How to flirt with a deaf person?

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kaiimac

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Hey everyone!

I have been browsing through your forums at all the great information, and I thought I would post a question that has been bothering me for a while. I have a "crush" on a guy at my work who is deaf. I don't really know why..I know nothing about him but I can't seem to get him off of my mind. He cannot speak at all...He always signs. We have flirted back and forth a little bit. He makes cute gestures at me (like he bumped into me on purpose and laughed) and smiles at me a lot....but I am really confused on what to do? One day he seems flirty and the next he doesn't even look at me. I walked up to him today and had a piece of paper that said "Hi." (which I thought was cute...and took me tons of courage) He just kind of looked at me and waved weirdly and turned back around. For some reason, I can't get this guy off of my mind. I am not an agressive person, and I am afraid to ask him out because I really don't know what we would do on a date. I talk to his hearing/signing friends and it seems that he is always going out on dates and to "clubs" so maybe I am being silly thinking he even likes me....I guess it is easy for a hearing person to see a deaf person as somewhat antisocial. Anyway, sorry to have rambled on...any input is greatly appreciated!
 
kaiimac said:
Hey everyone!

I have been browsing through your forums at all the great information, and I thought I would post a question that has been bothering me for a while. I have a "crush" on a guy at my work who is deaf. I don't really know why..I know nothing about him but I can't seem to get him off of my mind. He cannot speak at all...He always signs. We have flirted back and forth a little bit. He makes cute gestures at me (like he bumped into me on purpose and laughed) and smiles at me a lot....but I am really confused on what to do? One day he seems flirty and the next he doesn't even look at me. I walked up to him today and had a piece of paper that said "Hi." (which I thought was cute...and took me tons of courage) He just kind of looked at me and waved weirdly and turned back around. For some reason, I can't get this guy off of my mind. I am not an agressive person, and I am afraid to ask him out because I really don't know what we would do on a date. I talk to his hearing/signing friends and it seems that he is always going out on dates and to "clubs" so maybe I am being silly thinking he even likes me....I guess it is easy for a hearing person to see a deaf person as somewhat antisocial. Anyway, sorry to have rambled on...any input is greatly appreciated!
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I am actualy a hearing person in a relationship with a deaf girl, my best advice to you is to treat him as any other person you would have a crush on. Flirt with him in the same manner, so much of flirting is in body language anyway.

I dont in anyway see how it would be easy or normal for a hearing persn to see a deaf person as anywith antisocial. I think youre focusing too much on him being deaf. Youre not looking at him as just some normal guy you have a crush on youre putting so much importance and fear on him being deaf.

My personal advice to you is that if you really want to have any sort of contact with him, learn a little bit of sign. If nothing else your basic ABCs, not only will it impress him that you took the initive to learn a new language but you will also be able to communicate with him and it will give you two something to always be able to talk about, you can have him randomly help you out with your signs or ask him if you are signing something right.

While I am sure he is used to having to pass paper back and forth and write to people its just nice and comforting to have someone take the initive to speak to you in your language. I remember when my girlfriend first saw me learning sign, at the time we were just friends but she was so thrilled and excited. Its a constant source for entertainment and conversation, just having her teach me new signs and me showing her the new signs i have learned.

And being a girl Im sure youre going to have some sort of hang up on learning the sign and showing it to him because you dont want him to think youre too interested or think that youre silly for learning this new language just to talk to this random guy at work. Dont let that hang you up, just tell him that you saw him signing and you thought it was such a beautiful language that you couldnt help but be interested in learning it, you could make some joke about wanting to save the trees so you dont want to keep using all that paper to talk to him.

But my biggest peice of advice for you, quit veiwing him as just being deaf. Youre really putting too much focus on it, just flirt with him like you would any other guy you like. Hope that helps.
 
kaiimac,

Ha, I and you are relatively in the same boat. Granted, I hadn't flirted with any deaf but have been wondering about how and where to start. It's not that I'm intentionally looking for a deaf man only but particularly curious about the dates or interrelationship; how, where and what. I was exposed to Deaf culture and ASL only few weeks ago.

As you pondered above, "I am afraid to ask him out because I really don't know what we would do on a date." Your uncertainty is kosher and observable. It has occured to me what would I and my deaf date would do on a date. It's wholly new to me too. Restaurant? Walking on the beach or in the park? Movie? Rollerblading rink? Nightclub? Bring a pen and papers with me all the time or hole up until I'm initially able to sign ASL conveniently before attempting to flirt or date with a deaf man? I daresay it's for deaf people to know and it's for me to find out?

kaiimac said:
One day he seems flirty and the next he doesn't even look at me. I walked up to him today and had a piece of paper that said "Hi." (which I thought was cute...and took me tons of courage) He just kind of looked at me and waved weirdly and turned back around.
Click to expand...

He hasn't said or wrote anything to you at all? How long have you and him have been flirting with each other? If I were you, I'd bluntly ask him out to observe whether or not if he's romantically drawn to me or not. Rather than contemplating about him being interested in me or not.
 
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Your Mom said:
I am actualy a hearing person in a relationship with a deaf girl, my best advice to you is to treat him as any other person you would have a crush on. Flirt with him in the same manner, so much of flirting is in body language anyway.

I dont in anyway see how it would be easy or normal for a hearing persn to see a deaf person as anywith antisocial. I think youre focusing too much on him being deaf. Youre not looking at him as just some normal guy you have a crush on youre putting so much importance and fear on him being deaf.

My personal advice to you is that if you really want to have any sort of contact with him, learn a little bit of sign. If nothing else your basic ABCs, not only will it impress him that you took the initive to learn a new language but you will also be able to communicate with him and it will give you two something to always be able to talk about, you can have him randomly help you out with your signs or ask him if you are signing something right.

While I am sure he is used to having to pass paper back and forth and write to people its just nice and comforting to have someone take the initive to speak to you in your language. I remember when my girlfriend first saw me learning sign, at the time we were just friends but she was so thrilled and excited. Its a constant source for entertainment and conversation, just having her teach me new signs and me showing her the new signs i have learned.

And being a girl Im sure youre going to have some sort of hang up on learning the sign and showing it to him because you dont want him to think youre too interested or think that youre silly for learning this new language just to talk to this random guy at work. Dont let that hang you up, just tell him that you saw him signing and you thought it was such a beautiful language that you couldnt help but be interested in learning it, you could make some joke about wanting to save the trees so you dont want to keep using all that paper to talk to him.

But my biggest peice of advice for you, quit veiwing him as just being deaf. Youre really putting too much focus on it, just flirt with him like you would any other guy you like. Hope that helps.
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Great advices. I'd ask you a few questions concerning what you said but it's not my thread and it's sorta of off topic. Once again, great tips.
 
Dont focus on his deafness. See him as WHO he is, for instance "Joe" who happens to be deaf, not "Deaf Joe".

I have been approached by many hearing men and I can tell quickly whether he was too focused on my deafness or not. These men who saw me as "Deaf me" turned me off. Being deaf is just ONE aspect of my whole soul.

Simply focus on who he is - we, deaf, can do ANYTHING on dates. Ive gone to concerts, movies, parties, resturants, you name it - Ive done it. It is refreshing to have a man who doesnt overfret about what a deaf person can do on a date. It shows that he has confidence in himself.

You would not believe these questions by these men who saw me as "Deaf me" - such as "Can deaf people have sex? How does a deaf woman know if her partner is moaning? How do they have sex when it is dark and they cant hear the other partner? .......so on...." :ugh3: (By the way, who really do carry on a conversation while humping? ;) )

You can learn how to sign ABCs and ask him if he d like to go out for coffee. It wont kill you :) :giggle:
 
Thanks for all of the advice. I guess I really am focusing too much of his deafness.. I didn't mean to be rude about the antisocial thing...I guess I just mean he doesn't really interact with any of us there. He just comes in and does his thing and leaves. He hasn't really written me any notes or anything..but then again we are always busy working. He did come up to me one day and ask me to page someone for him. I jokingly shook my head no and looked at him....he started laughing and hit me. :ty: I already know my ABCs in sign and I looked up how to say "You're cute," but I am, of course, too embarrassed to say that. You were right when you said that I have hangups about thinking I will come off as needy or obsessive if I learn ASL just to impress a guy. I guess I just need to get past my own hang-ups and go for it. I just didn't really think about him being able to go to a movie or a restaurant unless we just sat in silence. I guess I am so hungup on his deafness because I find it really sexy and cute when he sings or mouths "bye" to me silently. *RAwlr!* :giggle:
 
lol ...

let us know if you re date with him in future~~??? heh :giggle:

Good Luck

Peace
 
kaiimac said:
Hey everyone!

I have been browsing through your forums at all the great information, and I thought I would post a question that has been bothering me for a while. I have a "crush" on a guy at my work who is deaf. I don't really know why..I know nothing about him but I can't seem to get him off of my mind. He cannot speak at all...He always signs. We have flirted back and forth a little bit. He makes cute gestures at me (like he bumped into me on purpose and laughed) and smiles at me a lot....but I am really confused on what to do? One day he seems flirty and the next he doesn't even look at me. I walked up to him today and had a piece of paper that said "Hi." (which I thought was cute...and took me tons of courage) He just kind of looked at me and waved weirdly and turned back around. For some reason, I can't get this guy off of my mind. I am not an agressive person, and I am afraid to ask him out because I really don't know what we would do on a date. I talk to his hearing/signing friends and it seems that he is always going out on dates and to "clubs" so maybe I am being silly thinking he even likes me....I guess it is easy for a hearing person to see a deaf person as somewhat antisocial. Anyway, sorry to have rambled on...any input is greatly appreciated!
Click to expand...

Let me ask you one question.. is he from other country like Mexico... most of deafies from there had no schooling.. cannot read or write.. but they are very smart... You have to be sure... if not.. makes gestures to make him understand you....
 
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