GarnetTigerMom
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How To Spot Abusive Relationships!
What marks and abusive relationship? First and foremost, abusers have a certain language and a certain pattern of behaviors. The abuser will never take the sole resposability for his or her actions. What underlines the abusers behaviors i will speak of further in the passage, but first let me evaluate the laguage and signs of the typical abuser. for example: “Because I said so.”
“It’s your fault.”
“I don’t want you talking to/seeing her.”
“I’ll tell you what to do.”
“You’re not going out of the house looking like that.”
“You don’t need to know.”
“I handle the money.”
“You know what your problem is?”
“This is for your own good.”
“Shut up!”
Name callingThese are just a few of the words that an abuser would use to intimidate and degrade the person who is being abused. One of the most obvious things that the abuser is afraid of is being left alone to themselves. Abusers need someone around to abuse, degrade and neglect. Without his or her scapegoat around then the abuser is faced with themselves; and is forced to see the real hidden agenda or the masked individual and that is their Inner turmoil. Appearances aside, the verbally abusive individual is broken internally. The identity they present to the world, and often to themselves, is a facade. Abusers tend to have little or no clue that they have a problem. Although they may admit to occasionally losing their cool or getting loud, they are very, very good at defending their misbehavior and adept at pointing out how they were provoked to behave in an angry way. the abuser is not as loose minded as some would think. The abuser is a preditor and will seek out ways to try and manipulate a person and make them seem crazy. The pattern is typical: abusers justify their displays of anger or disrespect by blaming the partner. The spouse, usually over-responsible, emotional, and codependent, has, in fact, acted out–and is likely to concedeWhat is necessary in a relationship the abuser or abusers do not posses. it is one thing to attack a person who is physically and emotionally doing something to you but it is another thing to attack a person becuase they are to good to you. Abusers hate the idea of allowing someone to get to close to them becuase that would mean they are open to getting hurt. A healthy relationship is reciprocal. Each partner must possess a measure of healthy self-acceptance and acceptance of the other. It is mutually understood that there is a constant give and take, with ongoing sacrifice and concession, each partner knowing that their giving will eventually be returned. pattern development is something that occurs once a person has been abused for so long. they tend to start fighting back in the same manner as the abuser! this leads to other comlications such as self blaming.Blaming onesself in the abusive relationship is often very easy to do instead of yelling and arguing back at the person who is abusing them. the abuser is now caught in a very self-loathing abusive pool. When the abuser points the finger right away the victim says “im sorry i should not have done that” instead of saying ” its your fault as well.” Abusers will not sympathise with the person they are abusing because its themselves that they hate. The abuser hates the fact that the other person is well off and they want them to feel the same emotional toil the they do. Recently doctors have acknowledged something called “battered womens syndrome” Which invokes temporary insanity! instead of the women getting treated long term they are deemed insane and are therefore pushed to the side.
Why does the abused remain victims?
1. For the children: Women may believe that any father is better than no father at all. She may lose custody of her children or cause emotional or physical harm to her children if she tries to leave.2. For financial reasons: She may have no financial resources, access to the resources or job kills. If she has children, it becomes more difficult to leave without having the ability to get affordable housing, transportation, etc.3. Fear of retaliation: When a woman makes a decision to leave an abusive relationship, her chances of being seriously physically hurt of killed increases 75%. Many times she has been told by her partner that if she leaves, her partner will hunt her down and kill her and the children.4. Religious reasons: Many times a woman will stay in a relationship because of religious beliefs. If she leaves or divorces her partner, her religious community may ostracize her.
In conclusion, Abusive relationships are codependent and need one half of another person to be put into full blow. The abusers have inner most issues that are neglected and or just plain ignored. The victims in the abusive relationships fail to realize its them who are not doing the abuse but are very sick indeed.
What marks and abusive relationship? First and foremost, abusers have a certain language and a certain pattern of behaviors. The abuser will never take the sole resposability for his or her actions. What underlines the abusers behaviors i will speak of further in the passage, but first let me evaluate the laguage and signs of the typical abuser. for example: “Because I said so.”
“It’s your fault.”
“I don’t want you talking to/seeing her.”
“I’ll tell you what to do.”
“You’re not going out of the house looking like that.”
“You don’t need to know.”
“I handle the money.”
“You know what your problem is?”
“This is for your own good.”
“Shut up!”
Name callingThese are just a few of the words that an abuser would use to intimidate and degrade the person who is being abused. One of the most obvious things that the abuser is afraid of is being left alone to themselves. Abusers need someone around to abuse, degrade and neglect. Without his or her scapegoat around then the abuser is faced with themselves; and is forced to see the real hidden agenda or the masked individual and that is their Inner turmoil. Appearances aside, the verbally abusive individual is broken internally. The identity they present to the world, and often to themselves, is a facade. Abusers tend to have little or no clue that they have a problem. Although they may admit to occasionally losing their cool or getting loud, they are very, very good at defending their misbehavior and adept at pointing out how they were provoked to behave in an angry way. the abuser is not as loose minded as some would think. The abuser is a preditor and will seek out ways to try and manipulate a person and make them seem crazy. The pattern is typical: abusers justify their displays of anger or disrespect by blaming the partner. The spouse, usually over-responsible, emotional, and codependent, has, in fact, acted out–and is likely to concedeWhat is necessary in a relationship the abuser or abusers do not posses. it is one thing to attack a person who is physically and emotionally doing something to you but it is another thing to attack a person becuase they are to good to you. Abusers hate the idea of allowing someone to get to close to them becuase that would mean they are open to getting hurt. A healthy relationship is reciprocal. Each partner must possess a measure of healthy self-acceptance and acceptance of the other. It is mutually understood that there is a constant give and take, with ongoing sacrifice and concession, each partner knowing that their giving will eventually be returned. pattern development is something that occurs once a person has been abused for so long. they tend to start fighting back in the same manner as the abuser! this leads to other comlications such as self blaming.Blaming onesself in the abusive relationship is often very easy to do instead of yelling and arguing back at the person who is abusing them. the abuser is now caught in a very self-loathing abusive pool. When the abuser points the finger right away the victim says “im sorry i should not have done that” instead of saying ” its your fault as well.” Abusers will not sympathise with the person they are abusing because its themselves that they hate. The abuser hates the fact that the other person is well off and they want them to feel the same emotional toil the they do. Recently doctors have acknowledged something called “battered womens syndrome” Which invokes temporary insanity! instead of the women getting treated long term they are deemed insane and are therefore pushed to the side.
Why does the abused remain victims?
1. For the children: Women may believe that any father is better than no father at all. She may lose custody of her children or cause emotional or physical harm to her children if she tries to leave.2. For financial reasons: She may have no financial resources, access to the resources or job kills. If she has children, it becomes more difficult to leave without having the ability to get affordable housing, transportation, etc.3. Fear of retaliation: When a woman makes a decision to leave an abusive relationship, her chances of being seriously physically hurt of killed increases 75%. Many times she has been told by her partner that if she leaves, her partner will hunt her down and kill her and the children.4. Religious reasons: Many times a woman will stay in a relationship because of religious beliefs. If she leaves or divorces her partner, her religious community may ostracize her.
In conclusion, Abusive relationships are codependent and need one half of another person to be put into full blow. The abusers have inner most issues that are neglected and or just plain ignored. The victims in the abusive relationships fail to realize its them who are not doing the abuse but are very sick indeed.
