Lost her understanding

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Kzees

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Not having friends who are hard of hearing I thought maybe others here are experiencing some of the same things that I am and maybe offer suggestions on how to get along in a stressed marriage when my wife and I first met she was aware of my HOH has even been to the audiologist several times with me she fully understands the mechanics of hearing loss and that I have moderate to severe loss in both ears and getting worse.. lately it seems she has lost her understanding like her getting irritated when I don't answer her from another room, or when asking her to repeat herself or look at me when she talks to me and the the most frustrating thing that has begun to happen is her attitude towards my hearing loss when wearing my hearing aids. It seems to be assumed that just because you wear hearing aids that everything is fine. My hearing loss is from Birth and I went many years without the use of hearing aids. As a child I refused to wear them because of all the kidding that I got from my friends. I already had a lazy eye and had to wear patch as well as crooked teeth and had to have braces as a result over the years I lost much of my comprehension of what I did hear then later in life the financial burden prevented me from having them so the lost ability of understanding only got worse but now that I do she as well as others think that I should be able to understand and comprehend as a normal hearing person. I get rude comments all the time from don't you hear me with your hearing aids or you're just not paying attention to me or you don't care to listen to what I have to say. why can't she and others understand that I will never get back the lost comprehension level and that often I still have to ask people to repeat themselves. As crazy as this sounds there's been times that I wish I was completely deaf ... being hard of hearing is extremely difficult in a relationship where the other person has normal hearing I feel misunderstood, I feel isolated and at times I'm extremely lonely.. it seems that I live in 1 world and everybody else lives in another as of late I have even quit wearing my hearing aids, I use the excuse that I work in a noisy environment. I pull away from conversation and even found myself just faking my understanding and saying yes to things just to get the other person to stop talking to me and not even have a clue what they said. I will just stare off in space hoping that people won't talk to me thinking that I'm preoccupied with something on my mind and thus avoid conversations and yes this includes my behavior around the house. I'm beginning to fear that my wife and I don't know each other because we don't talk to each other she has even made fun of me by making funny dumb sounds from her mouth and trying to sign at me as if I am some mentally retarded person. I have absolutely no friends that I do things with I spend all my time alone I do spend time with my children I have a 2 and a half up year old hearing daughter and a four month old baby girl who we are already in the process of having hearing test done because she too has hearing loss. I have so many fears about this and really no 1 to talk to so I guess that's why I write here. it would be nice to read that someone else is also experiencing many of the same feelings that I do and we could maybe become friends if you are out there and want to talk I'm open if anyone that reads this would like to talk feel free to contact me I would like to get to know people more that experience the same things that I do. I'm open for suggestions from all you guys.
 
Hi, I was born hearing but I got very sick as a child & became HOH. I was raised oral & not allowed to use sign. That meant every day my family were pushing me to oral only. So after consistent speech therapy every year of my school life, & nearly everyday, I can now talk well, However, my hearing is so bad, it has kept me from talking to people because of the multiple understandings. After the birth of my child, I knew there was no way I could use my nearly profoundly deaf ears to hear him & separated from my entire family to learn sign. They were not accepting & no support, but It was the best thing I've ever decided to do & my son signs his wants & needs. Very little frustration. I had learning help from very good people, both deaf & hearing. Hang in there... you are not alone! It will get better, but you need support. That isn't how your family should treat you. You deserve better.




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Hey there fella, I am not any kind of expert but have some experience. You do not mention whether you are using digital or analog hearing aids.

The digitals are much better and can give you way more amplification without feed back and are able to move sounds around to match your loss.

What I did that made the big difference though finally... I changed how I take a hearing test.

All along in my 40 years of wearing hearing aids I have been not in the range of actually hearing voices loud enough without a lot of distortion that screws up my comprehension.

When you are in that soundproof booth and the audi says tell me when you no longer hear the sound that is a key moment. The soundproof booth is not the real world. The real world is a noisy place. I said fuck this and without telling the audiologist I stopped pushing the button when I could still just barely hear the sound.

For the first time ever I got a hearing setting that actually matched my situation. I got the Naida Ups by phonak which have a great power range and a lot of available features. I am able to hear more than I ever have my whole life.

Because you like I never got any training to do with our hearing situation there is a whole huge bunch of stuff to learn. Getting the best hearing comprehension you can is a great place to start.

Women are kind of odd critters in that if she gets the upper hand on you because of what she sees as you not doing enough, they tend to fuck with you. If you withdraw then it sort of increases. Get the good hearing aids, get the hearing test done so you get the right amplification. Do not mess with how you hear the sounds like the word tests.

Do things like some vigorous exercise- shoot baskets, hammer some nails, whatever gets you going and get your testosterone level back up and take care of business in the bedroom. Get your turf back.

You are at an awesome time in life, kids are awesome and you can have a lot of fun growing up with them. Your wife will come around once she sees you mean business. There is new technology coming out every minute and there is also sign language that is an awesome and very communicative language. You can have an exciting vibrant life, kids are a blast, and your woman back in partnership is a deeply satisfying thing. Go for it man!
 
I was in a hearing relationship before. I sympathy with you. I had some good time, but overall, I would not see this last long.

My ex girlfriend complained that it was an added weight on her and she had a lot of burden having to interpret at restaurant for me.

Yeah, I agree with poster above. I've found that if I do things around and not sit around, the complaining lessens.
 
Often it is the case that the things our women call too much work is hardly work at all. Huh? Watch them turn out to set up a party for a girlfriend or take care of a horse or something... smiles... it is all political. Hang on to your turf guys. We cannot win but at least we can hold our own.
 
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Hello Kzees, I can relate to your situation. You are not alone! I am HOH and my boyfriend has his hearing. We have been dating for almost 9 years (never married) and have struggled in our relationship, When we met my hearing was much better (I would take that hearing any day of the week), but has deteriorated over the years and now my world is loud enough with the help of hearing aids, but completely muffled. He has been to many appointments with me and is well versed on the topic. Even so, we too struggle with some of the same situations that you described - getting irriated that I didnt hear or answering wrong because I heard wrong or "you're not listening" etc. I am also struggling with maintaining relationships with friends as well because they cant relate and going out in social settings (or even one-on-one settings) has become very difficult to understand people. I feel very alone and find I am isolating myself from people and situations. I have turned to hobbies and exercise to lighten my mood because I think the biggest problem for me is that I am depressed. Who wants to be around anyone who is sad and depressed all the time? Losing your hearing is a loss (your grieving on a daily basis) and I feel like I am in limbo. I would rather have my hearing completely or be completely deaf. Its hard to have to deal with the "half-ass" hearing, and even harder when people in general have such a large misconception of hearing loss. People perceive it as black and white and think there is a fix, when there are so many greys! Hang in there! It should help to meet people in your situation and get the support you need, so I am glad to see you on here and hope to help.
 
not just hoh go through this, any kind of hearing loss folks have go thru alot of this with family, friends and their partners who dont want to help when the going gets bad. Humans have their different faults/weakness and sometimes its the bad that shows ones true character. on other hand if you are hvaing issues with communication, why not seek out couples counseling sometimes it does help facilicate broken lines of communication to be fixed. Doesnt hurt to try.
 
Perhaps some thoughts from my previous Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto class lessons-Dealing/Coping with YOUR Hearing-might offer =pertinent insight.

Accept YOUR condition, Don't bluff- do you hear/understand spoken comments to you? You must feed back- I don't understand-every time! Be assertive especially on what you understand-hearing wise!

Further aside: being DEAF.The world of silence is not easy to bluff! Whether one can/able to get an Implant-unknown. Do you fit the criteria? It is factual-not every DEAF person fits. Who pays for it?Alternate: learn/ use ASL Also, one can write as well.

further aside: I had bilateral Profound loss-SN- over 30 years till I became bilateral DEAF-December/06 Implanted July/07 activated August/07.

As my user name has stated many times-the only person you control is YOU
 
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