Do you apologize?

[Eileenutah]

I'm usually saying "um sorry what'd you say" or scuse me? or pardon or i'm sorry I didn't hear you. I'm so glad I don't have to stress over making phone calls anymore cuz i'd have say sorry I can't hear you i'll have to call back...bye.

 

[Eileenutah]

However too my family I say WHAAAAATUSAY, HU, ICAN'T HEAR YOU, No i don't want to put my hearing aids on

 

[nope]

From the hearing world perspective:

If someone were to say "I'm sorry . . ." before asking me to repeat something, I wouldn't think that they were apologizing for being deaf or hard of hearing. I would think that they were just politely making making their request to me. The "sorry" is not for deafness but for interupting the flow of communication. Hearing people do the same thing in noisy environments or if someone has a strong accent or the speaker is a mumbler. It's not an apology but a polite way to interupt the conversation.

That's what I would assume -- it's not "sorry (I'm deaf and can't hear), could you repeat what you said," so much as "sorry (to interrupt), could you repeat what you said."

Except mumbling is inexcusable, no matter what, and then it's always "sorry (that you mumble and don't speak clearly), could you repeat what you said (and move your effing mouth)." Ha. My sister is a mumbler and we used to get into physical altercations because of it

 

[thesynthfreq]

I do the same thing. I am always saying sorry to everyone. I have Phonak Naida V UP hearing aids and they are wonderful for environmental noises but not much better for speech, except for the letter S. My friends are frustrated with me because they assume that my speech understanding is going to be so much better with my new hearing aids and its not. I am kind of disappointed too but nothing I can do about it really. I find that writing things down is easier and communication is better that way. I also am told that I either talk too loud or too quietly, so I do not like to talk much out in public. I have a hearing friend and she sometimes asks me to turn my hearing aids back on when I am outside, but I am not used to hearing traffic and with my new hearing aids, I can hear it plenty well but now it makes me nervous and I am not able to understand what I am hearing and sounds are scaring me. I just rather turn my hearing aids to "T" since I can't always take the batteries out and just hear buzzing sounds which actually eliminates my tinnitus too. Its so nice to get a break from it. I prefer to see traffic and not hear all those confusing sounds coming at me. I am blind as well and can see some but not far away, about 3 to 4 feet in front of me. I use a white can as well. Many people see my cane first and not my hearing aids, so they tend to think that I am hearing and don't relize that I am deaf until they see my pretty purple hearing aids or I start signing to them. I have 20/1600 acuity which is the best Iv had in my life and I rely on it a lot but have had some close calls with cars almost hitting me and scaring my friend to death. Anyway I have had people be rude to me because I couldn't hear them, and speaking of that, my friend started getting an attitude about missing the bus while we were at a bus stop. We decided to make a change in plans and she just doesn't deal with that very well and she started yelling and cussing and all that, but I did not have my hearing aids on, so she was mad, and signing everything and I was for once just so thrilled that I could not hear her attitude in her voice and I was not flustered by it either. She actually had to calm down to sign to me. After that, she was yelling at my friend about not having my hearing aids on. I told my friend that I do not have to have my hearing aids on. If someone does't like it, then try having my hearing aids on in traffic with a lot of sounds coming at you, try to pay attention to where your going, and see how nervous it makes you to be overstimulated with sound. If I choose to have no sound and be able to be calm out in traffic and city noises then I should be able to. I think that I have that right. Even with my hearing aids on, I can't understand speech anyway and still have to sign. So anyway, I only apologize to the nice people who are trying to be understanding and if someone is a punk to me about it, then I will just let them be. Oh yes, another thing, yesterday on the bus, me and my sister and my friend were going to the mall. The bus is another "hearing aids off" place because there is WAY too much noise and it drives me insane. I was sitting there and a man in a wheelchair was across from me, and he asked my friend something and she was trying to sign it at the same time and she said that he asked if we could hear. She said yes with hearing aids, but not now, they have their hearing aids off because of the noise. He said,
"oh, so they are not dumb?" my friend was surprised by that comment. I think that he was referring to the old term of deaf and dumb. I can't stand it when people ask my friend things that really make her uncomfortable and in an odd situation. Anyway, he was being honest and he asked us some signs and the bus driver said that his wife was deaf and that he is going to start learning sign language. So, at least some educating was done during our trip! At least they were not pretending to sign and trying to make fun of us like other people have done. There are lots of weirdo people on the city bus!
I hope that everyone has a great day.

 

[Berry]

It is normal in the hearing world to phrase a polite request with something like "I am sorry" or "Excuse me" and most hearing people would not see it as an apology for your lack of ability to hear them. They will see it merely as a reminder they need to keep you in mind.

It is also normal for a hearing person to look or turn away from the person they are speaking with: They simply forget you can't understand them once they do. Looking or turning away for short periods of time is not rude in the hearing world -- Staring fixedly is.

Think of it as a social game.

You have made a polite, reasonable request to the hearing person to make sure you can see their face. This is a minor inconvenience, asking them to do something they are not used to doing. And you did it in the form they are used to receiving such requests.

Now it is the hearing person's turn. A polite hearing person will respond in kind, "Sorry, I forget," or "Excuse me, I didn't realize," and make an effort to face you and do whatever is required to help you understand.

A rude hearing person will refuse this second step. The best possible thing to do with someone who does not respond politely is to discontinue dealing with them.

Personally if someone is HOH or oral I try to get them to sign. If I find they are disrespectful of Deaf or ASL then I quit associating with them as soon as possible. We have nothing in common.

 

[Glenn]

Nah, for some reason it goes the other way around. I DO tell them I am deaf first thing. But when they ignore this and keep talking like it didn't register, I tend to give them a "look" which sometimes makes an impression. If not, I just tell them again. Kind of a PITA but a reality I am used to.

 

[Berry]

Nah, for some reason it goes the other way around. I DO tell them I am deaf first thing. But when they ignore this and keep talking like it didn't register, I tend to give them a "look" which sometimes makes an impression. If not, I just tell them again. Kind of a PITA but a reality I am used to.

It is sad but I think what happens is this: Hearing people have courtesies they extend to each other without thinking: Yet for some reason they do not feel obligated to extend those same courtesies to others.

For this I have no answer except when dealing with people such as these to call it as you see it.