From Getting Drunk....to Acquiring AIDS

rockin'robin

rockin'robin

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I've known "Nancy" for about 2 years. She's divorced, (many years), has 2 children, a boy 13 and a daughter 12. Her son and my son attend the same school and are friends.
She has her own Housekeeping business, owns her home. We've never talked about her personal life....I knew she was lonely in a lot of ways. The subject just never came up between us.

But she was the center of discussion the other day, when a friend of mine, who lives across the street from Nancy, told me Nancy walked over and needed to talk.

Nancy told my friend that she had met a very nice man 2 months ago, at a bar. They went out 1 or 2 times, and the man admitted to her that he had AIDS. Nancy still liked and cared for the man, and kept on seeing him. She said they did use protection, but one night, both of them got drunk, and had unprotected sex.

Now Nancy says, "well, I've got AIDS too now." My guess is that the reality of this situation has not fully hit Nancy yet!

The man has moved in with Nancy, after just knowing the man for a few months. I don't know if Nancy has told her children she has AIDS now, or if she even told her kids the man had had AIDS (how long he's had it, I'm not sure).

I feel really bad for her children....and just don't really know how to understand this situation. Her son and my son are "not best buddies" but they do hang out occasionally.

I'm not completely naive to the world, but this situation has thrown me for a loop.....not knowing whether to "feel sorry" or just to think "it's her own fault". Since the man told her beforehand that he had AIDS, and still, she had unprotected sex with him.
Any input on how to handle this situation is deeply appreciated!...I've been depressed over it for awhile....
 
rockin'robin said:
I've known "Nancy" for about 2 years. She's divorced, (many years), has 2 children, a boy 13 and a daughter 12. Her son and my son attend the same school and are friends.
She has her own Housekeeping business, owns her home. We've never talked about her personal life....I knew she was lonely in a lot of ways. The subject just never came up between us.

But she was the center of discussion the other day, when a friend of mine, who lives across the street from Nancy, told me Nancy walked over and needed to talk.

Nancy told my friend that she had met a very nice man 2 months ago, at a bar. They went out 1 or 2 times, and the man admitted to her that he had AIDS. Nancy still liked and cared for the man, and kept on seeing him. She said they did use protection, but one night, both of them got drunk, and had unprotected sex.

Now Nancy says, "well, I've got AIDS too now." My guess is that the reality of this situation has not fully hit Nancy yet!

The man has moved in with Nancy, after just knowing the man for a few months. I don't know if Nancy has told her children she has AIDS now, or if she even told her kids the man had had AIDS (how long he's had it, I'm not sure).

I feel really bad for her children....and just don't really know how to understand this situation. Her son and my son are "not best buddies" but they do hang out occasionally.

I'm not completely naive to the world, but this situation has thrown me for a loop.....not knowing whether to "feel sorry" or just to think "it's her own fault". Since the man told her beforehand that he had AIDS, and still, she had unprotected sex with him.
Any input on how to handle this situation is deeply appreciated!...I've been depressed over it for awhile....
Click to expand...

That friend of hers is quite the blabbermouth, I'll say. Besides, I doubt she has AIDS. HIV is more than likely if she was to acquire it, but she would need to be tested for it. Also, HIV is pretty manageable these days with the proper medication.
 
that's pretty unfortunate. and it wouldn't be AIDS, it would be HIV at first.

i wouldn't risk having sex with someone who was HIV positive at all.. even with protection.

it was her choice, and i guess she's accepting it.
 
Banjo said:
That friend of hers is quite the blabbermouth, I'll say. Besides, I doubt she has AIDS. HIV is more than likely if she was to acquire it, but she would need to be tested for it. Also, HIV is pretty manageable these days with the proper medication.
Click to expand...

The friend that told me isn't actually a blabbermouth....we all are friends, and Nancy just had not told me about it yet. She did not say "Don't tell anyone about this."...Most likely, the reason Nancy did not tell me first, was becuz she knew I would have been somewhat angry at her for being so reckless.

Since the man does have AIDS, and they sleep together, isn't it a fact she will acquire AIDS or HIV also? Or is there a chance she won't get AIDS even if she is having sex with the man without protection?
 
rockin'robin said:
Since the man does have AIDS, and they sleep together, isn't it a fact she will acquire AIDS or HIV also? Or is there a chance she won't get AIDS even if she is having sex with the man without protection?
Click to expand...

Not always, it varies from individual to individual. Some are even immune to HIV and AIDS. People don't always get infected with HIV the first time they have unprotected sex with a person with HIV/AIDS.
 
Has Nancy even been tested yet?

Unprotected sex isn't a 100% guarantee that she contracted HIV. There is a certain risk for sure.
 
Talking behind someone's back is never cool. If it is true, the person betrayed a confidence. Maybe the friend in question didn't discuss it with you because she didn't trust you. It sounds like she shouldn't have trusted the person who told you either.

If I were you, I would disregard what you're been told and ask the other friend to quit telling you gossip. Have you considered why your friend may have told you this confidence? Does she have motive to make your other friend look bad? Is she jealous of your relationship with your other friend? The motives for gossip are not usually healthy ones.
 
sallylou said:
Talking behind someone's back is never cool. If it is true, the person betrayed a confidence. Maybe the friend in question didn't discuss it with you because she didn't trust you. It sounds like she shouldn't have trusted the person who told you either.

If I were you, I would disregard what you're been told and ask the other friend to quit telling you gossip. Have you considered why your friend may have told you this confidence? Does she have motive to make your other friend look bad? Is she jealous of your relationship with your other friend? The motives for gossip are not usually healthy ones.
Click to expand...

I agree. It was a betrayal of confidence.
 
The term the therapists use is "triangulation" in relationships and it's not good.
 
Might be right...but the cat is already out of the bag. Something this "personal" should have not even been discussed with anyone, except the doctor. I dunno what prompted her to tell anybody about this...unless she needed someone to talk to. But like I said previously, she did not say "don't tell anyone".

What if she and the boyfriend break up? And she does discover she's got full blown AIDS?....Perhaps a death sentence?....I cannot blame the boyfriend, as he told her in the beginning that he had AIDS.
 
If she's infected, it will be very sad but she will deal with it. You're probably right that she just needed someone to talk to.
 
If she does have HIV or AIDs then she will need to have her diagnosis made officially. Then deal with the stages of grief before she prepares to break the news to her kids. They do need to know that their mother has a serious health issue. If the worse has happened then she would need to make preparations regarding the care of her kids in case she lands in hospital or ends up dead.
 
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