how long is it okay to wait for a date

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jamescoleman

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Alright so I have a rule when wanting to date someone. This rule is that I have to wait a while to get to know the person before I date them but how long do you think is to long? It might sound silly but I know a few people have dated someone else in like a month or two of knowing the other person. I'm thinking two years but a friend told me that that amount of time was way to long and that she could have moved on. Well I don't want to meet a girl and start to date her in like three to four months. I feel that I won't get to know her as well and I really don't think that "we can get to know each other" line works out. The few months before dating seems kind of like too fast. Plus it'll seem a waste of time if I do get in a relationship after knowing a person for a few months and then breaking up soon after we got together.
 
Dont listen to your friend..

If you perfer 2 years then go for it! It's good chance to find the right woman for you.. I said that because if she is/will truly love you so much and she should accept your ways.

There are some women are very impatience and there are some women who are very patience.

You'll have to find some women who are patience..
 
I also forgot to mention that I want to avoid the "friend zone"

I already have a hard time trying to find a girl that's interested in me.
I haven't met any patient girls because we just end up being friends and
she wouldn't want to date me.
 
There's books that say once you're in the friend zone, you're out of luck and other books that say give it time and slowly progress the relationship at a pace that the two of you are comfortable with.

I'd say throw the books out of the window and be yourself.
 
2 years? damn. Took me 1 day. YMMV though :dunno:

It's the risk you should take. You can even start dating immediately after 1-2 dates. There's nothing wrong with it. That's usually the best way to get to know of each other. If it didn't work out, no big deal.
 
jamescoleman said:
I also forgot to mention that I want to avoid the "friend zone"

I already have a hard time trying to find a girl that's interested in me.
I haven't met any patient girls because we just end up being friends and
she wouldn't want to date me.
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friend zone... that's what happens when you take too long. Quite frankly - I don't really see any point in being "friend" with a girl because she's not going to have time for you once she's hitched.

If you like her, be a man and take charge. If you don't like her later on, break up.
 
I think you got this reversed - you need to date them in order to get to know them. Previously knowing her from chat, forums, or the like don't really say much as anyone can say anything, what you believe what they say is up to you, but to know one, you need to experience what it's like being with her. That's where dating comes in. About your question, you will know when you feel you have known her, there is no set time established for this - go at your own pace. If she seems too hurried or amiss to you, it's up to you to try another way of approaching her wants and needs, or move on. Like Taurus said, go at your own pace, but keep in mind, (from my experience) there may be times when you have to modify your expectations (stick with your standards though) to "meet her halfway" if you still want to get to know her better.
 
there's no correct or wrong way to do it but there are a few things to avoid. That's why I said YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary). It's different for all. When I meet a girl and it's going well... I simply ask her if she would like to chill again (not as a date). If that went well again, then I will ask her out on date. Of course - her answer could go down to either way - "friend zone" or dating zone. If it went to friend zone, yes it would be awkward but if both of you are cool about it, there's nothing wrong with being friends. That can lead to dating zone as well later on.

I've been to both situation. It's ultimately up to you and the girl on how the pace should be but just don't take it too long and don't move too passively (as in playing it too safe). :cool2: One thing for sure - girl likes to be told (such as "I like you! You look very nice! You have a quirky sense of humor")
 
Jiro said:
2 years? damn. Took me 1 day. YMMV though :dunno:

It's the risk you should take. You can even start dating immediately after 1-2 dates. There's nothing wrong with it. That's usually the best way to get to know of each other. If it didn't work out, no big deal.
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It took me half a day to date a guy, and we stay friends after we broke up ! We were friend for over 30 years , he dies 2 years ago . When I was 40 years younger I did not wait to let a guy know I like him! Some other woman could made a move ! If you really like someone let them know , 2 years is way too long to wait! The person could move or get married to another other guy! Go for it!
 
If you like someone, you should go ahead and make a move.... I personally think that two years is too long.... she would've/is most likely have moved on.
 
As for me..after the SERIOUS health issues that I just recently went through...if it was me..I would grab it by the horns and ride with it.

There's not enough time in this world to pussyfoot with other people. If you see something you like..you better go the hell after it cuz it may not be around tomorrow. You have to muster up the courage and ask this guy/lady out on a date and see how it goes for both of you. If you continue to pussyfoot around..it will be YOUR loss.

So..grab the horns and go for one helluva ride!
 
Wow theres good advice from everyone, thanks :D

I honestly thought that people would date after being friends. I mean, how is it that alot of people can be good friends but not move up into being a couple. It's like a promotion, instead the company hires the new guy/girl to be the boss that doesn't have the experience such as the person who got passed up for promotion for the new guy/girl.

I can understand a friendship not wanting to be ruined but wouldn't it be more difficult to ruin a friendship if they were good friends????
 
There is no exact time for how long you want to wait for a date. It is entirely up to you - that is whenever you're ready for it.

Although, Some of the time it is good to step out of the comfort zone because life is too short to wait for anything too long. :)
 
jamescoleman said:
Wow theres good advice from everyone, thanks :D

I honestly thought that people would date after being friends. I mean, how is it that alot of people can be good friends but not move up into being a couple. It's like a promotion, instead the company hires the new guy/girl to be the boss that doesn't have the experience such as the person who got passed up for promotion for the new guy/girl.

I can understand a friendship not wanting to be ruined but wouldn't it be more difficult to ruin a friendship if they were good friends????
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you see most people dating with each other? they weren't friend in the first place. They either just met at random place or were introduced by friends. it takes a couple dates to see if they like each other or not.

but yes - they can become couple after being friends for a while but it's kind of complicated that way IMO.
 
jamescoleman said:
I can understand a friendship not wanting to be ruined but wouldn't it be more difficult to ruin a friendship if they were good friends????
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Actually I dated one of my really good friends and it so didn't work out! It was too much like kissing a family member after awhile, it just wasn't there. Not to say that that will happen to you but it is a possibility. And afterwards, we didn't talk for quite some time. We only recently just said hey lets put the past behind us, yea? :)

From a woman's point of view, (solely my own mainly), if a guy tried to befriend me and then say after 2 years came up and said hey btw I like you I'd be like hmm thought we were just friends lol. It'd be really awkward and would fall into that category of "But you're like my friend! Not my BOYfriend!"

~*~Carly~*~
 
jamescoleman said:
Wow theres good advice from everyone, thanks :D

I honestly thought that people would date after being friends. I mean, how is it that a lot of people can be good friends but not move up into being a couple. It's like a promotion, instead the company hires the new guy/girl to be the boss that doesn't have the experience such as the person who got passed up for promotion for the new guy/girl.

I can understand a friendship not wanting to be ruined but wouldn't it be more difficult to ruin a friendship if they were good friends????
Click to expand...

Not Exactly,

I have dated lot of my male friends (Majority of them were great friends)....and after we broken up, our friendships were never the same. Sure, some remained my friends and some, we haven't spoken for years since the friendship. Out of all the guys I dated, one were not my friend before dating.... it was a different experience.
 
Well I'm wrong then. I just figured that, that would be a better way to go. I really wish there was a manual on dating because this is really confusing. It seems like the new boyfriend/girlfriend would replace the good friend automatically. I have had it happen where I was good friends with someone then they got into a relationship and they just stopped talking to me. How is it that someone can just remain friends when they like the other person??? I can understand that they would want to keep their friendship but wouldn't it be worth it to just put it out there??
 
James, did you ask her out already? FWIW, my advice as a person of the female persuasion is to ask her out! If a guy didn't ask me out, I assumed that he wasn't interested in me romantically.
 
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