Do we have a challenge ahead of us to avoid becoming Hearing?

[dogmom]

below from AJW's longer post:

"For me the key is finding just a few people who understand you and accept you for who you are."
endquote

I agree how important that is!

and BecLak - yup, signing in public <among other things> is significant - the first step in confronting a prejudice or mis-conception is bringing that up, acknowledging whatever the "thing" is. Professing to be "colorblind", for example, does NOT reduce/change racism, it's actually another manifestation of it...same with signing - "I like you as long as you don't do that with your hands" and so forth - NO, don't hide oneself in average circumstances <not meaning things involving physical danger like domestic violence>.

conforming to the majority ultimately destroys one's own self, little by little....

 

[DeafCaroline]

To me, assimilation means to shed your culture, language, etc to fit into another group. Integration would be to be part of another group while keeping your own language and culture intact.

You know what I mean? Like there are cultural communities, i.e. "Chinatown", "Little Italy" - they fit into the fabric of a tolerant multi-cultural society. Would be great if the Deaf could also be viewed as a culture that deserves recognition and be left intact while still regarded as part of society as a whole.

 

[DeafCaroline]

I like what Beclak and dogmom says - which is to be very upfront and open about signing in public and letting people know when they are being rude (i.e. yesterday, a girl was pointing at me in a bakery and asking her mother very loudly what the thing was in my ear and no one even blinked. The mother did not let her daughter know it wasn't polite to point and stare and single someone out like that. I didn't make an issue out of it but I should have. I don't blame the little girl obviously, I blame the mother) and just live our lives regardless of what the hearing think we should and should not do. We know better than them what's good for us and should live as such.

 

[kokonut]

To me, assimilation means to shed your culture, language, etc to fit into another group. Integration would be to be part of another group while keeping your own language and culture intact.

You know what I mean? Like there are cultural communities, i.e. "Chinatown", "Little Italy" - they fit into the fabric of a tolerant multi-cultural society. Would be great if the Deaf could also be viewed as a culture that deserves recognition and be left intact while still regarded as part of society as a whole.

Try Rochester, NY.

 

[Grummer]

:topic: We're definitely drifting from the thread here...

I think it's a real challenge for us as individuals not to conform to the majority culture (Hearing in this case). As social beings we need to belong and feel accepted by others. And it's painful when the majority don't accept us, or require conditions on their acceptance.

For me the key is finding just a few people who understand you and accept you for who you are. It has been so helpful for me personally reading people's stories here on AD and realizing I'm not alone.

Thank you!, and yes Please dont get caught up in the stupid Hoh is deaf, or deaf is Hoh debates, it is NOT appropriate. Lets focus on how we ought to avoid become hearing, and by that to share experiences, brainstorm ways to convince Being Deaf is good enough, whats the quality and whats the quality missing if we were meant to give up being deaf and be mutated to as hearing...

 

[KristinaB]

Well - I have been mildly hoh and now am not. I have been a part of the hearing world my whole life until recently and now I still feel I am straddling the fence. I am lucky in the fact that I won't have a challenge to avoid becoming hearing again, as like a few others, there's no way I can.

I can understand some others who are late-deafened and are finding it hard that would prefer to be hearing and will try to do whatever they can to "augment" what little hearing they have. I can also understand and empathize with those who struggle to learn sign language and work to become part of the deaf community and all. I apologize if I use the wrong spelling for D/deaf so please do not hold it against me.

 

[BecLak]

I like what Beclak and dogmom says - which is to be very upfront and open about signing in public and letting people know when they are being rude (i.e. yesterday, a girl was pointing at me in a bakery and asking her mother very loudly what the thing was in my ear and no one even blinked. The mother did not let her daughter know it wasn't polite to point and stare and single someone out like that. I didn't make an issue out of it but I should have. I don't blame the little girl obviously, I blame the mother) and just live our lives regardless of what the hearing think we should and should not do. We know better than them what's good for us and should live as such.

DeafCaroline just gave a good example. It may seem insignificant because it is just one of those things that 'happen all the time'. However, if we change the response to a bold one, where DC did go up and correct the rudeness. She could have pointed out the error and just walked off before the mother could react. (If you summon the courage to go and correct the rudeness, make sure that everyone within view can also 'get the lesson'. ) That bold step in combating ignorance would no doubt have sent a buzz throughout the bakery. It may even had become the topic of conversation for the next hour or so, especially when there are kids around

 

[StSapphire]

DeafCaroline just gave a good example. It may seem insignificant because it is just one of those things that 'happen all the time'. However, if we change the response to a bold one, where DC did go up and correct the rudeness. She could have pointed out the error and just walked off before the mother could react. (If you summon the courage to go and correct the rudeness, make sure that everyone within view can also 'get the lesson'. ) That bold step in combating ignorance would no doubt have sent a buzz throughout the bakery. It may even had become the topic of conversation for the next hour or so, especially when there are kids around

I'm not sure that's necessarily the best response. Negative reinforcement isn't a very good teaching tool, and if I were an observer in that situation, I'd go from being embarrassed about the poorly behaved child to being embarrassed about the rude adult who wants to parent other peoples' children.

A more constructive response (assuming you're not in a hurry) would instead be to approach and ask if they had any questions (ideally, starting with ASL first, possibly followed by simcom if possible). It shows you're not ashamed of who you are, while being upfront about it in a positive manner, rather than negative.

 

[Beach girl]

Do you think disciplining the child is always the best solution? I was taught not to point and not to ask personal questions too, and generally abided by that.

However, I read this story in the London Times a couple years ago and it challenged my thinking on that. It's about a man in a wheelchair and how he responds to the questions asked of him by his little daughter's schoolmates.

Life as a disabled dad: What children ask - Times Online

Might it be a good way to *educate* a child by telling her directly what "that thing" is in your ear? Just to explain "this is called a hearing aid and it helps me hear."

That's how I explained it to my nieces when they were small, but of course that was in the family, not the same thing as talking about personal issues with strangers, where it might seem more awkward.

Edited: Ah, St. Sapphire slipped with the same idea.

 

[Bottesini]

Really little kids are open to differences. They often are curious and it is harmless. If I go to the mall play area with my granddaughters, they get right in front of me and stare.

Mothers usually jerk them away quickly. Last time I was there, a little boy with a bad facial deformity who was obviously very low vision made it over to me to take a good look. His mother just stood there and watched while we looked at each other.
I thought it was pretty cool that she didn't have any fear and was letting him explore. I noticed he didn't speak so maybe he was non verbal too.

 

[kokonut]

I agree with BC and SS.

Facing the mother in that fashion would probably be the equivalent of putting your middle finger in her face. I could imagine the bakery full of kids who would now think that every deaf person behaves like that by creating that scene in public.

Turn it around for the sake of both the mother and kid in a more constructive manner, I'd say.

 

[sallylou]

When I was breastfeeding my kids, little girls were fascinated. They would come up and ask if the baby was drinking milk. It was so cute! I don't believe that you should silence kids for simple curiosity.

 

[Grummer]

When I was breastfeeding my kids, little girls were fascinated. They would come up and ask if the baby was drinking milk. It was so cute! I don't believe that you should silence kids for simple curiosity.

way off topic, but erm, also breastfeeding keeps you slim...
good one and yes kids are very curious afterall the whole world is new to them, if exposed to shame or ignorance or shunning or fear then that will be stuck in for a long time into adulthood - small wonder why we have so many problems...

 

[BecLak]

I'm not sure that's necessarily the best response. Negative reinforcement isn't a very good teaching tool, and if I were an observer in that situation, I'd go from being embarrassed about the poorly behaved child to being embarrassed about the rude adult who wants to parent other peoples' children.

A more constructive response (assuming you're not in a hurry) would instead be to approach and ask if they had any questions (ideally, starting with ASL first, possibly followed by simcom if possible). It shows you're not ashamed of who you are, while being upfront about it in a positive manner, rather than negative.

I agree with you on this, the positive approach is the best way, it would still have that 'ripple effect'. I wasn't meaning the negative approach, just taking the opportunity to bring awareness. for clarifying that. When I say - walk off, I was meaning that generally people do not accept an interruption. Short and sweet was what I was aiming at.

 

[sallylou]

Yes, a woman who is lactating needs more calories than a woman who is pregnant. Breastfeeding can help a mom slim down slowly.

When you think about it, it's pretty amazing that mammals make milk.

 

[shel90]

Yeah. Anyone seen the videos from the Deaf Nation site, of Josh's travels to SE Asia? I was really impressed with how self-accepting and self-reliant the deaf communities were in Thailand and Cambodia. They were so matter of fact about being deaf and accepting it for what it is that the hearing around them responded accordingly.

Yes, that is what the problem is here in the USA...that the view of being "hearing" is the only way to be successful and then that attitude filters to hearing people making them see us as people who are "defective" or not as equal.

 

[BecLak]

way off topic, but erm, also breastfeeding keeps you slim...
good one and yes kids are very curious afterall the whole world is new to them, if exposed to shame or ignorance or shunning or fear then that will be stuck in for a long time into adulthood - small wonder why we have so many problems...[/QUOTE]

Bolded: That sums it all up in a nutshell right there. Grummer.

That is what it is all about IMO.

 

[shel90]

To me, assimilation means to shed your culture, language, etc to fit into another group. Integration would be to be part of another group while keeping your own language and culture intact.

You know what I mean? Like there are cultural communities, i.e. "Chinatown", "Little Italy" - they fit into the fabric of a tolerant multi-cultural society. Would be great if the Deaf could also be viewed as a culture that deserves recognition and be left intact while still regarded as part of society as a whole.

Yes, I think it would be great as well. What we need is more education out there.

 

[sallylou]

My therapist once told me that her work deals with the results of not having emotional needs met in childhood. That's why I was there!

 

[whatdidyousay!]

There is a concern that should be in the open to the Deaf community abroad. That is, It is a challenge to express ourselves to hearing people, without becoming like them. Like some women becomes bosses by acting more paternal than men do at average. I simply don't want to become as stupid as hearing people.

DISCUSS

If we were to follow your sense of knowledge it would be that wearing a hearing aide make a deaf or HOH person stupid!