lumbingmi
Active Member
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2006
- Messages
- 4,370
- Reaction score
- 6
Got this from myspace.
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c) After wrecking the boss's car. d) When she is using her teeth.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event you may ask the score of the game in progress but you may never ask who's playing.
10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless waitress... and only when it's free.
11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Case closed.
14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.
15. Women who claim they love to watch sports must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16. A man in the company of a hot suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last piece of pizza, but not both. That's just greedy.
18. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be talking about his choice of beer.
19. Never join a wife or girlfriend in discussing a friend of yours except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20. Never talk to a man in a restroom unless you are on equal footing, i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line etc.
21. Never allow a telephone call with a woman to go on longer than you can have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly just a friend have carnal, drunken, monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail each other again before the discussion
occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23. It is acceptable to drive her car, it is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime, orange, or sky blue.
25. The woman who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "if you loved me, you'd know what I wanted" gets an Xbox. End of story.
26. There's no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. Ever.
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c) After wrecking the boss's car. d) When she is using her teeth.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event you may ask the score of the game in progress but you may never ask who's playing.
10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless waitress... and only when it's free.
11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Case closed.
14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.
15. Women who claim they love to watch sports must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16. A man in the company of a hot suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last piece of pizza, but not both. That's just greedy.
18. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be talking about his choice of beer.
19. Never join a wife or girlfriend in discussing a friend of yours except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20. Never talk to a man in a restroom unless you are on equal footing, i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line etc.
21. Never allow a telephone call with a woman to go on longer than you can have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly just a friend have carnal, drunken, monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail each other again before the discussion
occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23. It is acceptable to drive her car, it is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime, orange, or sky blue.
25. The woman who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "if you loved me, you'd know what I wanted" gets an Xbox. End of story.
26. There's no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. Ever.
good one...
