Little Johnny

nozobo

nozobo

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Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane....." At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight"

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was
giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
 
I love the "Little Johnny" jokes. They have been around for ever and will be around till the end of time. Little Johnny rocks!!!
 
Sheila said:
:lol: never saw a Little Johnny Joke I didn't like.
Click to expand...
OK... heres one...
Little Johnny is at school and the teacher asks the class a math question. There are three birds on a fence and the farmer shoots one.... how many are left? Little Johnny raises his hand and says none. The teacher asks Johnny how he came to that conclusion. Little Johnny says the farmer shot one of the birds and the other two flew away when the shot was fired cause it scared them off. Hmmmm the teacher says "that wasn't the answer I was looking for but I like the way you are thinking.

Then little Johnny stands up and says "hey teacher.. .I got a question for you" The teacher says what is it little Johnny? Little Johnny says "I have something in my pocket that is hard.. round and has a head on it.. can you guess what it is?"... The teacher hesitates and then says "Little Johnny... are you talking about your penis?".. Little Johnny answers "No teacher.. .its a roll of quarters but I like the way you are thinking.....
 
rockdrummer said:
OK... heres one...
Little Johnny is at school and the teacher asks the class a math question. There are three birds on a fence and the farmer shoots one.... how many are left? Little Johnny raises his hand and says none. The teacher asks Johnny how he came to that conclusion. Little Johnny says the farmer shot one of the birds and the other two flew away when the shot was fired cause it scared them off. Hmmmm the teacher says "that wasn't the answer I was looking for but I like the way you are thinking.

Then little Johnny stands up and says "hey teacher.. .I got a question for you" The teacher says what is it little Johnny? Little Johnny says "I have something in my pocket that is hard.. round and has a head on it.. can you guess what it is?"... The teacher hesitates and then says "Little Johnny... are you talking about your penis?".. Little Johnny answers "No teacher.. .its a roll of quarters but I like the way you are thinking.....
Click to expand...

Sheila said:
:lol: never saw a Little Johnny Joke I didn't like.
Click to expand...

Amen :iolol:
 
:laugh2: I love Little Johnny jokes, one of my favorites beside "Yo Momma"
 
Ok here's two Little Johnny jokes old but still goodies.



Little Johnny's mom had just baked a cake. And she had to go out. So she told Little Johnny, "Now Little Johnny, I have to go out, don't you dare touch my cake while I am gone."

A little while later, Little Johnny starts eating the cake.

Little Johnny's dad comes out of the bedroom and starts shaking his finger at Little Johnny, saying, "Little Johnny I'm telling your mother that you are eating her cake."

Little Johnny says, "Then I'm telling Mommy that I smell c u n t on your fingers."





One day in class Little Johnny's teacher said, "Now over the weekend I want you all to find something that has to do with history and share it with the class on Monday."

So over the weekend Little Johnny goes home and watches TV.

On Monday he goes back to school and the teacher started asking the students what they learned about history over the weekend.

It finally came to be Little Johnny's turn to share with the class what he had learned.

The teacher asks Little Johnny what he had learned over the weekend.

Little Johnny says, "Well, I went home and watched TV and on TV there was a movie about Cowboys and Indians. They were fighting and the Cowboys slaughtered the Indians."

The teacher says to Little Johnny, "OK, but what does this have to do with history?"

Little Johnny says, "I don't know, but it sure teaches you not to fuck with the Cowboys anymore!"
 
Little Johnny and Suzie play on the swing set every day after school. One day, little Johnny goes home after school and asks his father, "What’s this thing between my legs, daddy?" His father replies, "That's your truck, son. You want to park that in a girl's garage"

The very same day, Suzie goes home and asks her mother, "Mommy, what's this between my legs?" Her mother smiles and replies, "That is your garage, honey. You NEVER want to let a boy park his truck in there."

Both of the kids go to school the next day, and like always, they play on the swing set afterwards. Suzie goes home after a while, and her mother is shocked to see blood all over Suzie's face and clothes.

"Suzie, What happened??" She cried. "Oh nothing, mom. Little Johnny tried to park his truck in my garage, so I bit off his back two tires!!"
 
There is a little boy name Jimmy. He hears his parents fighting, "You Bitch, You Basterd" and little Jimmy says, "What does that mean?" "Grandma and Grampa son, Grandma and Grampa." So then he goes and plays out side and hears these people talking, "Yeah so I said c'mon stick your dick in my pussy." He says, "What is dick and pussy." The people turn around surprised and quickly say, "hat and coat."
Then he goes upstairs to find his dad shaving. His dad cuts himself and says, "SHIT!" "What does that mean Daddy?" "Oh, um, shaving cream." Then little Jimmy goes down stairs to see his mom stuffing the turkey. Her ring gets caught and she says, "FUCK!" Little Jimmy says, "What does that mean Mommy?" "Stuffing son, stuffing." Then the doorbell rings and Jimmy goes to open it. It's his grandparents. Little Jimmy says "Hi Bitch, hi Basturd, can I take your dick and pussy? Dad's upstairs putting shit all over his face and Mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
 
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Oh! I need a bike! I need a bike!"
 
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall. The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
 
One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were going to play a game. She would place an object behind her and describe it. The first person to get it got a piece of candy. First she said, "The object is red and grows on trees." A kid raised his hand and said "an apple" the teacher said correct. Then she said, "The object is flat and comes in different colors” a different kid raises his hand and said it is a notebook! The teacher said correct. Then Johnny said, "ooh! ooh! Can I try?" The teacher said yes. He stood up and put his hand in his pocket. He said "The object is round, hard, and has a head on it." The teacher said "JOHNNY! GO TO THE OFFICE!!" Johnny said, "No it's a quarter!"
 
Early one morning as school was starting the teacher called out to her students to get ready to make their presentations. She had asked the students to write about something important that happened in their families the night before. She asked who wanted to go first and Terry and little Johnny raised their hands. She called on Terry first because Little Johnny had a tendency to be fowl mouthed Terry gave his presentation and when back to his seat. Little Johnny walked up to the board and drew a dot and then walked back to his seat. The teacher after pondering over this for a minute finally asked what it was and Little Johnny said it was a period and the teacher said yes I can see that but what does it mean.
Little Johnny said, "The hell if I know, but last night at dinner when my sister told my parents she missed one Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted and the drug store owner on the corner shot himself.”
 
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you say it. “Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
The teacher fainted......
 
Little Johnny and his stern father are out at the park when suddenly a honeybee settle on a rock in front of them. Just for spite, little Johnny smashed it with a rock. At which point his father said, “That was cruel, and for being cruel you’ll get no honey for a whole year.” Later, Little Johnny deliberately stepped on a butterfly. “And for that, young man,” said the father, “you will not get any butter for a year.”
When they returned home, Johnny’s mother was busy fixing supper. Just as they entered the kitchen, she spied a cockroach and immediately crushed it underfoot. Little Johnny looked a his father and said, “Shall I tell her, Dad, or will you?”
 
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