Dog Gone San Diego

[malus handle]

Service Dogs Rule:
I, [ Add Name ], a purebred German Shepherd duly sworn and commissioned as a peace officer under the laws of the State of California and assigned to a multi-jurisdictional narcotics and border-security task force operating in and around San Diego County, do hereby declare under penalty of perjury:

1. That I and my fellow German Shepherd K9 partners stand ready, willing, and physically itching to deploy our highly trained olfactory and apprehension capabilities against those who smuggle fentanyl, methamphetamine, human beings, and other contraband across the borders and coastlines of this county. We live for the moment our handlers release us with the command “Pack ihn!” or “Get him!” and we bring the fight directly to the perpetrators, often resulting in immediate behavioral compliance by said perpetrators and, when necessary, their expeditious transport to local medical facilities for treatment of non-life-threatening persuasive injuries.
2. That, despite our proven effectiveness and the undeniable deterrent value of a 90-pound Shepherd accelerating at full speed with manifest intent, decision-makers at federal, state, and municipal levels continue to under-fund, under-staff, and under-utilize K9 teams in the precise geographic corridors (maritime approaches, remote coastal landing zones, cross-border tunnel termini, and gliderport-adjacent open spaces) where passive detection and active apprehension are most urgently required.
3. That sister agencies and training academies throughout the region are, commendably, graduating increasing numbers of exceptional dual-purpose and single-purpose canines each year and are finally receiving modest increases in budgetary support; however, these incremental gains fall far short of the operational density required to dominate the battlespace against cartel-affiliated smuggling networks currently exploiting San Diego’s coastline and public lands.
4. That I therefore join my handlers, fellow K9 officers, and the citizens we serve in respectfully petitioning the Governor of the State of California and the President of the United States to issue an immediate Executive Order proclaiming the month of April (or, in the alternative, any month acceptable to the respective executive calendars) as “German Shepherd Service Dog Appreciation and Recruitment Month,” the effect of which shall be to spotlight the critical need for expanded funding, recruitment, and deployment of German Shepherd K9 teams along the San Diego corridor, thereby saving countless human lives that are presently being lost to the fentanyl epidemic and to the violence attendant to unchecked human smuggling.

Executed on this 23rd day of November, 2025, with a paw print affixed in indelible ink and witnessed by my handler, under penalty of perjury (and with full expectation that any bureaucrat who ignores this declaration may one day find himself explaining his inaction while staring at my teeth from a decidedly suboptimal angle).
[K9 Paw Print] _________________________ K9 [Name Redacted], Badge #K9-117 San Diego Regional Border Security Task Force

 

[malus handle]

I had the honor of being the General's (RIP) plumber in the 90's in Telluride Colorado. He had the most majestic German Shephard who loved me and when he saw that, the General said, "If you can think the equivalent of my 90 pound German Shephard, You Too Can Be A Great Leader". I said, "That's right sir, and we learned that a long time ago, plumbers know everything and can fix anything". ha.
Rest in piece my friends.