 very old audiograms I have it seems to have got up to 5 db better in various frequencies over 4 years..mind you they are just drawn on so it could be inaccurate) ever as far as I know.

I don't know any sign language. A friend of mine who is hearing (with probably mild loss due to loud music, but I don't think she's been tested) took a sign language class and was showing me what she'd learnt. I could barely follow and I felt really guilty that I wasn't taking such a class!

I guess the issue with finding a label for me is that I feel like I'm in between 2 worlds- I don't consider myself deaf as I managed to hear fairly well the years I didn't wear aids (from 0-6 then again from 16 to 21). I wonder if the fact that I didn't get hearing aids or know anything about having a hearing loss til I was 6 matters. (Apparently teachers commented when I was 4 but I don't remember this, and no help til age 6 when I started infant school).

I have never been to any sort of deaf event and I think I would feel uncomfortable, like I have 'no right' to be there...

My SEN statements with audiogram printout say I have a moderate loss which is mild in speech frequencies and severe in high frequencies- it's so up and down I don't know what to call it overall.

To be honest, in my world-view it's always been that I'm fine, but everybody else mumbles!

I guess, I'm having trouble with accepting myself lately...I used to say hard of hearing but that just makes me think of elderly people..I also used to say hearing impaired but I'm not sure how I view that term- as far as I and my parents know, I was born with this level of hearing, I didn't have full hearing which was then damaged...plus these forums enlighten me to the negative connotations of it, which I didn't know about. I always felt that it would be offensive to d/Deaf people to say I'm deaf, when I can hear fairly well without my aids.

Sigh...I might just start saying 'I wear hearing aids'- can't argue with that! but it's when people ask questions like 'Have you always been deaf'-I explain I've always had hearing loss, but I'm not sure what to actually call the state of it.
 
If it makes it much easier for you, call yourself deaf. Nobody will hold it against you. I am profoundly deaf but because I have great oral skills, I have experienced the opposite when I tell people that I am deaf. They would say "You talk so well and hear so well so there's no way you can be deaf."

The point is....we cant win, no matter what! :lol:
 
Melissa, if you say you're Hoh, most people will just assume you can follow conversation and what's gong on with just a tiny bit of effort. If you say you're Deaf, people will assume you can't hear at all. So can say whichever you would rather deal with for the day/night. That's what I used to do when I was legally blind. I said blind on days I didn't feel like being pressured into straining my eyes and I said visually impaired on days I didn't feel like having people try to push me around.
 
CJB said:
Melissa, if you say you're Hoh, most people will just assume you can follow conversation and what's gong on with just a tiny bit of effort. If you say you're Deaf, people will assume you can't hear at all. So just say whichever you would rather deal with for the day/night. That's what I used to do when I was legally blind. I said blind on days I didn't feel like being pressured into straining my eyes and I said visually impaired on days I didn't feel like having people try to push me around.
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This man speaks truth.
 
Ah, thankyou :) I 'm shy, so I tend to wait a little while when I meet new people, to scope how well I can hear them. If they speak clearly and I have no trouble understanding them, I tend not to say anything. If I have trouble, I tend to tell them. However, if someone has a strong accent or for some other reason I really struggle to follow them, it takes so much effort I don't really get a chance to say anything.

CJB, I agree- when I say HoH people just carry on as normal, unless they're a healthcare professional of some sort, then they ask what they can do to help. In past jobs I've said 'I wear hearing aids', then they've asked what they can do (and still not done it, but everyone's fallible). I think the inconsistency of people's accommodations for me lies in the inconsistency of my hearing, so they don't always need to do whatever it is (face me, or whatever) and forget.

I might just wear a badge that says 'I wear hearing aids, please face me.' and see what happens. I saw one for sale on the net. That avoids any labels.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever fully accepted my hearing loss. I'm only just at the stage where I feel more confident about it being a part of who I am, but I'm still struggling. Bit of an identity crisis at the moment if you like!
 
melissa said:
Ah, thankyou :) I 'm shy, so I tend to wait a little while when I meet new people, to scope how well I can hear them. If they speak clearly and I have no trouble understanding them, I tend not to say anything. If I have trouble, I tend to tell them. However, if someone has a strong accent or for some other reason I really struggle to follow them, it takes so much effort I don't really get a chance to say anything.
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Like you when I do understand someone I'm usually hanging on by a thread so the slightest background noise or accent renders their speech unintelligible to me.

I might just wear a badge that says 'I wear hearing aids, please face me.' and see what happens. I saw one for sale on the net. That avoids any labels.
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:rofl: I often wish I could just wear a sign that says DEAFBLIND because everyone sees the cane but doesn't realize I'm HOH too.
 
I was serious! I jokingly call myself a hippy, I like wearing colourful clothes and I have ginger hair with a bright pink stripe in, a badge ain't gonna make people look more than they already do! Course, if they have low vision they might end up leaning towards my chest to read it which could be pretty awkward...

The awkwardness of being HoH is that most of the time I hear a 'sound' but I don't comprehend what people are saying unless I know they're talking to me (or they're very clear or very loud!), so someone in the street or in a shop could call after me or say excuse me, miss or something, and I hear something being said, assume they're not talking to me and ignore it. Once in a shop a woman was calling/telling off her small child who was also called Melissa, and I kept hearing '...melissa.....melissa....MELISSA!' and it scared the crap outta me! I was thinking...who is it? Do I know them? It doesn't sound like anybody I know..what have I done?? Then I saw the woman and child and figured it out.

Being HoH can result in some pretty amusing stories.
 
a bit of story from me...new hoh -

husband and I were having conversation.... thought he was saying "natural history" and so I started talking about "natural history" - no, he said "NATIONAL history":giggle: <at myself>. Sure very common but thought might be appropriate to share here-
 
I have a moderate-severe loss as well, Melissa. I never really call myself deaf unless someone is rude about my hearing loss. Often times I will have people say, "Turn up your hearing aids," or "Pay attention," if I don't understand what is being said, and that's when I reply, "I'm DEAF!" I have had people say, "I hate repeating myself," and that's when I use the words, "I'm deaf..." If someone asks me why I wear hearing aids, I will usually just say that they help me hear better. That's usually it. I know what you mean, Melissa. I don't really feel like I should ever refer to myself as deaf if I'm not profoundly deaf, but sometimes I will play the "deaf card" when I feel I need to.
 
Ah, thankyou for your feedback, everyone! My hearing loss is so mixed that I don't really know what to call it- I've always referred to it as mild except for the high frequencies (severe), but I dug out an old audiogram which says moderate. You can check my other threads if you want to see the actual audiogram, deafdude made my info into a graph. You know how some people say 'partially deaf', 'mildly deaf', 'moderately deaf'- that's also another label..

I know what you mean, loghead, I feel like it's going to be frowned upon by people who can't hear speech, or struggle greatly even with hearing aids, to say 'deaf'- like people with such losses are going to say 'you're not deaf, you can hear xyz'. People also get really surprised if I hear something they don't expect me to/without my aids on, they say 'But I thought you were deaf!'- and then accuse me of having selective hearing, and being serious about it! then again, one of them was my ex-boss who was an ignorant sort of person, so I shouldn't take it to heart.

I know I shouldn't really care what other people think of me, but I'm the sort of person that does, and I don't want to offend anyone...
 
I've had experiences with people who think that my HAs are a perfect cure and that I should be able to hear like a hearing person. Just magnify the sound and you're cured. Of course, that's not the case. I get more distorted sounds. There is a delay between the speaker's speech and my ability to process it. I need to confirm that I understand what was said. All of this takes time and effort. When I say deaf, they take my needs more seriously.

I need a good response to the "funeral face," though. Anyone have a funny but not harsh come back?
 
sallylou said:
I've had experiences with people who think that my HAs are a perfect cure and that I should be able to hear like a hearing person. Just magnify the sound and you're cured. Of course, that's not the case. I get more distorted sounds. There is a delay between the speaker's speech and my ability to process it. I need to confirm that I understand what was said. All of this takes time and effort. When I say deaf, they take my needs more seriously.
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Your explanation is dead on. It's really hard to get this across to people that amplification doesn't equal clarity and that sometimes you just need more processing time.
I need a good response to the "funeral face," though. Anyone have a funny but not harsh come back?
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I'm deaf, not dead.
I went deaf, not you!

I don't know if those are any good but I decided to take a stab at it. :)
 
I like the first one, CJB.

Melissa and dogmom, I've been where you are right now and it's hard. It takes a while to adjust and find your "new identity." Defining what you want to call yourself is part of that. Take as much time as you need. Be extra gentle with yourselves. I promise that it gets easier.
 
Thankyou sallylou. It's unusual for me, really, given that I've heard the way I do for my whole life, and had these digital aids for 3 years now, but I have a history of not wearing my hearing aids (old analogues I hated) for several years. I worked it out and I've actually worn them for just under half my life, despite getting them when I was 6/7 and now being 24.

I think, for me, I've tried to say I hear 'fine' and don't need any adjustments, when actually I do. Then I got my digitals and tried to say 'I hear fine all the time with these', when I actually I don't. I suppose it's accepting that I WILL miss things and have to speak up and explain this to people rather than being embarrassed about it.

I understand that yes, I probably could say 'deaf' when I feel like it and 'hard of hearing' when I feel like that, but they seem to swing between people overcompensating and me feeling patronised, or not accommodating my needs enough, and me feeling frustrated. Even with my family, often they speak normally and I hear, and other times they're speaking loudly and repeating and I still don't understand.

Sallylou, I agree about needing more processing time. I end up, in conversations, asking someone about something they said- ie, what did you say, or making conversation about their actual story, when they've moved on to talking about something else a few minutes later.

I love the photo of your kitten! Me and my parents have a ginger tabby, Monty- he's my best feline friend! and a tortoiseshell, Rosie, as well as an English Springer Spaniel called Mossy.
 
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Even people who have known me all of my life do not make an effort to meet my needs knowing that I have a severe-profound deafness. They still ask me if I can hear them and that question is very subjective which has lead to misunderstandings.
 
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