Let me Rant, Please?

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The*Empress

The*Empress

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ok ok ok....

um...

I was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome... and I was born with
disfigure face and I have to have surgery on my face so that
PEOPLE can TREAT me BETTER.
So I have to LOOK BETTER.....

But it doesn't make any difference, there are still mean people out there.

Then after such roller coaster life in Mainstream schools.

My mom helped me get job and I was hired, YAY, but
my sister insist that I go to Gallaudet (worst mistake of my LIFE!!!).

I went to Gallaudet in 1991, living with my sister at her apartment...
Then in 1992, my sister had to go oversea for the Navy, and
I refused to stay at the dorm because the "ROOMMATES" might
treat me AWFUL.

So I went back Memphis and stay at home with mom.

And then.... I didn't do so well at college there... and it was so
hard to get jobs.... I don't understand why it is so tough NOW
to get a job, and all of these policy has changed.

And so I went to Job Corps in Atlanta, Ga.... and it was my first
time having roommates...
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it......
The ROOMMATES TREATED ME SO BAD....
There were no way to compromise with IMMATURE Kids like that.

But anyway, I left there.... and beg VR to help me look for a job.

And then I got a job at Kmart because I LIED to the manager
that I was 3 months pregnant.... so they hired me right away.
So I got myself an APARTment and I already got a blue car.
But I have to QUIT kmart because eventually the manager will
fired me because I LIED and I am not showing.

and I went to Social Security Office and beg them to please let
me have SSI, the world isn't FAIR to me... it is too hard to get
JOB, nobody will give me a break... and

I was so MAD at the world, and yes I was INSANE, so I did
something so bad... and I did wanted to kill myself...
but VR finally said they will help me go to college financially....
So... finally... I got a BREAK....

So I went to Gallaudet, UGH, the WORST MISTAKE of my LIFE!!!!
I met RIDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :pissed:

I know that the MODS will remove this post..... because I can't
say nothing bad about RIDOR, he got the POWER to CONTROL people.

While I was at Gallaudet, Prince Charming Jeff P. lied and said, "I need a tutor" and so we got together and I had no clue on how to tutor him...
And I found out he made straight A's, why the HELL he need me to tutor
him??????????????????????????????? I made straight B's in Science...
And so well I thought well, he can tutor me how to have sex... so
I asked him, and we did it twice, and I didn't like it....
And he already got a girlfriend, but he wanted to get to know me...
and I have no CLUE how to date.
And he told me I have to WORK HARD FOR HIM, I have to wear girly clothes
and get my hair done.... and keep yelling at me, "Don't tell me what to do!!"

I just so lost..... I lost it, I went INSANE AGAIN!!!!! I told him,
"WHY THE HELL YOU CAME IN MY LIFE!!!!!!! You came in my life to
get to know me, and you ALREADY GOTTA a girlfriend who is 300 pounds,
and you want me to CHANGE the way I dress???? It doesn't make sense,
and because you didn't get your WAY with me, and you dumping ME....
but you just said you won't leave her for me.... You got my feeling all
mix up, I am NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, It isn't my fault that you got
bad WOMEN, maybe if you change the ugliness inside of you... then
maybe good women will want you. I know I am a good woman, and
I ain't gonna tolerate with Bad man like you!!!!!!!!!"

So then I decide to never never never let a CUTE man walk up to me
and let him in MY LIFE again.

Then I left Gallaudet and went to LeMoyne Owen College and IGNORE
all the MEN, and graduate from LeMoyne Owen College with my college
degree.... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After that.... I still can't find a job :pissed:
I got a college degree, and I can't find a F**^(^ JOB!!!!!

So I decided to give up on life... and I went back to Social Security Office
and LIED that I am so severly disabled.... and they gave me SSI...
and all I wanna do is stay at home with mom and just pay her monthly
rent... but nah, I won't pay the RENT.... and my SISTER got pissed and
don't want me to stay at home and be a FREELOADER....

Everything went wrong at HOME, and I ran to FSU, and stay in the
DORM, with ROOMMATES, and ugh.
And I met the UGLIEST MAN and let him in MY LIFE, and ugh!!!!!!!!!!
He hit me, He hit me, He ABUSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

And decided to leave FSU, but I already paid Student Abroad group...
So I went to Paris in summer 2000, Paris was so Awesome!!!!!!! :bowdown:

And so I went to Gallaudet, and saw RIDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I guess the MODS will remove this post....

SO anyway, I left Gallaudet and went to CSUN....
On the first day, I got in TROUBLE, I pulled the fire drill, just because
I lost my luggage, I thought somebody stole my luggage.

Then I pulled the fire drill again, because I can't get in my dorm room, I
lost my key.

Then I pulled the fire drill again, because I wanna to be BAD, I didn't
get caught for doing that.

Then I pulled the fire drill again, because my roommates fought with me...

And the FIREMEN talk with me, "STOP PULLING THE FIRE DRILL or we
will put you in JAIL!!!!" And I cried.... and they let me go...

And I was EVICTED from the CSUN dorm... and I put myself
in the PSYCH WARD and threaten to kill myself...

My uncle in California told me to go back home to Memphis, because
I am OUT OF CONTROL.

So I went back home... but I really want that TV DEGREE, because
it doesn't make sense to use $30,000 worth of college loan for nothing...
So I went to Gallaudet...
I SAW RIDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, MODS will really remove this post.

Anyway.... I closed my eyes and deal with PESTY ROOMMATES....
Ugh, it was sort of like a SWORD FIGHT... just trying to get along with
them... and they said we wanna be your friends... I was like
that is a lie, back off, back off....
and I whine whine whine and told people at Gallaudet I want the
tv degree because I felt that I earned it...

And they offered me college degree... and finally I went home....
And whew.... THAT WAS OVER.

So then now I am at HOME, new house, my mom moved to Mississippi,
it is so peaceful and quiet...

All I wanna do is get on the internet..... and oh NO, RIDOR got a BLOG....
ahhhhhh....

Why RIDOR can't get out of MY LIFE!?!?!?

GET OUT OF MY LIFE, I can't believe somebody from my past
who took a few classes with me who got a BLOG and he is well known
in this AllDeaf Forum....

And I just don't understand why I can't have a happy LIFE...

I feel that RIDOR is out to get me... I can't seem to move on with my life...

Why he got a popular Blog?

What is he gonna do, take control of me and my already damage LIFE and
bad reputation?

Just because I feel it is wrong to be gay.... and people here are
telling me it is wrong to JUDGE....
And Dennis using his real name on AllDeaf Forum to remind everyone that
I am Patricia from CSUN... calling me troll?

I just don't understand why GOD let this happen to me....
Why am I born with TCS, and why people treated me so AWFUL?

And why my life is so messed up? I just don't understand that?

And Mods removed my posts when I was making some comments in
Sequoias and Steel's threads... I don't understand that...
What? I suppose to feel bad that they aren't my boyfriends?
What, is this Ridor's part of a plan, to KICK ME WHEN I am ALREADY DOWN?

MODS, why remove this thread and my post, I just wanna clear my mind,
and I want people to tell me that I am being paranoid.
So that I can be at ease....

So... what is wrong with me?

And Nancy, pls, don't say I am my own worst enemy, because...
I am not... it is just that... I have gone INSANE because of how
people treated me.
 
I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers ....
 
Why do you think RIDOR is out to get you? I read his blog and I like some of his thoughts about several deaf issues but I've never seen anything that mentions you or anything that may sound like you. He isn't out to get you or anyone. He's entitled to his opinion bout things, so are we. I'm sorry you had a rough life but you need to focus on yourself, on healing. Do not let anyone bring you down. If RIDOR is doing it then just completely ignore him. His blog is just ONE website. There are over MILLIONS websites on the computer and you can avoid him. Hope you'll get well soon!
 
Thank you Angel...

but I re read my post, and I kept LAUGHING at my pathetic life....

It is true what they say, after you look back on your life, you will
get a good laugh at that....


It is kinda funny though... if I ever go to HEAVEN, hopefully I do go
to Heaven, I will think my life is not so bad.... it is just like
Soap Opera Drama.... I wrote my own life.

But I thought about other people, what about the boyfriend
who pour gas on his girlfriend and burn her up alive... and
she ended up in the hospital... with 90% of her body burned.
I don't understand why people do horrible things....

Somehow I feel fortunely that my life isn't that bad.
 
BelleSorrisa said:
Why do you think RIDOR is out to get you? I read his blog and I like some of his thoughts about several deaf issues but I've never seen anything that mentions you or anything that may sound like you. He isn't out to get you or anyone. He's entitled to his opinion bout things, so are we. I'm sorry you had a rough life but you need to focus on yourself, on healing. Do not let anyone bring you down. If RIDOR is doing it then just completely ignore him. His blog is just ONE website. There are over MILLIONS websites on the computer and you can avoid him. Hope you'll get well soon!
Click to expand...


Thank you Belle...
 
Empress, I'm sorry that your life has gone to the toliet, everyone thinks that beauty is the priority. I know how hard life can be. My friend hasn't had a job for more than 30 years all because they discriminated him and don't want to hire him.

Health insurance has gone up and most people can't afford it anymore, neither I can. They think they got the right to screw people around, basically the same thing they screw around with your life. It happens and you're not the only one out there.
 
Hope your life will clear it up and back your nose clean as normal life again?
 
Simple... change your attitude and Weltanschauung on life, it will amaze you that it will do wonders for you in all aspects of life. Nobody will want to hire a whiner, a complainer, a negative person, etc... Smile more, walk around like you know what you want and work hard to get what you set for yourself. It will become easy. The hardest part is the first step.
 
Sequoias... I see why Companies are firing smokers and obese people, because of health insurance.

Thank you Galaxy.


Alright, Kuifje, I'll try to change my attitude. Thank you, I'll take your advice.
 
Empress, now that you have vented and we heard you...hope you feel better now because you vented. Life IS frustrating at times, I know...as it's same for everyone here too. I will keep you in my prayers too.
 
Dont give Ridor too much power. Lose him and bitch about him using a vlog like youtube. He's anything but a nice boy. Get a restraining order on him if you have to. And nothing is wrong with you either. Its the environment thats need fixing, It's RIDOR that needs fixing.

Richard
 
Thank you Peachy.



Nesmuth, I'm scare of him. and I'm scare of Dennis....
They might bite my head off.
 
The*Empress said:
Nesmuth, I'm scare of him. and I'm scare of Dennis....
They might bite my head off.
Click to expand...

Let them bite your head off, it only makes you a lot stronger. I'm not afraid of them and you shouldnt be either. Just deal with them just as you deal with pesky trolls.

Richard
 
Nesmuth said:
Let them bite your head off, it only makes you a lot stronger. I'm not afraid of them and you shouldnt be either. Just deal with them just as you deal with pesky trolls.

Richard
Click to expand...

Alright... :ty:
 
Hi There!!

I actually read your entire post and I must say, that, in life, we are always put down, but it is up to our own personal will and strength of mind to actually get out of these problems.

I know this sounds weird, but I think you need to come to terms with yourself before you tackle any other problems. I know of this one method, that really calms me down, because I am high on frustration, etc...I think meditation is ideal, you must return to yourself, because at the end, you and only you are your best friend!!

I know of many people who have had boyfriends and been really frustrated...Forget about that for now! Remember at the end of the day, its you that has to face your problems!! If you are going to keep harping on your past, I can't possibly think of how you are going to move forward. Think of the past as being dead and gone...And the future, all you really have!!

Life is a journey, a journey of self-realization, I wish you well & am really glad you unburdened your heart, because now knowing all else is clear, it will give you space to move on!

I keep you in my thoughts!

Kashveera
 
kashveera said:
Hi There!!

I actually read your entire post and I must say, that, in life, we are always put down, but it is up to our own personal will and strength of mind to actually get out of these problems.

I know this sounds weird, but I think you need to come to terms with yourself before you tackle any other problems. I know of this one method, that really calms me down, because I am high on frustration, etc...I think meditation is ideal, you must return to yourself, because at the end, you and only you are your best friend!!

I know of many people who have had boyfriends and been really frustrated...Forget about that for now! Remember at the end of the day, its you that has to face your problems!! If you are going to keep harping on your past, I can't possibly think of how you are going to move forward. Think of the past as being dead and gone...And the future, all you really have!!

Life is a journey, a journey of self-realization, I wish you well & am really glad you unburdened your heart, because now knowing all else is clear, it will give you space to move on!

I keep you in my thoughts!

Kashveera
Click to expand...


Well the reason I post this, is because I feel that my PAST is haunting me...
Like Ridor and Dennis were from my past, and now they are present...
and it is hard for me to go forward.... in the future....

And I wonder if they will keep reminding me and everyone else about
how bad I behave.... and using that to block my future opportunities
that may be available to me. Or gossip gossip gossip about me.

Is it safe for me to step out and into the world and try to start over...
learn from my mistakes and try to figure out how to compromise
people and how to deal with me..... is it possible?
 
Empress, I'm sorry about your life... :hug:
 
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