Hard of Hearing from California :)

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lynndelaga

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Hi, everyone! My name's Lynn and I'm 28 years old. I live in California. I've had problems with hearing since I was a little girl. I remember they used to test hearing at my grade school, and I would always fail the tests, especially when they tested with higher frequency sounds. (For example, I can hardly hear certain doorbells, and if you're whispering...well, chances are, I can't hear you at all!). I'm hard of hearing and have been wearing hearing aids since the age of 13.

I've always been a pretty good student in school. Never had problems understanding my teachers because I made it an effort to pay attention to what they're saying. Had good grades, etc.

I've been married for about 1 1/2 years and have an 11 month old daughter. Not counting our 1 1/2 years of marriage, my husband and I have been together for about 5-6 years. We've constantly run into problems with communication.

I decided to join this forum basically for advice on better communication. I find myself constantly apologizing to my husband for not "hearing" him well. I wear my hearing aids all the time, but sometimes either miss the point of what he's saying or completely misunderstand what it is he's said. Sometimes he catches me with a blank expression on my face. He claims that I don't pay attention. I try to tell him that I'm just trying to catch what he's said. He gets upset with that.

Basically, just need some help out here. Any suggestions?
 
lynndelaga said:
.... He claims that I don't pay attention. I try to tell him that I'm just trying to catch what he's said. He gets upset with that.

Basically, just need some help out here. Any suggestions?
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I am hoh,as well.. with nearly 80 to 85 percent loss in both ears.
My family too did claim the same shit about my hearing in the past :ugh: .. 'Paying no attention'..
If I am hearing impaired then accept me for who I am and do not expect me things I cannot do !!!

Your husband must accept who you are ! It's not that hard.

and :welcome: here
 
:welcome: to AD!

I am deaf and been profoundly deaf. Grew up oral. I had the same problems with my ex husband because at the time I didnt know ASL. I always apologized to him and looking back, I realized that it wasnt my fault. Do not apologize to him..he has to accept that you dont have the hearing level to understand everything he is saying. If he doesnt accept it, then it could become a problem. If it does, then maybe counseling would help.

My 2nd husband is hearing. Before I met him, I had already changed my life from being "oral" to now an ASL user and my husband can sign which makes the difference for us because I can not understand him by reading his lips.

Do u know sign language? if so, ask your husband if he is willing to learn it. I started learning ASL while married to my ex and tried to get him to learn. He said that he did not marry a deaf person so he never made the effort to learn. The reason we split up is cuz according to him, I changed a lot since entering Gallaudet and learning ASL and he left me. He always saw me as a "hearing" person despite being profoundly deaf. Hope your husband wont think the same too.

Good luck!
 
Hi fellow newbie. I'll have to totally second what Shel says. Do NOT apologize for what you cannot help.. and the husband seriously needs to learn AND fully realize ASAP that you really are HoH/deaf. The sooner he realizes that, the sooner he can lose his attitude and don't let him get exasperated or impatient with you as that can have a serious "depressing effect" on you. You don't want to start getting in the habit of just nodding so he doesn't get pissed off again do ya?

Not married but can relate growing up with a hearing family.. sigh.. after 30 years they are FINALLY getting it.
 
cathartes said:
Hi fellow newbie. I'll have to totally second what Shel says. Do NOT apologize for what you cannot help.. and the husband seriously needs to learn AND fully realize ASAP that you really are HoH/deaf. The sooner he realizes that, the sooner he can lose his attitude and don't let him get exasperated or impatient with you as that can have a serious "depressing effect" on you. You don't want to start getting in the habit of just nodding so he doesn't get pissed off again do ya?

Not married but can relate growing up with a hearing family.. sigh.. after 30 years they are FINALLY getting it.
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My mom is finally starting to get it despite having two deaf kids. The rest of my family get it? Hahahaha!!! It will be a miracle so my brother and I try our best to communicate with them to the best of our ability.
 
Welcome to AD! :) I've been hard of hearing since I was 3 and can understand where you are coming from. My family never seemed to understand the extent of my hearing loss until I received CIs. (Go figure!) Have you thought about joining a local Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA) chapter in your area? (To learn more about HLAA, visit:
HearingLoss Association of America) Perhaps you and your husband could attend a meeting so you can meet others with hearing loss. It might help your husband understand how hearing loss impacts your life and that it isn't simply a matter of "not paying attention." Good luck! :)
 
Welcome to alldeaf. My husband is hearing and I am deaf. We know Asl. We are married for 10 years.

Ask your husband to learn asl together so you and he can talk better without being misunderstand.
 
Thanks for the advice, Shel. Yes, I actually know some ASL. I took an introductory course when I was in college, and was actually planning to major in Deaf Studies. I haven't asked my husband if he's willing to learn, but that's a start. Thanks again!

shel90 said:
:welcome: to AD!

Do u know sign language? if so, ask your husband if he is willing to learn it. I started learning ASL while married to my ex and tried to get him to learn. He said that he did not marry a deaf person so he never made the effort to learn. The reason we split up is cuz according to him, I changed a lot since entering Gallaudet and learning ASL and he left me. He always saw me as a "hearing" person despite being profoundly deaf. Hope your husband wont think the same too.

Good luck!
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Hear Again said:
Welcome to AD! :) I've been hard of hearing since I was 3 and can understand where you are coming from. My family never seemed to understand the extent of my hearing loss until I received CIs. (Go figure!) Have you thought about joining a local Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA) chapter in your area? (To learn more about HLAA, visit:
HearingLoss Association of America) Perhaps you and your husband could attend a meeting so you can meet others with hearing loss. It might help your husband understand how hearing loss impacts your life and that it isn't simply a matter of "not paying attention." Good luck! :)
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Wow, thanks. All of this is VERY helpful information. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I really do want him to learn what I'm going through; it definitely helps put things into perspective. I'll take a look at that link you posted. :fingersx:
 
Thanks again for everyone's suggestions...

I spoke with my husband about taking ASL. He agreed that it may help us out. Can anyone recommend any good books and videos on ASL? An introductory one of each is what I have in mind.
 
lynndelaga,

Welcome to AD! :wave:

As for books and videos on ASL, do a search here for posts about learning ASL. You'll also find some websites mentioned.

Dave
 
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to AD.. I hope you will enjoy the stay with us and happy posting away! :)
 
:welcome: to Alldeaf! Have fun browsing and posting! :)
 
ghsh1996 said:
Welcome to alldeaf. My husband is hearing and I am deaf. We know Asl. We are married for 10 years.

Ask your husband to learn asl together so you and he can talk better without being misunderstand.
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I agree here. ASL can be fun to learn and useful in many situations. Welcome to AD!:cool:
 
lynndelaga said:
Wow, thanks. All of this is VERY helpful information. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I really do want him to learn what I'm going through; it definitely helps put things into perspective. I'll take a look at that link you posted. :fingersx:
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Lynn,

Great! :) I'm glad that your husband agreed to learn ASL! As for an ASL book recommendation, you might try the "ABC Book of Signs." Unfortunately, I don't know the author or date of publication (my sign language instructor used this book with me when I learned sign), but I'll check the Internet to see if I can find more information. If I do, I'll post it here. :)
 
Hear Again said:
Lynn,

As for an ASL book recommendation, you might try the "ABC Book of Signs." Unfortunately, I don't know the author or date of publication (my sign language instructor used this book with me when I learned sign), but I'll check the Internet to see if I can find more information. If I do, I'll post it here. :)
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You know, I''ve heard aout that book! Thanks for the suggestion! :)
 
lynndelaga said:
Thanks again for everyone's suggestions...

I spoke with my husband about taking ASL. He agreed that it may help us out. Can anyone recommend any good books and videos on ASL? An introductory one of each is what I have in mind.
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That is SO awesome that he is willing to do that. That is what marriage is about...making compromises for each other. Wish some of my friends' husbands would do the same too. grrrr :pissed:
 
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