I have a question.....

steph9700

steph9700

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I have been working on getting finances together and getting help togo back to school and finally got everything lined up to start in August. Is it wrong of me to be upset that I may not be able to go back to school cause of my mother being ill and possibly dying? I love her and I promised her that I wouldn't put her in a nursing home, that I would take care of her. But at the same time I am pissed cause it puts my future at jeopardy because I may not be able to go back to school for an even longer time. Is this something that I need to go see my therapist about? is this normal when dealing with the first stages of loosing a parent? I am mad at myself for feeling like this, I am ashamed that I feel this way because it is my mother and I am the one that promised her I would take care of her, so why am I so worried about my plans to go back to school and have a new career and helping out my husband with the finances? ok I know more than one question but the main one is this: why am I feeling all this guilt and resentment? is it a natural thing to feel and will it pass?
 
Steph, it's easy for someone not walking in your shoes to say something sage about your situation, but life never stops pulling us in different directions. And we always feel guilt or some other anxiety about any decision.

Try to plan for both things to happen. Sometimes that's hard, almost like working two full-time jobs, but lots of people do just that.

Planning and doing usually reduce my apprehension because I'm preparing for any event, something that always makes us feel more in control.

When the time comes, the decision often makes itself without effort on our part, but being prepared for either event will help us feel less guilt over what might have been.

I know this is all very general, but it's always seemed easier on me if I work to be ready for what happens rather than just let it sneak up on me.

Maybe someone will offer better, more specific advice as we learn more about your situation. Hang in there.
 
Chase said:
Steph, it's easy for someone not walking in your shoes to say something sage about your situation, but life never stops pulling us in different directions. And we always feel guilt or some other anxiety about any decision.

Try to plan for both things to happen. Sometimes that's hard, almost like working two full-time jobs, but lots of people do just that.

Planning and doing usually reduce my apprehension because I'm preparing for any event, something that always makes us feel more in control.

When the time comes, the decision often makes itself without effort on our part, but being prepared for either event will help us feel less guilt over what might have been.

I know this is all very general, but it's always seemed easier on me if I work to be ready for what happens rather than just let it sneak up on me.

Maybe someone will offer better, more specific advice as we learn more about your situation. Hang in there.
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:werd: Eloquently posted-- ;)



~RR
 
Steph9700, I know you are worry about many things that you want to finish up like going to back to school. Talk with your mother how you feel about going to school and trying to help your husband with the finance (budget). Like in the Avatar, taking one day at a time is the most important to just take a deep breath and let it go. Going to the therapist can help you talk it out whatever problem you have that is bottle up inside of you. You can trust your therapist when you want to say what is on your mind and worry about your mom's illness. You are going through difficult time right now. Now that you learn that your mom have cancer from her doctor. I will pray for you and your mom. :hug:
 
Anger is a very normal reaction to the impending death of a loved one. It is not "wrong" of you, nor does it mean that you love your mother less. You are angry with the situation, not the person. It would be an excellent idea to discuss this with your therapist. He/she can help you to deal with all of the conflicting emotions you must be feeling at this point in time.
 
Steph,

I think jillio's suggestion is very good. If you're a member of a church, temple or synagogue, see if there's support group for losing a parent (you'll need it). If not, look in the community pages of your phone book or, better yet, contact the hospital and inquire there to see if there are any groups. You have way too much guilt and bad feelings to handle this alone. We care, dear, so keep us posted.
 
My husband and I had a long talk and I showed him what I had posted here on the site and told him in more detail my feelings and asked him what he thought. He said that I would end up resenting her if I went to school and failed and I would feel guilty about the resentment and that I would be mad at myself for not taking care of her with my whole heart. He said knowing me, I better wait till class starts up again next year and take the course then and love and care for my mother with my whole heart now other wise it would be a total devastation on my part, a lot of hate and resentment and other emotions I don't need to add and I think he is right. I am going to focus on mom and take care of her like I promised and school will be there when it is time for it to be there, it can wait mom needs me now. We had 2 appointments today with 2 different doctors now we get to sit back and play the waiting game until Thursday at 2:40pm when her appointment is with Dr. Windham to find out the tet results from the biopsy. we find out how bad the cancer is, exactly what it is, if it's treatable and all of the options she has. I will post some time Thursday night or Friday and let you guys know the update on her. Thanks everyone for your prayers, they are giving me wings to fly through the hurdles I am facing.
 
That is a good choice and I am glad you talk with your husband about what you had post here on AD. He is giving you sound advice and I am sure you will go back to school once you have taken care of your mother. I know you are anxious going back to school but you were upset and now it is time to relax. Your husband is giving you the support that you need so take it from him. Don't worry and look at me, I am now attending the small college in a small town. I am only 62 years old and it is never too late to learn or do something for yourself while in school. Take care of mom, first. Give us all the update when you can. :hug:
 
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