Male opinion/Did he cheat?

[Eve]

Do you think a man can spend the night and not have sex?

Can, yes, but it is highly unlikely. If your instincts are telling you that he has been unfaithful, you are probably right. If you can't trust a man, you have no business being with him in the first place. Furthermore, if he had ANY respect for you whatsoever, he wouldn't put you in the position to even question his motives. Plus, isn't there a MALE collegue whose couch he could have crashed on? Additionally, if he has cheated/lied before, he WILL do it again. A leopard doesn't change it's spots!

I know I am not a man, but I have been in your position before. I even went as far as bugging my own telephone with my ex-husband (he called me "inspector gadget" for that one). I even had women calling and telling me that they were having an affair with my now ex-husband. One even came to my house and threw naked pictures of him at me. He would always deny the accusations and make up excuses, but deep in my heart I knew he was a louse. The final straw was when another woman called and informed me that she was pregnant with his child. I never let him know that I was aware of his final infidelity. Instead, I packed up the car and told him we were going to visit his mother (4 hour drive away from where we lived). When we arrived at his mom's place, he got out of the car and I told him that I needed to run an errand to the grocery store and would be right back. This is the longest visit to the store I have ever made....going on 7 years now. I sent him his stuff along with divorce papers and that is the last I ever saw of him! Best diet ever....lost 200 lbs in one day!

Incidentally, our sex life was quite active up until the day I dumped his sorry ass! He would go be with another woman and then come home to me. I never denied him sex (although I should have), so there really was no reason for him to seek attention elsewhere. The point here is that there was no change in his behavior, even when he was cheating.

Oh, I should also mention that I am now married to a wonderful man (4+ years now), whom I trust completely. He has never given me any reason to doubt him. When he is going to be late coming home from work, he calls. Our instincts are generally correct when it comes to men, and we should ALWAYS trust those instincts.

 

[racheleggert]

Zookeeper,
I've been thinking more and more about your post and completely forgot to tell you something. If you don't have them already, Take a look at the following books:

Cops Don't Cry

I Love a Cop: What Police Families Need to Know

I HIGHLY recommend both of them. I have included Amazon Links because they seem to be the least expensive and most of our local bookstores do not carry them. Amazon does have a thing also where if you buy these together, there is a larger discount (and free shipping)...

I have found that being a cop and being in a relationship is a somewhat difficult task. There are trust issues that come about as it seems many cops (including me) have trouble trusting a lot of people...Trust builds with time. There is also scheduling. Our shifts rotate with 4 days on, 3 days off going from Days to Evenings to Midnights. If I work no overtime, I'm technically only working 4 days a week (very long days it seems LOL), but when it comes to relationships, there is the complaint that I'm never around...mainly because of the Evening and Midnight shifts. There are also A LOT of other issues that come up, including the situation you are having with your husband. I recommend picking them up and giving them a looksee.

Taylor,
I would love to read those books since my "Dad" and some friends are in law enforcement, wonder if its right books for me? so I can understand how family members go through, and how I can maintain good relationship with my "Dad".

 

[zookeeper4321]

When we arrived at his mom's place, he got out of the car and I told him that I needed to run an errand to the grocery store and would be right back. This is the longest visit to the store I have ever made....going on 7 years now. I sent him his stuff along with divorce papers and that is the last I ever saw of him!

That was "Eve il." I love it. I dropped him off at her house the other day and left him. He keeps calling me from her house trying to get me back. After she has gone to work of course. On top of that now my 1st husband keeps calling trying to go out with me and Mr. Z's side of the bed isn't cold yet. Why are some men such pigs?

 

[Eve]

They are pigs because they know you are vulnerable and they stand a better chance of getting at you now, than when you are thinking more clearly. Don't fall for it! You were smart enough to get out, now stay smart by staying out
Oh, did I mention that I changed my phone number and had it unlisted shortly after the seperation? Of course, I had to do this because the first guy I dated after I left my ex-husband was a pretty terrible guy too. He was a liar and a cheat, but at least I knew what I was seeing because I had already been through it before. He is the reason I wrote my own personal dating contract. I never had a truly bad dating experience after that very first guy, because I knew a snake when I saw one. Incidentally, the reason I had to change my phone number and have it unlisted because of that first guy I dated after the seperation was because he decided to contact my now ex-husband and tell him all sorts of things about me to cause problems with our divorce. Talk about a LOSER! (and yes, he was deaf)