question about nightmare..

[Hear Again]

Letter writing is an excellent technique for confronting one's demons. I whole heartedly approve!

i procrastinated when it came to writing my letter, but once i started it, it felt good. i cried alot of tears while writing it, but once the letter was written, i felt so much better.

 

[Nika]

i procrastinated when it came to writing my letter, but once i started it, it felt good. i cried alot of tears while writing it, but once the letter was written, i felt so much better.

Oh yeah. I mean in terms of writing the letter I'm going to give to him. The letter I'm writing for myself I can dodge that issue by writing it in English.

 

[jillio]

i procrastinated when it came to writing my letter, but once i started it, it felt good. i cried alot of tears while writing it, but once the letter was written, i felt so much better.

I understand. Getting started is the most difficult part. But it is a very cathartic exercise. Those tears are very healing.

 

[Hear Again]

I am going to. I don't think I'm ready yet because I still slip into the flashback when I write the letter. And even passing him I get triggered very intensely. Not to mention I have a few dilemmas. This person speaks another language which has two pronouns for "you," one that is distant and the other that is insulting. I want to be both distant and insulting. So I don't even know which form of "you" to use!

i understand.

that's part of the reason why i can't write a letter yet to the person responsible for threatening my life.

there is also another person who did something to me, so they will be the next individual i write a letter to.

 

[Nika]

I understand. Getting started is the most difficult part. But it is a very cathartic exercise. Those tears are very healing.

Lots of times I say what I want to say them. Or I sign it if words are too real. (ASL provides a certain distance for me because I learned it recently.) Very cathartic.

 

[Hear Again]

Oh yeah. I mean in terms of writing the letter I'm going to give to him. The letter I'm writing for myself I can dodge that issue by writing it in English.

i'd love to give the letters i write to the people i wrote them to, but 2 of them are deceased and i have no idea where the third person is.

 

[Berry]

I know you're very well-intentioned, but for a lot of people the emotions tied to something that happened in real life are unmatched by internally-generated emotions from fantasizes.

.

Unfortunately no mental tool works for everyone, and even the ones they do work for may not always work at all times.

But I do have a tool box that has served me well, it seems to be fuller than most people's; I am willing to share it with others, and it has helped some of them.

Now my tool box is empty.

Sorry there was nothing in there you could use. If you come up with something let me know. I'm always willing to add a new tool -- Who knows, I may need it someday myself.

 

[Hear Again]

Lots of times I say what I want to say them. Or I sign it if words are too real. (ASL provides a certain distance for me because I learned it recently.) Very cathartic.

my therapist doesn't know sign, so i can't use asl with him. that being said, i've never thought about signing my feelings (to myself) in pse. perhaps i'll give that a try.

 

[Nika]

i'd love to give the letters i write to the people i wrote them to, but 2 of them are deceased and i have no idea where the third person is.

A lot of the people for me are also deceased or untraceable.

 

[Nika]

my therapist doesn't know sign, so i can't use asl with him. that being said, i've never thought about signing my feelings (to myself) in pse. perhaps i'll give that a try.

I do that all the time. I'll sign "trigger, trigger, trigger" or something if someone is triggering me. It really helps me.

 

[Nika]

Unfortunately no mental tool works for everyone, and even the ones they do work for may not always work at all times.

But I do have a tool box that has served me well, it seems to be fuller than most people's; I am willing to share it with others, and it has helped some of them.

Now my tool box is empty.

Sorry there was nothing in there you could use. If you come up with something let me know. I'm always willing to add a new tool -- Who knows, I may need it someday myself.

I'm glad it's worked for you, and thank you for sharing. I appreciate your effort Berry. <smile>

 

[Hear Again]

All I can tell you is what I would try if I suddenly found myself in your position.

Before you tell me I can't possibly understand what you are going through let me tell you this: You are the first person I ever met who is able to fully appreciate what I went through for six months after my wife died. I was nonfunctional -- And I was non compliant -- I refused the medications the doctors insisted I needed. I fought my demons alone, unaided by anyone or anything, sometimes curled up in the corner crying, or quivering in fear.

BTW it is the strangest thing to be so frightened your body is quivering -- Yet to look around you and KNOW there is nothing there to be afraid of.

That was between 8 and 9 years ago. Now I am happily remarried with a wonderful family and most people would not believe I had been through such an episode.

So I don't fully understand your situation, but I am not totally ignorant of it either: We do have some common ground.

If I were to find myself in your position tomorrow and I looked back on these people who traumatized me and realized I had not one good memory of them, and not one memory where I won out against them --

Then I would invent memories that would give me back control of the situations. Then every time I had a flashback I would insist on reliving my fantasy until it was more real to me than the reality. I can't tell you what "memory" to replace reality with, as only you know what fits best with your personality and your image of who you want to become.

My personality is such I would fantasize how much fun I would have making them all look stupid while I laughed at them.

I would like to direct you to the first book my mother ever gave me as soon as I could read, and one I still consider the greatest book I have ever read:

As A Man Thinketh by James Allen

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thanks so much for the book recommendation. i will definitely check it out.

i'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. reading your post brought tears to my eyes. <sad>

unfortunately, i can't replace bad memories with good memories. since none of the 3 people who were responsible for my traumas did anything nice to me, i can't imagine myself picturing them any other way.

if anything, i'd like to do exactly to them what they've done to me -- and make them suffer 1,000 times worse than i did.

 

[Hear Again]

I do that all the time. I'll sign "trigger, trigger, trigger" or something if someone is triggering me. It really helps me.

you mentioned saying the word "trigger" over and over. perhaps that will help me stay in reality before i experience a flashback. i'm going to give that a try.

 

[Nika]

Weirdly enough, thinking about the good things some of the people who did bad things to me makes me feel worse. It makes me feel worse because there is a common pattern. For example, someone might donate to charities and then abuse their children. And then no one suspects that person because if one of the children complains, everyone will say "Oh, Uncle Bob/Aunt Mary would never do that! S/he donates to charities!" For me "doing good things" feels like a cheap tactic to get people's eyes off them, a way to remain unsuspected.

 

[Nika]

you mentioned saying the word "trigger" over and over. perhaps that will help me stay in reality before i experience a flashback. i'm going to give that a try.

Let me know how it goes. I hope it works for you.

 

[Hear Again]

Weirdly enough, thinking about the good things some of the people who did bad things to me makes me feel worse. It makes me feel worse because there is a common pattern. For example, someone might donate to charities and then abuse their children. And then no one suspects that person because if one of the children complains, everyone will say "Oh, Uncle Bob/Aunt Mary would never do that! S/he donates to charities!" For me "doing good things" feels like a cheap tactic to get people's eyes off them, a way to remain unsuspected.

...not to mention the fact that some people are just plain evil and couldn't do a good deed even if their lives depended on it.

 

[Hear Again]

Let me know how it goes. I hope it works for you.

i will. <smile>

 

[Nika]

...not to mention the fact that some people are just plain evil and couldn't do a good deed even if their lives depended on it.

Same. Some of the folks did absolutely nothing good for me and I really cannot imagine them doing anything besides evil.

 

[jillio]

i'd love to give the letters i write to the people i wrote them to, but 2 of them are deceased and i have no idea where the third person is.

Ah, but the purpose of the letter writing is not for them, it is for you. That is why we recommend not doing that. I would suggest, if possible, that you visit the grave site of the two that are deceased, and then bun the letters there. That is a symbolic letting go. You have done what you can do, that person no longer has control, and it is time to move on. It completes the Gestalt.

 

[Nika]

I agree the letters are more for myself. But I just so happen to be crossing paths with him twice a day. So maybe it's a sign I should give him a letter?