Did I offend my friend? If so, how?

[RonnyJ]

Okay, my friend and I have been in University together for a year and a half now. She developed a mild hearing loss when she was in high school and wears hearing aids.

She's always been okay with answering any questions I've had about her hearing loss or hearing aids. Her Mother is an Audiologist, so she is somewhat knowledgable. I'm curious person and she's not embarassed about being HOH.

So one day, we're in her car, she's driving, we're talking about her new hearing aids. We're smiling and laughing, it's a nice conversation. Then she shows them to me and I said "oh they look so cool. I wish I had one."

Then...it got quiet for a small second. (I start to feel uneasy because I immediately noticed an unexpected lull in the coversation.) Then she says in a quiet kinda serious you don't know what you're talking about voice "It's not fun."

So I say, "well, I can see how it may feel uncomfortable or get frustrating--"

She says "It's not that it's just...it's hard to explain." Then we were just silent for the rest of the car ride and I felt like I said something wrong, so I just didn't want to dig a deeper hole for myself.

This situation, I do not understand. What did I say wrong? What is so difficult to explain about hearing aids? When she said that apart of me was a little frustated because she was acting so cryptic and serious and I don't think of HA as a serious "ooh, taboo" thing. Is it bad that I said I thought they were cool and that I wish I had one. If so I will gladly censor myself next time. Why would saying those things be bad? I wasn't saying I wish I was HOH or I wish I was deaf and I would not want a HA to pretend I was deaf or HOH. I really only thought the device was just...cool. I like technology.

Should I try to bring it up to her and ask her if I am saying things she not like? I don't understand most social situations (I'm an Aspie, that's life) so I'm hoping someone on here can help me understand better what I did wrong so that I can have a clearer talk with my friend later, if I decide to bring it up. I could just be over reacting because I didn't understand her response, so I'm just assuming I did something bad. Still...it is better to make sure, right?

So can someone explain this situation to me? I like my friend and I don't want her to think I am ignorant or was making fun of her to be mean or something. I don't do those things. We make jokes all the time about who would take home the silver in the oppression/special olympics because I am a black lesbian with Asperger syndrome and she's a HOH lesbian who is blind in one eye. We laugh together and we never offended each other. But with the hearing aids, I feel whenever I say "I like them" or "they're cute" or "I wonder how I would look with one" she seems to look at me like I am saying something...ignorant or offensive and she's not going to tell me. This I hate. If ever I say something bad I want people to tell me (but not in mean way) because most of the time I not understand that what I say is bad. I like to be sensitive toward everyone's level of comfortability. Please someone tell me if I was wrong in anyway, so I know better next time.

Thank you for reading. Out of curiosity, has anyone else ever encountered a similar "problem?"

 

[Lau2046]

Out of curiosity, has anyone else ever encountered a similar "problem?"

I haven't actually. I wear hearing aids myself, it's all I've known and I've never been sensitive about them because I treat them like eye glasses. It sounds like she's just a little overly sensitive about them still. My feelings is that people who develop hearing loss later - tend to need more time to adjust. They know what sound was like before and they get frustrated by the limitations of hearing aids. Clearly mild loss is nothing to get worried about but perhaps she's concerned that it'll become worse as she gets older. I have bilateral sensorineural hearing loss and I went from moderate to severe in both ears (from birth) to where I am now at severe to profound in my right ear while the left has remained the same.

I don't think you said anything wrong, I would have laughed at the comment, so I'd let it ride. If you notice there's still awkward silence, talk about it. Maybe she just needs to vent?

Laura

 

[green427]

Offended? Not really...

Let's say you chopped your legs off in an accident five years ago. You struggled to learn how to cope with no legs. You become self-conscious about your missing legs, so you get a couple prostheses, and when you show them off, someone says "Wow, those look really cool, I wish I could have those too". Then, you think about how hard life has gotten since you can no longer walk.

See where I am going?

That's what I think is going on. We should never tell other people that we wish to be in their situation, as it gives them the impression that we are belittling their issue.

 

[Angel1989]

Green427 I think that is exactly what happened. Saying the hearing aids "looked cool" was OK but saying "I wish I had one" is what the issue was. Juat my guess tho.

 

[Anij]

Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

I agree - while you might have meant "it's really interesting technology" - what you said (in effect), even if you don't think you did, was "hearing aids are cool, I wish I was Hoh so I needed them too".

Being hoh and using hearing aids is a LOT of work - it's frstrating, sometimes emotionally and even physically painful. For someone who's born hoh we're used to the challenges and most of the time don't really think much about it. For someone who's been hearing and then become hoh/deaf and starts using HAs there's a lot of changes that take place in their lives - it's certainy not something they'd "wish" on anyone.

HAs are a part of being hoh - so saying you "wish" you could have them, is sort of like saying "I wish I could give up my natural, struggle free hearing and become HoH so I could have cool technology that doesn't sound anything close to ask good as "natural, normal hearing". I want to struggle to understand in background noise, or on the phone, or in groups etc ... Because HAs are "neat".

If you find there is still tension between you and your friend, you might want to be open and say that you know you may have phrased this badly - that what you really meant was that you find the technology itself fasinating and would be interested to hearing what it's like to hear using HAs - you didn't at all mean that you wished you needed HAs (ie you don't wish to go from hearing to hoh).

HTH

 

[RonnyJ]

Hm.

But I was not belitting her issue. I was not saying "that's cool to be HOH, I wish I was too." I only liked the device because I think it's a cool device. I look at HAs as just a thing alone, not attached to being a certain kind of peson (HOH or deaf.) I like it on it's own as a piece of technology.

And if my friend had just expressed to me that talking her HAs made her think of the struggle, then we don't have to talk about them. But this is why now, after your theories, I am a little angry..this confuses me because she is the one that initiates all conversations about her HAs. Sometimes I have questions, sometimes I just listen to her talk about them. If it is painful for her, she should not bring them up, no? And also I don't get the impression that she pained by needing hearing aids. She seems love them. She pulls her hearing aids out at random moments during class and during study groups, plays with them (as if waiting for someone to notice them and ask her about them), then puts them back in. A few times she's done this and I'll ask "is it not comfortable," and she answer "no, it's fine, it's just [insert technical talk about audiology here]" Once she even put them in during Deaf Culture class where everyone is signing and our teacher is Deaf, then pulled them out to show to our teacher. I get the sense that she is proud of her HAs and so I not feel like I must tread softly around the subject. I wouldn't have even known about them or her hearing loss if she didn't talk about them almost every day.

Now this seems to me to be her problem, not mine. If she had asked me "are you belittling me or my situation" I would have gladly explained to her "no because I don't associate hearing aids to being HOH or Deaf. I am not saying I want to be you. I am saying I think that is a cool piece of technology."

Why don't people communicate? It is annoying. I honestly just don't see the big deal about the HAs/being HOH/Deaf (this I don't care about) and now your theories make me think that maybe my friend is being a little over dramatic or overly sensitive, which in this case is not my problem, but I will still censor myself around her still.

Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[RonnyJ]

Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

I agree - while you might have meant "it's really interesting technology" - what you said (in effect), even if you don't think you did, was "hearing aids are cool, I wish I was Hoh so I needed them too".

Being hoh and using hearing aids is a LOT of work - it's frstrating, sometimes emotionally and even physically painful. For someone who's born hoh we're used to the challenges and most of the time don't really think much about it. For someone who's been hearing and then become hoh/deaf and starts using HAs there's a lot of changes that take place in their lives - it's certainy not something they'd "wish" on anyone.

HAs are a part of being hoh - so saying you "wish" you could have them, is sort of like saying "I wish I could give up my natural, struggle free hearing and become HoH so I could have cool technology that doesn't sound anything close to ask good as "natural, normal hearing". I want to struggle to understand in background noise, or on the phone, or in groups etc ... Because HAs are "neat".

If you find there is still tension between you and your friend, you might want to be open and say that you know you may have phrased this badly - that what you really meant was that you find the technology itself fasinating and would be interested to hearing what it's like to hear using HAs - you didn't at all mean that you wished you needed HAs (ie you don't wish to go from hearing to hoh).

HTH

I did not say I wish I needed HAs. Thank you for understanding this. I feel like if I bring it up now, it would be like asking for her apology, in which case I would only be doing if I did something wrong, which I no longer feel I did. This is a communication problem, it happens to be all the time, only this time it is not my fault. I said exactly what I wanted to say and meant it how I meant it. If she took it the other way, that is her problem, not mine. She interpreted wrong and should have asked for clarification. I don't want to have hearing problems because I think it's cool to struggle with my hearing. This is stupid thing to think. I don't look at HAs as attached to being HOH/Deaf. I understand that it is not fun to be HOH. There is a struggle with all kinds of disabilities, I mean I'm autistic, I think I can sympathize. I was purely looking at them as a piece of technology alone. *sigh* This is why people need to communicate more because I did not see the big deal in what I said, but if she did, I would have gladly explained to her what I meant.

If there is lingering tension, I will talk to her and simply ask her not to assume things with me because then we both look like asses.

Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[sonocativo]

Hm.

But I was not belitting her issue. I was not saying "that's cool to be HOH, I wish I was too." I only liked the device because I think it's a cool device. I look at HAs as just a thing alone, not attached to being a certain kind of peson (HOH or deaf.) I like it on it's own as a piece of technology.

And if my friend had just expressed to me that talking her HAs made her think of the struggle, then we don't have to talk about them. But this is why now, after your theories, I am a little angry..this confuses me because she is the one that initiates all conversations about her HAs. Sometimes I have questions, sometimes I just listen to her talk about them. If it is painful for her, she should not bring them up, no? And also I don't get the impression that she pained by needing hearing aids. She seems love them. She pulls her hearing aids out at random moments during class and during study groups, plays with them (as if waiting for someone to notice them and ask her about them), then puts them back in. A few times she's done this and I'll ask "is it not comfortable," and she answer "no, it's fine, it's just [insert technical talk about audiology here]" Once she even put them in during Deaf Culture class where everyone is signing and our teacher is Deaf, then pulled them out to show to our teacher. I get the sense that she is proud of her HAs and so I not feel like I must tread softly around the subject. I wouldn't have even known about them or her hearing loss if she didn't talk about them almost every day.

Now this seems to me to be her problem, not mine. If she had asked me "are you belittling me or my situation" I would have gladly explained to her "no because I don't associate hearing aids to being HOH or Deaf. I am not saying I want to be you. I am saying I think that is a cool piece of technology."

Why don't people communicate? It is annoying. I honestly just don't see the big deal about the HAs/being HOH/Deaf (this I don't care about) and now your theories make me think that maybe my friend is being a little over dramatic or overly sensitive, which in this case is not my problem, but I will still censor myself around her still.

Thank you for your thoughts.

When I first got a HA I was in 3rd grade, Teacher wanted me to stand up front and announce that I got them to the whole class and explain their pourpose. Well, I remember being corrected because I called them a Hearing Egg. embarrassed I was... I remember. It caused lots of bullying and fights... I finally quit wearing them, this was 1975ish?
Wasnt till 2004 my boss asked me to try and get them free through the state which he wrote a letter for me and submitted it, I was approved and got some BTE, I hated them.. My job was heavy labor and hazardous so my respirators kept flipping them off, I ended up getting AITE and still the straps hit the volume knob and was a PITA at times since I couldnt just de-gear and turn it down or up. I finally got some AITC and I loved them, but they werent powerful enough... Finally a few years later I got what I have now, BTE and I like them but never really cared for them. I was always self consious of people seeing them and asking about them... Now Im 44 and care less what others think, but in my younger days I hated people asking about them.

 

[Anij]

Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

The thing is that you cannot seperate having HAs from being hoh. HAs ARE attached to being hoh or deaf, you can't seperate them because hearing people don't use HAs.

It's like saying "I wish I had an artificial arm" or "I wish I was on dialysis" or "testing your blood sugar 8x a day must be really neat" .... You can't seperate the "thing" that is ONLY used by people who are hoh/deaf, amputees, kidney patients, or diabetics from those states of being.

You talked about people being clear and saying what they mean ...
Without YOU explictly stating "while I wouldn't want to need a HA, I do think the technology is amazing", you are by default (by omission) saying "I'd like to be hoh so I could have HAs to".

 

[Bebonang]

I am thinking that the piece of hearing aid is something that you like as a technology only, not on the person who is either hard of hearing or deaf. The hearing aids to us is a curse and now we have CI technology too (another curse for some deaf people).

If you like this hearing aid technology, you might be thinking of what the hearing aid should be is to listen to the sounds or thinking that this piece of technology is for listening to music like IPod. This hearing aid is not like that. It is just a tool for us to hear the environment sounds but could not pick up the words. The hard of hearing had to rely on lipreading to understand but lipreading is not excellent as we can only pick up about 30 percent of speaking language. There are times that the hearing aids are not all that comfortable but it is like taking a break from wearing the hearing aid to feel comfortable without it for a while. We don't need to wear it 24 hours and seven days a week. We don't wear hearing aids at night time for bed times just like eyeglasses. By visually, seeing her reactions or her attitude, she is probably trying to explain the problem or something about her hearing aid that might not be right for her. I think she is having problem with it, even she was talking about it a lot. Being hard of hearing or deaf is not fun when trying to communicate with hearing people, even with you. We struggled trying to make head and tail of what hearing people are saying. That is why we need ASL or sign language to help us understand more clearly. I hope that would help you understand her situation.

 

[RonnyJ]

Hm...

I see what you mean, Anij. So the next time we talk, I will not assume she understands what I mean and she will not assume she knows what I mean. This was both of our faults then, yes? Problem solved. This is good! Dekuji, thank you.

Now, the reason I did not say "while I don't want to need HA..." is because in the past, when we've talked about the sonic ear thingys or the hearing amplifiers from the corny commercials at 3 a.m., I have told her I thought those were cool too. I have said already that I would want to wear something that like without having actual hearing problems because those aren't really for people with hearing problems just a thing that helps you hear the TV good when it turned down low so you don't wake anyone or whatever the commercial shows. So she already knows that I only think the technology is cool.

This is why I didn't say again that I wouldn't want to have hearing problems because I felt she would have been like "I know that, you've said that before, who does?" Is this not something that is obvious? I would have felt as if I was repeating myself from past conversations. Eh, but maybe she forget and still take the wrong way. I should not assume that what is obvious to me is obvious to others.

Still, if I upset my friend, she should have told me. I don't like people to think I am ignorant or think stupid things like "ooh, it is so cool to have problems." To nejsem ja, that's not me. I am empathetic to problems, not glorify or make fun of them. More importantly, I don't want any friend of mind thinking bad things about me and letting me hurt their feelings. This is not good. Why she not say anything?

Also, your examples...I understand what you mean, but nevim, I don't know...I do not feel fit with HAs. They are like glasses, no? If a person thinks I have cool looking glasses and say "I wish I had a pair," I would not assume they are belittling me because I have bad eye sight or think "oh this person is weird, they want to have bad eye sight or want to go blind." That is strange to think. I would only think they like my glasses. Are HAs that serious of a thing? I understand the need for them is a serious experience for people, but I am curious. Why are the actual HA devices put on the same level of...urgency as dialysis and artificial arms?

And please, I hope I am not sounding challenging or aggressive, I am glad for the discussion about this and want to keep talking about it. I hate communication problems so I am a little frustrated about the situation with my friend, but otherwise I want to keep things friendly and informative.

 

[RonnyJ]

I am thinking that the piece of hearing aid is something that you like as a technology only, not on the person who is either hard of hearing or deaf. The hearing aids to us is a curse and now we have CI technology too (another curse for some deaf people).

If you like this hearing aid technology, you might be thinking of what the hearing aid should be is to listen to the sounds or thinking that this piece of technology is for listening to music like IPod. This hearing aid is not like that. It is just a tool for us to hear the environment sounds but could not pick up the words. The hard of hearing had to rely on lipreading to understand but lipreading is not excellent as we can only pick up about 30 percent of speaking language. There are times that the hearing aids are not all that comfortable but it is like taking a break from wearing the hearing aid to feel comfortable without it for a while. We don't need to wear it 24 hours and seven days a week. We don't wear hearing aids at night time for bed times just like eyeglasses. By visually, seeing her reactions or her attitude, she is probably trying to explain the problem or something about her hearing aid that might not be right for her. I think she is having problem with it, even she was talking about it a lot. Being hard of hearing or deaf is not fun when trying to communicate with hearing people, even with you. We struggled trying to make head and tail of what hearing people are saying. That is why we need ASL or sign language to help us understand more clearly. I hope that would help you understand her situation.

Thank you, it does. This makes me feel a little frustrated because I wish she would just tell me she felt that way, eh but I understand it is difficult to open up about certain things. While I do not struggle with hearing, I did struggle with speech when I was younger. I have opened up to her about my speech problems and my autism growing up plenty of times. She has talked to me about her struggles with hearing at the beginning. We both mostly sign with each other because we feel more comfortable with sign language. I can always count on her to sign with me when I am in a social situation and I don't want to talk. I thought we were on same page. Maybe I overestimated the level of our friendship. Perhaps she is not comfortable sharing all things with me and sometimes I am pushy or expecting too much and not know it. I do not want her to think of me as her "hearing friend" or worse as just another "hearing person" in her life who "doesn't get it." That phrase is annoying. For her to think of me first as "hearing" anything first..I don't like that. It has no...closeness, you know? I am not "hearing Ronny, I am only Ronny." She is not defined by her HAs and I am not defined by my lack of them. Hm. I don't know. I will talk to her, maybe some things I am beginning to get over dramatic about. This would be load off my back. Dekuji, thank you, Miss.

 

[RonnyJ]

I have great news!

I talked to my friend and got straight to the point. I asked "do I ever cross any lines with you about your HAs and HOHness? Because I felt weird about saying "oh that's cool, I wish I had one" and some people told me you could have felt belittled. I know I joke around a lot, but if I am ever being too much of a dick or cross a line you have to tell me or I will never know."

She told me "no you're fine, don't worry about it. I'll let you know if that ever happens."

Sooo...I feel like my friend and I are okay and still can be open with each other, can joke around and I don't have tread softly around her HAs or HOHness. The uneasy feeling must have been my own nerves stemming from my misunderstanding of her saying "it's not fun" and the awkward silence after, turning the situation into something it wasn't. Turns out I am over dramatic one in the situation. I think too much. I feel better. It is good that we cleared this up between us because I am not good at censoring myself, especially if I am comfortably uncensored with the person already.

Okay, no more worries. It is 3 in the morning and I can sleep in peace with no worries about my friendship. I wish I could turn off this brain of mine. Next time even if it is uncomfortable for both us, I will try to go straight to her first with worries about my behavior or any misunderstanding between us.

Anyway, thank you people for taking the time to help me out. Dobrou noc, good night.

 

[Anij]

Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

Just so you know - HAs aren't like glasses.

For most people, wearing glasses or contact lenses restores "normal vision", meaning everything is clear 20/20 etc. That's why glasses and contacts are properly called "corrective lenses"

HAs are basically just fancy volume controls ... They amplify sounds, but can't actually correct anything. This means that the sounds aren't clearer, only louder. Hearing with hearing aids is a bit like listening to a radio that isn't 100% tuned to the station - so there's static & distortion that the listener has to concentrate to "listen around" in order to make sense of what's actually ON the station (ie the important stuff).

 

[Lau2046]

Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

Just so you know - HAs aren't like glasses.

For most people, wearing glasses or contact lenses restores "normal vision", meaning everything is clear 20/20 etc. That's why glasses and contacts are properly called "corrective lenses"

HAs are basically just fancy volume controls ... They amplify sounds, but can't actually correct anything. This means that the sounds aren't clearer, only louder. Hearing with hearing aids is a bit like listening to a radio that isn't 100% tuned to the station - so there's static & distortion that the listener has to concentrate to "listen around" in order to make sense of what's actually ON the station (ie the important stuff).

No, they are like glasses - to me. Eye glasses don't restore normal vision, I know, I wear them from time to time - and if you're not wearing them, they don't work. Yet even with them, I'm not seeing things as good as someone who normally has 20/20 vision. Hearing aids don't restore normal hearing either. Do people who don't have hearing issues have the ability to turn sounds up, down, or off? I wear my HAs the moment my feet hit the ground when I get out of bed in the morning and they're the last things I remove at night. If I could sleep with them, I would. I see them as what they are, assistive devices to help me function in the same way pulling out my reading glasses do when I do paperwork helps me to see better.

They're hardly fancy volume controls, that's really belittling their usefulness - they give me my life back and allow me to be involved with my family, the people at work, enable me to study languages and be engaged in the world of sound. That's called a gift. Thankfully, as long as I have them, I won't need to learn ASL or depend on it. Not everyone that wears HA needs or wants to learn ASL. I've worn them non stop since I was six years old and I'll wear them to I drop because - they're nothing short of a miracle in my life.

Laura

 

[RonnyJ]

No, they are like glasses - to me. Eye glasses don't restore normal vision, I know, I wear them from time to time - and if you're not wearing them, they don't work. Yet even with them, I'm not seeing things as good as someone who normally has 20/20 vision. Hearing aids don't restore normal hearing either. Do people who don't have hearing issues have the ability to turn sounds up, down, or off? I wear my HAs the moment my feet hit the ground when I get out of bed in the morning and they're the last things I remove at night. If I could sleep with them, I would. I see them as what they are, assistive devices to help me function in the same way pulling out my reading glasses do when I do paperwork helps me to see better.

They're hardly fancy volume controls, that's really belittling their usefulness - they give me my life back and allow me to be involved with my family, the people at work, enable me to study languages and be engaged in the world of sound. That's called a gift. Thankfully, as long as I have them, I won't need to learn ASL or depend on it. Not everyone that wears HA needs or wants to learn ASL. I've worn them non stop since I was six years old and I'll wear them to I drop because - they're nothing short of a miracle in my life.

Laura

You are right Laura. Sorry Anij, but that is not what glasses do. I wear glasses also and my vision will never be normal, even with them on. In fact, just like my friend with her hearing, my vision will continue to get worse as I get older. And my friend also wears glasses and is blind in one eye, she will tell you that her vision is not restored to normal because of her glasses. They are just like her HAs. Just as she will have to keep upgrading her hearing aids and glasses, I will also have to upgrade (thicken-unfortunately ) my glasses. I have HAs too...on my face, for my eyes.

Anij--I do not personally feel like HA are such a big deal as being an amputee or having diabetes. This is dramatic comparison. Now, one person's feelings are not more important or valid depending on their disability. However, looking at all of them objectively, minus the people's feelings, the girl sitting through dialysis every week with a rotting kidney is a much more fatal situation than the girl with a thing in her ear. You see what I am getting at...I don't think gradually losing your hearing can be compared to losing a kidney. My friend's feelings about her hearing struggle are not belittled because out there in the world someone is going through something more serious. Her feelings are hers and they are respected. But the fact is that there are people going through more serious things and in comparison, my friend is fine. What I mean is, to say someone needing HAs is like a person losing their legs or needing a new organ...eh, it is not that serious.

But I do appreciate your thoughts Anij because now I know that some people do feel their HAs are this big thing that I must watch what I say about. In the future, if/when I ever meet anyone who feels this, I can now be sensitive toward them.

This has been a very helpful discussion. Dekuji vam vsem, thank you all.

 

[ChandaMija]

Okay, my friend and I have been in University together for a year and a half now. She developed a mild hearing loss when she was in high school and wears hearing aids.

She's always been okay with answering any questions I've had about her hearing loss or hearing aids. Her Mother is an Audiologist, so she is somewhat knowledgable. I'm curious person and she's not embarassed about being HOH.

So one day, we're in her car, she's driving, we're talking about her new hearing aids. We're smiling and laughing, it's a nice conversation. Then she shows them to me and I said "oh they look so cool. I wish I had one."

Then...it got quiet for a small second. (I start to feel uneasy because I immediately noticed an unexpected lull in the coversation.) Then she says in a quiet kinda serious you don't know what you're talking about voice "It's not fun."

So I say, "well, I can see how it may feel uncomfortable or get frustrating--"

She says "It's not that it's just...it's hard to explain." Then we were just silent for the rest of the car ride and I felt like I said something wrong, so I just didn't want to dig a deeper hole for myself.

This situation, I do not understand. What did I say wrong? What is so difficult to explain about hearing aids? When she said that apart of me was a little frustated because she was acting so cryptic and serious and I don't think of HA as a serious "ooh, taboo" thing. Is it bad that I said I thought they were cool and that I wish I had one. If so I will gladly censor myself next time. Why would saying those things be bad? I wasn't saying I wish I was HOH or I wish I was deaf and I would not want a HA to pretend I was deaf or HOH. I really only thought the device was just...cool. I like technology.

Should I try to bring it up to her and ask her if I am saying things she not like? I don't understand most social situations (I'm an Aspie, that's life) so I'm hoping someone on here can help me understand better what I did wrong so that I can have a clearer talk with my friend later, if I decide to bring it up. I could just be over reacting because I didn't understand her response, so I'm just assuming I did something bad. Still...it is better to make sure, right?

So can someone explain this situation to me? I like my friend and I don't want her to think I am ignorant or was making fun of her to be mean or something. I don't do those things. We make jokes all the time about who would take home the silver in the oppression/special olympics because I am a black lesbian with Asperger syndrome and she's a HOH lesbian who is blind in one eye. We laugh together and we never offended each other. But with the hearing aids, I feel whenever I say "I like them" or "they're cute" or "I wonder how I would look with one" she seems to look at me like I am saying something...ignorant or offensive and she's not going to tell me. This I hate. If ever I say something bad I want people to tell me (but not in mean way) because most of the time I not understand that what I say is bad. I like to be sensitive toward everyone's level of comfortability. Please someone tell me if I was wrong in anyway, so I know better next time.

Thank you for reading. Out of curiosity, has anyone else ever encountered a similar "problem?"

It means she cares and wouldn't wish this on you, then to hear u wanted the hearing loss too???????? I'd be mad because you wanted the loss just to look cool with the aids? That sounds............. *input a negative word of your choice here*..........................

 

[Frisky Feline]

It means she cares and wouldn't wish this on you, then to hear u wanted the hearing loss too???????? I'd be mad because you wanted the loss just to look cool with the aids? That sounds............. *input a negative word of your choice here*..........................

how is matajan doing?

 

[ChandaMija]

how is matajan doing?

Matajan? Who?

 

[MiahTalia]

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Out of curiosity, has anyone else ever encountered a similar "problem?"

Hi!! In my opinion Chandamija, i can understand the awkward silence as a Hoh girl myself, my hearing boyfriend, at the time, he had a huge interest in my hearing and my hearing aids he regularly came to hearing services appointments, he even asked to try them in which i didnt mind although i did mind his reaction, his reaction was to get them out ASAP! i did warn him! he also mentioned when i got new hearing aids to match my brown hair (which broke and gave me silver although i am not ashamed of my hearing aids) he said "wow! they look cool" yea they look cool but its hard to explain to him that i am dependent on these "cool hearing aids" and sometimes wearing them takes it toll, they hurt, rub and can get so sore! i think your friend felt a bit of insecurities as we all do sometimes.
sorry i am rambling but i guess your friend said it "its hard to explain"