Deaf Culture observations - part deux: The hearing man or woman

naisho

naisho

Forum Disorders M.D.,Ph.D
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I still had some thoughts in the back of my head over some relationships I noticed in deaf culture after the other thread. Discussed this with people and some agree there are some 'stereotypical' trends going on.
Being from a neutral background from sociology, I hate to stereotype - I would rather just say this is a preliminary observation without basis.

I think I've observed that deaf women are more likely to be with a hearing man than vice versa. For reasons why, probably various. But to digress, focus on the question. It is about a hearing partner.

So this is the situation. You are introduced to deafies or your friend just got hooked up. What do you notice about their partners?

Do you notice that there are more...:
A. deaf women with hearing men
B. deaf men with hearing women
C. deaf women with hearing women
D. deaf men with hearing men

And why do you think this happens to be the case?

Do note that relationship stability or happiness is not the argument here. I'm just wondering what type of pair is more common.
 
I think more deaf women with hearing men are stereotyped.

I believe it should be show more deaf men with hearing women can be better.

Why?

Financial stable
Honest easily
Flexible time
Highly interests
True chemistry

I want to marry hearing women someday.
 
Thanks for your input, matajan. But this is not about which is better from personal opinion.
Which relationship have you seen more when you go see your friends or deaf event? Hearing man with deaf woman or Hearing woman with deaf man?
 
naisho said:
Thanks for your input, matajan. But this is not about which is better from personal opinion.
Which relationship have you seen more when you go see your friends or deaf event? Hearing man with deaf woman or Hearing woman with deaf man?
Click to expand...

More hearing man with deaf woman
 
I'm twice married to hearing woman but I see more hearing men married to deaf women.
 
i tried to remember who my friends i know.. i will say, more deaf women with hearing guys but there are also deaf guys with hearing gals. speaking of my close friends, more deaf women with hearing guys.
 
I was gonna bump my old thread about this, but then I couldn't wade through all the bullshit that Matajan has posted in this room. Mods really need to just consolidate all his threads into one... :roll:

Anyway, as for my opinion. I've changed it a little: I think that in a strong deaf community, you will probably see an equal amount of male and female deafies dating hearies. Perhaps the reason for this is because that strong community provides individuals a source of confidence for dating "outsiders." After all, if it doesn't work out with the hearie, they can just go back to someone in the deaf community...

In an area with a weak deaf community, or with individuals who are not part of the deaf community, you will see much more deaf women dating hearing men. My old thread had a lot of insight from many people regarding this...

I know a handful of deaf/hoh people here in Lafayette, where there is virtually no deaf community. The females I know have no problem finding hearing boyfriends, while the guys, myself included, have difficult times attracting a hearing women.
 
I pick A -- more deaf women with hearing men -- just based off what I know of here in the deaf community. There could be far more of the opposite than I know, though.

And, I know you didn't ask for opinions, but more deaf men with hearing women is better because of:

matajan said:
I believe it should be show more deaf men with hearing women can be better.

Why?

Financial stable
Honest easily
Flexible time
Highly interests
True chemistry
Click to expand...

is a bunch of bunk. So, because I'm deaf, I'm not financially stable, honest, flexible, share interests or have chemistry ?? :roll: And that deaf men would be better off with a hearing woman for this reason ?
 
For me, it seems like B but I think A is also very common as well.

I think hearing women tend to be more flexible in choosing their mate than hearing men are though. Looking at ASL classes from my area, like 90% of students are usually female.

The more I think about it, the more it evens out. As for why, I dunno. The best ones to answer this question would be the candidates that you listed. XD
 
Silentwolfdog said:
I think hearing women tend to be more flexible in choosing their mate than hearing men are though. Looking at ASL classes from my area, like 90% of students are usually female.
Click to expand...

I completely disagree with this. I think hearing women are far more discriminating when choosing a mate (for example, they're wondering if the guy is going to be able to get a good job and be a provider if he's deaf). It's true that ASL classes are 90% female (I am in ASL IV at the moment, and there are only two other guys in it), but very few of them are interested in dating a deaf man.
 
Really? I think hearing men tend to shy away from mate that have a disability far more than hearing women do.
 
TheWriteAlex said:
I completely disagree with this. I think hearing women are far more discriminating when choosing a mate (for example, they're wondering if the guy is going to be able to get a good job and be a provider if he's deaf). It's true that ASL classes are 90% female (I am in ASL IV at the moment, and there are only two other guys in it), but very few of them are interested in dating a deaf man.
Click to expand...

Really? Here in DC, I dont see that as a problem. Hey, look at my brother with his hearing girlfriend for one. I wanted to be with a deaf man after my divorce but that didnt work out and I ended up with a wonderful hearing man who understood Deaf culture and ASL.
 
Everything is, souggy.

Looks, personality, incomes, education, etc. all still matters to both sides. For better or worse. *shrugs*
 
shel90 said:
Really? Here in DC, I dont see that as a problem. Hey, look at my brother with his hearing girlfriend for one. I wanted to be with a deaf man after my divorce but that didnt work out and I ended up with a wonderful hearing man who understood Deaf culture and ASL.
Click to expand...

She already knew sign language and was well accustomed to Deaf culture before she met your brother, as did your husband. I am talking about women who are not already used to deaf men. I think a hearing man who has no exposure to ASL or Deaf culture is going to be far more open to dating a deaf girl than the other way around. You probably don't notice it much because in DC there are so many hearies that sign and understand the Deaf way. but out here in the cornfields, it's a different story.
 
TheWriteAlex said:
She already knew sign language and was well accustomed to Deaf culture before she met your brother, as did your husband. I am talking about women who are not already used to deaf men. I think a hearing man who has no exposure to ASL or Deaf culture is going to be far more open to dating a deaf girl than the other way around. You probably don't notice it much because in DC there are so many hearies that sign and understand the Deaf way. but out here in the cornfields, it's a different story.
Click to expand...

In my experience, it is the total opposite. My friends who are with hearing men with no exposure to Deaf culture struggle with them because they refuse to learn ASL and their deaf needs while my Deaf male friends who met hearing women who have had no exposure to Deaf culture have much much better relationships due to the women learning ASL for them.

My hubby learned ASL for his ex- fiancee who was deaf and blind.
 
There need to be an experiment....

In a bar:

Who is a woman more likely to talk to... a hearing or a deaf with no tipping money. Then add a deaf person with tipping money... then add a hearing person with tipping money.

Not talking about buying drinks. It's most curious how shallow people can be.
 
shel90 said:
In my experience, it is the total opposite. My friends who are with hearing men with no exposure to Deaf culture struggle with them because they refuse to learn ASL and their deaf needs while my Deaf male friends who met hearing women who have had no exposure to Deaf culture have much much better relationships due to the women learning ASL for them.

My hubby learned ASL for his ex- fiancee who was deaf and blind.
Click to expand...

Hmm, I think we're actually branching into a different topic. You're talking about relationships that have already been formed: who is more willing to accomodate. I'm talking about before a relationship even starts: who is more open to starting one with a deaf person?

It doesn't surprise me at all that hearing men are more likely to not learn ASL or accommodate their significant others, but that is unrelated to their willingness to even start the relationship. In fact, your observations kinda support my hypothesis. Hearing men will jump into the relationship with a deaf girl because they like the idea of being in control, being the protector, etc., but when it comes time to actually putting in the effort to communicate, that's where the scales of success shift to hearing women with deaf men.

Anyway, this is basically becoming part 2 of my old thread, so I'm going to stop there.
 
deaf men/hearing women

I personally haven't seen much of any of these...I hang out with a small group of local deaf, about 20 deaf guys and 2 deaf girls......one of the women was married to a hearing man for awhile and she was married before...I don't know the person she was married to before. Also know a deaf man who was going out with a hearing man. Most of my deaf guy friends have had deaf girl friends when they dated...but none have ended up married and they are usually single!

I am not trying to be judgemental but I also noticed that deaf people don't seem to stay with one person much whether dating or married. I am not sure why this is. I've been with the same person for 19 years and we been married for 10 of them. I guess that is not the norm but it always surprises me how short time people seem to stay together. Although I am not sure that is a deaf thing...I see this a lot with hearing people too.
 
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