Megladon
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- Jul 15, 2003
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A 92 year old man goes to the doctor for a physical. After a thorough exam by the Dr. he is pronounced O.K. for a man 92 years old. The man then asks; "What about my sperm count?" The Dr. looks around and says "You're 92, does it really matter?" The Old Guy gets agitated and says again, louder, What about my sperm count? So the Dr. goes to his desk takes out a specimin cup and gives it to the man. He tells the man "Go home and do your thing and bring me a sample,and we'll check it! The next day the man returns to the Dr.s office with an empty jar! The Dr. asks what happened and the man says: Well, I went into the bathroom at home and I tried for a while with my right hand, and then I tried with my left hand, and then my wife came in and she tried with both her hands, and then with her teeth in, and then with her teeth out... and neither one of us could get the lid off the jar!
This baby is born and immediately runs out of the delivery room and into the waiting room were all the expected fathers are. He walks up to the first guy and asks "Are you my daddy"? The guy answers "No i'm not". Baby walks up to the next guy and asks "Are you my daddy"? Guy answers "No i'm not". Baby walk up to the third guy and asks "Are you my daddy"? The guy answers "Yes I am". Baby says "Come here" As the guy bends foward towards the baby, the baby begins tapping him on the forehead with his index finger and asks "How do you like it"
One morning a husband awoke and decided he wanted to go duck hunting. He woke his wife and told her, "You have three choices, either go duck hunting with me, let me fuck you up the ass, or give me a blow job. I have to run out get the dog, and load up the truck. You had better decide by the time I get back." He returned after a while, and said to his wife, "Well, what have you decided to do?" To which she replied, "Well, I sure don't want to go duck hunting, and I'm sure the hell not going to let you fuck me up the ass, so I guess I'll give you a blow job." She begins to suck on his dick, and all the sudden stops and begins spitting and choking. He said to her, "What's the problem?" And she replied, "SHIT! My god, your dick tastes like shit!" He replied, "Oh yeah, the dog didn't want to go duck hunting either."
**** I think this one is my roommate ****
A man is sitting in an examming room waiting to see a doctor. The
doctor finally comes in and asks, "What seems to be the problem?" The man
replies, "My dick is orange." The doctor didn't know what to say, so he asked
some routine questions. Then he asked if the man lived next to any nuclear
power plants and the man replied, "No." Finally the doctor asked if the man
handled any strange chemicals at his job. The man replied, "No, I don't even
have a job." The doctor then asked, "What do you do all day?" The man
answered with pride, "I sit around eating Cheettos and whaching pornos all
day."
There were two people travelling on a train, an American scientist and a
Polish poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met
before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between the two. The
poet was minding his own buisness, looking out the window at the beauty of
the passing terrain.
The scientist was very uptight, trying to think of things he didn't know so
he could try to figure them out. Looking down at the Polak's suitcase the
scientist saw what he thought to be a Polish name. Finally, the scientist
was so bored, that he said to the poet, "Hey, do you want to play a game?"
The poet, being content with what he was doing, ignored him and continued
looking out the window, humming quietly to himself. This infuriated the
scientist, who irratibly asked again, "Hey, you, do you want to play a
game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5.
Then, YOU ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give YOU $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he deciced against it, seeing
that the scientist was obviously a very bright man, and most likely an
American. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who, by this time was going mad, tried a final time. "Look,
I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Them
you ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50!"
Now, the poet was not that smart academically, but he wasn't totally
stupid. He readily accepted the offer. "Okay," the scientist said, "what
is the EXACT distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the
scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to
the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said,
"Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "Alright, what
goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"
The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought
about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous
calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop,
using his Multimedia Encyclopedia.
After about an hour of this, the poet quietly watching the mountains of
Colorado go by the whole time, the scientist FINALLY gave up. He
reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it graciously,
turning back to the window.
"Wait!" the scientist shouted. "You can't do this to me! What's the
answer??"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into the his
hand.
This baby is born and immediately runs out of the delivery room and into the waiting room were all the expected fathers are. He walks up to the first guy and asks "Are you my daddy"? The guy answers "No i'm not". Baby walks up to the next guy and asks "Are you my daddy"? Guy answers "No i'm not". Baby walk up to the third guy and asks "Are you my daddy"? The guy answers "Yes I am". Baby says "Come here" As the guy bends foward towards the baby, the baby begins tapping him on the forehead with his index finger and asks "How do you like it"
One morning a husband awoke and decided he wanted to go duck hunting. He woke his wife and told her, "You have three choices, either go duck hunting with me, let me fuck you up the ass, or give me a blow job. I have to run out get the dog, and load up the truck. You had better decide by the time I get back." He returned after a while, and said to his wife, "Well, what have you decided to do?" To which she replied, "Well, I sure don't want to go duck hunting, and I'm sure the hell not going to let you fuck me up the ass, so I guess I'll give you a blow job." She begins to suck on his dick, and all the sudden stops and begins spitting and choking. He said to her, "What's the problem?" And she replied, "SHIT! My god, your dick tastes like shit!" He replied, "Oh yeah, the dog didn't want to go duck hunting either."
**** I think this one is my roommate ****
A man is sitting in an examming room waiting to see a doctor. The
doctor finally comes in and asks, "What seems to be the problem?" The man
replies, "My dick is orange." The doctor didn't know what to say, so he asked
some routine questions. Then he asked if the man lived next to any nuclear
power plants and the man replied, "No." Finally the doctor asked if the man
handled any strange chemicals at his job. The man replied, "No, I don't even
have a job." The doctor then asked, "What do you do all day?" The man
answered with pride, "I sit around eating Cheettos and whaching pornos all
day."
There were two people travelling on a train, an American scientist and a
Polish poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met
before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between the two. The
poet was minding his own buisness, looking out the window at the beauty of
the passing terrain.
The scientist was very uptight, trying to think of things he didn't know so
he could try to figure them out. Looking down at the Polak's suitcase the
scientist saw what he thought to be a Polish name. Finally, the scientist
was so bored, that he said to the poet, "Hey, do you want to play a game?"
The poet, being content with what he was doing, ignored him and continued
looking out the window, humming quietly to himself. This infuriated the
scientist, who irratibly asked again, "Hey, you, do you want to play a
game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5.
Then, YOU ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give YOU $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he deciced against it, seeing
that the scientist was obviously a very bright man, and most likely an
American. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who, by this time was going mad, tried a final time. "Look,
I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Them
you ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50!"
Now, the poet was not that smart academically, but he wasn't totally
stupid. He readily accepted the offer. "Okay," the scientist said, "what
is the EXACT distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the
scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to
the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said,
"Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "Alright, what
goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"
The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought
about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous
calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop,
using his Multimedia Encyclopedia.
After about an hour of this, the poet quietly watching the mountains of
Colorado go by the whole time, the scientist FINALLY gave up. He
reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it graciously,
turning back to the window.
"Wait!" the scientist shouted. "You can't do this to me! What's the
answer??"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into the his
hand.