How can you tell the difference between backstabbing and feeling expression?

[Liebling:-)))]

How can you tell the difference between backstabbing and feeling expression?


Is Venting/Ranting belong to kind of backstabbing or feeling expression?

Is it backstabbing when you made my posts without name anyone in general way?

Is it backstabbing when you express your unhappy feeling without name anyone in general way?


And ...... Anything what you add to this? What have you opinion to this?

Is it backstabbing when you have angry expression against a person without name anyone?

Is it expression feeling when you name anyone to public forum or talk to person?


I would appreicate very much for your feedback to this question and share your opinion when you see different and what/how you feeling?

Come and Discuss...

 

[Cheri]

How can you tell the difference between backstabbing and feeling expression?

backstabbing is when you go behind another person's back and gossip about one another. Expressing your feeling, is when you express how you feel without trying to hurt one another's feelings.

Is Venting/Ranting belong to kind of backstabbing or feeling expression?

It depends on how you are venting or ranting about someone, If you are gotta name a person, That's consider backstabbing, If you are venting and ranting namelss it's not consider backstabbing, But, if you are giving hints who you are venting and ranting about, that anyone would firgured it out, That's backstabbing too.

Is it backstabbing when you made my posts without name anyone in general way?

No.

Is it backstabbing when you express your unhappy feeling without name anyone in general way?

No

Is it backstabbing when you have angry expression against a person without name anyone?

No, without naming a person, You are allow to vent out your feelings as long you don't give out hints (for example: This person who is from another forum, Her bf is one of the moderator in another forum.) < That is consider backstabbing.

Is it expression feeling when you name anyone to public forum or talk to person?

Read my post above about hints giving out. It's consider back stabbing if you named a person you are venting and ranting out about, and described a person you are venting and ranting about.

 

[coloravalanche]

I second 100% with Cheri...

Everything she said is exactly what I have in mind..

 

[RainGurl]

How can you tell the difference between backstabbing and feeling expression?

Is Venting/Ranting belong to kind of backstabbing or feeling expression?

Hum, depends on what manner that it is done in. I looked it up.

BACKSTAB
betrayal (as by a verbal attack against one not present)

VENT
2 a : to serve as a vent for <chimneys vent smoke> b : DISCHARGE , EXPEL c : to give often vigorous or emotional expression to

RANT
1 : to talk in a noisy, excited, or declamatory manner
2 : to scold vehemently

I don't think it's the same. I think inorder to backstab someone you have to have a deliberate intent to "break confidentality." So you knew something, and now you are going to bring it out into the open when that person didn't want everyone out in the open knowing her business. What makes it worse, is that person posts it and she is "UNAWARE" realizes that the siutation that was being talked ABOUT (not neccessarily having her NAME MENTIONED) but knows the situation ~ she realizes it's what she spoke to you about in a private manner.

Venting CAN BE "innocent". It's to "relieve" your feelings, how far should you go? Well does it breach confidentality? Does it provide information that one does NOT want others to know? Instead of venting on a "public fourm" should you perhaps take it in "private" with the "person" you are having an "issue with?" Because really two people CAN get things out, and clear the air without the rest of the world involved.

Rant is the intensity of emotions. Again, before you speak you must think. What are the consquences of this? Should I take it to the person I am having an issue with? If you have, and the person has acknowledged the situation and refuses to do anything but "KNOWS" of the "ISSUE." Well, then that is different. You are venting with THAT PERSON KNOWING the SITUATION. If ythey have no idea that you have an issue with them you are under obligation to keep it inside. However, until the matters have been dealted with privately nothing should be discussed without the other party being informed there is an issue to discuss and resolve.

Is it backstabbing when you made my posts without name anyone in general way?

Backstabbing is with or without someone name. Inless the issue has been dealt with personally with the offended or the offender NO ONE SHOULD BE BRINGING ISSUES on the board that have NOT been properly discussed or dealted with.

Is it backstabbing when you express your unhappy feeling without name anyone in general way?

Yes again, it's with someone knowingly has an issue with someone. Does NOT discuss their issue that they have with that person. And bringing it out in the open. Again people, take the issue up with the offender. If you are offended, is it not rude to just go and discuss the situation without having taking it to the people involved??? Name or not, it's not how things are done. PRIVATELY, not publicly. If the person knows of it, and denies/refuses to deal with the situation/avoids the situation then I feel you aren't under any obligation to keep confidence.

And ...... Anything what you add to this? What have you opinion to this?

I think that venting is good to a trustworthy friend. That you know won't discuss anything, and will stay on netural grounds. If you bring it to the public you get wars/sides/opinions. It starts gossip, rumours...in the whole ...ugly situations develop. I think bringing it to the boards is just an immature way and also a way of escaping the situation. By not dealing with it personally and privately with the offender. Sure, I don't like conflict. I never have. Discuss it privately first. Talk about it. There may be nothing to POST after, the discussion takes place and conflict resolved. Why drag everyone else in yours/offenders business? Making it that much more complicated?

Is it backstabbing when you have angry expression against a person without name anyone?

Backstabing is the same with name or no name.

Is it expression feeling when you name anyone to public forum or talk to person?

No it's not expression. It's being immature, and unable to deal with situations properly. Take it to a person that is reliable/trusted friend (whom you would trust your life with) is able to be neutral, and help give you ideas, and solutions to deal with the conflict. Confidentiality is not breached and you are able to contain your emotions, and better handle the issue before acting on "raw emotions" and hurting others in the process.

I would appreicate very much for your feedback to this question and share your opinion when you see different and what/how you feeling?

Shared my feeling above. H2S

 

[Deehamilton]

backstabbing is when you go behind another person's back and gossip about one another. Expressing your feeling, is when you express how you feel without trying to hurt one another's feelings.



It depends on how you are venting or ranting about someone, If you are gotta name a person, That's consider backstabbing, If you are venting and ranting namelss it's not consider backstabbing, But, if you are giving hints who you are venting and ranting about, that anyone would firgured it out, That's backstabbing too.



No.



No



No, without naming a person, You are allow to vent out your feelings as long you don't give out hints (for example: This person who is from another forum, Her bf is one of the moderator in another forum.) < That is consider backstabbing.



Read my post above about hints giving out. It's consider back stabbing if you named a person you are venting and ranting out about, and described a person you are venting and ranting about.

My opinion is the same as cheri. 100 percent in what she just post!!

 

[GalaxyAngel]

Is Venting/Ranting belong to kind of backstabbing or feeling expression?
Venting/Ranting.. I wasn't aware of this issue as condiser backstabing.. part of your feeling expression "speak it out of chest". How much you truly pain inside your eating up the somatch. Til feel better when ready to speak it out w/person who turns cruel behavouir improrpite ways.
Venting/Ranting isn't part of backstabbing.. whoever listening your feelings inside pain and speak it out whole thing. Part of this AD or outside.. still both counts!

Is it backstabbing when you made my posts without name anyone in general way?
Which the best no naming on the post.. depneds how much if you anger only the way directly speak it out privacy pm'land or instant message. If not work it out then simple the way move on... Let it be!

Is it backstabbing when you express your unhappy feeling without name anyone in general way?
Still as same part of #1 No such thing any tiny differences.

And ...... Anything what you add to this? What have you opinion to this?
Little bit too personal but unless you feel uncomortable being backstabing.. then speak it out direcly private talk on pm'land or instant message. Other thing vent/rant isn't part of backstabbing.. No.. reason their expression feelings.. That's all as I can know. *throw two cents*

Is it backstabbing when you have angry expression against a person without name anyone?
Quite good question.. Depends, If I would end up hurting and will talk directly pm you or anyone. Not pretty insight what you have done to me.. I might be condiser betraying you.. uneasy! I will be become more not trusting on interent friends takes me so long forever... *break my heart* Honestly yes.. I've been experience in my past horrible pain.. I had start over again and to get build trust internet-friend again.. Pretty not easy..

Is it expression feeling when you name anyone to public forum or talk to person?
Beside only Who I can trust with person... and also my husband only.. What the best discussion first before go proceed talk out w/person front of public forum depneds me.. Actually As for me my personally speak it out on AD.. No Thank you! isn't my type.. Best private pmland.. if not work it out.. then.. MOVE ON! Dont' ask me ever again!

I would appreicate very much for your feedback to this question and share your opinion when you see different and what/how you feeling?
Likely for example.. Happily talk w/along AD'ers on anywone whoever I don't cares... as long when meeting real life.. Totally different.. whoever looks and might say.. their mind.. Oh darn, I wish I could not have along w/that person.. How do you feel ? Yes totally PAIN AND HURTING.. Why you took oath friendship first place?
Anyone DISCUSSION?

 

[Cheri]

NO ONE SHOULD BE BRINGING ISSUES on the board that have NOT been properly discussed or dealted with.

But, I've seen you vented about your husband, your family member.

I think that venting is good to a trustworthy friend. That you know won't discuss anything, and will stay on netural grounds. If you bring it to the public you get wars/sides/opinions. It starts gossip, rumours...in the whole ...ugly situations develop. I think bringing it to the boards is just an immature way and also a way of escaping the situation. By not dealing with it personally and privately with the offender.

That part of your statement, I agree with you. I don't like it either, If a person has an issue with me, discuss it with me private, solved in private between the two of us.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Thank you for share your feedback and opinion here with us. It helps people to understand what backstabbing and feeling expression is.

I´m agree with some of your posts here.

I´m going to reply some of your posts soon.

 

[RainGurl]

But, I've seen you vented about your husband, your family member.



That part of your statement, I agree with you. I don't like it either, If a person has an issue with me, discuss it with me private, solved in private between the two of us.

I talked to him and with family over the issues that we have had. I remember once I was very angry. Hurt. And what not. Maybe this is NOT the place to bring my issues at. I was mainly talking about members here in AD.

Not my husband or my family.

Anyhow, yes I do take this personally because you didn't have any respect to maybe talk to me in private about it. Instead you just brought it out and embarrassed/hulimated me.

Anyhow, Aders MY SINCERE "apologize" I won't bring any of my "issues" again about my personal family.

I will think twice before posting now.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I notice some of people confused between backstab and feeling expression which it mean different. Some of people consider feeling expression as backstab, insult etc...

Backstab

Definition:
betray somebody: to do or say something harmful to somebody after pretending to be a friend

http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_/backstabber.html

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=back+stabber

Expression

Definition:

3. conveying of thoughts or feelings: the communication of thoughts or feelings, e.g. directly to another person or through a work of art
a heart-rending expression of sorrow

http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_/expression.html

Insult

Definition:

1. transitive and intransitive verb be offensive to somebody: to say or do something rude or insensitive that offends somebody

2. transitive verb show contempt for somebody or something: to say or do something that suggests a low opinion of somebody or something
Don't insult me by offering me pity.

http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_/insult.html

Is your friend a backstabber?
We all know somebody who is a doubletalker, a gossip and a generally untrustworthy person. They are cruel to their enemies and even meaner to their friends - only with the friends the mean streak only comes out when their backs are turned. This type of friend is all sweetness and sugar to people's faces but act uly and spiteful behind their backs. We call people like this "backstabbers" because they sneak around portraying themselves as something they are not, a friend. Do you have one of these snakes in your life? Are you wondering if a bud is really a dud? Take our "Is your friend a backstabber?" quiz to find out.
http://teenadvice.about.com/library/teenquiz/46/blbackstabberquiz.htm

How to deal with a backstabber

They might say they are your 'best friend', but the moment your back is turned, they lie about you to others. No one wants to be hurt in this way, but how do deal with them?. Perhaps the following tips can help.

Steps
Be aware of your surroundings. If you have a bad feeling about somebody, listen to your instincts!
Pay attention to red flags.
If somebody betrays you, don't trust that person again without extensive consideration.
If the other person doesn't have friends of his or her own, there may be a reason. Perhaps other people know something that you don't.
If someone is mean to you one minute and nice to you the next, there is definitely something wrong.
If you do something for somebody that other people won't do (depending on what it is), there is also something wrong.
If someone is too aggressive or tries too hard to sell you on something, he or she is likely setting you up for something.
Trust your friends. If they say that somebody is a jerk, believe them.
Notice the other person's work ethic. If he or she is lazy and irresponsible, stay away from the person. If you work hard, he or she will use you in a heartbeat!


Tips
Get away from these people as soon as possible and convince others not to associate with them.
Don't hesitate to ask questions. If somebody seems shady in any perspective, ask them about it.
There is a difference between friends and acquaintances.
Don't rely on the backstabber for anything, even the little things. In this way, you will avoid situations where you owe him/her a favor. This technique takes patience, practice and goes completely against your better nature. The backstabber will get the hint and move on the next sucker/victim.
Treat him/her like you would any other snake. Be polite when in his/her area, keep to the path, and maintain your distance.


Warnings
Never let the backstabber know that he/she has gotten to you.

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Backstabber

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I talked to him and with family over the issues that we have had. I remember once I was very angry. Hurt. And what not. Maybe this is NOT the place to bring my issues at. I was mainly talking about members here in AD.

Not my husband or my family.

Anyhow, yes I do take this personally because you didn't have any respect to maybe talk to me in private about it. Instead you just brought it out and embarrassed/hulimated me.

Anyhow, Aders MY SINCERE "apologize" I won't bring any of my "issues" again about my personal family.

I will think twice before posting now.

I can´t see what/how Cheri upset you here. She only wonder, that´s all. I consider your venting/ranting about your family member in some threads as expression feeling, not backstabbing.

Remember that form of feeling expression is the best therapy...

 

[jazzy]

Are u confusing between being backstabber and venting yourself?

How do u know if your not backstabber or just venting? Yeah I try hard to not be backstabber but to express my feeling and still feel alike a backstabber once awhile.

 

[Maria]

I can´t see what/how Cheri upset you here. She only wonder, that´s all. I consider your venting/ranting about your family member in some threads as expression feeling, not backstabbing.

Remember that form of feeling expression is the best therapy...

Yeah, well that's the problem. It could send some ADers off from this site, if someone post sayin' about other people's personal issues here when it hasn't be discussed in the first place ( IM or PM or elsewhere outside of this AD ) before in the open forum. That's " humiliatin' ". To humiliatin' someone is showin' no respect. Ok, let me explain somethin' here as example : When there are 2 people who disagreed on somethin' or any issue until it becomes too much and, then one of those 2 people decided to create a thread and ask others for their opinions/POV on what issue was all about without discussin' it with that person who she/he was talkin' about earlier. That's somethin' I've seen in some forums. They might feel that it is so called " Backstabbin' " or " gossipin' " -- dependin' on what kind of issue they were talkin' about before in the open forum. That's somethin' I don't like to see, because it can hurt other people's feelin'. They will feel that this person is full of hypocrisy and, it could lead to losin' friends for over that.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

backstabbing is when you go behind another person's back and gossip about one another. Expressing your feeling, is when you express how you feel without trying to hurt one another's feelings.

Yes, exactly!!!

I express my feeling is consider my own feeling and thoughts.
Backstabbing is when a person (A) talk a person (B) behind person (C)´s back and pretend to be a friend with a person (C).

It depends on how you are venting or ranting about someone, If you are gotta name a person, That's consider backstabbing, If you are venting and ranting namelss it's not consider backstabbing, But, if you are giving hints who you are venting and ranting about, that anyone would firgured it out, That's backstabbing too.

If everyone knows what you talking about when you use nameless is understandable but if nobody know except one person is not backstabbing.

I would like to give you an example: You created a thread to express your feeling and ask anyone for feedback. Nobody knows what you talking about but give you feedback until a person jumped on your thread and suspect it´s him/her you referred to.

Dear ADers:
Caution: this is only an example to ask you all for question. (I will not name a person but you should figure out yourself)..

Question: Is it backstabbing? No, I do not consider the creator who express her/his feeling as backstabbing but ask anyone for feedback.

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=12267&page=1&pp=20

No.



No

Exactly

No, without naming a person, You are allow to vent out your feelings as long you don't give out hints (for example: This person who is from another forum, Her bf is one of the moderator in another forum.) < That is consider backstabbing.

Yes, I has to give you right and can see the sense how you feeling when a person ranted other thread with hint "her boyfriend is one of the moderator in another forum" got everyone attention because we all know what a person talking about which is total different.

Example: It doesn´t bother me if I see a person (A) made his/her post in any thread which I know it´s me, she/he referred to because nobody knows who a person (A) referring to but me.



Thank you for share your good posts because it helps people to see the sense how difference between backstabbing and feeling expression...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Are u confusing between being backstabber and venting yourself?

How do u know if your not backstabber or just venting? Yeah I try hard to not be backstabber but to express my feeling and still feel alike a backstabber once awhile.

Unfortunlately yes, I see the problem that people can´t say the difference. I know how you feeling... It´s sucker!

The reason why I create a thread here.

 

[Cheri]

anyhow, yes I do take this personally because you didn't have any respect to maybe talk to me in private about it. Instead you just brought it out and embarrassed/hulimated me.

Anyhow, Aders MY SINCERE "apologize" I won't bring any of my "issues" again about my personal family.

I will think twice before posting now.

I was only pointing out your post when you stated that nobody should bring personal issue in the forum, but it's ok for you to discuss about your husband or family members and you telling us we cannot? That's what I am pointing out, I don't see how the heck am I embarrassed or hulimated you??

eah, well that's the problem. It could send some ADers off from this site, if someone post sayin' about other people's personal issues here when it hasn't be discussed in the first place

You have no idea what you are talking about, I don't need to explain anything, You need to search some threads that members had already vented their feelings out already.

That's somethin' I've seen in some forums. They might feel that it is so called " Backstabbin' " or " gossipin' " -- dependin' on what kind of issue they were talkin' about before in the open forum. That's somethin' I don't like to see, because it can hurt other people's feelin'. They will feel that this person is full of hypocrisy and, it could lead to losin' friends for over that.

You need to practice what you preach lady, because honestly you have named members from here to another forum(s), not once but three time. Have you thought about anyone's feelings?

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Heart2Sign,

No, I do not agree that feeling expression belong sort of backstabbing, Heart2Sign.

No, I do not agree that to use nameless as backstabbing because nobody knows what you talking about except a person.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yeah, well that's the problem. It could send some ADers off from this site, if someone post sayin' about other people's personal issues here when it hasn't be discussed in the first place ( IM or PM or elsewhere outside of this AD ) before in the open forum. That's " humiliatin' ". To humiliatin' someone is showin' no respect. Ok, let me explain somethin' here as example : When there are 2 people who disagreed on somethin' or any issue until it becomes too much and, then one of those 2 people decided to create a thread and ask others for their opinions/POV on what issue was all about without discussin' it with that person who she/he was talkin' about earlier. That's somethin' I've seen in some forums. They might feel that it is so called " Backstabbin' " or " gossipin' " -- dependin' on what kind of issue they were talkin' about before in the open forum. That's somethin' I don't like to see, because it can hurt other people's feelin'. They will feel that this person is full of hypocrisy and, it could lead to losin' friends for over that.

Interesting!

I have few questions for you here.

Is it backstabbing when a person(A) pasted and name a person(B) from here to other forum without person(B)´s permission?

Is it backstabbing when a person(A) spy person(B)´s post and paste her/his post for person(C) ?

Do you consider feeling expression as backstabbing and insult?

I have seen a person created some threads and know it´s me a person refer to but it doesn´t bother me because I know nobody knows it´s me a person refer to. It would be different story if EVERYONE knows what a person talking about when a person post nameless with hint...

 

[RainGurl]

I was only pointing out your post when you stated that nobody should bring personal issue in the forum, but it's ok for you to discuss about your husband or family members and you telling us we cannot? That's what I am pointing out, I don't see how the heck am I embarrassed or hulimated you??

I was stating if people had issues with other people on the board. I wasn't talking about personal family issues. I was talking about people knowingly have people as friends, or enemies (I really don't care at the moment)..talking about THEM. If you want to vent and rant about your personal life OUTSIDE OF AD that is your business. I never said anything about that. I was only implying if people have issues with AD members. If this was considered all peoples then I completely misunderstood the entire section of people we are talking about.

If you have family issues, and you need to vent. Great, let's hear it. It's going to only help you and such. We won't take it personally. Infact we'll help you and give you ideas (we aren't directly involved in the situation)

If you have AD issues, and you need to vent. Go to a friend, and get it resolved with that person first. Because then you DRAG THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY DOWN. (because all of us get pulled in when it's a member of AD against another member of AD).

Now do you see where I was coming from?


See the difference?

 

[Cheri]

Yes, I do see where you are coming from,. Heart2Sign. Now that makes sense knowing what you are really talking about, At first I didn't know what you meant by that. I thought you meant anyone (Family, Friends, AD members, general)

I do agree with you about issues related to members should be taken out of AD, and discuss between two people alone outside of AD or in private message. Well said there, Heart2Sign.