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I am going to save the world from destruction. I am here to serve you as a one-man (or actually one-dildo) think tank capable of solving any problem. All you have to do is tell me what your problem is and I will solve it for you. It can be something as insignificant as an infected boil on your...

I have decided to run for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2010. I feel that the time has come for a dildo to take high office. I realize you haven't treated me with much respect in the past. You have ridiculed me, insulted me, and made me feel like I don't belong in civilized company...

I just noticed that I don’t have ANYBODY in my friends list. Wassup wit’ you people? Ain’t I good enough for y’all? We vibrators take a hell of a lot of shit from you people, and this is how we get treated? Oh sure—use me, abuse me, let the dog chew on me after you’re done with me, but ask me...

Help us name our new pet! We just brought it home from PetSmart about an hour ago and we can’t think of a good name. We don’t know if it’s male or female, so we need a good gender-neutral name. It is a red-footed tortoise from Central America, if that helps. Please help us find a name for our...

I came here in good faith to try to be a valuable and contributing member of AllDeaf. But all you people have done is make fun of me and accuse me of being a sock puppet for another member. I may just be a purple dildo, but I am also one of God’s creatures, just like you. I deserve the respect...