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Tabbie

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Hello ,
I'm mother to one preschooler with progressive hearing loss and partner to one with profound deafness (10% hearing on one side). I'm struggling as a parent to help my son obtain the same opportunities and chances at life as fully hearing children and am really in need of some support. I am the 'ears' of my family and if I am honest , I am terrified of what life holds for my boy and for my partner when he looses the little hearing he has.


I am pleased to meet you all, and hope to find friendship and support that I sorely need and hope that those with more life experience in the wider hearing impaired community can help me help my son.
 
welcome, Tabbie:wave:

but "impaired" - no
don't let him think he's impaired
 
What state are you in? Is your preschooler in a Deaf (sign using) preschool? That really does help a lot......The key is that you need to offer him a full toolbox of options......Expose him to ASL, yes, but also encourage speech therapy etc. Personally as a HOH kid, I do think that exposing him to ASL and deaf culture will make for a more emotionally healthy kid.
Tradtionally progressive loss and hoh kids have been oralized to the max....Some kids do well, and don't identify with ASL (especially if they went dhh at the tail end of postlingal) but it's best to offer your kid a full toolbox.
 
Expose him to the Deaf community and ASL.

Deaf here and I have a great life!
 
Tabbie said:
Hello ,
I'm mother to one preschooler with progressive hearing loss and partner to one with profound deafness (10% hearing on one side). I'm struggling as a parent to help my son obtain the same opportunities and chances at life as fully hearing children and am really in need of some support. I am the 'ears' of my family and if I am honest , I am terrified of what life holds for my boy and for my partner when he looses the little hearing he has.


I am pleased to meet you all, and hope to find friendship and support that I sorely need and hope that those with more life experience in the wider hearing impaired community can help me help my son.
Click to expand...

Hi Tabbie, Welcome to AD :wave:

Live is always a struggle. I am deaf since I was 4 years old. I strongly believe that you should not look at deafness as a disability (or impaired) but look at deafness as an opportunity to learn a new language. Look for Sign Language classes in your area. Look for other members of the deaf community. They can help. You don't mention where you are from, but from your use of language I am guessing you are from the UK. Am I right? I look forward to hearing more of your struggles and successes. We support the use of sign language for the education of deaf children, and since your partner is also deaf the use of sign language in your home should really enhance your ability to communicate and make your life so much easier. Too often people look at deafness as a bad thing. Yes, it's a struggle, but it opens you to new experiences and teaches you humility. Be strong and be brave. It's a whole new world that is opening to you.
 
Thankyou all for your kind greetings :) I've put my 'braveness' face on , as my son puts it , and barreled on contacting as many organisations for deaf children and adults and was greatly appreciative to find a organisation that connects parents of deaf children with other parents who know the system and have been through it before and who act as mentors. What a wonderful idea! after filling out the forms on Sunday I have had the loveliest woman phone this afternoon who is a fountain of knowledge and ever so kind. She has put our names out for tutors and supplied information for a preschool for deaf children which is taught by deaf teachers who sign. We will hopefully be going for 4 hours every monday which will be brilliant I think. While the children are at the preschool they run an adult class in the room next door for parents. I am so looking forward to it.

We are going to a christmas party held for the deaf children and families belonging to his organisation which she says is the best place to network with other families and has also put me in touch with a mother with two deaf boys alittle older than my son who live only 10 minutes away from us so we are having them over for luncheon next weekend. It will be so lovely to have some friends for our son who have similar uniqueness to him - they are mute so it will be an experience for him I am sure, but children will be children and Im sure with the train set and a football between them they will have a lovely time.

Cheetah - you are correct, well almost~ - we are British expats living in New Zealand and you are right - I should not think of it as an impairment. I say that as I am so accustomed to what is written at the top of his school and medical notes. I do not think of it as such but was not sure what term I should be using here, knowing that the world over we use different terminology I did not want to inadvertently cause offense by saying the wrong word!! My boy is perfect just as he is and as I tell him, he is not 'different' or 'abnormal' - he is unique and he was made that way for a reason. After all - I do not believe in 'normal' as anything other than a sad state of small mindedness in society. It makes me very angry when I see it written on anything relating to him.

I love how you are all so positive :), I struggle to keep a positive outlook - especially when it seems that we are continually being kicked by the health and school system.
 
Tabbie, I am so excited for you! It makes such a difference to be able to talk with others going through the same thing. Especially when the can help you navigate the system to get the services and support you and your family needs. :applause:
 
YAY for all the info....and YAY for deaf preschool. Definitly opt for deaf preschool! I know there's a preoccupation with inclusion and mainstreaming :( But, I also think that there is something to be said for deaf schools. Keep an open mind. Send him to the deaf preschool, and then have him attend deaf school or partial hearing unit for elementary school. I know that they were pushing inclusion and mainstreaming a few years ago thinking " oh the kids at special schools will do better in the mainstream" But, mainstreaming and inclusion very often means falling through the cracks and or dealing with educators who aren't too familiar with how to teach dhh kids. I know kids who were minimally accomodnation mainstreamed in the UK, and she didn't even get Resource Room or a TOD. (and she can't even write a coherent sentance)
 
We were at the park yesterday morning when I noticed a bloke signing to his boy on the playground so I pottered over to him looking a bit like a crazy person and introduced myself. His boy and little man had engrossed each other in a game of footie and he was so very friendly (after we had determined that I wasn't a nutter! haha). He has a similar type of deafness to my partner and speaks with a very pronounced accent - is this common among the deaf community?? Is it something that my son will develop ? He was very nice and has offered my partner and I some reading material on the system and his lad goes to this deaf preschool and he couldn't sing their praises more so that was good to hear.

We have our appointment on the 1st at the paediatric audiologists - I am a bit apprehensive as the woman is a lion and every time I see her she intimidates me and frightens my son. I come armed with my piece of paper from the hearing clinic with the questions I should be asking so hopefully she is alittle more responsive than last time , we usually get shoved out the door as fast as possible as it is the public health system so I understand she is running flat out but it is such a trek to the hospital from our home that I really want some answers this time.

I hear you deafdyke re the schooling - there is only one fully deaf school here I believe and it is the wrong island so no use to us. There is however several deaf 'units' , one of which is quite near us which we are going to hopefully view in the next couple of weeks if it can be arranged before the end of the school year (we break for the summer/christmas holidays soon and school will then be out until February) - I know its some 18 months until little man will be going but its got a long wait list so we want to get him on it. The unit is part of a mainstream school and they still do things like sports and arts etc with pupils from the mainstream classes but in their classroom they are taught through sign and with an emphasis on learning designed for deaf pupils - it is very visual so im told and were looking forward to seeing it.

The deaf preschool is unfortunately too far away for our son to attend daily but hopefully the monday mornings will be good for him. I am alittle sad that we did not find out about it until now as there are only a couple of sessions left for this school year but at least we know for next year and we have time to get him lined up for things. My partner is going to see if he can negotiate something with his employer on his working hours so that our boy could at the very least attend for a couple of full days a week but we dont know if that will work out. fingers crossed at any rate!

I had some stern words with his preschool teacher today and was not too surprised to find out that they had not read his enrollment and did not realise the extent of his hearing loss. I had to count to ten and remind myself not to call them some choice words but I am assured that a teacher will sit with him at mat time and ensure that he knows what is happening. There is a nice older woman who is the great grandmother of one of the other students but always stays as parent help and she over heard my rather heated conversation with the teacher and has taken little man under her wing. I feel better about leaving him there now 'Nanny Elsie' is keeping an eye on him and he is very happy with her. When I left him she involved him straight away with her great grandaughter playing playdough and when I came to pick him up again she was busy playing trains with her girl and him. Her grand daughter has cystic fibrosis and so she knows the frustrations of our public health and so hopefully that is a friend for him at mainstream preschool. He's not the boy he used to be - but hes happier than before so its a step in the right direction.

Its been a week of extreme learning!! it would seem that once I contacted these mentor people it has opened the floodgates - I've had a migraine for the last two days I've been up at night reading so much. Still - it'll be so good to see little man happy and well adjusted. I bought the NZSL 'dictionary' and we have been learning some basic things from that - he likes the animals and has remembered all the ones we looked at. Seems like he is a sponge for it, we did basic things like saying please and thankyou and a few things around the house - bedroom, toilet , cup, plate etc which he thinks is a great game.

I have a question though - how does it work with names?? I know you can fingerspell names , but he cannot spell enough as a preschooler and I know that deaf people must have a 'signed' name - but how is it represented??

the sun has come out this evening from what has been a rainy and horrible day - seems rather appropriate this glorious evening!
 
Off-topic...I love your style of writing. :)
 
Tabbie said:
Hello ,
I'm mother to one preschooler with progressive hearing loss and partner to one with profound deafness (10% hearing on one side). I'm struggling as a parent to help my son obtain the same opportunities and chances at life as fully hearing children and am really in need of some support. I am the 'ears' of my family and if I am honest , I am terrified of what life holds for my boy and for my partner when he looses the little hearing he has.


I am pleased to meet you all, and hope to find friendship and support that I sorely need and hope that those with more life experience in the wider hearing impaired community can help me help my son.
Click to expand...



:welcome: to AllDeaf forum. On the bold statment, just to clarify that your son can not become a fully hearing person as the years go by. He needs to use visual a lot like you had stated in your threads. Don't expect him to understand what people say when he tried to lipread them or hearing people expect him to hear them with hearing aid or Cochlear Implant. Sign language in New Zealand is very important to him to communicate better than trying to lipread. Going to the Deaf preschool and later to Deaf school will help him communicate much easier instead of struggling every time hearing people expect him to do what the hearing people want. This is what happen to us when we had to struggled in the mainstream schools (Oral-Only method) and we hated that very much. Make sure he let you know if he gets frustrate and want help to understand without struggling. Many of us, Deaf and Hard Of Hearing don't quite get it why hearing has to be the most important thing. Being in a hearing world is very difficult for us to deal and cope with. So hearing is not a big deal for us. We are used to being Deaf or Hard Of Hearing. If a person can find what kind of toolboxes to pick for communication, then the person will have an easier time to communicate without struggling. Just don't make him an outcast if you and other members of the family including other hearing people expect him to be like all hearing people. That does not work that way.

Now that you are here, I hope you enjoy reading and posting all the threads here. See you around here. :wave:
 
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