What/how you deal with temper children?

I think she is

expressing birth order and that she is the "mother hen " of the group

kim
 
Terri_7 said:
A student showed up at school where I work as a School Psychologist had a handprint on his face. By law, I had to report to the CPS. I do not reinforce any type of physical abuse including spanking or slapping to my children. My son hit his brother and I asked him if it was ok for me to hit his daddy? and he looked surprised and said "no" and I said " that is why we do not hit each other in our family, not acceptable" For me, modeling is the best reinforcer. I would feel like a hyprocrite if I spank my kids and then my kids hit each other. But that's me.
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:gpost: I'm with you on to this but we're here to talking about children's temper tantrum.

I noticed that you are newbie so I would suggest you to check those links about spanking issues.

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=20318&highlight=spank

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=22006&highlight=spank

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=22127&highlight=spank
 
I agree with Liebling

I agree with you, you were right to sent your son to his room when he lost his head. You were spot on to wait until he is calm and then have a proper words with him in a calm voice and make certain rules that he can abide them, instead of him breaking it. I have a 9 years old daughter, she too have a terrible temper and very aggressive with her 3 years old sister. She doesn't understand what a 3 years old behaviour is like, they're normal 3 years old who are up to trouble. My daughter would come down on her like a brick and i could hear her screaming at her and the 3 years old would be crying her eyes out. So, i tell my daughter to go to her room until she calm down then i will talk to her about her behaviour is not acceptable. That i would allow it to happen again. Then i would punish her for no pocket money for a week or more. You are doing the right things, you are not a bad parent. You are only doing what best for them. I hope my opinion is okay with you. Keep up the good work with your children. Dee
 
Temper Tantrums

I pulled my old thread and discuss about temper tantrums because it relate temper children. I want quote to post more but the thread is lock before I want to quote other post.

I found those link today...

Temper tantrums are emotional outbursts generally displayed by children during early childhood, between the ages of 1 and 4 years. They are considered a normal, healthy part of child development.

During a temper tantrum, children may engage in behaviors such as screaming, shouting, hitting and kicking.

Some children have temper tantrums regularly, whereas others rarely experience them. The frequency of tantrums is related to the individual temperament of the child. Temper tantrums affect boys and girls equally.

Many people mistakenly believe that temper tantrums are caused by poor parenting skills. However, they typically stem from a combination of factors, including immediate circumstances, the child’s age, communication skills, temperament and developmentally healthy behavior.

Parents and caregivers can handle temper tantrums by distracting the child, removing the child from the situation, ignoring the child or holding the child.

In some cases, temper tantrums may be prevented or minimized. This may be achieved by setting realistic limits, helping children adhere to a regular schedule and offering children legitimate choices.
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Temper Tantrums - Page 1


I saw some ADers label a child as "spoil brat" because he/she throw temper tantrums and claimed that they have seen very well behaved toddlers...

To my answer on this ...

Well behaved toddlers also have temper tantrums as well... It doesn´t mean that they are spoil rotton brat because of this. It´s not normal when toddlers never throw temper tantrums in their life...

We often saw temper tantrums toddlers in shopping mall... I do not label them as spoil rotton brats but smile and remind me of my boys as toddlers when I look at mothers who struggled with temper tantrums. The people smile and gave them some tips... My hubby told a mother that it´s healthy to threw temper out of chest... Mother laugh friendly and watched him...

If spoil brat as you label then they would never throw temper tantrums in shopping mall because they can have everything what they wants... The parents never says no to them.... I personally would not spoil my children rotten because I know the problem will be create later when they become older but it´s parent´s business, not ours for want to spoil their child as long as there´re no child abuse.

There´re kind of temper tantrums, you will know that they throw temper tantrums when you said that they can´t have it when you are at shopping mall... (Toddlers don´t understand why their parents said NO until they are familiar to understand few years later).

You will know that something wrong with your child when he/she throw temper tantrums in your household or anywhere for no reason... It get you attention and focus to find out what wrong with them... What they have pains because toddlers can´t tell you which pain they have... I learn from child physician how can tell that they have pains when my toddlers throw temper tantrums for no reasons.
 
Age and temper tantrums

Age and temper tantrums
The causes of temper tantrums tend to vary according to a child’s age:

Infants. Although babies may cry frequently, they do not really experience temper tantrums. Infants cry because they have no other way of communicating their basic needs (e.g., food, blanket, clean diaper) to parents and other caregivers. Infants may also cry because they have colic.

Crying infants can be frustrating for parents who are unable to determine which need is not being met. Studies indicate that tending to a baby’s needs quickly and holding and comforting an infant during crying spells helps the infant become more secure, which may result in a dramatic reduction in crying over time.


Toddlers. There are several reasons that a toddler may have a tantrum. Most children in this age group become frustrated easily and strive for autonomy or a sense of independence. In addition, they have yet to master basic language skills. They may find it difficult to verbally express their feelings and ask parents or caregivers for the things that they desire. Toddlers also do not possess many problem-solving skills. For instance, toddlers may have a tantrum because they find it difficult to remove a shoe. Tantrums occur more often when toddlers are overexcited, overtired or hungry.


Preschoolers. Preschool-age children typically have fewer tantrums than toddlers. They are better able to communicate with parents and caregivers and have developed additional coping skills. However, children in this age group may still have tantrums in some instances. For example, they may become frustrated if a parent refuses to take them to a toy store. Some preschoolers learn that tantrums may produce positive results when a parent or caregiver gives in to their demands. If parents continually reward children for their negative behavior, the number of tantrums will likely increase.


School-age children. Children in this age group typically experience fewer tantrums than younger children because they have improved problem-solving skills. However, school-age children can still become hungry, overtired and cranky. Additionally, they are dealing with more complicated social situations, such as forming and maintaining friendships, working as a member of a team and participating in group activities. Children who find it difficult to express themselves or who have impaired problem-solving abilities are more likely to experience angry fits or temper tantrums. However, school-age children can learn to acknowledge feelings of anger and frustration and cope with them in an acceptable manner.
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Temper Tantrums - Page 3
 
You call the child is spoil brat.. I disagree.. Depend the child who have ADD/ADHD/OR OHERS... Are you still label them spoil brat? I believe I think you're wrong..

Temper tantrums are vary emotions.. what the child trying to say... something out burst angrily.. Parent are try their best and talk the child first.. until calm down.. then you can communication your child better ways.. If you don't willing deal w/your child who have temper tantrums.. and send your child goes into the room.. I think it's wrong because child want to tell you something but you put the child go room.. isn't solution!
 
Tips for handling temper tantrums

Tips for handling temper tantrums
Parents or caregivers should remain calm when a child is having a temper tantrum. If a parent shakes, spanks or screams at a child in the midst of a tantrum, the tantrum will probably worsen. Instead, parents should lead by example and control their emotions to the best of their ability.

The first step in stopping a temper tantrum is firmly asking the child to stop acting out. If this request is ineffective, parents should pause for 30 seconds to determine the next best course of action. There are four additional ways to handle a temper tantrum. They include:

Distracting the child. Parents can attempt to shift the focus of the child’s attention. For instance, if a child has a tantrum when a parent takes away an unsafe object, the parent should provide the child with a safer item. This method is especially effective with toddlers.


Removing the child from the situation. Parents can attempt to take the child to a quiet, isolated area to calm down. This discipline technique is commonly known as a “time-out.” If the tantrum occurs at home, the child may be taken to his or her bedroom. If it occurs in a public place (e.g., grocery store) the child may be taken outside or to sit in the car. However, a child should never be left alone or unattended in a public place.

Time-outs generally last for a specific time period according to the child’s age (typically one minute per year with a five-minute maximum). If the child tries to leave the designated location before the specified time period or refuses to quiet down, the time-out begins again.


Ignoring the child. As children become older, they may have tantrums to gain attention from parents. Parents can attempt to ignore the child and continue with their normal routine. If parents are uncomfortable witnessing the tantrum, they can leave the general area or distract themselves in another manner (e.g., turn on the television).


Holding the child. Parents can attempt to physically restrain children if they are acting in a manner that may be potentially harmful to themselves or others (e.g., hitting, kicking). Parents should attempt to be as gentle and reassuring as possible and let the child know that they recognize that they are angry and will hold them until they calm down. Children become frightened when they cannot control their emotions, and many find this approach to be comforting.
It is very important for parents to allow children an adequate cooling-down period before attempting to discuss the tantrum. It is very difficult to try to reason with children who are not in control of their emotions. After a sufficient period of time has passed, parents should discuss the tantrum with their child and teach alternate ways to handle such situations in the future. Preschool- and school-age children can learn the following skills:

How to ask others for assistance


When to go somewhere else to gain control over their emotions


How to try to accomplish their goal in another manner


How to verbalize their feelings instead of acting out physically
Parents should not reward a child after a tantrum by giving in to their requests. Rather, parents should praise the child for regaining composure. In addition, children learn by watching their parents. Adults who have adequate control over their own behavior and approach problems without emotional outbursts provide good models for children to emulate.

Temper tantrums can be very unsettling for children. After a child has a tantrum, parents should comfort and reassure them that everything is fine. It is important for parents to communicate that they still love the child although they do not approve of their actions.
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Temper Tantrums - Page 5
 
Prevention methods for temper tantrums
In some cases, temper tantrums may be prevented or minimized. Parents and caregivers should be aware of signals that may indicate a tantrum is imminent. They can do so by studying the child’s tantrums for any patterns and asking themselves questions such as:

Where and when do the tantrums typically occur?


Do the tantrums typically involve anyone in particular?


What events typically occur before, during and after each tantrum?
Setting realistic limits and helping children adhere to a regular schedule can also often prevent tantrums. It is especially important that a child have consistent mealtime and bedtime schedules.

Parents should also strive to offer their children legitimate choices. For instance, they should not ask children if they are tired unless they are prepared to allow them to take a nap. If a parent wants a child to take a nap at a specific time, they should tell the child that it is naptime rather than making the child feel as though he or she has a choice that does not exist.

Other methods for preventing and minimizing temper tantrums include:

Give the child sufficient attention. Children prefer negative attention to no attention at all. Therefore, parents and caregivers may prevent tantrums by recognizing and rewarding positive behavior with attention.


Allow the child to have some control. Letting children make certain choices, such as whether they want a grilled cheese or peanut better and jelly sandwich for lunch, may fulfill their need for autonomy and prevent potential tantrums.


Keep forbidden objects out of the child’s sight and reach when possible. This reduces the likelihood that struggles will develop between parent and child. Parents can also “child-proof” the home, which results in the need to enforce fewer restrictions.


Say “no” only to things that are very important.


Provide the child with adequate warning that an activity will soon end. This helps prepare the child for change.


Help the child avoid activities that are too challenging. For example, parents should only allow children to play with age-appropriate games and toys. Permitting children to participate in tasks they will be unable to accomplish sets them up for failure and frustration.


Recognize the child’s limits. For example, if it is obvious that a child is sleepy, parents may want to postpone running an errand.
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Temper Tantrums - Page 6
 
I only have 1 child and she's a very good girl. The last time I've had to go thru her tantrums was when she was about 2. She kept biting people and me. I bit her back and she didn't like it and has never bit people again. If I spank her, she would not understand that biting is wrong. she bit me and I said NO you do not BITE! i bit her back. it worked. about the spanking part.. I rarely spank her, I have not spanked her probably in about 2 years now. Spanking does help in some ways but alot of parents don't believe in spanking which is fine. Sometimes it doesn't help.

My daughter is very very good with her behavior. there are days when she doesn't listen and is hard-headed but she doesn't give me tempers. She's just the type to do things her own way and once things go wrong she learns from her mistake. I would tell her things that she can get hurt from but she thinks it won't happen but it happened. I don't have a problem with her temper, only to get thru her head to understand the meaning of not to do it when its risky. I'd tell you how many times she's gotten hurt.. zillion of times because she wants to do it her way.


on the other hand... she's almost 10... i got 2 more years to see if I'll get any from her cockiness with me. So I'll have to wait and see.
 
GalaxyAngel said:
You call the child is spoil brat.. I disagree.. Depend the child who have ADD/ADHD/OR OHERS... Are you still label them spoil brat? I believe I think you're wrong..
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Me? :confused: Do you mean "You" in general way?

Yes, it's very wrong to label temper tantrum child as spoil brat. Every toddlers included well-behaved, any disorders etc have temper tantrums. It is something not wrong if toddlers never have temper tantrum in their life. Temper tantrums is normal in health development. I just cannot beleive that people label children as spoil brat that's because they throw temper tantrums.



Temper tantrums are vary emotions.. what the child trying to say... something out burst angrily.. Parent are try their best and talk the child first.. until calm down.. then you can communication your child better ways.. If you don't willing deal w/your child who have temper tantrums.. and send your child goes into the room.. I think it's wrong because child want to tell you something but you put the child go room.. isn't solution!
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Yes, that's right. Never, never, never punish or send a toddlers to room or whatever. The toddlers can't talk and tell you what pain they have. We parents need to focus to find out what's wrong with our toddlers until we found out what's wrong... (perhaps headache, stomache aches, ear infection, etc....)

The children are old enough to understand what wrong or right and can tell me what's wrong... They have their temper, then I told them to go back room to calm down. Few minutes later they come back and talk with me normally and try to understand why etc.

It was happened at 2 days ago, Alan, my young son dressed for go out to play snows with his friends. He wear only waterproof jacket... I told him to wear warm snow-trouser (I know he hates it very much)... He said he don't feel comfortable with it... I explained him that if he stay outside then have to wear waterproof snow-trouser to keep his legs warm. He said No... I said okay, you can't go outside without wear waterproof snow-trouser. I ignored Alan :pissed: and walk off and left him grumply in mud-room. 10 minutes later Alan came to me with grumply look and went upstair to wear snow-trouser and then back to me and said: "here, satisfy"... I smile and praise him... Alan smiled and go off outside... and stay outside of my garden for long hours with his friends. Then came home with wet but good thing is he wear waterproof snow jacket and snow-trouser.

The children know to talk and tell you what they have problem, pain etc but toddlers cannot...
 
RebelGirl said:
I only have 1 child and she's a very good girl. The last time I've had to go thru her tantrums was when she was about 2. She kept biting people and me. I bit her back and she didn't like it and has never bit people again.
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If I spank her, she would not understand that biting is wrong. she bit me and I said NO you do not BITE! i bit her back. it worked.
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Yes it's true...

Yes it's same with Alan, too. I don't spank him but bite him back to show how hurt I am... He never bite me back ever again.

Spanking does help in some ways but alot of parents don't believe in spanking which is fine. Sometimes it doesn't help.
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Yes I'm one of parents who don't beleive in spanking. I spanked my first son and didn't spanked my second son when they were little. I saw how difference behavior, my both sons have and know what I did to my oldest son is wrong and spank doesn't solve anything but show them wrong in my form of disipline. I learn to improve my own mistakes.

Yes, I aware that each parents have different view to raise their children which is normal.


My daughter is very very good with her behavior. there are days when she doesn't listen and is hard-headed but she doesn't give me tempers. She's just the type to do things her own way and once things go wrong she learns from her mistake. I would tell her things that she can get hurt from but she thinks it won't happen but it happened. I don't have a problem with her temper, only to get thru her head to understand the meaning of not to do it when its risky. I'd tell you how many times she's gotten hurt.. zillion of times because she wants to do it her way.
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Yes, I know what you mean. It's same with my son but I have no problem with my both sons (soon to be 14 and 11 years old)... Yes they have their temper or subborn sometimes but I still have no problem to convince them with communication and their respect/manner behavior...


on the other hand... she's almost 10... i got 2 more years to see if I'll get any from her cockiness with me. So I'll have to wait and see.
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Yeah, you will familiar with your daughter's development into teenager. It's normal... wow... lucky is my son is good teenager - sometime he is stubborn... oh well..

I know you are good mother since I saw your posts in many threads.... I'm sure that you will know that it's normal when you familiar the difference on your daughter when she become puberty because you know her well to notice something about her...


I'm glad that you post here then we share our communicate about our children... What parent for... :thumb:

 
Every child goes through temper tantrums when they're in their toddler's years. It just the way of expressing their anger and frustration. It's normal and very common. When my son was in his toddler year, at the supermarket he would lay on the floor crying out of blue, I just remain calm and ignore the behavior, and then he sees me walking away he would get up and follow me. or I will pick him up and leave the store, leave the groceries in the cart and walk out. I don't care if the store manager gets upset at me, My child is not going to make a fool out himself in public and having it to keep continue annoying other shoppers. Because if you response to the tantrum it'll get worse believe me, I've seen some mothers would drag the child up, or spank the child, or yell at the child, and the child would keep screaming more louder and louder and the louder it gets it annoys other people out in public. The child is trying to manipulation you the parent, don't let it bother you, then the child will know it doesn't bother you, then eventually he/she will stop just like that. It doesn't take long for the child to go on with it's temper tantrums.

Usually temper tantrums lasted a short period of time, the child is just feeling angry and frustration for some reasons, and only the child knows why, we don't. So why make it worse by trying to punishment the child? It's not going to get better, it'll get worse and the child will know it bothers you and will continue act that way.
 
[
QUOTE=Cheri;712906]Every child goes through temper tantrums when they're in their toddler's years. It just the way of expressing their anger and frustration. It's normal and very common.
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Exactly... Very pretty normal... This is a healthy development..

When my son was in his toddler year, at the supermarket he would lay on the floor crying out of blue, I just remain calm and ignore the behavior, and then he sees me walking away he would get up and follow me. or I will pick him up and leave the store, leave the groceries in the cart and walk out.
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:lol: your story remind me of Danny... I sat on the bench in shopping mall and watch him on the floor scream and fit on his hands on the floor... I ignored his behavior... Many people saw it and gave me smile and pat on my shoulder... It look like that my son remind of their children... Now I saw them and smile at them and remind me of my son... :lol:

I don't care if the store manager gets upset at me, My child is not going to make a fool out himself in public and having it to keep continue annoying other shoppers
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If they gave you dirty look then is their ignorant and uneducation.

Because if you response to the tantrum it'll get worse believe me, I've seen some mothers would drag the child up, or spank the child, or yell at the child, and the child would keep screaming more louder and louder and the louder it gets it annoys other people out in public. The child is trying to manipulation you the parent, don't let it bother you, then the child will know it doesn't bother you, then eventually he/she will stop just like that. It doesn't take long for the child to go on with it's temper tantrums.

Usually temper tantrums lasted a short period of time, the child is just feeling angry and frustration for some reasons, and only the child knows why, we don't. So why make it worse by trying to punishment the child? It's not going to get better, it'll get worse and the child will know it bothers you and will continue act that way.
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Yes I'm agree with you on this. I was like :jaw: when I saw other thread label a child as spoil brat because she has temper tantrum, etc. I never see anyone who label a child as spoil brat until other thread for a first time... They think well behaved toddlers never have temper tantrum... what a joking... Of course well behaved toddlers do have temper tantrums... I cannnnott beleive this.
 
Liebling,
Me? Do you mean "You" in general way?
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Yes, it's general doesn't matter whoever calling names to the child is spoil brat! That what I disagree w/this wording!
It was happened at 2 days ago, Alan, my young son dressed for go out to play snows with his friends. He wear only waterproof jacket... I told him to wear warm snow-trouser (I know he hates it very much)... He said he don't feel comfortable with it... I explained him that if he stay outside then have to wear waterproof snow-trouser to keep his legs warm. He said No... I said okay, you can't go outside without wear waterproof snow-trouser. I ignored Alan and walk off and left him grumply in mud-room. 10 minutes later Alan came to me with grumply look and went upstair to wear snow-trouser and then back to me and said: "here, satisfy"... I smile and praise him... Alan smiled and go off outside... and stay outside of my garden for long hours with his friends. Then came home with wet but good thing is he wear waterproof snow jacket and snow-trouser.
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Ha Ha... Exactly as same my little son does that way, dirt looks at me and doesn't want to wear snow suit for play outside.. All he wants wear double pants.. I refuse allow him go outside. Really He not pleasant w/me what I said so!

Rebelgirl,
on the other hand... she's almost 10... i got 2 more years to see if I'll get any from her cockiness with me. So I'll have to wait and see.
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Welcome Mother's club who have nearly teenager! So am I rest of my two teenagers already and incoming way 2 years left to go turn into pre-teenagers (my little son). I've seen my two teenagers are really way way behavioral turn it out talk back and brag so many different things... *sigh* That hitting me little frustrater w/them and adjust the little increase rules as long make sure they are respect and follow better way.. But.. they are lazy clean up the mess or tend leaving their dirty dish left on the computer room and rec room too.. *mumbling* I'm not their maid..
 
Yes, I am aware of that Liebling that some would labelled them "spoil rotten child" "spoil brat", I don't agree with those terms, the problem lies in un-educate, they don't even know why the child is acting this way, unless they read articles, books, or by consulting with their child's doctor. ;)
 
I guess this is one of those "to each his own" kind of situations. I feel that works for one child may not work for another. I have opted to follow the parenting techniques exhibited by Dr. James Dobson in his book Dare to Discipline, which includes spanking when necessary, and only for children under the age of 10, done in love, not in anger or frustration.
My children have turned out wonderfully so far. My oldest daughter is making B's, on the cheer squad at school and on a competition squad outside of school, she has a blue belt in karate, and attends cotillion. My youngest daughter is a straight A student, she is a competitive rock climber (youngest in the 4-state region) who earned a bid to nationals, she also practices yoga and takes a hip-hop dance class. My youngest son is in Montessori preschool 2 days a week for social interaction and his teachers brag on his style of thinking, as it is very unique compared to other children, he also participates in t-ball and soccer. All of my children are well-behaved when we go out in public and rarely need discipline outside of the home. I would say that you can't judge the parent based solely upon whether he/she spanks their children or not. Spanking is not abuse.
 
If it leaves a mark, it has exceeded the realms of “spanking” and verges on “abuse”. In my estimation, a spanking consists of swats on a clothed bottom with a bare open-palmed hand.
 
That's what a butt is for with a bare hand to spank. Do not use a stick nor paddle.
 
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