Joke 1 : A man brags to a friend about his new hearing aid. " It's the most expensive one I've ever had, it cost me $3,500!!!"
His friend asked, " What kind is it? "
The braggart says, " Half past Four ".
Joke 2 : A snail was slithering along the street one day when he was attacked by two turtles. Later, the cops asked, " Did you get a good look at the turtles who did this to you? "
" No, it all happened so fast ".
Joke 3 : The othery day, I went to work with both ears bandaged. My boss asked what happened.
" I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone! "
"That explains one ear " said my confused boss " But what about the other? "
" The person called back! "
Joke 4 : How many quarters does it take to play the new Lord of the Rings pinball game?
None, It only takes Tolkiens.
Joke 5 : A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work . The dog is a brilliant piano player, plays all the standards. He's sitting there pounding out the notes when all of the sudden a big dog comes in and drags him off the stool and out the door.
The nightclub owner askes " What happened? "
The manager says " That's his mother . She wants him to be a doctor ".
Joke 6 : How many drunks does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-one, One to hold the light bulb and 20 to drink until the pub spins.
His friend asked, " What kind is it? "
The braggart says, " Half past Four ".
Joke 2 : A snail was slithering along the street one day when he was attacked by two turtles. Later, the cops asked, " Did you get a good look at the turtles who did this to you? "
" No, it all happened so fast ".
Joke 3 : The othery day, I went to work with both ears bandaged. My boss asked what happened.
" I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone! "
"That explains one ear " said my confused boss " But what about the other? "
" The person called back! "
Joke 4 : How many quarters does it take to play the new Lord of the Rings pinball game?
None, It only takes Tolkiens.
Joke 5 : A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work . The dog is a brilliant piano player, plays all the standards. He's sitting there pounding out the notes when all of the sudden a big dog comes in and drags him off the stool and out the door.
The nightclub owner askes " What happened? "
The manager says " That's his mother . She wants him to be a doctor ".
Joke 6 : How many drunks does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-one, One to hold the light bulb and 20 to drink until the pub spins.
