AlaskaStar
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- Jul 24, 2012
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So, it's been a while since I posted here.
The culture here in Alaska is predominately blue-collar type work. This essentially means that on average the job qualifications requirement include "Answer Phones and assist customers, good communications skills" and a bunch of other requirements. It is essentially on every job posting, even if you are a rain gutter installer or a snow shovel worker, or even a night janitor.
Well, as it goes...
I find myself self employed, job searching, and unable to find work. It's difficult. My resume is several pages thick of highly technical skills of various disciplines.
Now the other side of the Alaskan culture is that there are hardly any deaf people here. Lots of HOH, but the numbers of deaf are so small, it barely registers on government charts. The high number of HOH are from industrial jobs in construction, oil field industry or shops either building new or repairing old.
So in light of the significantly small numbers of deaf people here, the sad fact is that almost nobody knows Sign Language. This is a problem. Couple it with the long dark winters and it can lead to depression, which is the point of this post.
My family full out refuses to learn Sign Language, and in general refuse to write or even text. Family events in general exclusively exclude me from any conversation. I am always the last to know anything going on in the family. I find out that we are adopting a nephew, when he shows up. Nobody tells me before it happens.
As a resident citizen of Alaska, this is my home. I have no requirement to move to any other place on this planet to fit in, be socially acceptable, or anything.
However, the total isolation that occurs because I am invisible to the people around me, is unbearable.
The darkness, the cold, it generally drives people indoors. So, when indoors, and surrounded by other people, especially those whom refuse to have any conversation with me, it only makes things worse.
The only communications that do occur are very utilitarian. “Fix this.” “Car Broke.” “Dishes dirty.” “Plow Driveway.”
There's no 2-way communications at all. No full on conversation in the least bit.
I find myself in depression deep. I fight off suicidal thoughts while simultaneously trying to stand upright let alone deal with all the mentally deaf people I am surrounded by. I have a bad vestibular imbalance that was mild, but was made a lot worse when I was in a wreck and my head struck the steering wheel. The cop lied on official documents which absolved my insurance company from any responsibility for medical injuries, even though the wreck was clearly not in any way fault of mine. Plow truck cut my car in half right down the middle like a hot knife through butter. It sliced from the bumper through the engine and stopped at the windshield. My car went from 55 miles per hour to zero in a whole of 30 inches. The seat belt retract mechanism failed to function and the airbag deployed but wasn't enough.
If I am not trying to prevent gut wrenching projectile vomit, then I am dizzy, and dealing with mentally deaf people.
I know it may be hard to comprehend this, but I have been stood up on so many dates simply because I am deaf. I mean, good riddance to some random shallow-minded idiot, but at just shy of 100 first dates being stood up? That's cruel. They don't even have the decency to pull into the parking lot of where-ever we agree to meet. Never mind the fact of not getting laid. I even tried Craigslist. Not even the desperate scum there had the decency to meet face to face, but considering Craigslist... that scum is relatively indecent to begin with all unto itself.
If that's not enough, when someone notices that I seem a bit distressed, and ask me (write...) about what is going on, and I tell them, they quickly terminate communications and make a quick exit stage left.
The hotlines are voice only. Purple VRS doesn't call to 1-800 numbers and the TTY function of my laptop circa 1997 (yeah... go ahead and laugh...) isn't quite up to par.
So, anyone know the best place that when gray matter goes splatter it makes a huge mess and is difficult to clean up for long periods of time? Suggestions of all types are welcome.
Or, give me some really good reasons to keep fighting. I've already had to fight very bloody tooth and nail for every nano-meter of forward motion since going deaf.
Anyone make it through this? Anyone know how to come out of it?
This is a scream out for something, anything to break. Either something changes or I take the exit. I'm at the end.
The culture here in Alaska is predominately blue-collar type work. This essentially means that on average the job qualifications requirement include "Answer Phones and assist customers, good communications skills" and a bunch of other requirements. It is essentially on every job posting, even if you are a rain gutter installer or a snow shovel worker, or even a night janitor.
Well, as it goes...
I find myself self employed, job searching, and unable to find work. It's difficult. My resume is several pages thick of highly technical skills of various disciplines.
Now the other side of the Alaskan culture is that there are hardly any deaf people here. Lots of HOH, but the numbers of deaf are so small, it barely registers on government charts. The high number of HOH are from industrial jobs in construction, oil field industry or shops either building new or repairing old.
So in light of the significantly small numbers of deaf people here, the sad fact is that almost nobody knows Sign Language. This is a problem. Couple it with the long dark winters and it can lead to depression, which is the point of this post.
My family full out refuses to learn Sign Language, and in general refuse to write or even text. Family events in general exclusively exclude me from any conversation. I am always the last to know anything going on in the family. I find out that we are adopting a nephew, when he shows up. Nobody tells me before it happens.
As a resident citizen of Alaska, this is my home. I have no requirement to move to any other place on this planet to fit in, be socially acceptable, or anything.
However, the total isolation that occurs because I am invisible to the people around me, is unbearable.
The darkness, the cold, it generally drives people indoors. So, when indoors, and surrounded by other people, especially those whom refuse to have any conversation with me, it only makes things worse.
The only communications that do occur are very utilitarian. “Fix this.” “Car Broke.” “Dishes dirty.” “Plow Driveway.”
There's no 2-way communications at all. No full on conversation in the least bit.
I find myself in depression deep. I fight off suicidal thoughts while simultaneously trying to stand upright let alone deal with all the mentally deaf people I am surrounded by. I have a bad vestibular imbalance that was mild, but was made a lot worse when I was in a wreck and my head struck the steering wheel. The cop lied on official documents which absolved my insurance company from any responsibility for medical injuries, even though the wreck was clearly not in any way fault of mine. Plow truck cut my car in half right down the middle like a hot knife through butter. It sliced from the bumper through the engine and stopped at the windshield. My car went from 55 miles per hour to zero in a whole of 30 inches. The seat belt retract mechanism failed to function and the airbag deployed but wasn't enough.
If I am not trying to prevent gut wrenching projectile vomit, then I am dizzy, and dealing with mentally deaf people.
I know it may be hard to comprehend this, but I have been stood up on so many dates simply because I am deaf. I mean, good riddance to some random shallow-minded idiot, but at just shy of 100 first dates being stood up? That's cruel. They don't even have the decency to pull into the parking lot of where-ever we agree to meet. Never mind the fact of not getting laid. I even tried Craigslist. Not even the desperate scum there had the decency to meet face to face, but considering Craigslist... that scum is relatively indecent to begin with all unto itself.
If that's not enough, when someone notices that I seem a bit distressed, and ask me (write...) about what is going on, and I tell them, they quickly terminate communications and make a quick exit stage left.
The hotlines are voice only. Purple VRS doesn't call to 1-800 numbers and the TTY function of my laptop circa 1997 (yeah... go ahead and laugh...) isn't quite up to par.
So, anyone know the best place that when gray matter goes splatter it makes a huge mess and is difficult to clean up for long periods of time? Suggestions of all types are welcome.
Or, give me some really good reasons to keep fighting. I've already had to fight very bloody tooth and nail for every nano-meter of forward motion since going deaf.
Anyone make it through this? Anyone know how to come out of it?
This is a scream out for something, anything to break. Either something changes or I take the exit. I'm at the end.
My family is extremely large, 5 brothers and sisters their spouses and children, but we are very spread out now. I live almost 1000 miles away from any of them, thank goodness for facebook!! But even we are together they make an effort to include me. I am not 100% deaf, not with my hearing aids on anyway. But I am profoundly deaf and with all those people together it makes it that much harder to understand anything, but they do try to look at me so I can read their lips. I can't imagine being in the same room with them and being excluded. I said on here not long after I joined the forum that I never feel more alone than when I'm surrounded by people. But maybe that should be changed to lonely. When I am by myself I am okay, but when you get me in the middle of a bunch of people that there feels like there's an invisible wall between us I never feel more lonely. It's weird. But your family??? 
