Horoscope 4 2day.

[The*Empress]

Friday, September 30, 2005

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Life is beginning to bet a bit stale, isn't it? Whenever that happens to me, I concoct some sort of prune-related recipe and send it off to the food editor of the local daily. You might give that a try.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Soon you will get into accounting, "just for the thrill of it."

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will find that it is true - everything is better with the addition of either chocolate or garlic (but not both). Well, except for running shoes, that is.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Everyone you see will be "power walking" today. Ignore them -- they're just trying to get on your nerves.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will make the startling discovery that most of the lawyers and judges in your county have been possessed by demons. In fact, they weren't kidding when they said that possession was nine tenths of the law...

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Good day to discuss zoospores (motile usually naked and flagellated asexual spores, especially of an alga or lower fungus) with casual aquaintances.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A new love affair will have you all misty-eyed. Either that, or it's the onset of glaucoma, in which case you should seek immediate medical attention.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will inherit millions, along with a rather elderly butler named Hodgson. You'll have a nice time.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today someone sitting near you will make repeated nasal sounds that will eventually drive you screaming from the room. Try to avoid attacking them with a box of kleenex upon re-entering the room.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will finally come to understand what Mies Van der Rohe was talking about when he said "Less is more." He was talking about his brother, Lester Van der Rohe, and was referring to a small weight-gain problem.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Poit twoonie squaggle? Floon morble tid bubbu taha, hen? Hen?

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Beware of short people.

 

[The*Empress]

Saturday, October 1, 2005



Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will go into the prosthetic forehead business, having heard that everyone wants a prosthetic forehead to wear on their real forehead. It would be a good idea to do your own market research, in this case, before sinking all your savings in this venture.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will go on a potato binge today. Baked, fried, scalloped, stuffed, mashed, whipped, and hash-browned. Just stay away from the tater tots, for your own good.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will call someone today, who will insist on calling you "Sven." Humor them -- act impressed.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will be "mooned" by a cat. Fortunately, you won't notice.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Beware of Doug.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you'll go buy a white jacket, and start working towards your dream: the resurgence of Disco! And you'll be successful, too! Yes, over the course of your life, you'll get literally several people interested.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Don't do that. Your face could get stuck that way. Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't realised it already did!!!!!!!!!!

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will have trouble with the telephone, in which, no matter what number you call, you reach "Mo's Leather Emporium." Don't take it lightly.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will use the phrase "hep-cat daddy-o" one too many times, and your friends will tie you to a chair, and gag you.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will realize that your biggest problem is indecisiveness. Or possibly procrastination. Tomorrow may be a better day to figure out which.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will be driven into a panic today by the thought that you will live to see music by Oingo Boingo referred to as "classic" rock. Believe me, that's not nearly as strange as clothing trends will be, such as the "big elbow" look.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Someone nearby will read something out loud to you soon, which you might consider fairly obvious - such as "Blows to the head are a common cause of brain damage." The best reply to this is "Huh?"

 

[Awauphi]

oh jeez.. that is so hilarious.. lmao

 

[The*Empress]

Monday, October 3, 2005

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
While attending a séance "just for fun", you will be possessed by the spirit of Rasputin. Surprisingly, it will be a good career move.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you can have lots of fun by beaming at people, and telling them how fresh your brand of soap makes you feel. If that doesn't work, try explaining how your detergent gets your shirts their brightest.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Extremely poor day to use obscure euphemisms or medical metaphors. In particular, avoid "kajoobies" or "shvontz" like the plague.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Nobody knows the trouble you've seen. Except for Bob, that is. You know - the quiet neighbor, with the binoculars?

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will discover a lot of money under your pillow! Unfortunately, it won't begin to cover the cost of the dentures that you will also discover a sudden need for.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Dogs barking. Can't fly without umbrella.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will be watched by cats. It's nothing really worth worrying about, I'm sure. Did you know that you've started making little unconscious "squeaks" when you're concentrating on something?

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will discover that there is nothing more silly than a silly laugh. A silly nose wiggle ranks pretty highly, though.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Try being entirely honest for a week. That's a fine way to develop a clear conscience. Personally, I prefer my method, though -- a poor memory.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be in an extremely stuffy meeting today, which will seem to last forever. You will be able to liven things up a smidge by putting a few small feathers in your hand, and then "coughing" them out.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Your friend will betray you today, and will hide from you under office furniture. Hey, don't ask me. I just see the future, I don't explain it.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Your neighbors will have a wild party, which you'll catch glimpses of through the open window. You'll know you shouldn't watch, but it's just hard to imagine how people can do that, especially on a trampoline.

 

[The*Empress]

Year of DOG - 2006.... YAY!!! Jan 29, Sunday
But I am metal dog, and this year fire dog.

China Welcomes New Year, Fireworks' Return -

BEIJING - The Chinese capital prepared to usher in the Lunar New Year with a bang Saturday, after authorities lifted a 12-year ban on fireworks. As residents stocked up on fireworks, officials were urging caution, fearing the sharp rise in injuries and fires that accompanied the holiday period before the ban was imposed.

 

[The*Empress]

FIVE THINGS: About the Chinese New Year

January 27, 2006
BY EMILIANA SANDOVAL

A Chinese worker decorates for the new year at a Beijing park on Monday. (ELIZABETH DALZIEL/Associated Press)

On Sunday, billions of people will celebrate the Chinese, or Lunar, New Year.

DOGGED

This starts the Year of the Dog, as was 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982 and 1994. People born in the Year of the Dog are honest and loyal, know how to keep secrets and make good leaders. However, they can be stubborn, selfish and emotionally distant.

These people are compatible with those born in the years of the Horse, Tiger and Rabbit.

CELEBRATION

The Chinese New Year occurs on the first new moon of the lunar calendar and ends on the full moon 15 days later.

New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are a time to gather with family members to honor the gods and the family's ancestors.

The 15th day is the Lantern Festival, which in China is celebrated with a parade and a dragon dance.

SUPERSTITIONS

The whole house should be clean for New Year's Day, but don't sweep on New Year's Day -- you might sweep away good fortune.

At the stroke of midnight as New Year's Day arrives, every door and window in the house should be open to let the old year out. Shooting off firecrackers at midnight sends out the old year and welcomes the new one.

If you wash your hair on New Year's Day, you risk washing away good luck.

TASTES

Lucky foods include candy, oranges and tangerines, sticky rice cakes, whole fish, whole chicken (with feet, head and tail) and 12 vegetables, one for each sign of the zodiac. Long noodles symbolize long life.

 

[The*Empress]

In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

 

[The*Empress]

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

 

[The*Empress]

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.

 

[The*Empress]

If you're enjoying 2006, then you're going to love 4703. That's right: It's time to ring in the Chinese New Year ... January 29 kicks off the Year of the Dog!

The sign of the dog is known, not surprisingly, for loyalty and generosity. Need to spill a secret? Seek out one of these honest souls and bend that expert listening ear. While Dogs themselves may be reluctant to place their trust in just anyone, once they do, members of this sign can make the best business partners and leaders. And while Dogs might enjoy life more by relaxing their exacting standards from time to time, you'd be hard-pressed to find a better or more faithful friend.

So what can we expect from the upcoming year? The Dog is an ethical and idealistic sign, and the year that bears its name will also bring increased social awareness and interest in society's less powerful members. Any tendencies to take, take, take will be replaced by a widespread sentiment of generosity and selflessness. In general, we will all be imbued with the Dog's keen sense of right and wrong. You can also get a feel for the year to come by checking the compatibility between your Chinese sign and the sign of the dog -- the better your compatibility, the better your year.

Happy New Year and Gong Xi Fa Cai (may you have wealth and prosper)!

 

[Heath]

Hi Miss Pinocchio,

Reading post # 7 through 9 was very well said.

That was a real eye opener about the master and his dog.

What the master does reflects in the dog. I saw alots of things that I never thought about with my dog. Thank you

 

[The*Empress]

Thank you.