For Hearing to answer only: I am deaf and want to know why

[jillio]

Developed an eating disorder myself from years and years of being treated like a 2nd class citizen by heairng people. My mom was great to me..she fought for us to play sports and didnt believe in sheltering my brother and I so I am grateful for her. For the rest of my family...they kinda treated my brother and I like we were babies..just gave us that goofy big smile whenever we talked to them and nodded their heads only to discontine our attempts to make conversations by moving to another area of room or joining other conversations. Made us feel like shit so screw them!

My cousin is finally coming around so we are starting to do things together...slowwwwwwly but getting there....

(Sarcasm) But shel, didn't you know that with your good oral skills, you were supposed to completely assimilate into the hearing world and be treated jsut like the hearing people? (End sarcasm).

 

[shel90]

Wow! I am so sorry. You deserved to be invited too. If my family had of treated my son that way, I would have let them know in a New York minute that if he wasn't welcome, I would not be attending, either!

Yea, unfortunately, my brother and I fooled my mom into believing that everything was fine so she had no clue. We didnt want to put more burdens on her cuz she was a struggling and broke single mother trying to raise us. She had enough on her plate so we both kept quiet with our daily issues with hearing people. Well, I did for the most part..my brother had a good balance since he attended the deaf school and got his needs met.

 

[Buffalo]

Okay the short answer, and you are not going to like this at all but I will be totally honest with you. The Deaf voice for one. Some Deaf people’s Deaf voice sounds like that of a person who is mentally challenged, some one with Downs syndrome, retarded. Deaf people cannot help this. You cannot hear what it sounds like. There are striking similarities between the two. Also the mispronunciation of words combined with the Deaf voice makes you sound ignorant. Hearing people that have a particular speech impediment, (saying things like “pway” instead of “play”), are considered ignorant because they pronounce words incorrectly. We hearing people put a lot into what we hear. A man with a high voice is considered weak, but a man with a deep voice is considered strong, powerful, and manly. Some people’s voice makes them sound crazy, and other people’s voice is annoying and you don’t want to hear them talk. If you haven’t heard these things you cannot understand what I mean. Another thing is ASL non-manual markers, and mouth morphemes. Honestly the first time I saw a tongue wag was an old woman doing it and I was offended. In the hearing world it means something sexual. Hearing people use the tone of their voice for different emotions or emphasis. Deafies cannot and therefore use their faces and bodies. This seems extremely strange to hearing people who have never seen it. Why would a person move their face like that? Look what she is doing with her tongue that is so nasty….. The hearing world’s perception of these things are very VERY different than the Deaf. For instance a NMM for yes is to twitch one of your nostrils. In the hearing world this means, no or gross, in the Deaf world it means yes. Very different. I am a very expressive animated hearie and my family is as well. When I saw most of these things for the first time I didn’t think anything of it, unlike some hearing people. Ignorance is part of it but that ignorance is more what to think with the information received, (Deaf voice, NMM etc…). Just to write it off as those people are ignorant I think is wrong. Ignorant of what? These are some of the things they are ignorant of. This is why they treat Deafies this way. But they are rude people who will laugh at some one whose leg is in a cast and has to walk on crutches, anything to make them feel better about themselves by putting other people down. I know some will be upset by what I have written but clwdeaf wanted an honest answer and this is the truth. Some people are afraid to say something like that because it makes them sound like they are part of the people who act this way. I think no one will ever learn anything if you don’t answer respectful sincere questions honestly with the proper respect. People ask me questions about being gay and I answer just as frankly. How will people ever learn anything if that doesn’t happen?

Thanks for your blunt answer. I understand it better but it doesn't make me feel better. Could you answer one more question? What is the hearing people's hang-up about sign language? It would be nice if everybody know sign language (like Martha's Vineyard back then) so I don't have to use my voice. It is lot easier for hearing people to learn sign language than deaf people learning to speak. Deaf people solved the deafness problem by signing so it is 100% effective. It really amazed me to see that the pro-oralists discarded sign language and replaced it with oral method which is far less than 100% effective. That is really chutzpah! I can see why there was debates on hearing aids and cochelar implants when they came out. They are just the tools of pro-oralists. I don't feel that the hearing society accept me as part of them eventhough I could speak. (somebody would have to tell me how my voice is. Once I was told that I slurred my speech.) I am really jaded by all this.
I haven't seen the nose twitch in a long long time. Forgot all about that until you mentioned it.

 

[jillio]

Thanks for your blunt answer. I understand it better but it doesn't make me feel better. Could you answer one more question? What is the hearing people's hang-up about sign language? It would be nice if everybody know sign language (like Martha's Vineyard back then) so I don't have to use my voice. It is lot easier for hearing people to learn sign language than deaf people learning to speak. Deaf people solved the deafness problem by signing so it is 100% effective. It really amazed me to see that the pro-oralists discarded sign language and replaced it with oral method which is far less than 100% effective. That is really chutzpah! I can see why there was debates on hearing aids and cochelar implants when they came out. They are just the tools of pro-oralists. I don't feel that the hearing society accept me as part of them eventhough I could speak. (somebody would have to tell me how my voice is. Once I was told that I slurred my speech.) I am really jaded by all this.
I haven't seen the nose twitch in a long long time. Forgot all about that until you mentioned it.

Hearing people often associate the use of sign language as being something that points out a disability. Then they associate disability with not being as capable and intelligent as the non-disabled. Also, most of them have never studied sign language, and assume that it is not really alanguage but a form of pantomime. Just ignorance on their part on both counts.

 

[jillio]

Yea, unfortunately, my brother and I fooled my mom into believing that everything was fine so she had no clue. We didnt want to put more burdens on her cuz she was a struggling and broke single mother trying to raise us. She had enough on her plate so we both kept quiet with our daily issues with hearing people. Well, I did for the most part..my brother had a good balance since he attended the deaf school and got his needs met.

Shame that kids are ever put in the position of having to take on that kind of adult responsibility before they are mature enough to deal with it.

 

[shel90]

Thanks for your blunt answer. I understand it better but it doesn't make me feel better. Could you answer one more question? What is the hearing people's hang-up about sign language? It would be nice if everybody know sign language (like Martha's Vineyard back then) so I don't have to use my voice. It is lot easier for hearing people to learn sign language than deaf people learning to speak. Deaf people solved the deafness problem by signing so it is 100% effective. It really amazed me to see that the pro-oralists discarded sign language and replaced it with oral method which is far less than 100% effective. That is really chutzpah! I can see why there was debates on hearing aids and cochelar implants when they came out. They are just the tools of pro-oralists. I don't feel that the hearing society accept me as part of them eventhough I could speak. (somebody would have to tell me how my voice is. Once I was told that I slurred my speech.) I am really jaded by all this.
I haven't seen the nose twitch in a long long time. Forgot all about that until you mentioned it.

I am with u on this all the way! Even though developing good oral skills which were supposed to make me fit in with hearing people, I never really felt fully accepted. I think my oral skills were developed to meet their needs so they dont have to learn sign language. They could understand me so no problem there but when it came for me to understand them 100%, it was a different story and I was the one who lost out.

 

[Volcanbaru]

I know how you feel, I'm profoundly deaf with CI. My speech are so-so, depend on how comfortable I feel with other people. However, my communicating skill in the group is really...really bad. I can't handle more than 3 people talking, and they don't notice me because I'm usually left out.

Back in the highschool, people tend to LOVE to test my hearing skill, as in talking dirt near me to see if I catch it or not. When I hear what exactly they said, I always ask them "What the fuck did you say about me?" or "Say that again, hmm?", they always respond "oh nothing...*shift eyes* nothing really". It's really sad how they don't have enough balls to say it right in my face. At the same time, I feels extremely angry because I don't get to know what they said. And eh, girls tend to sway away from me because they don't want to look like completely idiot(In my point of view)


I always told myself "Well ok, it's just those stupid highschool kids. Once I get the hell out of here, my life should get better....just ___ more years left"

 

[Dixie]

life wont get easy automatically after you leave highschool - you'll still have the communication issues and the large group setting social issues, but out in the real world you tend to find people who are much more mature about it, even though they may not be 100% understanding of your situation. You'll still get the "retarded person" looks from other people - but you'll also encounter people that may not know sign but they may have a relative who is deaf such as the safety manager at work. Her niece is deaf.

 

[jillio]

I know how you feel, I'm profoundly deaf with CI. My speech are so-so, depend on how comfortable I feel with other people. However, my communicating skill in the group is really...really bad. I can't handle more than 3 people talking, and they don't notice me because I'm usually left out.

Back in the highschool, people tend to LOVE to test my hearing skill, as in talking dirt near me to see if I catch it or not. When I hear what exactly they said, I always ask them "What the fuck did you say about me?" or "Say that again, hmm?", they always respond "oh nothing...*shift eyes* nothing really". It's really sad how they don't have enough balls to say it right in my face. At the same time, I feels extremely angry because I don't get to know what they said. And eh, girls tend to sway away from me because they don't want to look like completely idiot(In my point of view)

I always told myself "Well ok, it's just those stupid highschool kids. Once I get the hell out of here, my life should get better....just ___ more years left"

My son played soccer for his deaf school, and once when they were playing a hearing team, a player on the hearing team called my son a deaf, dumb MF during the game. Later in the game, my son tripped him on his way down the field, and as the kid was laying on the ground, my son leaned over like he was going to help him up and said, "I may be deaf, but I can lipread!"

 

[Dixie]

+1 for Jillio's son!

 

[jillio]

+1 for Jillio's son!

Yeah, even though he got put on the bench for the rest of the game, I was VERY proud of him!

 

[Dixie]

now see you could have a deaf Beckham in the works, Beckham flipped off a fan that was screaming obscenities at him from the stands - he got benched as well.

 

[jillio]

now see you could have a deaf Beckham in the works, Beckham flipped off a fan that was screaming obscenities at him from the stands - he got benched as well.

Wouldn't that be cool?

 

[Volcanbaru]

life wont get easy automatically after you leave highschool - you'll still have the communication issues and the large group setting social issues, but out in the real world you tend to find people who are much more mature about it, even though they may not be 100% understanding of your situation. You'll still get the "retarded person" looks from other people - but you'll also encounter people that may not know sign but they may have a relative who is deaf such as the safety manager at work. Her niece is deaf.

I'm just saying that you get it more at highschool.

I've been actually looking for the answer too. Southern answered it perfectly.

 

[ASLMAJOR]

im hearing, with hearing parents. i have never seen ppl "act" differently around deaf people. i know i havent. i once saw a deaf couple out at the mall.. and ever since then i have wanted to learn and get to know a culture different than mine.
im sorry that you ran into a dumbass. some people just dont know any better.

 

[lynne]

My ex boyfriend left me because I was not deaf, he said I didnot understand the deaf world, he is now with a deaf girl. I resent him not wanting to be with me because Im not deaf. People should never make fun of other people. But I think they do it out of fear, because they dont understand. Anything different scares people. Can you explain to me why my ex didnt want to be with me because Im not deaf? I sign, but I dont understand his feelings. To me hes no different than me except that I hear and he doesnt.

 

[jillio]

im hearing, with hearing parents. i have never seen ppl "act" differently around deaf people. i know i havent. i once saw a deaf couple out at the mall.. and ever since then i have wanted to learn and get to know a culture different than mine.
im sorry that you ran into a dumbass. some people just dont know any better.

Maybe you need to be exposed to a little more than one "deaf couple" sighting at the mall. Behavior such as this post refers to happens on a continual basis, and as an ASL major, it is definately something that you need to be aware of. The deaf posters are relating their personal experiences that have occurred over a long strech. Trust me, there is more than just one dumbass out there.

 

[SJCSue]

The more exposure people have to something that is unfamiliar to them, the more they understand, and the less they fear. That's been true about many cultures and sub-cultures in our nation's (and our world's) history. Which is why, in my opinion, "middle America" is sometimes predisposed to being xenophobic and intolerant, because they're so insular. In the major cities lining the east and west coasts, you typically find people to be more tolerant of people different from themselves, because they come into more contact with people that are different. This isn't ALWAYS the case, of course, but I'd say it's fairly typical.

I live on Long Island, which is very diverse. When I was a little girl, my best friend was adopted from South Korea. During my years in middle school, I knew a girl from Pakinstan (spelling ?). I am very open-minded person. My parents raised me to be this way. Hopefully, my nephews and my niece will be this way as well.

 

[Buffalo]

I am with u on this all the way! Even though developing good oral skills which were supposed to make me fit in with hearing people, I never really felt fully accepted. I think my oral skills were developed to meet their needs so they dont have to learn sign language. They could understand me so no problem there but when it came for me to understand them 100%, it was a different story and I was the one who lost out.

I agree with you. They do tried to make us fit their level of standard which is impossible.

 

[Buffalo]

My ex boyfriend left me because I was not deaf, he said I didnot understand the deaf world, he is now with a deaf girl. I resent him not wanting to be with me because Im not deaf. People should never make fun of other people. But I think they do it out of fear, because they dont understand. Anything different scares people. Can you explain to me why my ex didnt want to be with me because Im not deaf? I sign, but I dont understand his feelings. To me hes no different than me except that I hear and he doesnt.

I am not sure if I can explain the hearing/deaf relationship gone bad. I notice that I tended to dump deaf boyfriends while hearing boyfriends tended to dump me. It seems that deaf boyfriends are easier to read than hearing boyfriends. Maybe the hearing boyfriends are harder to read because they signed good but not at the level of those who were born deaf.
You kinda surprised me (with my history of being dumped by hearing boyfriends).