Awauphi
Active Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2003
- Messages
- 10,225
- Reaction score
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Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
=================================================
Vincenzo and Luigi were sitting on a bench in a New York park.
"Hey," said Vincenzo , "do you likea biga fat woman with a longa,
greasy, straggly hair?"
"No, I'ma no likea dat" replied Luigi .
"Den, you likea da woman stinka bad a garlic alla da time?"
inquired Vincenzo .
"Nope, I'ma no lika dat kind either!" said Luigi .
"You musta likea da woman with a big, thicka hips anna varicose
veins, no?" asks Vincenzo .
"Notta me!" answered Luigi .
"How about da woman witha da big ass and hairy arms," asks
Vincenzo
"Never lika dat!" answered Luigi .
"Den you Guinea bastard, whya you keepa fuc*in' my wife?"
Vincenzo asked.
============================================
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to
go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that.
So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and
suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
"Are you hurt?" he asked. "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"
============================================
I disagree with my psychiatrist's assertion that I'm depressed
because I have a serotonin imbalance. I'm pretty sure the real reason
is: My life sucks!
=============================================
A man with a fetish for very large women walks into
a brothel. When asked what he wants, he says 'I want
a really large woman - as big as possible.' He is
shown this enormous woman, but he shakes his head -
'nope, not fat enough. Get someone bigger than that.'
He is shown another, even more enormous woman.
'Nope, still not big enough. I tell you what - give
me the biggest woman you have!'. He is shown the
biggest woman who works in the brothel. She is
unbelievably big - 'That's more like it!'
He is taken off to a room by the woman, and presently
is on top of her going about satisfying his sexual
desires. After a few minutes of heaving and groaning,
he suddenly stops and says to the woman -
'Sorry. Do you mind if I turn the light off?' to
which the woman replies
'It's me, isn't it? I'm so big that you find me
unattractive.' to which the man replies -
'No, not at all! I think you're a very attractive
woman. It's just that the light bulb's burning my ass!'
==============================
A three year old boy in his bath examined his testicles and
asked, "Mommy, are these my brains?" Mommy said, "Not yet, honey."
=============================
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?
When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you
pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.
==========================================
A man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.
"I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the
ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any
man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand
dollars."
The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar
to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when
suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian
right on the head.
The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a
ravine.
The two blondes made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled
out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied,
"Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you
should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand
dollars in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine
were five thousand red Indians.
Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . .
we're going to be millionaires!"
========================================
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun they
just don't remember with whom.
============================================
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT:
* Thought that 'Moby Dick' was a venereal disease.
* Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot
glass.
=====================================
After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to
see the obstetrician.
"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little
upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife
both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair
to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you
have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the
past year. We only made love once or twice a month."
"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just
rust."
got this via email..
=================================================
Vincenzo and Luigi were sitting on a bench in a New York park.
"Hey," said Vincenzo , "do you likea biga fat woman with a longa,
greasy, straggly hair?"
"No, I'ma no likea dat" replied Luigi .
"Den, you likea da woman stinka bad a garlic alla da time?"
inquired Vincenzo .
"Nope, I'ma no lika dat kind either!" said Luigi .
"You musta likea da woman with a big, thicka hips anna varicose
veins, no?" asks Vincenzo .
"Notta me!" answered Luigi .
"How about da woman witha da big ass and hairy arms," asks
Vincenzo
"Never lika dat!" answered Luigi .
"Den you Guinea bastard, whya you keepa fuc*in' my wife?"
Vincenzo asked.
============================================
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to
go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that.
So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and
suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
"Are you hurt?" he asked. "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"
============================================
I disagree with my psychiatrist's assertion that I'm depressed
because I have a serotonin imbalance. I'm pretty sure the real reason
is: My life sucks!
=============================================
A man with a fetish for very large women walks into
a brothel. When asked what he wants, he says 'I want
a really large woman - as big as possible.' He is
shown this enormous woman, but he shakes his head -
'nope, not fat enough. Get someone bigger than that.'
He is shown another, even more enormous woman.
'Nope, still not big enough. I tell you what - give
me the biggest woman you have!'. He is shown the
biggest woman who works in the brothel. She is
unbelievably big - 'That's more like it!'
He is taken off to a room by the woman, and presently
is on top of her going about satisfying his sexual
desires. After a few minutes of heaving and groaning,
he suddenly stops and says to the woman -
'Sorry. Do you mind if I turn the light off?' to
which the woman replies
'It's me, isn't it? I'm so big that you find me
unattractive.' to which the man replies -
'No, not at all! I think you're a very attractive
woman. It's just that the light bulb's burning my ass!'
==============================
A three year old boy in his bath examined his testicles and
asked, "Mommy, are these my brains?" Mommy said, "Not yet, honey."
=============================
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?
When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you
pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.
==========================================
A man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.
"I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the
ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any
man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand
dollars."
The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar
to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when
suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian
right on the head.
The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a
ravine.
The two blondes made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled
out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied,
"Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you
should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand
dollars in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine
were five thousand red Indians.
Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . .
we're going to be millionaires!"
========================================
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun they
just don't remember with whom.
============================================
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT:
* Thought that 'Moby Dick' was a venereal disease.
* Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot
glass.
=====================================
After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to
see the obstetrician.
"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little
upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife
both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair
to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you
have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the
past year. We only made love once or twice a month."
"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just
rust."
got this via email..
